


Pretense or Love?

by antimiya88



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, M/M, Romance, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-29
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2018-11-06 08:00:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 93,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11031981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antimiya88/pseuds/antimiya88
Summary: Ohno Satoshi is the new CEO of the family business after his father’s death. It’s something he didn’t choose, yet was obliged to do as the older son. The only escape from the harsh reality is a host; Nino. It was his younger brother who took him there and somehow, this man managed to reach his heart. For the first time in his life, someone didn’t judge him; listened to him; held him when he needed it. He knows that Nino might simply do his job but when they spent the night together he was sure he saw emotions reflecting in the host’s eyes. Is it true love or just a good pretense?





	1. Chapter 1

Title: Pretense or Love?

Author: Andy-chan ([](https://antimiya88.dreamwidth.org/profile)[ **antimiya88**](https://antimiya88.dreamwidth.org/)  )

Pairing: Ohmiya

Genre: Romance, Angst, Slice of Life

 

Rating: PG-13 - NC-17

 

Summary: Ohno Satoshi is the new CEO of the family business after his father’s death. It’s something he didn’t choose, yet was obliged to do as the older son. The only escape from the harsh reality is a host; Nino. It was his younger brother who took him there and somehow, this man managed to reach his heart. For the first time in his life, someone didn’t judge him; listened to him; held him when he needed it. He knows that Nino might simply do his job but when they spent the night together he was sure he saw emotions reflecting in the host’s eyes. Is it true love or just a good pretense?

 

Disclaimer: Kazu belongs to his Oh-chan and Oh-chan belongs to his Kazu

 

 

 

Part 1

 

“Why so gloomy, brother?”

 

Satoshi didn’t raise his gaze. He didn’t have to. He knew the other would be either smirking or looking down on him. It had always been like that. Since they were young children. He was the oldest one but he’d somehow always have the role of the younger. He didn’t complain though. He was more than fine with it. He had never been an ambitious person like his brother, preferring to do things he really liked; things that made him feel fulfilled. Of course, that wouldn’t be the case for the rest of his life. He studied law and economics majoring in business administration. To his father’s eyes he had always been the less competent but nevertheless he was the oldest and according to the family’s tradition he was the one to take his place.

 

Satoshi finished his studies and started working under his father. He’d always be scolded for not being attentive, missing details, not being cold enough with the rest of the employees, trying to make deals that weren’t the most profitable for the company. Ohno Corporation wasn’t a simple company; it was a colossus, giving Ohno family power enough to claim influence on Japanese economy and politics. Satoshi knew that his younger brother was more appropriate to be the next heir. Hideshi shared the same point of view with their father. ‘Profit knows no moral’ was a phrase frequently repeated in meetings and Satoshi knew that Hideshi agreed completely. He, on the other hand, could never understand why they should desire to earn the double and the triple by using unorthodox measures or by exploiting others.

 

He never said anything though. What for? He’d only raise an argument he’d never win. He wished he wasn’t born an Ohno. He wished he was born in a middle-class or even a poor family, he didn’t care about money. He knew first hand that money didn’t always bring happiness. He just wanted to be able to sit around the table, laugh wholeheartedly, feel loved and accepted the way he truly was. Unfortunately, he didn’t have the chance to choose whose child he was, so he had to follow the rules of the family he was part of, even if deep inside he hated it.

 

It was six months ago when he was woken up in the middle of the night by their butler. His father had had a heart attack. He was immediately transported to the hospital just to confirm his death. Satoshi was leaning against the wall, observing the way his mother’s hands clenched the moment the doctor announced the news. She was held by Hideshi and anyone else would say how much they both suffered. He knew though that his mother wasn’t sad; she was mad; mad because her husband’s death had ruined her upcoming trip with her lover to the French Riviera. The latter, who also happened to be her personal driver, was standing a few meters away having turned his gaze to the ground. He had lost the chance to exploit his frustrated, bored-to-death middle-aged super rich employer into buying him anything he’d ask her, like a proper gigolo. Hideshi couldn’t care less about her either. He did it in order to maintain her favoritism. Ohno Makiko was a woman who loved to be pampered and Hideshi never lost a chance to make her feel the way she wanted.

 

Satoshi sighed and went to a vending machine. He needed some coffee. The scene in front of him was so rotten, making him feel sick. Hypocrisy; the word that described their family the best. He honestly wished that his mother would be able to convince her father-in-law and make Hideshi the next CEO. He wanted to escape from all that. He wanted to live his life the way he wanted, craved for… He wanted for once to be free.

 

Unfortunately, his wish never came true. One week after his father’s death, he found himself sitting behind the CEO’s desk. He was one of the most powerful men in Japan; the media calling him the ‘calm power’. They didn’t know that he wasn’t really the one who had the power. He was nothing but a coward; like this very moment who chose to say nothing to his brother who was standing in front of him.

 

“You won’t say anything?”

 

Satoshi continued to read the papers in front of him for a couple of seconds longer before he finally looked up.

 

“I’m working, Hideshi. Is there something you want?” he said in a calm way.

 

“It’s about today’s meeting…”

 

Satoshi raised his eyebrow. “What about today’s meeting?! Everything’s already planned and all the participants well informed.”

 

“There’s an alteration that needed to be made.”

 

Satoshi frowned. “What alteration?”

 

“It’s here.” Satoshi looked at the paper his younger brother gave to him. Hideshi had changed it and already sent it to the client they’d meet later that day. Satoshi wanted to send him to hell but tried to remain calm. He knew it would only be worse for him, if he provoked the other. Hideshi had a magic trick to always make him look the one at fault. “I know you are the CEO, brother, and I respect that but I can’t let you destroy Ohno Corporation.” His brother continued ignoring Satoshi’s narrowed eyes. “I’m not only part of the company, I’m also part of the family and there’s no way I’d allow such a miss.”

 

“You forced the client to pay more.”

 

“I didn’t say that your proposition wasn’t profitable but if we can obtain a single yen more, we have to _get_ it. See you at the meeting, brother.”

 

Satoshi was left alone in his office looking blankly at the papers in front of him. He knew that even if he was the CEO, he still wasn’t free to do things his way. Hideshi would never agree on that. He turned around looking outside at the covered-with-heavy clouds sky. _I hate my life…_

……………………………………………….

 

He was still trying to understand why he had just sat on that velvet sofa. The loud laughs of his brother and one of their clients’ on his left side was a good reminder. It was his brother’s suggestion and even if he didn’t approve, hearing the excited voice of Yamanato Hiroki, the most important investor after his father’s death, he could only pretend by smiling and follow them.

 

\---

 

In the streets there were too many people walking around, others dressed in a too eccentric way for his taste, others in a too sexy way, others again wearing only a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. Everywhere he could see neon lights, could hear loud music coming from bars, screams and loud laughs from groups of young people… In his thirty-two years of life this was the first time he was actually seeing how Roppongi looked by night. They entered in a rather secluded road. It was only when Satoshi saw the big poster that he realized what this ‘special place’ his brother had spoken of was; a host club… and not any kind; a _gay_ host club.

 

For a moment he was frozen. Could it be that his brother knew and used Yamanato as a cover to make fun of him? He had never dared to reveal his sexual preferences to his family knowing well that it would only bring trouble to him. Unconsciously, he turned his gaze towards his brother who was staring back at him with an unreadable look.

 

“Yamanato is the kind of man who secretly wants nothing more than to shove it in an ass. It’s the best option we have…” Hideshi whispered in his brother’s ear with a voice that showed his mocking mode.

 

“To take advantage of him… and then hold him by the fear of a possible scandal…” Satoshi whispered back, lowering his head.

 

“C’mon… It’s not like that. Besides, I also did it for you. Take it also as my way to say that I’m sorry about before. I’m sure you won’t hate it… They’re rumored to be among the best!”

 

“Eh?”

 

His brother said nothing more; he just winked at him and walked quickly to Yamanato’s side.

 

Satoshi bit his lower lip. Of course, Hideshi would know…

 

\---

 

“Gentlemen, who would you like to serve you?”

 

Satoshi was feeling like a fish out of the water. He looked at the young man standing in front of their table. He must be around his age; probably a little younger than him but that could be only because of his style.

 

“The number one for our special guest here…” Hideshi immediately replied pointing at Yamanato. “As for my brother, I’d like him to choose the one he likes the most…”

 

In a blink of the eye, Satoshi saw a number of fifteen young hosts lining up in front of them. They were either trying to be sexy, provocative or cute but Satoshi could clearly see what they were truly after; money. He could tell that inside they were making fun of them. Pitiful rich men who cannot date and all they can do is buy… no; _rent_ attention for a couple of hours.

 

He was about to stand up and live when he caught with the corner of his eye a small-figured host coming closer and standing at the end of the line. If Satoshi judged correctly, this boy – because there’s no way he could be called a man – shouldn’t be older than twenty, twenty-one years old. His face was cute which easily made him pass even for a teenager. He also wasn’t the classic ‘ikemen’ type everyone had in their mind when they’d think of hosts. He wasn’t smiling nor was he trying to look seductive like the rest of his colleagues. He would just stand there and look with a gaze that was unreadable. Satoshi tried to distinguish the criticizing look in the host’s eyes but with no success. It was something though that caught Satoshi’s attention; those eyes weren’t paying attention to the two men sitting next to him. They were locked on him, as if it was only him; him and no one else.

 

Satoshi couldn’t count how much time had passed with him just staring back at the young host. It was seconds later that the young host suddenly smiled at him. It was neither mocking, nor arrogant. To Satoshi this was the most beautiful smile he had ever seen. He didn’t know who this boy was but he knew that he wanted him to come closer, sit next to him, have the chance to see him better, listen to his voice…

 

After several moments of silence, Satoshi’s brother finally made nod at the small-figured host to come and sit by Satoshi’s side.

 

“It’s his first time… and he feels shy!” was the last comment Satoshi heard before his attention went to the host who had just sat next to him.

 

He tried to look calm when one of the host’s hands rested on his knee as the latter turned to look at him better.

 

“I guess I have to introduce myself properly, Ohno-san!” Satoshi was left blinking. This host had a soft voice, almost melodic to his ears, making him forget how it is to speak. “I’m Nino and I’m honored you chose me tonight!”

 

Satoshi was as if he was casted a spell. The other was like a Siren; a beautiful, seductive Siren who with only a smile, few words, a simple touch could take his soul. Were all hosts like that? Was it him for being not accustomed to such attention? Was he overthinking about it? Most probably, yes… but that didn’t mean that his heart wasn’t pounding crazily in his chest.

 

“How old are you?”

 

It only took a soft giggle from the host’s side to realize that this wasn’t the first thing to ask.

 

“Old enough to prepare you a drink and drink along…” the young host said in a seductive yet playful tone, as he took a glass in his hand.

 

Satoshi looked at him carefully without saying anything else. His eyes moved to Nino’s hands, a smile appearing on his face when he realized they were small, surprisingly fitting him perfectly. It was only when he heard another soft giggle that he was snapped out of his thoughts.

 

“I know this is your first time in a host club but you should relax, Ohno-san. We will just sit here, drink some alcohol and discuss whatever you like… It’s simple as that…”

 

“But wouldn’t you be bored with-?”

 

“Our service is to make our clients feel relaxed and… welcomed…” in the last word, Satoshi could trace a hint of bitterness, even repulsion as the host’s eyes stuck on the men at his side.

 

Satoshi turned his gaze to their client who had thrown his hands on the number one host who, on hiss turn, was happily accepting everything, since Yamanato had declared earlier that he’d pay whatever the other asked him to.

 

“You don’t like it?” he asked once his attention went back to Nino.

 

The latter immediately smiled and pressed his body closer to Satoshi’s, sending shivers down his spine.

 

“I do… especially if I have someone as cute and interesting as you for a client!”

 

Satoshi was left astonished. Was he just called cute and interesting?

 

“I’m sure in the next ten minutes you’ll change your mind…” he said, sipping some of his drink, surprised at its tastefulness.

 

“You like it?” Nino asked, his hand finding its place back to Satoshi’s knee.

 

“Y- Yes…” Satoshi whispered, not sure if he was able to hide his uneasiness.

 

“I’m glad my competences reached your taste and… so you know, I rarely change my opinion over someone, Ohno-san. The part about you being cute won’t change; as for the interesting part, we’ll see… though I’m sure you won’t be a disappointment. I could tell by the time our eyes met!”

 

“I… I admit this is the first time I’ve been called cute in my life; even more from someone this younger than me!” Satoshi mumbled, his gaze locked on his lap, before he let more of the cold drink slip down his throat. He chose to ignore the rest of the host’s sentence.

 

“How old are you, Ohno-san?”

 

“I thought such questions were a big no-no here…”

 

“Not if they come from a host’s mouth… I just wanted to prove to you that our age difference isn’t as much as you may think!”

 

Satoshi gasped at the sensation of Nino’s arm brushing against his; something that didn’t go unnoticed by the young host who pressed even more.

 

“I’m… thirty-two…” he managed to mumble with difficulty.

 

“See? I knew that we weren’t this apart…” Nino said in a seductive tone as he leaned closer so that his mouth was only a few inches away from Satoshi’s right ear. “Only five years… I’m sure this doesn’t count as an age gap for you, Ohno-san, right?!”

 

“I thought you were younger. You are… ahmm… look…”

 

“You know you can call me cute, if you want, Ohno-san! I wouldn’t mind!”

 

Satoshi was taken aback, drinking the rest of his drink in one go.

 

“And by now the other part is also proved!”

 

“What?”

 

“I knew you were an interesting person, Ohno-san!”

 

The rest of the night passed in a blink of the eye for Satoshi. He couldn’t explain why but he had let Nino sit closer to him, his right hand held securely in the host’s ones. His mind was screaming at him that he shouldn’t behave like this especially when Hideshi was there but then again the latter had told him that he already knew… and having Nino by his side just felt so… right. They didn’t speak much but to Satoshi it felt as if it wasn’t needed, just being held like that was more than enough for him.

 

It was the first time in his life he was feeling warm and strangely calm inside. He had been confused; was it really Nino? Was it the alcohol that mad Nino’s presence so important? Was it his desperate need for human contact? He couldn’t think clearly. It was only when he heard Nino saying goodbye to him and saw him flashing him his beautiful smile that Satoshi realized he was sure only for one thing; no matter what he would definitely see Nino again.

…………………………………………………

 

It was ten days later when Satoshi entered in the host club again. He could see the surprise being reflected in the manager’s eyes but the smile was professional. He was led inside and this time he clearly asked for Nino. He could hear some whispers as he was led to the same table at the corner of the club by Nino but didn’t pay attention. He didn’t care… he only wanted to spend some more time with _him_.

 

This time, he was able to relax more. There was no Hideshi, no Yamanato. There was only him and Nino. This time he spoke… about the things he had never thought he’d share with someone; his love for art and crafts; the books he had enjoyed reading; his interest in fishing; his love for small villages that still had kept their uniqueness and character.

 

He wasn’t sure if Nino truly was as interested as he appeared to be or it was only his professionalism; a mask. His job was to make his client feel relaxed and welcomed… these had been his words and Satoshi wasn’t a stupid one. He knew this may be the case. It was also the reason why he had avoided to go to the club. Once at home, he tried to be reasonable and never go again but then, the moment he’d close his eyes, Nino’s smile would appear, making him weak.

 

At that moment, though, he didn’t want to think it was the second option. At that moment, with Nino by his side, he secretly hoped that the other was at least finding him a tiny bit interesting… He _was_ interesting; these were also _his_ words and no matter how much he tried, Satoshi didn’t distinguish any trace of the repulsion he had caught in Nino’s eyes when they were staring at Yamanato ten days ago. At that moment, Satoshi wanted to let go for once and believe that the other was truly finding him interesting.

 

***

 

His visits became more frequent with the time. Gradually, he was able to open up a bit more; speaking of his wishes, his dreams and how they’d never become true… how fucked-up his life was… Sometimes he wondered if the other would ever make complaints to his boss, knowing that he wasn’t the happiest company but Nino would always squeeze his hand, always whisper something that would make Satoshi’s heart skip a beat. Such gestures were small and others might even call them insignificant but to Satoshi they were enough to show him that the other even if he wasn’t interested, he was truly listening to him. He’d always smile to him.

………………………………………

 

It was almost midnight and Satoshi was about to leave the host club. Like every other time, Nino accompanied him to the exit. “I’ll be waiting for you, Ohno-san!”

 

Satoshi was about to mumble good night when he felt something soft and hot against his cheek. Nino’s lips. It wasn’t more than a peck but it was enough to make Satoshi freeze at his spot.

 

“I mean it…” Nino said with a wide smile, as he gave him another soft squeeze on the hand that he was still holding. Satoshi was left staring at the young host who smiled in reply before his free hand came to trace feather-like the skin that was previously touched by those soft lips of his, moving lower to the corner of Satoshi’s half-opened mouth. “Good night....”

 

Satoshi, whose face felt as if it was set on fire, only nodded and left the club avoiding to look at Nino. He wasn’t even sure if he had mumbled a good night himself.  His heart was beating in a crazy rhythm in his chest as he made his way to the car waiting for him a few meters away from the club’s entrance. His eyes were falling on the different buildings as the car was bringing him back home. His hand came to trace his cheek once again, feeling his heart flutter once again. He hadn’t felt like that before… or more correctly, he hadn’t _felt_ before. He wasn’t allowed to… It wasn’t fitting into the perfect Ohno image… yet this host had managed to make him _feel_ … and deep inside he knew that he wanted to feel even _more…_ For two whole months he was wondering if it was only him who enjoyed the other’s company so much… but tonight… something in Nino’s eyes told him that it wasn’t just him.

 

 

 

TO BE CONTINUED…

 


	2. Chapter 2

“Hey, Nino! Look who’s here again! It seems that our CEO can’t sleep without seeing his favorite boy! And to think that he’s the type who’d never set his foot in a host club! It’s almost romantic…”

 

Nino looked at his coworker with a raised eyebrow. He didn’t say anything. He made sure his shirt was at its place and his hair perfect. He knew well that Ohno Satoshi liked him. He could tell that from kilometers away… the way the older man’s eyes would sparkle the moment they met him, the way he would blush shyly when Nino leaned closer to him, taking his hand into his. Ohno Satoshi had no mask. He was an open book, making him the easy target for mocking, like at this very moment.

 

“He’s already looking for you! Don’t play the difficult much…” his coworker leaned close to his ear. “Everyone here knows how much money there is in his bank accounts and from the way he gets all red and flushed when you’re around, it’s easy to get that he hasn’t had any in ages and that makes him the perfect prey; too wealthy and too gullible for his own good!”

 

Nino narrowed his eyes. He usually allowed some mocking or more correctly expression of jealousy by his co-workers. The host club was just like every other working place; competitive, fairly or not. He usually ignored the stupid ones like him but this time he couldn’t allow it. Ohno Satoshi was his client and everyone should get the message. In one fast move, he grabbed the other by the collar of his shirt. “Unfortunately for you, he wants _me_ … and you should have already learnt that once someone has got to know _Nino_ , there’s no way he’d go for _anyone_ else! I’m too addictive to let go!” he said provocatively and winked at the other before pushing him with force backwards.

 

He saw his coworker frowning and smirked mischievously. It seemed that the other had received the message, like everyone around who happened to hear them. There was whisperings but he ignored them as he checked himself for the last details in the mirror. He hadn’t lied after all. From his first steps in this job, almost six years ago, he had managed to charm every client that had chosen him. Clients usually preferred to change hosts. But when someone had passed his time with Nino they’d always come back asking for him and _only_ him. He knew how to adjust himself to the one he had in front of him… he knew _what_ to say, _how_ to say it and _when_ to say it. He had a charisma to make everyone fall for him.

 

Objectively, he was neither the most handsome, nor the sexiest… that was the reason why he wasn’t number one. The majority of the clients wanted the classic version of a host while he belonged to the “cute-looking” category. He didn’t complain though, he knew that for those who were ok with it, he had a weapon that made him invincible; he could persuade _everyone_ that he paid attention to them; not fake but _real_. He’d make sure, they’d feel treasured; even if it was a small touch on their hand or his gaze… Many had told him that his eyes were piercing and beautiful… He believed them because they all fell into his trap without realizing there was one in the first place.

 

The same had happened with Ohno Satoshi. After two hours, during that awkward first visit, Nino had made sure he was sitting by his side… caressing his long fingers feather-like… whispering words of comfort in his ear when he felt the other needed them… making sure the CEO felt he was there for _him_. So many months later, there he was… sitting at their usual table, waiting for Nino to go to him. Ohno Satoshi was another example on his list of fans. With time, the CEO had turned into his most loyal client, visiting the club almost every night. It was like his co-worker had said; he couldn’t sleep without seeing him.

 

He shook his head as he saw the CEO looking around trying to get a glimpse of him. Nino caught the way the number one host was pointing at him while whispering to two others something. They were making fun of him. Nino could only sigh. He sometimes thought that this man was too easy to read for his own good. _You are too obvious, Ohno Satoshi…_

 

He put on his best professional smile and came closer to the table the other was waiting for him. He made sure he was sexy as he sat next to him, letting his hand slip on Satoshi’s thigh, his lips brushing his chubby cheek.

 

“Ohno-kun… You finally came!” his voice was low, seductive while having the warmness, he knew the other always sought. It took him a couple of times to learn exactly what Ohno Satoshi wanted from him, what he’d like, what would make him fall more for him.

“I had a meeting that took more hours than planned…” Satoshi whispered in a low voice, showing his tiredness. “All I wanted to do was to escape and come here…” his hand came hesitantly to caress Nino’s jaw tracing a line until the thumb reached his lower lip. “To you…”

 

“You’re here, now!” Nino took the hand into his and pressed it to his mouth softly without breaking the eye-contact.

 

Ten minutes later, he had already ordered their first drinks when he saw Satoshi’s hand seeking for his, trembling.

 

“Just hold me, please…” his voice was also trembling.

 

Nino could tell that the other was having too much pressure in his work. He was the heir of one of the most powerful families in Tokyo, with two colossal corporations under the Ohno name, stocks in the Market and numerous funds in different economic fields. His father had died six months ago, and he was forced by the family to take the lead as the oldest son. Others would say he was lucky but Nino knew that he hated it. He knew how much he hated lies, manipulations, exploitation of every possible mean and person with only goal the profit. He was a man who loved art, extremely sensitive and sensitized when it came to human rights, equality and respect. Simply, he didn’t fit but he did it because he strangely cared.

 

Nino took hold of his hand, intertwining their fingers while letting his head rest on the other’s shoulder. He didn’t say anything, exactly like Satoshi didn’t say anything. He knew from experience that the best in such cases would be to just hold them the way the other was craving for. A comfortable silence sometimes was more desired.

 

Several minutes passed like that and Nino could hear Satoshi sighing deeply. “Is there anything you want to tell me?” he asked without looking at Satoshi. “You know I will always listen to you, Ohno-kun. Whatever it might be…”

 

“I know… It’s just that-”

 

Satoshi’s words were cut off as the responsible of the club came to their table and made a nod to Nino to follow him.

 

“You’ve got a call.”

 

Nino could tell beforehand who the caller was. Excusing himself politely, he went to the back of the club and picked up the phone.

 

“Hello?”

 

“ _It’s me. Your payment for this week is already in your account. I am satisfied with the rhythm things are going but I also have to remind you the other part of the deal. I’ve seen him; he’s ready. I think it’s about time you take it to the next step. Today, it’s the perfect chance! I made sure he got emotionally exhausted and frustrated!_ ” a chuckle was heard at the other end of the line. “ _I’m sure he wouldn’t need that much of persuasion! I know your capabilities. You better make sure you take advantage of them and use them to get what we want! I think there’s no need to remind you what will happen if you fail…, right, Ninomiya?_ ”

 

Nino had his eyes locked on the small-figured man who was nervously drinking his whiskey waiting for him to go back. The caller was right… Ohno Satoshi did look emotionally vulnerable. Besides from the first second he had sat by his side he had sought for his touch. Yes… Tonight, it _would_ be the perfect chance.

 

“I understand.” Nino replied, his eyes never leaving Ohno Satoshi.

 

“ _I knew that we spoke the same language, Ninomiya._ ”

 

“Of course. I will be expecting your part of the deal, as well!”

 

“ _If the result is satisfying, I may even consider giving you even a small bonus_.”

 

“I’m also glad we speak the same language.”

 

“ _Have fun tonight!_ ” the voice at the other end of the phone sounded sarcastic, ironic.

 

“I will. Don’t doubt that.” Nino said and without waiting for an answer, he ended the call.

 

He was standing at the same spot, staring blankly at his older client. This time he wasn’t some needy, middle-aged salary man. He was young… needy; _yes_ but young.

 

“Will you finally make your move, Nino?”

 

Nino turned on his side to find the number one host standing next to him, his eyes also locked on Ohno Satoshi.

 

“I think it’s about time.”

 

The other smirked. “This time it took you longer than others… You usually get in their bed from the fifth or the most sixth time.”

 

Nino frowned at the other’s words. “I’m sorry I’m not like you who fuck them from the first encounter.”

 

The other muffled a laugh. “Only the good-looking ones.”

 

“You mean the good-looking, super rich ones.”

 

“Obviously! Aren’t _you_ after the super rich as well? Ohno Satoshi may be the richest one you’ll get in his pants. I don’t think he’s worth much. I’m sure he needs the guide book to proceed but at least, he’s young. That stupid investor I had got, when your _Ohno-kun_ came for the first time, couldn’t even get it up without the pill... The only positive outcome was the 300.000 yen added in my bank account the next day!”

 

Nino shrugged. It was a common secret. In papers, they weren’t allowed to have sexual relationships with their clients but it was the easiest way to earn much more than by remaining at the earnings from the club and the majority of them chose to sleep with the richest of them. They weren’t much different from luxury whores. Many would look down on them but Nino had learnt to face everything with pure logic, even cynicism. Because of their profession, they usually couldn’t be in a relationship; who would be happy with a host? No one. Nino saw it as a win-win; getting laid _and_ getting money or really expensive gifts. 

 

Nino cleared his throat before answering. “This time he was too innocent, senpai. Don’t you see how vulnerable he looks? He’s someone who normally wouldn’t even set his foot in a host club, let alone demand sex. I adapt my strategy on everyone’s needs and resistance. I have to make sure everything goes by plan!” he winked at him and was ready to leave when he heard the other wishing him good luck. “I appreciate it, senpai, but I don’t need it. He’s already mine!”

 

Nino tried to ignore the chuckle he heard and hurriedly walked to the table he found Satoshi having almost finished his drink. “I’m sorry for that!” he whispered as he sat back on the sofa. “It took me longer than I thought…”

 

The older man shook his head smiling fondly, immediately finding his more relaxed composure back. “It’s ok…”

 

Nino leaned closer letting his arm wrap around the other’s shoulders. “I’m listening… to whatever you want to tell me… I’m here…” When he saw the CEO smiling at him, he opened both his arms to hug him tightly. He could feel him tensing but didn’t push him away. Nino closed his eyes. Ohno Satoshi was finally ready.

Two hours later, he was accompanying Satoshi to his car. Nino saw a man in his forties, most probably the CEO’s driver, getting out of the driver’s seat to open the back door.

 

Satoshi made a small nod at him before turning back to Nino. “I wish I didn’t have to say goodbye…” he whispered in a tiny voice.

 

“Then don’t…” Nino whispered looking straight into Ohno’s eyes.

 

“Wha-”

 

Nino didn’t leave Satoshi the chance to finish his words. He threw himself on him, his lips attacking the other’s. He could tell that the latter had frozen but only a few seconds later, the CEO was returning the kiss with a passion and an intensity that was unexpected. Till then, Nino had thought of him as a shy man. Surely, he’d touch him but all of these moments were tender, soft… while right now,, he could feel him be eager… hungry… desperate…

 

Nino was taken aback, letting a small moan escape from his lips. When the older man broke the kiss, Nino didn’t lose his chance and pressed his body firmly against the other’s one. “I was waiting for this… for so long, Ohno-kun….” his voice was trembling. They looked at each other for a few seconds before Nino was suddenly pushed in the expensive car.

 

Ohno Satoshi was falling right into the trap.

 

***

 

“You’re convinced now that you should entrust me your money?”

 

 “I can’t say no, now, can I?” the reply came fast.

 

“Well, that’s up to you” the first man said in an obviously triumphant way. “But you should know I do take business seriously. I am a man of _vision_ …”

 

“Of course, you are.” the second one took out of the inner pocket of his jacket a card and gave it to the man next to him who was smiling widely. “I will be waiting…” With that he bowed and left with the two tall men that were waiting for him a few meters behind.

 

Once the latter and his men were out of sight, the man who remained at his spot, away from the street lights, took out his phone and pressed a few numbers. “It’s me…” he said in a cold tone as Ohno Satoshi’s car was turning right.  “The business with Arimura is almost done. Tonight, we saw them leaving together and he realized the seriousness of my proposition. Now, what’s left is the little whore doing his part of the deal, too.” A smirk appeared on his face. “No need to worry. He’s a real pro!”

***

 

The drive till Satoshi’s luxurious apartment was silent. Awkwardly silent. Nino could feel it… Perhaps the other had regretted it. He bit his lower lip not knowing what to do. He turned his head on his left watching outside the car window in an attempt to put his thoughts in order.

 

“Stop thinking…” the whisper came to surprise him. “I want this… I want you…” a hand was placed on his chin, causing him to turn and meet Satoshi’s eyes looking straight into his.

 

“Ohno-kun…”

 

He saw the other gulping. “Do _you_ want it?”

 

“I…”

 

“Honestly…” Satoshi brushed his fingers through Nino’s hair.

 

“I…”

 

“Honestly…” Satoshi insisted.

 

“I do want you, Ohno-kun. I really do…” Nino whispered with a surprisingly trembling voice; something unusual for him.

 

Once the car stopped outside the building, located in the most expensive district of Tokyo, Nino was pulled out by his wrist. Once again, the eagerness, the CEO was showing, surprised him. He didn’t have the chance to see his surroundings much. He was led to the elevator, his back hitting on the mirror before two hot lips found eagerly his neck, devouring it eagerly.

 

“What if someone see…?”

 

“No one will enter. It directly leads to my apartment. It’s private…”

 

Nino frowned confused but had no time to analyze the information. His mind couldn’t think when that hot mouth was sucking so deliciously his sensitive skin. His hands got lost in Satoshi’s soft hair, tilting his head on the side to give the other more access. He was feeling hotter; he wanted to feel the other. The doors opened and without breaking their contact, the CEO led the host in his living room.

 

Their lips met in a hungry, insatiable kiss, tongues dancing feverishly against each other. Nino was pinned against the wall, close to the entrance, a painful moan leaving his throat but he couldn’t complain. He enjoyed this roughness of Satoshi. At that moment, under the intense caresses and ministrations, he needed Satoshi exactly like the latter needed him. Their crotches were rubbing together trying to gain friction. Nino jumped in the air, wrapping his legs around the CEO’s waist, his pelvis making small, round moves. He felt two hands holding him by his buttocks, hips thrusting forwards. He threw his head back, his eyes closed. This was crazy.

 

“Ohno-ku-”

 

“Satoshi… huh… Call me Sato… shi…” the CEO said breathless between his pantings.

 

“Do me…” Nino said, his lips almost touching the other’s half-opened mouth, his eyes looking at the other with lust. “Please…”

 

He saw the older man biting his lower lip before he was carried to the bedroom. He was thrown on the bed, immediately hands finding their place on his shirt. In a blink the eye, buttons flied across the room, as Satoshi opened it in one go, not caring if it was useless afterwards. Nino could only moan loud. In front of him, he didn’t see the shy Ohno Satoshi he had met in the club. His eyes saw only a carnivore, ready to have the most delicious dinner… and he couldn’t lie; he loved it. In the next second, the same hands came to his trousers, unzipping it hurriedly before throwing it on the floor. Soon, Nino was lying in the middle of the king-size bed completely naked with his erection standing up licking, begging to be touched. His eyesight was blurred by the arousal. He wanted the other to take him right at that moment.

 

“Satoshiiii…” he whined arching his back. He needed the other _now_.

 

His cheeks were flushed, his eyes darkened, filled with lust, his mouth half-opened; he was completely surrendered to him.

 

“Make me yours…” the words were spoken huskily, reflecting the eagerness the host was feeling and was what Satoshi needed to lose any trace of self-control.

 

Nino mewled like a kitten when he felt the CEO torturing him slowly, making sure every single inch of his body had felt his touch, his warmth… And then he finally felt his beautiful, long fingers teasing him in the most intimate part of his body that twitched as they found their way inside.

 

When Satoshi entered him in one fluid movement all he could do was scream at the top of his lungs. The other had stretched him at his limits but he liked it. Immediately, his legs found their way to Satoshi’s waist, his hips were moving against the other meeting him in the middle. The thrusts were powerful, hard; almost brutal but unlike the times he had slept with other clients, this time he had found himself moaning for real, wanting to feel more, needing to feel more. He had always called it a side-effect of the work he had chosen… but not this time; not with this man. He didn’t even know if he could call it a fuck. No matter how animalistic it was, there were those _eyes_ of his; the warmth he could always distinct in the CEO’s eyes was still there, contrasting to the rawness of his body moves. For the first time in his life, Nino didn’t know how to call it.

 

He screamed even louder when teeth attached on his collarbones, marking his chest. It didn’t take long for Nino to mark Satoshi on his turn, not able to hold himself back. His nails buried in the soft, silk-like skin of the other’s back. He wanted to show him how much he really wanted him. He managed to turn them around so that he was on top. Without losing another second, he started moving up and down on the hard cock inside him while his right hand found his painful, licking erection. He didn’t close his eyes; his eyes were open, looking at him; his mouth was whispering his name… He usually had to close his eyes, imagine someone else to help him come but this time he didn’t need that. Ohno Satoshi was beautiful and Nino was now discovering that he could also be sexy, hot.

 

Satoshi sat up holding Nino close to his torso, allowing that way a deeper penetration, hitting with every thrust his prostate dead on. Nino couldn’t handle it anymore; he came hard on the other’s stomach, his walls clenching due to the intense orgasm his body was experiencing. His head was thrown back, gasping when he felt Satoshi’s teeth finding his neck, as his hands found their place at each side of his hips. Nino locked his hands around Satoshi’s neck and let the other move him on his lap the way he needed to reach his orgasm. A couple of thrusts later and Satoshi was coming, trembling from the intensity.

 

They were both panting but somehow they both had a shy smile. They kissed lazily once again before they fell on the mattress, trying to find their breaths back.

 

“Did I hurt…?”

 

Nino could tell that the usual, shy Ohno Satoshi had returned. Immediately, he turned on his side, his hand tracing feather-like the sweaty cheek.

 

“You didn’t hurt me… You gave me the best sex of my life…” He could only smile when he saw the other blushing. He hadn’t lied. This time was the best; one of the few times he hadn’t found the sight in front of him repulsing. He leaned closer to peck the CEO’s lips and was ready to get off the bed but was stopped.

 

“Stay…”

 

He couldn’t lie. He expected it yet the moment he heard it, froze. It took him a few moments before he smiled. “I will…”

 

He let the other take him to the bathroom, enjoying the way he massaged his hair, his back. It felt soothing…  Once finished, they ate together a sandwich and cuddled on the sofa. It was a little after midnight when they went back to the bedroom. Nino let Satoshi hold him tightly as he drifted to dreamland.

 

It was 4 am. Nino could listen to the other’s soft snoring and smiled bitterly. He turned around and looked at the sleeping figure next to him. The CEO looked so innocent like that. His chubby cheeks were giving him a youthful look that made Nino sigh. He got off the bed, as soundlessly as possible, and went to his jacket. Inside there was the expensive phone he was given a day before his first encounter with Ohno Satoshi. With a trembling hand, he took it in his hands and went back to the bed. He lied back next to the other and opened the camera. They both fitted perfectly, their naked torsos leaving no doubts about the type of relationship between them. After a few seconds, a click was heard.

 

***

 

The room was dark but a small light. He couldn’t sleep. Tonight, he had managed to persuade the most difficult man in underground business to work with him. But it wasn’t just that. Tonight was also the night when he had seen them leaving together. It didn’t mean the end though… but it was definitely a beginning. He could only smirk when he heard his phone buzzing. He let his cigar carefully on the ashtray and got his phone in hands. He had received a new message.

 

From: **Ninomiya Kazunari**

First part is already done.

 

His smirk grew bigger as he read the text again and again. He closed the phone and poured himself scotch as he leaned back on his armchair, tasting some of the drink.

 

_I really can’t wait to see your face when you realize that you have lost everything and that everyone you so stupidly believed in was nothing more than one very talented, little liar…_


	3. Chapter 3

Satoshi frowned as he felt the first sunrays of the day hitting on his face. He was feeling hotter and strangely heavier from other days. He opened his eyes with difficulty and turned his head a bit just to gasp. Of course, he was. He had brought the younger host back to his apartment. They had slept together. He had asked him to stay and he had. He didn’t know what to expect in the morning but definitely, he would have never expected this. It was obvious that the other was sleeping. Why was Nino hugging him this tightly, almost… possessively? Why was his head resting on Satoshi’s torso close to his heart? Why were their legs intertwined under the sheets? Why did he look so vulnerable? To Satoshi’s eyes, the host looked as if he was seeking for protection… as if he really needed him… as if he really… cared… 

Satoshi was the one who had asked him to come with him; he was the one who brought him home; he knew he was taking a risk. Nino may have been someone who made him feel comfortable and relaxed; someone who could understand him more than anyone had ever tried to in his life but no matter what, he was still a host. A small voice was constantly whispering in Satoshi’s head that everything that had happened in these past two months may have been nothing more than part of his job. He may not find his company repulsive but that didn’t mean that he found it charming. 

The exact same way, last night may have also meant nothing special to the other. Even if Satoshi hated admitting it, their lovemaking didn’t necessarily meant feelings; at least, the same feelings that Satoshi was trying -not so successfully- to suppress. He knew Nino had enjoyed it. He had seen it in his eyes; the way they were shining, dark and lustful, while his body was trembling, his skin flushed, covered in sweat, as he was asking breathlessly for more. Satoshi’s back had his marks; in his ears still were echoing Nino’s whimpers, moans, numerous calls of his name… He knew that Nino hadn’t lied a single moment since they entered in his apartment. 

Hadn’t he tried it in the past himself? During his college years, he had had a couple of nameless one-night stands as a way to forget about his meaningless life, even if it was only for a couple of minutes. Yet, he found no meaning. He realized he found no pleasure… perhaps his body did but his soul always felt emptier afterwards. He had almost given up on romance and love and yet this man crossed his way. So far, he had been the one at the receiving end, letting the others use him as they wanted… perhaps because he didn’t care but this time was different. This time it was different. He wanted to take control… he wanted to make this man underneath him feel him, see him, think of him. He wanted to show Nino how much he meant to him. Nino was giving his life a meaning, he finally had someone to look forward to meeting with; someone that could make him smile for real; someone who had made him feel alive.

Yes… He had fallen in love with Nino… but he was still afraid; afraid to wake up one day and realize that this wasn’t but a dream, he stupidly saw as reality. Last night, as they were eating the sandwich he had prepared, he had taken the decision to act maturely. He was in love with Nino but that didn’t mean that the latter was sharing his feelings; nor that he had to try to share them either. He had tried to convince himself not to rise his hopes falsely, yet feeling Nino clinging like this on him could only make his heart jump funnily in his chest. If his new lover had the need to feel him in his sleep, wasn’t that proving that for him it had also meant something more? At least, subconsciously.

Satoshi’s free hand, trembling, reached for the host’s one that was resting on the side of his torso, letting his fingers brush feather-like the soft skin. His heart almost stopped as he heard the other mumbling something incoherent still asleep, the grip around his waist tightening even more. Satoshi sighed as his hand moved slowly from the fingers up to the arm until the shoulder where it rested. His mouth curved into a hint of smile as he felt Nino moving closer to him, seeking more of his warmth, his head moving slightly upwards, closer to the crook of his neck.

“Why are you doing this to me?” he whispered with a trembling voice.

He had expected a smile, perhaps a few polite words, a kiss on his cheek, like Nino always did when he’d sit by his side at the club but not this… intimacy. It almost felt as if the young host was his lover and that was something Satoshi didn’t know how to handle. 

Before he could realize what was happening, he felt his eyesight getting blurry and then, something hot falling on his cheeks; tears. Why was he crying? He tried to find the answer but his mind wouldn’t cooperate. He only knew that he wanted to keep Nino in his arms like this forever. He hugged the latter tighter as it became harder for him to hold back the tears that kept falling heavily on his face.

It was only when he felt the host moving that he realized he kept his eyes closed. Their gazes met for the first time. Satoshi could recognize confusion and surprise in Nino’s eyes as he hurriedly moved away from him. Was it because he was crying or because he realized how close they were? Satoshi couldn’t decide. He only knew that his heart clenched at the sight Nino sighing, sadness covering his face.

“I’m sorry if I woke you up…” Satoshi managed to say in a tiny voice, as he tried to wipe his face with the back of his left hand with no success as it was stopped by Nino.

“Are you alright? Why are you crying?” the young host’s voice sounding, probably for the first time, hesitant, weak.

Satoshi couldn’t tear his gaze apart. Nino’s eyes were now locked onto his; questioning, piercing, demanding to find the truth.

“I’m sorry… It’s nothing…”

“It has to do with us sleeping together.” Satoshi’s eyes widened when he realized that it wasn’t a question; it was a statement. “You regretted it...” Nino whispered, taking his hand away from Satoshi’s wrist, this time avoiding any eye contact. “Don’t worry… I understand. I’m sorry, if I brought you to a difficult position by sleeping this close to you. I didn’t do it on purpose…” Nino grabbed the sheets underneath him, his hand turning into a fist. Satoshi frowned. Was he angry? “It won’t happen again…” the host continued in an almost inaudible voice.

“No!” Satoshi cupped Nino’s hand that was holding on the sheets. “I haven’t regretted it, Nino…” he tried to find the right words to continue but couldn’t; not when the other was sitting this close to him, waiting for an answer he wasn’t sure, if he wanted to even acknowledge it as one.

“But?” the host asked after several moments of disturbing silence, still without moving from his spot. “Because there’s definitely a but following…”

“But I’m afraid…” Satoshi finally whispered before he could even process it himself. He saw the other turning his gaze on his lap, his knees brought close to his face, his jaw resting on top of them. The person next to him didn’t remind him of the host he knew till then. There was no self-confidence; he only saw vulnerability, will to become invisible, if possible. He couldn’t stand it. He threw his arms around Nino’s waist, letting his body weight rest on him. The host was surprised, a soundless gasp escaping his throat, but didn’t say anything. “I’m afraid of realizing that you, all of this may be nothing more than a dream…”

“I know… I knew you would…” Nino whispered, his hands clinging on Satoshi’s shoulders, his mouth ghosting on his collarbones.

“Nino, I-”

“I can’t blame you…” the host cut him off. “You have seen me, haven’t you?” 

Satoshi didn’t dare to speak. “I know you have… but I can swear to you that you’re the only one that I allowed to make love to me… your name is the only one I allowed myself to scream…”

“I-” Satoshi tried to speak once again but in vain. 

“But I want you to know that you’re not the only one who feels the same…” Satoshi frowned, confused. “I’m also afraid…” finally, the host said and hid his head in the hook of Satoshi’s neck.

“Why?” Satoshi asked but no answer reached his ears. “Nino…?” Nothing. He only felt the grip tightening even more. It was similar to when he had woken up. He could feel the way Nino’s body had tensed. Had he said something he shouldn’t have? Had he done anything wrong? It was obvious that there was something in Nino’s mind… he was troubled about something but he wouldn’t speak about it. Perhaps he was afraid. Satoshi also had been afraid… it was little by little that the other gained his trust and allowed himself to open up. Perhaps, he needed to show Nino that he could trust him… that he would be the one to decide when and what he’d told him. “You don’t have to answer, Nino…”

It was only after he had spoken these words that the other moved a bit so that their faces were only a few inches apart. “Satoshi…” Satoshi was left speechless as he felt the other hugging him tightly, his hands instinctively finding the host’s slim waist and wrapping around it. 

“The reason why I’m afraid isn’t because you have slept with other customers, Nino.” Satoshi spoke again, his mouth being lost in Nino’s hair. “I’m afraid of being happy… Never in my life was I allowed to be happy and you make me feel like anyone did ever before… I haven’t got used to happiness. Waking up, feeling the warmth of your body this close, your soft puffs landing on my chest… It made me feel warm inside… something that can’t be described with words… You may say that I’m overdramatic… a helpless, romantic dreamer… even ridiculous but-”

Satoshi couldn’t continue as Nino’s lips found his claiming them almost desperately, leaving them both breathless. “Never call it ridiculous…” the young host whispered on Satoshi’s lips once he broke it. “Never…”

“Nino…?!” Satoshi noticed the tears that were glittering in Nino’s eyes… his lower lip was also trembling but he continued to stare at him. 

They stayed like this without uttering another word, making it feel, as if the time had frozen. Satoshi closed his eyes as he felt two trembling fingers touching his forehead, moving to his eyes, his nose, his nose… moving on the side, caressing softly his cheeks, his jaw… as if Nino was trying to map his face… memorize every curve of it… every inch. Satoshi was trying to understand what the other was thinking. Why he thought there was sadness in Nino’s eyes… why he wasn’t speaking… why his touch was so reluctant…

“I don’t deserve you…” Nino whispered before closing his eyes, his hand remaining in the air before it could actually touch Satoshi’s lips.

Satoshi couldn’t tell whether he had spoken to him or to himself. He was about to ask him when he heard his phone ringing. He clicked his tongue at the back of his teeth annoyed. He knew who this was.

“What?” he said angrily on the phone before mouthing ‘sorry’ to Nino who shook his head with a hint of smile. “No, brother. I rescheduled it for the next week. I…” Satoshi sighed as his brother continued complaining at the other end of the phone. “It’s me who’s the CEO; whether you like it or not. I won’t talk about it again. Have a nice day, brother.” Satoshi ended the call quickly, ignoring the loud shouts that kept reaching his ears. It was the first time that he had dared to talk to Hideshi like that. His reaction surprised himself but made him also feel proud for once in a while. After throwing the phone to his side, he turned to his side to apologize but frowned. Nino wasn’t on the bed.

He put on his briefs and walked to the bathroom but Nino was nowhere to be seen. He couldn’t have left, right? Feeling his heart beat getting faster, he started walking towards the living room when his ears caught sounds coming from the kitchen. As soundlessly as possible, he made his way to the doorframe. Nino had put on his boxers and the shirt he was wearing yesterday while preparing breakfast. He could smell eggs and coffee but didn’t care at the moment. The sight in front of him was mesmerizing. Nino looked incredible in his clothes… in his kitchen. There was something too special in this ‘homely’ view. 

His lips curved into a smile when he heard the other humming a song he couldn’t recognize. He wanted this. This simplicity, this intimacy, this atmosphere… he was still afraid but the chance to actually feel his apartment like home, be with the person that gave his life a meaning was worth it. So far, he had never taken risks; preferring to avoid drama… but not this time. This time, luck had knocked on his door… it could be the only time and no matter what, he knew he didn’t want to lose it. 

He made a few steps closer and hugged the other from behind, gaining a small gasp. 

“You scared me!”

“I didn’t mean to…” Satoshi whispered before placing a soft peck on Nino’s nape. “You look beautiful with my shirt…” he felt the other tense against him.

“You… you always have to say such things?! What… what happened to the shy man I met two months ago?!” Nino said in playful tone but Satoshi could tell, he was trying to cover his uneasiness.  
“This man found you…” the answer was simple and honest.

After several seconds, Nino turned around so that they could look at each other’s face. The stiffness was no longer there, making Satoshi doubt there ever was one.

“I’m glad this man found me!” and with that he leaned closer leading Satoshi into a demanding kiss. 

In a blink of the eye, they found themselves on the floor, underwear lowered to their knees, as their bodies moved against one another in a search for friction. Both sides eager; desperate; needy.

“You make me insatiable…” Satoshi managed to say ten minutes later, between his panting, his chest still moving up and down.

“I like this side of yours…”

Satoshi smiled at Nino’s words before brushing his fingers through the latter’s hair. “The breakfast must have turned cold by now…”

“I feel full.”

Satoshi chuckled before pecking Nino’s lips one last time. “I feel full too but I’m sure till it’s time for lunch our stomachs will complain.”

“But…”

“No.” Satoshi hushed the young host by placing his index softly on top of his lips. “I’m not listening to anything you have to say. You need to eat more. End of discussion.”

He chose to ignore the way the other was biting his lower lip and stood up to get a wet towel to clean them before putting back on his briefs.

“How about scrambled eggs?”

“I-” the host tried to speak just to sigh. “I love them.”

“Good!”

They ate in a comfortable silence. Once they were done, he led Nino to the sofa, keeping his hand protectively into his.

“I thought about it a lot. What we said earlier… our moments in the club… now…” he gulped and took a deep breath trying to find the right words to continue. He turned his gaze to Nino and after clearing his throat, he continued. “I have a proposition to make but that’s only if you like me… even a tiny bit…”

He saw the host turning pale, making his insecurities grow. 

“What proposition?”

He had to try. For the first time in his life, he had to try. “Answer to me first. Do you really like me? Neither the sex, nor the money I give to you at every visit of mine in the club. Do you like the moments when I speak to you about fishing? About art?”

“Honestly?”

“Yes. Please.”

“I don’t like fishing. I’m getting sea-sick. I’m also not interested in art…”

Satoshi felt his heart sinking. “Oh… That’s-”

“But I like hearing you talking about them” he turned his gaze to Nino, trying to see through him, to seek the truth behind these hazel eyes that were looking back at him. “Because during these moments your eyes get shinier than usually, your voice turns louder, your whole face is glowing… I like them… only because you like them. Does… it make sense to you? I don’t know how to put it in words differently…”

Satoshi didn’t know what to say to that. His heart was beating fast. It did make sense to him. “You mean it?” he asked in a whisper.

Nino smiled, as he took Satoshi’s hands into his. “I do…”

“Do you want us to try?”

“Aren’t you afraid?” Nino asked, a hint of frown appearing on his forehead, causing Satoshi to frown at his turn. Was he rejecting him?

He closed his eyes before taking both Nino’s hands into his. “I am. Of course, I am… but I also want to take the risk… For once in my life, I want to say that I tried…”

Nino bit his lower lip, as his eyes closed sharply. Satoshi was starting feeling the doubts grow inside him. Two minutes had passed by and the other hadn’t still given his answer.

“I don’t want you to feel pressured. If you feel that you don’t want to, then, all you have to do is tell m-”

“I’ll accept only under one condition.” Nino cut him off. “Only if you call me, Kazu.”

***

“You’re off fast today, again…”

Satoshi chose to ignore Hideshi’s comment and put on his jacket. He’d always be bitter like this anyway, so there’s no reason to even react. What mattered to him was that in thirty minutes he’d meet with Nino to have dinner together before the latter went to the club. 

Since they started dating, Nino asked him not to come to the club again. Satoshi had objected in the beginning, not comfortable with the idea of him smiling and touching other men but hiss boyfriend’s words had changed his mind. He was called special; part of Kazu’s life, as Nino had insisted, and not Nino’s. 

The more time they spent together, the more he had come to understand the other. He wouldn’t reveal much about himself but there were small things that gave away his thoughts and feelings. Satoshi knew Nino wasn’t fond of his job. He had asked himself tens of times, why someone as clever as him would work as a host. The easiest question was money; easy money but unlike the other hosts that Satoshi had met in the club, he was convinced that Nino was in need of money. If his boyfriend didn’t want him to be part of that life, he wouldn’t. He trusted him. 

“Lately, you don’t even care to answer. I’m amazed with how much that cutie host changed you! Is he this good in bed?!”

Satoshi froze at his spot, anger filling him. He wasn’t surprised that Hideshi knew; if he hadn’t caught Nino in his mouth, he’d have let it pass, but having the guts to talk about his lover like this?! He couldn’t allow that to anyone in the world. This time he was strong enough to fight back. He would defend Nino and their relationship.

“I don’t remember giving you the right to talk about him like this, brother.” his voice cold, steady.

The other only smirked. “I don’t remember asking you the right to talk about… him.” he came closer, putting his hand on Satoshi’s shoulder. “Let me give you a… brotherly piece of advice, Satoshi. Don’t forget where he comes from… He’s a host. I’d call it a more appropriate version of a whore combined with the abilities of an actor. I don’t want my older brother to be deceived at the end… Bye!”

Satoshi was left in the same spot, his gaze on the door that closed in front of him. His heart was beating fast. It was as if his deepest fears, his deepest doubts were spoken out loud. He closed his eyes and brought Nino’s image when they’d cuddle on his sofa with the latter in his arms. No… Nino wasn’t lying to him…

***

He was walking towards their meeting point when he saw Nino by the train station. He was about to call at him when he realized the other was talking on the phone. Satoshi had never seen his boyfriend’s eyes this narrowed before. He could tell that Nino was nervous. With his free hand he was holding a cigarette. Strangely, this person in front of him was very different from his Kazu or even the Nino he had met in the beginning. There was a cold and hostile aura around him. 

“Listen to me carefully. I agreed into this only under the condition that you would do your part of the deal, yet nothing. It’s been two months and I have seen no deposit of money in my account. My part of the deal is being followed by letter. No! You, listen to me! It was you the one who came to me and asked for help. You told me to approach him and I did. I’m sure you know that everything is going exactly the way you wanted… I demand my money by tomorrow!” Satoshi heard his boyfriend shouting on his phone before closing it. 

He frowned. This wasn’t the phone he knew that Nino possessed. This was a way too expensive model for Nino; at least, that was what Satoshi thought. The CEO felt his heart pounding painfully in his chest. Who was the one with whom Nino was talking on the phone? He shook his head in a try to get rid of the ridiculous idea that it had nothing to do with him. It couldn’t…

It was seconds later that he heard soft sobs. He looked up at Nino; the other was crying and was trying to smoke with a trembling hand. He made a step forwards just to stop when his boyfriend cursed out loud and kicked on the dustbin next to him. It was hurting him… Seeing Nino hurt was hurting him… Who was that on the phone? Why was his Kazu suffering like that? Why hadn’t he ever said anything?

“SATOSHI?!” 

He could recognize the surprise in the way Nino suddenly called his name. He was seen. He smiled the best he could and came closer. 

“Hey…”

“When did you come?”

“I just arrived…” Satoshi’s heart clenched at the sigh of relief Nino let out but chose to ignore it. “We should go. I’m hungry!” he took Nino’s hand into his, intertwining their fingers. They fitted perfectly, as if they were made for each other. He looked at Nino who looked calmer than before. There was even a hint of smile on his face. He may overthink about everything… exactly like Hideshi would want. No… he had to have faith in his boyfriend. He had to have faith in the person who would tell him that he loved him with blushing cheeks. He wouldn’t make his younger brother this favor.

 

TO BE CONTINUED…


	4. Chapter 4

“Nino-chan, wouldn’t you come with me, tonight? Have you already forgotten how much fun we used to have together or is it that you got bored of me?”

 

Nino flinched at that. He knew very well that his choices were limited. Yakitaka Yoshiro was someone who’d pay enormous amounts of money every time he visited the club. He wasn’t only Nino’s client but he had clearly taken a liking at him. Was it that he had heard the rumor of Nino having found someone? Maybe. Nino could see that he was possessive and certainly a man who always wanted to be the winner, to have the last word. He knew that he couldn’t let this man unsatisfied… the warning look of his boss said as much.

 

“Of course, I didn’t, Yakitaka-san! I just thought you were the one who felt bored with me… If I remember correctly, you were with a specific _Yuri_ in the last few weeks…” he used a whiny but in the same time, provocative tone; the one he knew would make the other eager to have him.

 

“I’m here to correct my mistake. I miss Nino-chan…” Yakitaka whispered in Nino’s ear while his hand was caressing in slow moves his upper thigh, moving dangerously close to his crotch.

 

Nino felt sick but managed not to show it. He just smirked and took the hand from his thigh into his, his fingers playing with the older man’s. He knew that once they finished their drinks, he’d be obliged to follow the man to his car, leading them to the usual hotel.

 

Fifteen minutes later, he was inside the car, his eyes trying desperately to catch the images outside the window, trying to lock his thoughts away. He knew that he was nothing more than a whore; only the official title was different. He had accepted it… or more correctly, he had chosen it. Till then, he always managed to empty his mind and let things happen without getting hurt… this time, though, things were different. He couldn’t get rid of the emotions that kept building up inside him. At the thought of what would follow he shivered. He didn’t want to be in that car, he didn’t want to let these hands roam on his body, he didn’t want Yakitaka touch him… But then again? Had he a choice? No… He bit his lower lip with force enough to feel the metallic taste of blood in his mouth. Not only had he no choice but what is more, he _deserved_ it…

 

“Here we are, baby…”

 

Nino took a deep breath as he was pulled out of the car and led inside the luxury hotel, Yakitaka would usually take him to. His body got stiff as he felt the older man’s hands trying to get rid of his clothes. An image of Ohno Satoshi, unbuttoning his shirt flashed in his mind. Instinctively, he grabbed Yakitaka’s hands to stop them. The question and the warning that was hiding underneath the intense gaze of Yakitaka brought Nino back to the reality.

 

“Let me… show you… For all these weeks that we were away from each other…”

 

It seemed that the other liked the idea because he smirked. “I like how you think, Nino-chan…” He sat at the edge of the bed with his pair of trousers lowered to his ankles and his hand lazily pumping his member.

 

Nino wanted to throw up but held the feeling back. He could do it. He closed his eyes and started taking his clothes off, slowly, trying to ignore the hungry way those eyes were staring at him. He kept his eyes closed the moment he knelt between the man’s thighs… he kept his eyes closed the moment he found himself on his hands and knees… he kept his eyes closed when he felt the other moving in him… Soon, it would be over.

 

“Perfect, like always…” he heard Yakitaka saying between his heavy pants.

 

“And Yakitaka-san… I feel drained… but in a good way…” Nino said before pecking the other’s lips.

 

“Your money is in the envelope. I decided to include a small bonus tonight… _for the show_ … If you worked in a strip club, you’d have my money every night…”

 

Nino raised his eyebrow. “Really?! I’m flattered…”

 

“You can take a quick shower before you leave…”

 

Nino shook his head. “No… I want to feel Yakitaka-san as much as possible…”

 

The other groaned in reply but Nino knew that he was too tired to try anything more that night. Hastily, he put on his clothes, took the white envelope and left the room. He didn’t want to feel the other as much as possible; he wanted to get out of there as soon as possible.

 

***

 

He was riding the train back home. His mind was a mess. He had never liked the times he had to sleep with the richest clients of his but then, he had never felt this disgusted. At that moment, all he wanted to do was to rip his skin off, if possible.

 

_Why did I have to get to know you?_ He felt hot tears filling his eyes. 

 

It was several months ago, when Ohno Satoshi had come to this host club; not alone, of course… There was no way someone like him would enter in a host club. Nino knew it well. He remembered how lost he had looked back then. A bitter smile appeared on Nino’s lips. Sometimes life could be confusing; wanting to see a specific someone every single minute of your life, yet wishing you’d never come across them ever again.

 

It was a while ago when he realized that he was actually looking forward to meeting with this man. The CEO wouldn’t speak much, choosing to mostly listen to him; many would call him boring and helpless but to Nino, Ohno Satoshi was so much more than this... perhaps that was the reason why another part of him, wanted to find the courage and ask him to never come back; the older man was still pure and his smile... his smile was the one that made Nino pay attention to him for the first time. _Why should it be so… honest…?_

 

He didn’t know how he was supposed to react. He couldn’t name what he was feeling. He just knew that he felt confused and sad… Sad because he didn’t deserve Ohno Satoshi’s love the same way the latter didn’t deserve what would follow…

 

He was still lost in his thoughts when he heard his phone buzzing.

 

_**From** : Ohno Satoshi_

_Can you come?_

 

He wanted to… he really did but he couldn’t… he was too dirty to go to him.

 

_**To** : Ohno Satoshi_

_Sth happened?_

 

The reply came immediately.

 

_**From** : Ohno Satoshi_

_Just feeling lonely…_

 

Nino felt his heart clench. His knuckles turned white from anger. Of course, something would have happened. He knew how his younger brother was. He knew that he had declared a psychological war against him. He hated such people the most… probably because he knew them and their methods too well.

 

His eyes looked at the screen for several minutes before finally. His fingers started moving, typing his text.

 

_**To** : Ohno Satoshi_

_I’ll be there…_

_Just need to go by my house first._

 

A small smile appeared on his face when he felt the soft buzz a few seconds later.

 

**From** : Ohno Satoshi

I’ll be waiting, Kazu!

 

His heart clenched. _Kazu…_ It was him the one who had asked the other to call him like that… yet why did he feel so guilty every time he heard it? Perhaps, because he knew he had no right to be called like that by this man.

 

Ten minutes later, he was in front of his house. He didn’t need to take his keys off, nor to knock on the door.

 

“Welcome back, Kazunari-sama”

 

Nino knew behind the polite tone, there was disapproval hiding. He raised his eyebrow. “He’s asleep. No need to pretend, Tanaka” He didn’t wait for the middle-aged butler’s answer.  He climbed up the stairs fast, reaching his bedroom. He threw his clothes on the floor and entered in the bathroom, letting the hot water wash away any trace of Yakitaka’s scent left on him.

 

He chose a pair of jeans and a loose T-shirt to put on. He didn’t care to put on his cologne; nor to fix his hair. He walked to the door next to his and opened it softly. A soft snore reached his ears making him smile. It was the only room of this house where he could breathe… probably because the air wasn’t poisoned.  He made a few steps closer to the bed. He looked beautiful, asleep as he was. Nino didn’t dare to say anything, not wanting to wake him up. Just watching him peaceful like that was enough.

 

_I love you…_ He had never dared to speak these three words out loud but every one of them was honest, sincere. Here, there was no room of doubt, denial or fear. It was nothing but true.

He turned around, his eyes narrowing when they fell on the middle-aged butler waiting for him at the door. He walked outside as soundlessly as possible and closed the door behind him.

 

“What?” he asked in a tone that clearly showed his annoyance. He knew well that gaze… that criticizing, belittling gaze of the other. What bothered him wasn’t the fact that he was looking at him like that; he couldn’t care less. What bothered him was that he deserved it.

 

“I was wondering whether I should prepare dinner for Kazunari-sama…”

 

“ _Kazunari-sama_ will go out. And I told you, drop the mask. We both know why you have decided to stay, Tanaka, so please, do me a favor and cut the crap when he’s not around. I know you hate it, as much as I do…” Nino tried to sound as unaffected as possible. There was always this unbearable silence between him and Tanaka.

 

The older man didn’t say anything in reply. He simply turned his back and climbed down the ladder. Nino felt the room suffocating. He couldn’t stay any longer. He grabbed his phone and the phone, Ohno Hideshi had given him, and left.

 

***

 

This time he got into the first taxi he saw, wanting to be by the side of the CEO as soon    as possible. The closer he got to Satoshi’s apartment, the faster his heart was beating. It almost felt as if it would fall out of his chest, as he rang the bell. When the door opened and Satoshi came to sight, Nino couldn’t hold back anymore. He threw his arms around the older man, letting his head lean against his chest. He could feel the hotness of the other’s body and the familiar scent reached him, causing him to sigh in relief.

 

Nino knew the other could ask him what had happened, if something was wrong but didn’t. He just held him tighter, right there, with the door open. It was funny; Satoshi was the one who had called him because he needed his company and not the opposite; yet there he was, rubbing his back softly. It would always be such small things that made Nino’s heart jump funnily in his chest. He knew he enjoyed the CEO’s company, more than he had ever dared to imagine, but the way he felt when he was close to him was more than he could handle. A part of his made him want to run away… to reach out of Satoshi’s grip… but another one wanted to never leave… to feel more… whatever this man had to give him.

 

He wished he was simply Nino; the host who came to like this client of his but he wasn’t… and unfortunately, things weren’t turning easy for him. Little by little he had come to grow fond of the older man, to seek his company and not only enjoy it… as if he was seeking for protection… love… Only the thought of it made him shiver. He was someone who didn’t have the right to love or be loved… yet there he was in Satoshi’s arms, his hands clinging on the shirt of the older man, his body pressing against the other, enjoying the warmth.

 

“I’m sorry…” the words came out of his mouth once they were inside the apartment, lying down on Satoshi’s bedroom over the sheets.

 

“What for, Kazu? You’re here…”

 

Nino closed his eyes tightly. “Yes… but instead of taking care of you, you had to take care of me…”

 

“But having you here was what I wanted… Even if I had to take care of you, as you say, do you think I found it unpleasant?! Keeping you in my arms, kissing your cheek, your lips while our fingers stay intertwined is what you’d describe as unpleasant?! Because for me it’s paradise!”

 

Nino sighed. Words would always leave Satoshi’s lips this easily… words that the other couldn’t possibly know how they affected Nino. Under any other circumstances he’d feel happy but at that moment, he felt sad… because he knew that he wouldn’t be the one to hear them forever. Once again, Ohno Satoshi was making things more difficult for him. How could he take the small camera and place it secretly in Satoshi’s bedroom, now? He couldn’t… but if he didn’t, he’d face problems with Satoshi’s younger brother and he was in no position to play with fire or challenge his luck.

 

He hadn’t realized that he was crying until he felt a thumb brushing his cheeks, wiping the tears away.

 

“Kazu, are you ok?” concern was more than obvious in Satoshi’s voice.

 

Nino tried to smile but failed. “It’s just that I don’t deserve you… I feel… dirty… Just before… I…” he turned his gaze away, not being able to face Satoshi’s face. He could feel the other stiffening and his heart sank.

 

“You… you were with a client?” the question came as a whisper. There was no anger in it… only sadness and Nino could swear that he could also distinguish disappointment.

 

“I… had to… my boss… I knew this time I had no option… I had been avoiding him for weeks… he must have complained about it… but… I swear I didn’t want him to touch me… I don’t want _any_ of them to touch me… Before… before you… I could deal with it but now… now, it’s…” he tried to find the proper words but with no result. He ended up biting his lower lip. _Now, it’s impossible… Now, my skin feels like burning, when they try to caress me because all I think of, is you… your lips, your arms, your touch, your caresses, your warmth..._

Nino was debating with himself whether he should say any of that or not. In the beginning, it was easier… He knew how to approach him, what to say, when and how to say it but lately, he wasn’t so sure anymore… Every time there would be doubts… questions. Could he say something like that? For some reason, he wanted to be careful… He knew he’d cause pain to the other but he wanted it to be as less as possible. He was still deep into his thoughts when abruptly he was taken into a hug. A gasp of surprise left his mouth as he looked at the older man. The disappointment he had clearly sensed in his last words was replaced by understanding that weirdly, made his heart sink even deeper. _Why?_ “Why?” he asked with a trembling voice. _Why are you so good with me when I’m not worth it? Why are you making it more and more difficult? Why do you make me fall for you minute after minute?_

 

“I don’t know why you have to work as a host but whatever the reason might be – because I know there is a _reason_ behind -, never, you listen to me?!, _never_ call yourself dirty again! You’re not dirty, Kazu!”

 

Nino gasped. ‘You have to work’… there was a certainty behind these words that made him look at the other who was staring back at him with firm eyes.

 

“I know people that are truly dirty; dirty in their soul… _Your_ soul, on the other hand, is pure. I wouldn’t love you, if you were dirty, as you say. I can clearly see, Kazu… There are moments that you’re absent-minded but there are moments that I can see the way you look at me… there are emotions… and that’s enough for me! You were the first person that took his time to listen to me… who didn’t judge me… In the beginning, maybe you did. It was your job anyway but little by little, I want to believe…” he took a deep breath closing his eyes “No. I _believe_ that you changed your mind… you’re here, Kazu… on my bed, in my arms. I would never allow a dirty person to be here with me.”

 

Nino was left speechless. Tears, that were desperately held back till then, started falling like a river, staining his pale cheeks. “But-”

 

“I don’t like it” Satoshi cut him off “but I also don’t judge it… I wish you could tell me; I wish you’d let me help you however I could but if you don’t want to share it, I’m fine. I’ll be there for you once you feel that you want to speak. Even if it’s something of non-importance, I’ll be there, my love…”

 

‘My love’?! Had the other just called him his love?! _Why?_ Nino felt his heartbeat accelerating fast in his chest, almost turning painful, and his throat turning dry. The other would never stop surprising him. His hand, trembling, came to reach Satoshi’s cheek, to caress it feather-like.

 

“I… I don’t deserve you…” he truly meant it. Nino knew very well that he didn’t deserve either this man or his feelings.

 

“You do. You love me.” Satoshi replied in a certain, affirmative way.

 

“How…?”

 

Satoshi hushed Nino with a kiss. “I just know” but it’s late now. Let’s sleep… Tomorrow, I want to take you on a proper date, not our usual lunch or dinner meetings.”

 

“Satoshi…?”

 

“I’ve been wanting it since I dared to hold your hand at the club.”

 

Nino smiled and placed a soft kiss on the other’s cheek. “Ok. Good night, Satoshi.”

 

“Good night, my love….”

 

Nino let himself being held from behind while he felt the older man relaxing and eventually, falling asleep. He could feel Satoshi’s hot breath landing on his nape and for some reason every breath felt hotter than the previous one.

 

It was five in the morning when he went to drink a glass of water, unable to sleep. They had only cuddled that night and then, in bed Satoshi had told him all that… it was enough to send his sleep away. His eyes turned to the dark sky, wondering what he was going to do. He wanted to tell Satoshi the truth but he couldn’t. There were many ‘wants’ that would be followed by the very same ‘couldn’t’… It’s not that he put the blame on others… It was entirely his and he was paying for it.

 

He put the empty glass into the sink and walked with heavy steps towards Satoshi’s bedroom. A bitter smile appeared on his face when his eyes fell on the sleeping figure in the king-sized bed. He looked so beautiful like this… He lied down next to him and pressed his lips feather-like on Satoshi’s forehead, before burying his head in the crook of the other’s neck. He _wanted_ to be happy… but he _couldn’t_ … He closed his eyes. “I’m sorry…” he muttered and he meant every word.

 

***

 

“Here?!” Nino was astonished.

 

He saw Satoshi smiling proudly as he took his hand into his. “Yes… I think it’s the best place for us.”

 

Nino said nothing in reply. He only gulped as he looked in the horizon in front of him. _I’m sorry…_

 

~.~.~

 

_Two hours earlier…_

Nino frowned as he opened his eyes and rubbed them. He found himself alone in the bedroom. He sat up better and looked at the alarm clock on the bedside table. 9:30. He looked around but there was no Satoshi. A smile appeared on his face when he realized that there was sounds of water falling. _He’s taking a shower…_ For some reason, he wasn’t simply smiling; he also felt shy about it. It wasn’t only Ohno Satoshi that surprised him; it was also himself. _I do like some teenager who has fallen in love for the first time…_ He tried to ignore it but in the next second, he found himself walking towards the door. He had almost reached the doorknob when his ear caught a certain buzzing sound that brought him in a harsh way back to reality; as if he had just experienced a rough landing.

 

He wished he could ignore the call but there was no alternative option. Sighing, he went to his clothes and found the phone in one of his jeans’ pockets.

 

“I’m listening, _Sir_.”

 

“ _Good morning! How is our love bird doing?_ ”

Nino closed his eyes tightly. “What do you want?”

 

“ _What?! He wasn’t in the mood to fuck you last night?! Pity… and I made sure he was brought to his limits… or was it that he took pity on you for having already been fucked?!_ ”

 

Nino bit his lower lip forcefully. He wanted to tell the man go to hell. He could hear mocking giggles from the other end of the line but tried to remain focused. He wanted to end this call as soon as possible. “What do you want?”

 

“ _Make sure you take him out of the apartment today. One of my men is already waiting outside... We need a note of romance, not just bedroom activities… If that’s the case, he can easily play it off as a mean of relief and we don’t want that, right…, Nino?_ ”

 

Nino was about to reply when he felt two arms wrapping around his waist. He pressed the button to end the call and threw the phone on the armchair in front of him. His heartbeat was thumping painfully in his chest. Had the other heard anything? He hadn’t… right?

 

“Good morning, Kazu…”

 

Nino froze. Was he panicking for no reason?! He turned around and met the two eyes, he found so beautiful, looking back at him with the familiar warmth they usually had. Did that mean that the older man hadn’t heard him? Even if he had, he wasn’t showing it…

 

“Sa… toshi…”

 

“Are you ok?” Nino closed his eyes at the caress of Satoshi’s hand on his head. He felt the fingers brush through his hair and felt himself relaxing. “Kazu…?”

 

Nino opened his eyes and looked at the man in front of him. They stayed like this for several seconds before Nino’s lips found the CEO’s neck, kissing it with an eagerness that took the latter by surprise.

 

“Kaz-”

 

“I want you…” Nino whispered on Satoshi’s skin and resumed his task without waiting for the other to say anything else.

 

Satoshi was wearing only a pair of sweatpants, his torso naked. Nino’s lips traveled south… spreading soft kisses on the collarbones before he reached even lower. He kneeled on the floor, his hands ready to lower the sweatpants when two arms held his wrists, forbidding him to make another move. Nino looked up with questioning eyes, his heart clenching at the sight of sad eyes.

 

“What happened?”

 

In the next minute, Nino was pulled up and led to sit at the end of the bed.

 

“Nothing…”

 

“So, the phone-call has nothing to do with your eagerness just a few moments ago?”

 

Nino gasped. Of course, he would have taken notice…

 

“I… I just want you…”

 

“Kazu…”

 

“Please…” Nino begged. Was it only because of the call? He didn’t know… he just felt the urge to feel him… right there… Satoshi was about to speak when Nino leaned closer, his eyes locked on the other’s and their mouths almost touching. “Please…”

 

Satoshi sighed, lowering his head and Nino was sure he’d be rejected when he found himself lying on his bed.

 

“I love you…”

 

Nino’s eyes bulged at the sound of that phrase. He had said it _again…_ He wanted to say something but all that left from his throat was a moan as the latter claimed his lips passionately. In every move, Nino could feel the rawness, the lust but he could also feel his lover’s care, his feelings, his love… and that made it almost unbearable to him. It was overwhelming… He felt the orgasm passing through every single cell of his body, his mind turning blank as his nails clawed Satoshi’s arms.

 

He had never felt more alive in his life. He had never dared to dream that one day it would be possible for him to feel that way and that was scaring him; because he already knew it would eventually end.

 

“Are you feeling better, now?” the question was spoken with difficulty, as Satoshi was still trying to recover from his own pleasure.

 

“You never fail to make me feel alive…” the words had slipped out but Nino strangely didn’t regret it.

 

“I can only say the same thing…” Satoshi whispered close to Nino’s ear before kissing him fast on the cheek. “But now, let’s have a quick shower and grab some breakfast. I intend to take you to a date!”

 

Nino frowned. “Can’t we stay inside? Nothing makes me happier than cuddling with you… We could-”

 

Satoshi’s index came to hush him. “I love it, too, when we cuddle but I’ll take you on a date and I take no objections! Come!”

 

Nino’s eyes fell on the phone that was thrown on the armchair before looking at Satoshi’s bare back as he was leading them to the bathroom. _I’m sorry…_

 

~.~.~

 

“Don’t you like it?”

 

Nino only smiled. They were at the beach; at a beautiful, relatively small one that seemed quite private.

 

“It combines the sea that I love and the quietness you seek for…” Satoshi continued while he took Nino into a hug from behind.

 

These words hit Nino hard. How could the other know him so well when he had never truly opened up? Perhaps he wasn’t as closed nature as he thought he was… perhaps the other was looking at him closer than he believed… He didn’t know but the way his heart skipped a beat was telling him that he couldn’t lie to himself anymore. He had fallen in love with the CEO. He wished he wasn’t who he was; he wished he hadn’t known that behind that bush there was someone taking their pics.

 

They spent hours sitting on the sand, their fingers intertwined, while looking at the small waves crushing against the rocks on their side. Satoshi had brought a bottle of red wine with him and small cheese breads. It was simple but never simplicity had felt so fulfilling. The air had a saltiness that usually made Nino’s stomach twirl unpleasantly; this time, though, it only made him feel as if he had butterflies in it. This time was special; he was there with Satoshi.

 

“I want to draw your portrait…”

 

Nino was taken by surprise. He turned on his side to look at Satoshi whose gaze was still locked on the horizon that had started filling with dark orange and reddish shades.

 

“I never felt the need to draw someone’s portrait before… but I want to draw yours… I want to show you how you look in my eyesl how beautiful and how perfect, even when you have imperfections and flaws like every other human being…”

 

Nino felt his lower lip trembling. What had he done to listen to such things? He was nothing more than a scumbag… He had always been dirty, no matter how much Satoshi tried to convince him for the opposite. Since he was fifteen… his soul was rotten.

 

“I wish I could show you how beautiful _you_ are in _my_ eyes…” he whispered with a tremble.

 

Satoshi smiled. “That’s more than enough for me…”

 

Neither of them said anything else… They didn’t need to…

 

It was almost sunset and there they were, enjoying the calmness and the soft breeze. Nino was resting his head on Satoshi’s shoulder when the words came out, out of the blue. “I love you…” He surprised himself, mainly because he realized he _truly_ meant what he had just said; he loved him.

 

Satoshi said nothing in reply. He just hugged him and pressed his lips on his forehead.

 

Nino leaned closer, snuggling into the CEO’s arms, trying to ignore the sound of the car that could be heard several meters away. He could only close his eyes tightly.

 

_I’m sorry…_

 

***

 

“I have to admit it was quite a surprise! Calling me and asking me to meet at this café…”

 

Nino looked at the man in front of him with narrowed eyes. His tone was sarcastic and his smirk was making him want to punch him right on his face.

 

“There’s something I need to discuss with you.”

 

“Forget it. I’m not paying a yen more. As precious as that whorish butt of yours may be, I pay _enough_.”

 

Nino took a deep breath, trying to remain calm. It wasn’t that it wasn’t like the other was saying but it still hurt to have to listen to it right on his face.

 

“I don’t want to talk to you about money.”

 

The other raised his eyebrow. “Then?”

 

“I want to stop.”

 

Nino didn’t dare to look up at the other. For several minutes, there was nothing but an annoying silence. He certainly didn’t expect that.

 

“You mean that you want to back off from our little deal?”

 

“Yes, Ohno-san.” Nino replied in a firm tone, looking straight into Ohno Hideshi’s eyes.

 

The other man abruptly started laughing, as if he had heard the joke of the year. There was something sarcastic about it. Nino could already tell… it wouldn’t be so easy.

 

“I’m sorry but it was a nice one!” Ohno Hideshi was still laughing when he took his coffee and drank the rest of it in one go. “Ah… Nino…! Nino…! I’m afraid I can’t satisfy your wish. You’re in no place to have a wish in the first place!”

 

“I will find the money from elsewhere. I won’t speak. I just want to stop.”

 

The other smirked. “I’m afraid we didn’t understand each other very well. I didn’t choose you because you fuck well… I chose you because I knew you’d never turn your back at me; even if you wanted to.”

 

Nino could see the other smirking in an annoyingly triumphant way. From his tone, he could tell that the other knew more than he wished he did.

 

“I’m sure you know what I want to say, _Matsumoto-san_ …, aren’t I right?”

 

Nino felt all air leaving his lungs, his ears whizzing. He had lost. “What… what do you want me to do, Ohno-san?”

 

“I’m happy we’re talking the same language!” the other said as he leaned at the back of his chair. “I want you to convince Satoshi to invite you to the Company gala in two weeks… Think of it as a small hors d’oeuvre before the main dish! And don’t even think to disobey. I don’t give a shit, if you fell in love with him. You’re doing what I’m saying, understood?”

 

Nino was staring blankly at the table, saying nothing.

 

“ _Understood_?” the other repeated again, warningly.

 

“Yes, Ohno-san.”

 

Nino didn’t move from his seat. He felt a tear falling on his cheek. It was hotter than usual. Why was he sad? He already knew that he wasn’t allowed to love, for twelve years, now… but he couldn’t blame anyone. He was the one at fault… but then again, it still hurt… a lot…

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

 

It was six o’clock in the morning but Satoshi wasn’t sleeping. He was sitting on his small wooden stool, his right hand holding a brush that kept moving on the white canvas. Other strokes were rougher and other softer to create the desired shadows. The picture was being created slowly but Satoshi loved this process… it was as if, gradually, the canvas in front of him became alive. For a moment, he stopped and look at the eyes he loved so much. Of course, they had neither the color, nor the warmth he could find when the person himself was looking back at him, but he could still see their shape…

 

In the past couple of weeks, Satoshi didn’t have the chance to meet with Nino much. On one hand, it was the organization of the annual gala that took a lot of time. As the CEO, he was the one to determine the guests, which could also be translated as the source of money for the corporation. Along with his two executive assistants and directors of marketing, he had to spend added several evenings, filled with meetings and extra hours at work, to figure out the best option. Such a schedule, though, didn’t leave him time enough to meet with Nino before the latter went to the host club but that wasn’t the only problem. On the other hand, Nino would text him good night but in his messages, there was no mention to meet him. Satoshi had tried to convince himself that nothing was going on and that it was just a coincidence but he was afraid.

 

Somehow, they had become a little distant. It was painful when he thought about it but couldn’t deny it. The last time they met, during the past few weeks, was ten days ago and that was only for a quick coffee close to Satoshi’s work. Satoshi had tried to hold a conversation but it was obvious that the other was absent-minded; neither was he listening to him as usual, nor was he holding his hand like he always did whenever they were outside. After that, Nino continued to distance himself. He would text him back, laconically, but never got the initiative like he used to.

 

Satoshi had questioned himself whether he had said or done something that may have caused such a behavior, even unintentionally, but nothing could reach his mind. After giving it a clearer thought, he concluded that it must be related to whatever problem Nino was dealing with. He had heard him talking on the phone a couple of times. The first time he had heard him, he was angry; the second, afraid… Satoshi couldn’t help but feel worried. Something must have happened.

 

The previous night, he decided to go to the host club despite knowing that his lover didn’t want him to. He didn’t want to be there, either, but his will to see him was stronger than his logic. It wasn’t his fault. The time he spent together with the host, gave him strength to continue; to face the difficulties. When he had first chosen to leave the family mansion and live in his own apartment, he hoped for quieter nights. He had them but now, he could realize how lonely they were; lonely and empty. It was Nino’s laughter, Nino’s voice, Nino’s presence, in general, that made his apartment a place he looked forward to going to. Now, that he knew how it was  _with_ him,  _without_  him, it felt even worse. He had the chance to see the better option and he couldn’t agree with anything less than that.

 

He told his driver to park the car near the back entrance not wanting to make his presence noticeable. He just wanted to make sure Nino was alright. It was some minutes later that Satoshi saw two of Nino’s colleagues standing a few meters away to smoke. The windows of his car were tinted so they couldn’t take notice of him.

 

“I’d never expect to see Nino putting Yasuda to a taxi! Who would believe that the little whore would turn into a saint because of that sleepy-looking richie!”

 

There was something sarcastic and ironic in his tone that made Satoshi’s hands clench at his sides into a fist. How did he dare to call his lover a whore?

 

“Maybe the sleepy-looking richie, as you say, turns into someone demanding who asks for exclusivity when they’re alone and exactly because he’s such a whore, he’d never turn him down! What is he?! An idiot?!”

 

“Of course, not… but he used to have that triumphant smirk whenever he came at work after he had spent the night with some stupid grandpa who would gladly empty his pockets just because he had been able to shove it to a such willing hole like his! C’mon! You remember!”

 

“I do but as you said, they were all grandpas. I’m sure he got off at the thought of the pack of banknotes that would make his wallet look thick. Now, with him it’s different. He’s  _young_ …”

 

The other must have found it very funny since loud breathy laughs reached Satoshi’s ears who was still sitting at his seat with no intention to go out. If he did, he would start punching them and that could lead only to trouble for both him and Nino and he didn’t want that; for him, he didn’t give a damn but he cared for his boyfriend. He knew that as a host, having a boyfriend was a fine line and since Nino needed to continue working as one, he had to respect it and try to control himself.

 

“I guess he just needed a good fuck to shut up and stop behaving as if he was the number one host in the club. I bet he cries and mewls like a kitten!”

 

More laughs could be heard, making Satoshi’s heart beat even more painfully in his chest.

 

“What? Interested in seeing how it’d be to fuck him?”

 

“No! As much as the idea of making him shut up for once is quite a turn-on, I smell trouble… which is the worst turn-off. Don’t you see how lost in his thoughts he looks lately? He always checks his phone and let alone the calls he receives during work. I just need to have a good time in my life; never was a fan of complicated things!”

 

The host let out soft giggles. “On this we agree.” The door opened, revealing one of the helpers. Their time-off was already up. The same man cursed under his breath and threw the half-smoked cigarette on the pavement. “Fuck. Already?”

 

“C’mon. Let’s go! Tonight, you might get the chance to steal more clients from your beloved Ni-no!”

 

“Can’t wait! At least, I get to fuck him like this!”

 

They both burst into laughs as they entered inside and closed the door behind them. Satoshi didn’t know what to think, how to react. At first, he had wanted to beat them, full of anger, as he was, but now, he had frozen. What had happened to Nino? He knew something was off; he could tell that he was avoiding him but why? He had seen Nino using his phone secretly; he had caught him speaking in a low voice when he had come out of the bathroom the last time, Nino had stayed with him but even at work and they were allowing it? Whoever this was must have been someone with power; money and Nino was in trouble.

 

Satoshi got nervous when he realized that it was about time for Nino to come out of the club. He had spent there waiting almost one whole hour but still didn’t know whether he should appear in front of him or not. He told his driver to turn to the right so that he could look at the main entrance at least from afar. Ten minutes later, he saw the slim figure of his boyfriend coming out. He was wearing the same clothes, as the first time he had seen him in the club, but nothing reminded him of that alluring presence. From the way he was walking, slowly, and with his head lowered, Satoshi could tell that Nino wasn’t ok.

 

He took his phone into his hands and quickly typed a text. His eyes were locked on his lover who stopped his steps and looked at his phone screen. Seconds later, he heard his phone vibrating.

 

From:  **Nino**

I’m sorry but I’m really

tired… We talk tomorrow.

Ok? Good night, Satoshi

 

Satoshi lowered his head. The other wanted to be alone, so he decided to respect his wish, even if it hurt him.

 

To:  **Nino**

Ok. Have a good rest and

know that I’m there for you.

Love you!

 

He meant every single word. He didn’t know if he should do it but he was hoping for an answer; a simple one was enough. ‘I love you, too’ would be enough. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Nino’s feelings for him. He did… but he was also human. He needed to see it written… he needed to hear it coming from the other’s mouth. He had fallen in love, deeply, more than he had ever thought he would in his life, and that was something new. He was feeling confused… even if he didn’t doubt it, he still wanted to know that the other loved him, wanted only him; needed him the way Satoshi needed Nino. The answer, though, never came and Satoshi couldn’t help but sigh, lowering his head.

 

When he looked out of the window again, he noticed that the other had stopped and was rubbing his temples with his hands. Above all, Satoshi wanted to protect him and make sure he’s ok. “Wait…” were the only words that left his mouth before he opened the door of his car and stepped out. The other was away enough not to take notice of him. He found himself following his lover till a small park that was located a few meters away. Nino had sat on a bench with his feet brought up to his chest, while staring at the dark sky. Satoshi was close to enough to see that his lover was at the verge of crying.

 

He knew that Nino wanted to be alone but a part of him wanted to just reach his hand and take him into his arms.  Something was wrong. He had seen him angry; he had seen him absent-minded and now, he was seeing him sad…  _What is your problem, my love? Tell me…_

Suddenly, he heard a phone ringing and Nino starting cursing before he replied without seeing who was calling.

 

“WHAT?” he said angrily but immediately jumped up from the bench. “Why are you still awake at this hour? It’s pretty late!” Satoshi frowned. Who was Nino talking to? “I’m coming home… I met with some friends for a drink and didn’t realize that it was already this late. You should sleep! We’ll talk in the morning!”

 

Satoshi frowned again. Was Nino living together with someone else? It seemed so… If he judged correctly from Nino’s words, they did. But who was this person? And how could they not know about Nino’s job as a host? One thing was clear; Nino seemed to really care about them; whoever this someone was.

 

Sighing, he turned around and started walking back to his car. He was reminded one more time how little he knew about the other and that was driving him crazy. His lover’s life seemed like a puzzle, a maze of which he knew neither the entrance, nor the exit. Walking mechanically, he reached his car. During all the way back, Satoshi was trying to find some answers, even if that was impossible because all he could do is to make theories.  _Whoever lived with him wouldn’t they know about his job? Could it be that they are someone important to him? Nino’s lover perhaps?_ Satoshi shook his head. No… Nino was  _his_  lover… Nino had accepted  _him_. _No… He isn’t such a person..._ Satoshi’s heart was beating fast, almost painfully, in his chest. _He sounded as if he was scolding them, in a loving way of course, but still scolding them for being awake at this hour… Whoever may have been on the phone, must be someone younger… Maybe they’re family…_

 

He had almost reached at his apartment when he heard his phone vibrating. His eyes bulged when he saw Nino’s name on the screen.

 

From:  **Nino**

Just wanted to tell you

that I love you…

 

This didn’t seem to be related to his latest message. Satoshi’s fingers found the screen, as if he could touch the words, the other had sent him. A shy smile appeared on his face. “I love you, too, my love… I love you so much…” his voice was weak, trembling.

 

That night was restless. Satoshi didn’t manage to sleep and there he was a few minutes after dawn sitting in front of the still-in-progress portrait of Nino.

 

“I hope you eventually trust me, Kazu… I hope you tell me the truth… because no matter what your truth might be, I will accept it… simply because it’s yours…”

 

***

 

Satoshi couldn’t concentrate on his work the following day. He had been mocked by his brother several times but like always, had ignored him. He had managed to rush back home earlier than usual that afternoon. He had called the meeting off. He couldn’t concentrate; all he could think of was  _him_. He wanted to put his thoughts in order. He had just got out of the bathroom, his hair still dripping, when he heard the doorbell ringing. He didn’t expect anyone at this hour and doubted it was Hideshi, wanting to continue on his bitter comments and mocking sarcasm. Hastily, he put on a pair of sweatpants and a small towel around his naked shoulders and went to open the door.

 

He hadn’t managed to open it completely, when he felt a pair of hot lips claiming his eagerly while he was pushed backwards. It was only when his back hit violently against the wall that the other stopped. A couple of minutes later, the intruder broke the kiss and looked deep into his eyes. Satoshi gulped. He could see his boyfriend in front of him panting heavily, as he was trying to catch up his breath but there was also something else; his eyes were asking him for help. Satoshi’s heart clenched as he reached to caress the soft cheek. Feeling the other leaning against his touch, as if he needed to feel him more, made Satoshi grab him and pull him into a tight hug. To his surprise, Nino clang onto him even more, his small fingers holding on the towel around his nape.

 

“I missed you… I missed you so much…”

 

Satoshi wanted to ask him what had happened and he was there instead of the club but at that moment, he said nothing. The other needed him and he had sworn he’d be there for him however Nino wanted and needed him.

 

“I missed you, too…” he whispered, his hot breath landing on Nino’s hair.

 

“Satoshi…” Nino moved back a bit so that he could look at him. His eyes moved slowly from Satoshi’s eyes to his lips. Satoshi felt his throat turning dry at the look of the raw lust he could see reflected in them. “I want to feel you inside of me…” two light pecks landed on the corner of Satoshi’s lips. “I need to feel you…” the kisses moved south, on the crook of his neck. “Fuck me, Satoshi… I nee-”

 

“I won’t  _fuck_ you.” Satoshi said in a firm tone, looking at the other with narrowed eyes. The confusion was more than obvious on Nino’s face. In one fast move, he grabbed Nino by his thighs, lifting him up to the air. “I will make  _love_  to you. You want it faster? Rougher? I’ll give it to you… but no matter how it is, it’s not a fuck. With you it could  _never_ be a fuck.” his tone came out harsher than he wished. Perhaps, it was because of the conversation he had heard of those two colleagues of Nino… perhaps it was the questions that kept raising in his chest… but he was angry… “Understood?”

 

Nino didn’t reply. He just crushed their lips together, while his hands found Satoshi’s nape, his fingers getting lost into the soft hair. Satoshi didn’t lose another minute. He moved to his bedroom without breaking the kiss. He threw Nino on the bed and in one move, got rid of his sweatpants and boxers. He could see how desperately Nino was trying to get rid of his own clothes. He helped him take his shirt and trousers off, throwing them unceremoniously on the floor. Nino tried to kiss him but Satoshi pushed him on his back, his hands securing Nino’s on top of his head.

 

“This is about  _you_ …” Satoshi said huskily before he started trailing from the cheek towards the neck, sucking, licking and kissing, slowly. He loved feeling the skin, underneath his mouth, tremble at his touch. The small whines that reached his ears as his left hand came to tease his lover’s nipple made him want to try harder. His mouth was now occupied with the right one, teasing it with the tip of his tongue, making sure he followed Nino’s reactions. He could feel his lover turning completely aroused underneath him and that made him instinctively press his body more on him.

 

Soon, Nino was moaning and whining with need, trapped, as he was between the sheets and Satoshi’s body. Satoshi knew it was about time to stop teasing him and give him the pleasure he so desperately had asked him for. He opened Nino’s legs, holding them by the ankles and buried his head between the think thighs. He engulfed the whole length knowing that he wouldn’t last much. The tight grips on his hair and the thrust upwards that made the erection in his mouth hit the back of his throat were telling him as much. Without losing another minute, he worked on his lover with fast moves, his head bobbing up and down while his one hand came to caress the area from his balls to his perineum and lower to the small hole that twitched as his index came to trace it feather-like.

 

“Satoshiiiii Sa- AH!”

 

Satoshi felt the hot bitterness filling up his mouth but didn’t stop till he felt it was the last drop. He looked up to his lover who was staring at him with glossed, half-closed eyes while his chest moving up and down as he tried to breathe.

 

“I should-”

 

Satoshi hushed him, as he moved so that their eyes were at the same level.

 

“Shhh… Just feel…” he whispered into Nino’s ear, gaining a small moan from the other.

 

After another round of needy, messy kisses, Satoshi moved a bit so that he could reach the drawer. He cursed under his breath when he realized that the small bottle of lube wasn’t there. It was left at the bathroom from the last time, Nino had passed the night in his apartment and had wanted to tease him while he had a shower. He was about to climb off the bed when he felt his lover stopping him. He frowned at first but could only gasp when he saw him taking his hand and shoving it into his mouth to cover his fingers with saliva.

 

“Hurry… I want you…” Satoshi could see it… feel it… since the moment Nino had entered into his apartment, though, he hesitated. He didn’t want to hurt him. Nino growled, desperate, and led the hand himself towards his lower back, giving Satoshi the sign that he could prepare him like this. “Satoshiiii… please…”

 

Satoshi took a deep breath but nevertheless started preparing his lover, his eyes never leaving the other’s face. He was ready to stop the moment he’d catch a trace of displeasure or pain but that never came. Soon, Nino was moving his hips against his fingers sending them deeper in him. Satoshi couldn’t help but moan at the sight. He also wanted to feel him… No…  _needed_ to feel him. In one fast move, he took them out and pushed slowly till he was all in. The heat around his member was wonderful, making him eager to feel more.

 

He quickly built up a rhythm, his hips thrusting inside of his lover in sharp, fast moves. His hands were tracing everywhere he could reach, his breathing had turned swallow, fast. He could feel sweat running down his temples as his body was lost in pleasure. He never took his eyes away from his lover, though. He wanted Nino to know how much he loved him… how true and how deep his love for him was.

 

“Kiss me…”

 

Satoshi didn’t need to hear him twice to lock their lips together. He could feel the moans that were leaving from Nino’s throat, getting muffled because of him and that only made him move even faster. Their fingers were intertwined, fitting perfectly one another, the same way their bodies were fitting perfectly one another. Satoshi could feel it and he could see that Nino could feel it, as well. His beautiful eyes couldn’t lie to him.

 

They kept moving in unison, as they both tried to reach their orgasm. Satoshi wrapped his hand around Nino’s erection, pumping it at the same rhythm of his hips and moaned when he felt his lover cumming hard; his body trembling, a loud scream echoing in the room. The sight underneath him and the clenching muscles around his member were enough to send Satoshi beyond the edge as well, following his lover only a few seconds later.

 

Breathless, he fell on top of Nino who immediately locked his arms around his waist, not allowing him to move out.

 

“I love you so much, Satoshi…” the words were spoken like a whisper but they were enough to make Satoshi move a bit so that he look at Nino.

 

“I love you, too” he whispered back and pecked the tip of Nino’s nose. “Shower?”

 

Nino only groaned but let him pull him up. Twenty minutes later, they were sitting back on the bed, with Nino curled up in Satoshi’s arms. The latter wanted to ask him why he hadn’t come all these days, why he had been avoiding him but chose to remain silent. He was hoping that the other would speak to him… would trust him.

 

“You may not believe me but I missed you, Satoshi…” Satoshi gulped not knowing what to say to this. He could feel Nino’s finger tracing random lines on his torso as he spoke. “The times I wanted to call you were many but I had many things to think about… and I had this…” Nino hesitated for a while, as if he was trying to find the right answer. “… problem at home…”

 

“Don’t you live alone?” the words had slipped out of Satoshi’s mouth before he could stop himself.

 

“I… N- no… with my brother…”  _So, he was talking to his brother at the park…_ “He’s a high-school student and wanted me to help him for his exams… That’s why I didn’t have much time… I didn’t mean to-”

 

“He’s much younger…” Satoshi cut him off. He saw the surprise in his boyfriend’s eyes and he could understand it. Nino must have been waiting to insist more… to find out the truth and Satoshi would be lying if he said he didn’t want to but he could feel that it wasn’t the time. Obviously, Nino had been upset. He had come to him because he needed to forget and Satoshi intended to grant this wish of his.

 

“Yes… Jun was born when I was twelve years old.” Nino replied in a small voice and Satoshi was sure there was a shy smile on his lover’s face, even if he couldn’t see it from that angle. He knew that Nino was telling him ‘thank you’.

 

“He’s one lucky young man, then. I’m sure he must be happy having a brother that loves him so much…”

 

Nino sighed. “I don’t know about that…” every word was spoken as a whisper.

 

Satoshi pecked Nino’s head. “I’m sure of it…”

 

“How can you always say such things?” Nino moved a bit so that he could look Satoshi in the eyes. “How can you see the best in me?”

 

“Because it’s the truth…” Satoshi replied with a fond smile on his face, as his eyes stared back at Nino’s.

 

“And what if I’m the reason for having brought him misery in his life?”

 

Satoshi frowned. Nino had frozen in his arms. Sighing, he held him even tighter. “I’m sure, even if something like that has happened, it wasn’t done on purpose...”

 

“I don’t deserve y-” Nino tried to speak but Satoshi never gave him the chance.

 

“As I told you in the past… you deserve me. If you didn’t, I wouldn’t have fallen in love with you, Kazu…”

 

Satoshi saw the other opening and closing his mouth several times; though, no sound ever came out. He smiled when he felt his lover clinging on him, as if his life was depending on it.

 

Satoshi only pecked the top of Nino’s hair once more and said nothing else. They were enwrapped by a comfortable silence that neither seemed to want to break. Nino had told him something… He felt his heartbeat raising. He felt hope… His lover had opened up. Even if it was a tiny bit, for him it was a start. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the smell of his shampoo on Nino’s hair. To others, it may be stupid but it made him smile.

 

~.~.~

 

Nino had insisted on making dinner, since he had taken the day off from the club, as Satoshi was informed once they had finished with the shower. Satoshi chose to wear a pair of trousers and a loose shirt on top and was about to go to the kitchen, where Nino was, to find him when a vibrating sound reached his ears.  _It must be that person… it must be him that Nino was speaking secretly…_

 

Satoshi had tried to stay away from Nino’s problem. He had tried several times to convince himself that he should not do anything when his boyfriend clearly wanted him out of it but in the same time, he couldn’t stand seeing his lover this troubled… He had to help him; he had to make him happy. The image of Nino sitting on the bench filled his mind; his hands could still feel the desperate hold on him; he had to know; he had to do something. Those thoughts were the only ones that made him justify his sudden decision to answer himself the phone. Satoshi hated what he was doing at the moment but his worry was more than he could handle. He found the phone in Nino’s pocket. With a racing heartbeat, he made sure the door was firmly closed and looked at the screen. The caller’s ID was hidden. Satoshi gulped but slid his hand on the screen to reply.

 

“Hello?”

 

He frowned. Not only hadn’t the caller replied but also hung up as soon as they heard his voice. It was obvious that, whoever the caller was, didn’t want to talk to anyone but Nino himself or got panicked because he heard another voice.  _Who the hell are you and what do you want from him?_

Satoshi was ready to throw the phone away from anger when he realized that the Bluetooth on the phone was on. He didn’t have the vastest knowledge when it came to technology but there was a chance, he could get at least a trace; something. It took him some minutes but he managed to find it. There were three devices detected. The one that he knew as Nino’s phone, his and another one. It may have been irrelevant but at least it was a start. The weirdest of everything, though, was that there was no phone number in the memory. The phone, he was holding in his hands, was completely empty, making everything look more alarming in his eyes.

 

He had just managed to put it back to Nino’s pocket when the door behind him opened.

“Satoshi?” he heard Nino behind his back. “What are you doing here with the door closed?”

 

“I had a phone call… Hideshi. My brother…” Satoshi lied hating himself even more. He had tried to stay away from it but he couldn’t stand seeing his lover this troubled… He had to help him; he had to make him happy. That thought was the only one that made him justify that decision of his. To his surprise he saw Nino getting paler.

 

“Your… brother?”

 

“Yes.” Satoshi replied in a low voice. “Why? Is something wrong?”

 

“Eh?!” Satoshi saw panic flashing through Nino’s eyes for a second before a fake smile appeared on his face. “No! I just found it weird…”

 

Satoshi smiled and hugged his boyfriend from the waist. “Since you’ve met my brother in person and also know how he is at work, you shouldn’t be this surprised! It was expected from him! He’s the best when it comes to infuriate you!” To that, Nino laughed genuinely and made Satoshi laugh, as well. “But I don’t intend to spend another minute talking about Hideshi. Is the food ready?”

 

“Yes…”

 

“Let’s go! I’m already hungry!”

 

Satoshi looked at the direction of Nino’s phone one last time before he got out of the room. He frowned as he turned to look at his boyfriend’s back in front of him.  _Why did you flinch at the mention of my brother?_ Could it be that Hideshi has something to do with Nino’s problem? Could  _he_  be Nino’s problem? It was him the one who had chosen the club in the first place. The anger was building up.  _If I discover anything, I swear to God, you’ll learn what your stupid, as you call him, brother, is capable of…_

 

~.~.~

 

Satoshi looked at the sleeping figure next to him and tried to climb off the bed without waking him up. He went to the room that he used as his office, because it was located the furthest from the bedroom, and dialed quickly a number.

 

“Yes? Sho? It’s me, Satoshi. Look... I need your help…”

 

***

 

“What happened, brother? You plan to stay overnight? Never thought you could be a workaholic…”

 

Satoshi didn’t care to reply. He took off his suit jacket and rolled up his sleeves as he sat back on his chair.

 

“Isn’t that what you all have been asking me? Focus on work?”

 

Hideshi smirked as he leaned against the closed door of Satoshi’s office. “Oh… c’mon… I know you, brother. It’s him, isn’t it? Your little bitch… is he working till late, tonight?”

 

Satoshi had enough. He hit the desk with both his hands before going to his brother, entrapping him between him and the door. “Listen to me  _clearly_ ,  _brother_ …” his eyes were narrowed dangerously. “Don’t ever call  _him_  like that because honestly I don’t know what I’ll do!” he hissed with anger.

 

Hideshi though didn’t seem to care about his brother’s words. “What could you do?!”

 

Satoshi grabbed his brother’s shirt collar and pulled him closer so that their faces were only a few inches apart. “ _A lot of things…!_ Don’t you know that the more someone doesn’t react, the more anger they will release?Don’t provoke me, brother… I’m warning you…”

 

“You have no idea what you’re saying!” Hideshi said in a cold voice as he pushed Satoshi away.

 

“Believe me… I do… very well! I can assure you of that!”

 

The other muffled a laugh, as he turned around to grab the doorknob. “Allow me to doubt it,  _brother_!”

 

“As long as you don’t catch Nino in your mouth, I won’t do anything, but if you do it again, then you’ll get what you deserve. Am I clear?”

 

“Fully, dear  _brother_ …” the door opened. “But let me give you a piece of advice. Smile a little bit… they say it gives you years of life...”

 

Satoshi didn’t reply to that. He wasn’t in the mood for any more chit-chat with Hideshi. He knew the other was doing it on purpose… it was his task to make him feel bad… was it the work? Was it something personal? The other would do it… every single day. He wished he could speak but till then, he had learnt to remain silent. It had been his way out; lately, though he felt as if he was suffocating. He wanted to open his mouth and speak… say everything he felt inside. He knew that his family was thinking of him as someone who wasn’t able to see things as they were… as if he was in his own world. The truth was though that he chose to be in his own world because he could see more things than he wished. There was a difference, now. He wasn’t alone; he had Nino and he was determined to stand up and fight; not only for his boyfriend, but also for everything he had come to care, like the hundreds of families that were working in Ohno Group. They wanted him to be the CEO and he had finally decided to act like one, even if that wasn’t likeable to some parts of his family.

 

His hand was clenched into a fist that landed with force on the desk. “There’s another saying, brother…” he whispered. “Whoever laughs last, laughs better...”

 

Outside it was already dark. Satoshi looked up at the sky, his heart clenching. It was around this time that Nino was getting ready for the club. He wished he didn’t think about it or at least, whenever he did, it wouldn’t affect him so much but it did… That day they hadn’t met for lunch. It was Satoshi’s decision. He needed to keep a clear mind… at least clearer than if he had met with his boyfriend earlier.

 

It was several minutes later that he heard a knock on the door.

 

“Yes?” Satoshi said without turning around.

 

“Ohno-san, do you need anything else?” it was the high-pitched voice of his secretary.

 

“No, Kimura-san. You can leave.”

 

“Have a nice evening, Ohno-san.” The secretary answered politely and let him alone.

 

Satoshi sighed. “That… we’ll see…”

 

~.~.~

 

One hour later, he was sitting on the leather sofa in his office with a glass of scotch. For some reason, the sound of the alarm clock on the wall sounded louder than usual. His eyes were stuck at some random spot on the floor. His heart was beating faster. He could feel the minutes passing by and yet, no knock, no steps.

 

“Where is he?” Satoshi mumbled under his breath as he brought the glass to his lips to sip some of his drink. It was then that he heard the telephone on his desk ringing. Sighing, he stood up to answer it. “Yes?” It was from the security guard in the main hall. “Let him enter. He has an appointment.” This person was the reason why he had stayed till late.

 

The knock on his door, almost five minutes later, made him jump.

 

“Enter.”

 

“Ohno-san.” The voice was distant but polite.

 

“Yakishira Keiichiro-san?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Satoshi looked at the other from head to toe. If Satoshi was right, the other couldn’t be more than 45 years old but his eyes were showing a determination and professionalism that made him somehow look older. “You already know what I want.”

 

“Of course, Sakurai-san informed me and I did everything I could.”

 

“And?” Satoshi asked without being able to hide his agony.

 

“There’s one serious problem, Ohno-san.”

 

Satoshi frowned.  _Problem?!_  “I asked you to investigate my brother’s underground deals.”

 

“I did and I can assure you many  _interesting_  names came across… The thing is that I never came across a deal with someone named Ninomiya Kazunari…”

 

“What?! But I’m sure that it’s Hideshi the one who contacts him.”

 

“I say that your brother has never contacted Ninomiya Kazunari because there’s no Ninomiya Kazunari in the first place. Your brother has contacted  _Matsumoto_  Kazunari; a very clever choice, if I may say.”

 

So, Nino had hidden his real name from him… his name was Matsumoto… Why was that name familiar? “Matsumoto? You mean the ones whose colossus like company in Singapore went bankrupt six years ago and followed by Matsumoto Shinichi’s suicide?”

 

The older man nodded positively. “Precisely.”

 

“But hadn’t they managed to overcome a part of it?” Satoshi was lost. “I remember clearly my father talking about their case…”

 

“I’m sure he did and I’m sure that’s the reason why Hideshi approached him. I’m not sure whether you remember or not but in the media, it was never mentioned who was supposed to be behind this bankruptcy.”

 

“Kazu…”

 

“Matsumoto Kazunari. I assume that he was sent to Singapore because the family wanted to focus on the younger son. Matsumoto Jun was the one who would take his father’s position.”

 

Satoshi frowned. “Isn’t he a lot younger?”

 

Yakishira nodded. “Indeed. Twelve years younger. He’s a student at the second year of high-school at the moment.”

 

Satoshi knew, now, that Nino had indeed “Then? I don’t understand…”

 

“Matsumoto Kazunari is the son of Matsumoto Shinichi and Ninomiya Kazuko, one of the maids in the mansion. He was recognized as a son because I think they had suspicions Matsumoto Aiko couldn’t bear children. I don’t know details but I think that Matsumoto Kazunari was quite… the rebel… if I could use this term… From what I have managed to gather, he’s someone who liked to have fun and spend money without particular reason… From what I have found, he was well known among the parties that took place in the high-class clubs.”

 

Satoshi frowned at this. He understood perfectly what the other was trying to imply. Was that the reason why he chose to work as a host? But he had seen it… he was disgusted…   _I have to calm down… Even if he used to be like that, it belongs to the past… My Kazu is different…I know it… People change… I’ve changed…_

 

“After the incident with the bankruptcy and the suicide and for reasons of protecting the name Matsumoto,” the older man continued speaking “Matsumoto Aiko wanted to act herself and inexperienced as she was, she trusted the wrong people. I’m positive that now, the weight lies on Matsumoto Kazunari...”

 

“And his mother?”

 

“A year later, she married to a European millionaire and left Japan.”

 

“So, it’s only Kazu and his brother.”

 

“Ohno-san…” Yakishira’s voice sounded more reluctant this time.

 

“What?” Satoshi didn’t like it.

 

“As I told you, I need to make further research, and for that we must be really attentive because we don’t know, who might be behind everything but there’s something you should know concerning your brother and Matsumoto Kazunari’s contacts.”

 

“It’s about money…” Satoshi said and finished his scotch in one go. “I have already figured it out. He wants to have the chance to earn whatever he can from the Mastumotos.”

 

“I don’t doubt that but there’s also something else, Ohno-san. I found this. Here.”

 

Satoshi took the envelop that was left in front of him. He opened it and started reading until the words slowly turned blurry. There should be an explanation…, right? Satoshi couldn’t accept that Nino had lied to him like that; hidden things from him, yes… but lied? What for and above all, why?

 

_Kazu… Why?_

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

 

 

Nino was sitting by the large window of his bedroom, looking blankly at the light blue sky above. He hadn’t slept well, _again_. Before Satoshi came into his life, passing the night with the older men made his mind blank, helping him in a way to fall asleep afterwards. It may have always been a dreamless sleep, but at least, he could close his eyes. Nowadays, he could only sleep peacefully when he was with the CEO, far away from this house. He closed his eyes sighing. The more he wasn’t with him, the more he was missing him. Now, he had come to realize it clearly. Nino had first feared it when he distanced himself because he needed to clear things out inside and make sure Jun would stay unharmed by his whole mess. Now, it was Satoshi the one, who was keeping him in a distance, and that made his heart bleed. Only at the thought that the older man was pushing him away, he could feel cold sweat covering his body.

 

With a trembling hand, he took a hold of his phone. On the screen, he could see the unsent text from last night.

 

To: **Satoshi**

The bed feels so cold without you…

I hope I will dream of you, tonight,

Feel you by my side…

I miss you, my love… I miss you

so much…

 

He bit his lower lip painfully. He had no right to send him a text like this… How was he supposed to call him his love, to tell him that he missed him when he was about to cause him so much sadness? His finger found the screen and deleted the message word by word. He wished there were no secrets between them… that he was free to be able to look at him in the eye… to show him that he loved him more than the other hoped… to demand his full attention…

 

Lately, he could feel it; the underground intensity between them. He had opened up a bit; he had spoken of Jun and some bits of the past but he knew well that it wasn’t enough. How could it be when he was hiding things? He was nothing but a liar… someone who was using Satoshi’s feelings according to someone else’s interest. Nino knew that Satoshi could read him better than any other person. He couldn’t be entirely sincere and was sure Satoshi could tell. Many times, he had asked him to let him help. Nino could feel that his lover somehow knew… maybe not everything but he did. Satoshi, more than anything, needed to feel trusted… needed him to prove that he truly meant it when he told him that he loved him. He had told him many times that he could see it in his eyes but he was still a human. He still needed something more than Nino was giving him.

 

_If only you could see in my heart…_ Nino thought, feeling a knot stuck at his throat. He sighed deeply. Was he once again overthinking about things? He never spent too much time analyzing things, yet lately all he could think of was his mistakes from the past, his life, the person he loved… He stood up trying to bring himself together. _Perhaps, it’s my lack of sleep that makes me overemotional… Perhaps, he does not avoid me…_ he patted both his cheeks in an attempt to force his tears back. He looked around to find something that could take his mind away but there was nothing; nothing belonged to him. He was a stranger in this house. He might have once thought of it as home -a cold one nevertheless still home- but he had found out the hard way that it wasn’t and never could be.

 

Now, everything reminded him the reason he was feeling like this at the moment. Every wall, every corner reminded him of the night he returned back broken; empty. It had been the beginning of the new and the darkest chapter of his life that haunted him till now…

 

~.~.~

 

_“Came home!”_

_“Welcome, Kazunari-sama.” The butler replied in his usual strict and distant tone._

_“Where’s mum?”_

_“I believe she’s at your little brother’s room. I would suggest you to not bother her at this moment. She must be feeding your younger brother.”_

_Nino nodded fast and ran upstairs to his room. He closed the door and threw his bag on the floor before he sat on his bed. He was happy that he now had a little brother but he couldn’t avoid that small clench of his heart. As long as he could remember, his mother would never have time for him; yet since his little brother was born, she would always be with him, holding him in her arms, kissing him softly, whispering him things, with a softness he didn’t know she had.  Even when he was five or six and he was ill, he’d always be surrounded by maids. She’d never be there for him; not even when he called for her with tears in his eyes._

_Sighing, he headed to the shower and after a quarter, dressed in a pair of jeans and a shirt, got out to look for her. Today, he had found out his grade at the most difficult test at math in school. For the first time, he had written a full 100/100. ‘Now, they will definitely be happy!’ he thought, a shy smile appearing on his face._

_He was about to climb down the stairs, when he heard voices coming from his brother’s bedroom. Curiously, he walked closer. He realized that it wasn’t only his mother but also his father. ‘Isn’t he supposed to be working?’ he frowned. ‘And why hasn’t Yamada told me that he’s also here?’_

_“I think it’s the best, Shinichi.”_

_“I’m not so sure… He’s still recognized as my child. Nobody knows the truth.”_

_Nino frowned more as he stopped outside the door which wasn’t firmly closed. He could see his parents sitting on the small sofa next to each other, his mother holding his younger brother in her arms._

_“I don’t say that you disinherit him. At least, not now. I just don’t want him in my house anymore. It was enough all these years having him calling me mother when all I wanted to tell him was to shut up.”_

_“Aiko… You should understand that he remains a Matsumoto.”_

_“No. He’s your and that slut’s bastard child. She managed to find her way, though. Being able to marry a millionaire actually says a lot about her talents…” her tone was clearly ironic. “I don’t care, Shinichi. I want him to go to a boarding school. They have the fame of prestige and we won’t have him here. I don’t want him anywhere close to my Jun.”_

_“Bastard, yes; But no matter what he’s still a Matsumoto one. On the papers, he’s our first son. When not even the rest of the family know about this, I would ask you to remain silent. You never cared about him; I never asked you to; So, continue doing so. Now, you have someone to focus on. Jun is only four months old. You have to understand that unless, he gets older, nothing will change. I won’t allow Kazunari to go to a boarding school, Aiko.”_

_“You don’t care about how I feel…” Matsumoto Aiko said in a trembling voice as she stood up abruptly. “You never cared… If you did, you wouldn’t fuck that maid of yours; that… Ninomiya!”_

_“Aiko…!”_

_“You even gave him a name similar to hers; Kazu… nari…”_

_“I did that so that it would be clear who his mother was in case of another child. Even if he’s a bastard son, he’s still my son, Aiko, and he’s not going anywhere. Comply with it already. I don’t ask you to love him. I ask you to respect my decision. I say he stays with us and he does.”_

_“You never loved me…”_

_“You got what you wanted. You became a Matsumoto; you even got the son, you died for. I think it’s only logical to let me get what **I** want, as well!”_

_“Women…” Matsumoto Aiko’s voice turned low, full of anger._

_“Yes, women. You have a problem with that?!”_

_Nino couldn’t hear anything anymore. He climbed down the stairs as if he was being chased. He didn’t reply to the butler when he asked him where he was going. He didn’t know himself where he was going; he just knew that he had to leave… he needed fresh air. He just ran, as fast as his legs could carry him. He wasn’t her son… he was a son of some maid… That’s why he never had her… That’s why he always felt he wasn’t good enough for her… them…_

_Nino sat on a bench he found close to him. His head was lowered as hundreds of thoughts kept coming and going. He knew that his family wasn’t a model one. He could tell that his parents weren’t ok in whatever relationship they had. As a matter of fact, he had seen in what state his father’s secretary would come out of his office most of the times when he went to meet him in the late afternoon, sent by his mother. ‘Probably, because she already knew…’ he smirked. ‘No… of course, she knew… and she wanted me to find out as well… she wanted to make me see who he really was… to crush down my false hope… Only that I had already realized… I knew that he never truly cared for anything else than himself…’ Nino sighed. Yes… he did know that… but he had thought that he wasn’t good enough to prove to him that he was the son he expected him to be… like in the case of his mother… Now, though, he could explain the cold stares he’d always receive. “It’s because I’m only a… bastard…” his voice was weak, trembling._

_It was already late but he didn’t want to go back home. ‘Home…’ He muffled a bitter chuckle at his own thought. It had never felt like home… He looked up in the darkened sky and sighed. He had been trying in vain. Now, he finally knew._

_He got up and looked at the road. A bigger smirk appeared on his face. “If I’m the bastard one, I might as well start behaving as one…”_

_The club he entered was crowded. It was Friday night. He had paid the man at the door, so he entered with no big problems. He ordered alcohol. The bartender asked him what he’d prefer but he didn’t know. He just needed something… anything that could make him forget. After the second glass, he felt his head getting lighter. Strangely, the music became more alluring, making Nino want to dance. So, he did… It was only a few minutes later that a young couple, probably in their middle 20s, came closer to him. They were not Japanese… They asked him something in English; he didn’t understand what but he decided he didn’t care… He smiled at them in between his drunkenness, telling them that it was ok, whatever they had in mind. That night he wanted to forget who he was; what he was; everything…_

_It wasn’t till minutes later that he was dragged to the toilets or more correctly to the dark corridor that led to the toilets. Around them there were people making out, others that, completely drunk, were already moving further than that. It was in a way deliberating. This was one different world from the one Nino had been used to and it felt nice… For the first time in his life he was the center of attention; not one person’s but two. He felt the young woman’s mouth on his neck and the man’s hands on his hips, moving in slow, sensual moves to his lower back. Yes… It felt good…_

_So far, he had tried to behave like the good son the two people he called parents demanded, hoping that it would be recognized one day. How stupid was he?! He moaned as felt hands teasing him on the right places. Soon, his pair of trousers was lowered, exposing him completely. He only moaned. This felt more than good… He abandoned himself to the two strangers, as their ministrations grew bolder. His body was on fire… He could only hear the young woman whispering in his ear something that sounded like ‘cute’ as her hand was on him, down there teasing him slowly… He wanted more. He craved for release… he was angry, frustrated, sad, empty… He needed to forget… and he somehow did… During those moments of carnal desires and pleasure…._

_That night was the beginning of a new chapter in his life; that of Matsumoto ‘bastard’ Kazunari…_

 

~.~.~

 

He still was the same bastard. After everything that had happened, he knew he didn’t deserve love, yet he had met _him_ … Nino’s lips curved into a sad smile. It was the first time he had experienced what true love was supposed to mean. It was the first time after a long time, he felt human again…

 

_Satoshi…_

He was still lost in his thoughts when he heard loud bangs on the door. He looked in the mirror close to his bed to make sure he looked ok and asked whoever this was to open the door.

 

“Can I come in, brother?”

 

Nino’s lips immediately curved into a smile. “Of course, you can, Jun.”

 

The teenager who was already a bit taller than his older brother came closer and sat at the end of Nino’s bed.

 

“What is it? Do you need anything? Is something wrong?”

 

“You… you didn’t come downstairs for breakfast…” his brother said hesitantly.

 

Nino sighed. “I had things to do…”

 

“You always have things to do…” Jun replied sadly. “The only time I got to see you was during my exams… and that’s because I insisted…”

 

“Jun, it’s not that I-”

 

“You’re always late at nights, as well.”

 

Nino held his breath. Had Jun known? _Impossible…_ “I have…”

 

“Things to do?!” Jun sighed. “I’m not a child anymore, brother! You can tell me that you have found someone! I’m… actually happy that you… did…” the latter words were spoken in a lower voice. “I mean… I have realized that you always come back home late or… spend the whole night elsewhere but it’s a while now that you look… brighter…? Happier…? Or more correctly no; it’s the only time that you seem _truly_ happy!”

 

Nino looked at his brother closer. He could see a faint blush covering his cheeks. “I just thought to not bother you, Jun… I’d-”

 

“We’re family! You’re the only person that I can call my family!” Nino bit his lip to muffle the sob that threatened to leave his throat. “And I know that you feel that way, as well. I know that you care for me… If you didn’t, you wouldn’t stay here… in a place that you hate so much!”

 

Nino gasped. “Jun, what are-”

 

“I know that you’re my half-brother. I know since I was nine… You still weren’t here but I had heard my parents… I never was happy… Mum always wanted to see me through the image she had created in her mind while my father never saw me… he didn’t care to. I missed you… I might have never truly met you but I missed you. Late at nights, I would close my eyes and imagine how it would be to live with you… to play together…. So, I asked mum. She got angry, only at the mention of your name… she sent me away forbidding me to even mention you again. I couldn’t understand. Later, that night I heard her talking with dad… She spoke of you with so low words. Back then, I couldn’t fully understand them but knew that they were extremely offensive. Even if you weren’t hers, you were still my brother. As I grew up I heard rumors… My mum never failed at informing me, wanting me to hate you… But I never believed those rumors… that you were a bad guy… because I knew her… because she lied about dad loving me…

 

I was proved right a few years later when you came to live here, again. You remained distant… cold… but I knew that you cared… I knew that you were watching me… Like when you come late in the night in my room… to make sure I’m ok. I’m not a kid anymore… I’ve been watching you closely… It’s only when you think that no one looks at you that you show your real self, brother. I only wish you could show it always… at least, to me. She never was truly by my side… When I was able to understand some things better, I didn’t want even her! I could only feel disgust! Now, she has won my defiance.”

 

“She’s your mother, Jun.”

 

“She’s the woman that gave birth to me; not my mother. She didn’t earn the place of my mother.”

 

Nino couldn’t believe his ears. In front of him, he had a teenager but the way he spoke was matured… so more matured than he was supposed to be… unfortunately, thanks to the same people that didn’t deserve to be called parents.

 

“Jun…”

 

“I know that you hate it here, brother. I almost hate it, too. I can’t leave yet while you have this chance but you choose to stay.” Jun’s voice trembled a bit.

 

Nino sniffed his nose and pulled his younger brother into a tight hug. “Of course, I’d stay, Jun. You’re my little brother. Of course, I’d stay.”

 

Jun hugged him back. They remained like that for several minutes, both enjoying the comfortable silence.

 

“What do you want to talk about?”

 

“Eh?!” Jun asked rather startled.

 

Nino chuckled. “You came here not because I didn’t come for breakfast and definitely not because you had decided to make such a serious talk this early in the morning. You came here because you wanted to talk about something. I also understand a few things… So, tell me… whatever it is…”

 

Jun bit his lower lip. The blush, Nino had seen earlier, came back, stronger this time.

 

“Well, I… I… There’s this… uhm… friend of mine… and I can’t stop…”

 

“Thinking about them?”

 

Jun bit his lower lip and nodded, lowering his head to his lap. “Yes…”

 

“You’ve found someone you like! It’s wonderful, Jun. You don’t have to be shy… It’s only natural! I’m happy for you!”

 

Jun moved awkwardly on his brother’s bed. “No… It’s… the thing is that this person…” he sighed nervously.

 

“Is someone from your school. Am I right?” Nino said in aa calm voice.

 

Jun’s eyes bulged.

 

Nino smiled reassuringly, placing his hand on his younger brother’s shoulder. “The chances would be your school. It’s the place you frequent the most. It’s natural.”

 

“Yes, but… aren’t you… well… my school is…”

 

“Boys’ school. And? Jun… You like someone. This someone must be a wonderful person and I couldn’t be happier for you. It’s special to have found someone you like. It’s not their gender that matters but their inner self.”

 

“But they have always-”

 

“They had certain expectations of you. They’re not here, though. You said it before… defiance. You don’t have to live by her expectations but by _mine_. As your guardian, I’m happy for you!”

 

“Really? You mean it?” Jun’s eyes sparkled.

 

“Yes! I couldn’t do differently. My special… person also happens to be a man…”

 

“Eh?! Really?!”

 

Nino muffled a laugh. “Yes! Really! So, is he a classmate of yours?”

 

“No… but he’s in the basketball team!” Jun said in an enthusiastic tone. “He’s one year older than me…”

 

“A senpai… And I guess he likes you back…”

 

Jun rubbed his ear nervously. “I… I guess so… We have talked a few times and he’s always kind and… well… he asked if we could meet…”

 

Nino smiled. He could see not a mature person but a teenager in front of him. And he was happy about it. Jun deserved to live without any extra weight on his shoulders.

 

“I can tell that you don’t guess so… You’re sure of it. And I’m happy for you, Jun. But promise me one thing.” Jun frowned but said nothing. “Before you do anything, please, be sure that you do it because you want it and not because you feel you have to… or… for… other reasons…” Nino muttered with difficulty, taking notice of the way Jun looked at him.

 

“I… promise…”

 

Nino was happy Jun didn’t ask more. He didn’t want him to change his opinion about him. In the past, he had done things he wasn’t proud of. He now paid for them the worst way… It was the last thing he wanted for his little brother.

 

“Brother?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“I love you!”

 

Nino felt his heart skipping a beat. His eyes became teary. “I…” he couldn’t finish his phrase. He heard his phone vibrating; the one he hated it. He closed his eyes, angry of himself. “Go, Jun. We’ll talk later…”

 

“But-”

 

“I promise!” Nino cut him off.

 

“Ok…”

 

Nino didn’t move from his spot till he was sure the door of his bedroom was firmly closed.

 

He went to his pocket and picked up the phone. “What do you want?”

 

“ _What are you trying to achieve?_ ”

 

“What’s your problem, now?” Nino frowned confused. “I’m doing everything the way you asked me to!”

 

“ _You’re not careful, Nino. The last time I called, it wasn’t you the one who picked it up._ _I believe you understand what this means…_ ” Ohno Hideshi’s voice was cold and strict.

 

Nino felt air leaving his lungs. _What?!_ “What… what do you mean, Ohno-san?”

 

“ _I don’t intend to listen to my dearest brother’s voice EVER again! If… I repeat. **If** he has gotten suspicious, you better find a way to change his mind. I don’t know how… Give him head…?! Get dressed as a maid and serve him all day?! Fuck him…?! Do whatever kink he desires for…?! Just make sure you appear together at the gala. If not, I post the photos with your real name at the news and your beloved little brother gets on the spotlight, as well. Your choice!_ ”

 

The phone slipped off Nino’s hands. No… not his brother… not Jun. With trembling hand, he put it back to his ear. “I’ll make sure, everything’s done as you wish, Ohno-san.” He didn’t know how he had sounded… probably, weak… full of fear… the other knew well how to have him there. “I won’t make the same mistake again…” he whispered with difficulty. “I… promise…”

 

“ _You better will…_ ” and with that the call was ended.

 

Nino was left staring at some blank spot on the wall. Satoshi had found his second phone. He must have heard him or at least, he must have guessed something’s wrong… This may be the reason why he hasn’t called him to spend the night with him… he may have changed his mind. Nino shook his head fast. No… he doesn’t want that. He has fallen in love with him… he can’t lose him… His heart clenched. He also has a brother… a brother he loves so much… the only person he can call family… someone who needs him…

 

He rubbed his neck, trying to calm himself down. It was him that made himself enter in this maze… he should have known that it’s impossible to find a way out.

_I have to pay…_

***

 

“What happened, Nino? The CEO has already gotten tired of your cute little butt or is it that you couldn’t live up to his expectations? And at first glance, he seemed pretty easy to please… Does your talent get rotten?”

 

Nino threw a deadly glare to the host who was standing next to him. He could see the mocking smirk on the other’s face and he hated it.

 

“Shut the fuck up. Did you hear me?” he hissed.

 

“Oh… Is it that you miss _him_ in particular or that you miss a cock in your ass in general?” the other continued on the same tone gaining a few chuckles from the two other hosts that happened to be in the room at the moment.

 

“I told you to shut up!” Nino hissed angrier.

 

The other leaned closer, staring at Nino provocatively with his eyebrow raised. “We all know that you love it… I bet… rough…”

 

Nino smirked. “That’s how you fantasize about me when you jerk yourself off…? That I like it rough?”

 

The other came closer, trapping him against the wall, with his hand coming to brush Nino’s jawline. “You can’t imagine how I wished I could make _you_ shut the fuck up for once… You wouldn’t be able even to breathe…”

 

Nino looked straight into the other’s eyes, the smirk never leaving his face. “The one who wouldn’t be able to breathe would be you… you die to have me…” his voice was lower than before, but in the same time arrogant, too. “And you hate it because you know you can’t… You could _never_ have me. My butt is destined for those who can actually afford it or have a talent for it; not for mere assholes like you who still need to read the basic manual. If it was _ever_ to happen between us, it would be you on fours begging me to spank you while I drive my cock into you in a fast pace like the good slut _you_ are!” Nino chuckled ostentatiously when he saw the other flinch at his words. “Haven’t you learnt yet that news travel fast here?” Nino pushed him away. “Now, do me a favor and get lost because honestly, I’m not into the mood for more useless chit-chats, tonight!”

 

Without waiting for the other’s reply, Nino hurried to leave the small dress-room. He was angry; not so much because of what his coworker had just done or said -he was used to it- but mostly, because what he had told him was what was crawling up on his mind for a few days, now. After having found out that Satoshi had discovered his second phone, he had sent a couple of texts to the other but they hadn’t been able to meet. Nino knew well that Satoshi had the upcoming gala to organize, along with some important deal that he needed to close for the prosperity of one of his subsidiary companies. The uncertainty that kept growing inside him was mostly because he felt the other distancing himself. This absence wasn’t reassuring… especially when he thought of what had happened earlier that day.

 

~.~.~

 

_Nino had just paid another part of his debt and was about to turn at the corner when with the corner of his eye caught a familiar figure walking down the road. He would have run up to him if it wasn’t for the young man that walked by his side. He looked to be around Satoshi’s age but was taller. ‘Who is he?’ They seemed to talk in a low voice, their faces quite close. It was obvious that they were at ease…  Nino tried to hide when they came closer. His heart was beating fast… almost painful as with every passing second, the questions kept rising inside him. He had asked his boyfriend to meet him for lunch but the other had told him it was impossible because of an important meeting organized by his brother. There was no trace of Ohno Hideshi, though, and the whole atmosphere didn’t look very professional to Nino._

_He could feel his hands sweating. He tried to walk back home but after a few seconds of debate with himself, he picked up his phone and sent a small text to Satoshi._

**To** : Satoshi

Still in the meeting?

If not, I still have time to meet!

Nino

 

 

_He was staring at his phone screen nervously. Two whole minutes had passed by and still nothing._

 

 

**From** : Satoshi

Still in the meeting.

Can’t talk to you now…

 

 

_Nino couldn’t hold back. His fingers moved fast as he typed the second one._

 

 

**To** : Satoshi

At the company?

 

 

_‘Please… Please…’_ _Nino kept praying that Satoshi would answer no… That he was in a restaurant, having a business lunch… something…_

 

 

**From** : Satoshi

Yes. Talk to you later.

 

_He felt tears building up his eyes but denied to shed them. Why had Satoshi lied to him? Who was this young man?  More and more questions kept coming in his mind but tried to lock them away. He felt as if someone had beaten him up. He had never been like that… he had never felt the urge to go and tell that stranger to leave his man alone… that Satoshi was his and only his… His hands clenched into fists, his nails digging into his palms. He didn’t move. He couldn’t do that… not when he had lied first…_

_‘Perhaps, I’m just over-thinking…’ he tried to calm down as he dragged his feet to his way back home._

 

~.~.~

 

Somehow, despite the fact that he was unfocused with his clients, he managed to pass an uneventful night; the last thing he needed at the moment was a scold from his boss. As he entered the small dressing room to get his things and leave, he heard murmurs over him but didn’t pay attention. He didn’t have the power to speak to any of those jerks.

 

When he stepped out of the club, he felt a droplet of rain landing on his face, cursing his luck. This day was turning from bad to worse. Luckily, he didn’t have to accompany a client that night but the mocking coming from his coworkers along with Satoshi’s absence and that meeting was enough to give him a headache. All he wanted to do is to forget… to stop thinking…

 

He was about to make another step when he noticed whose car was parked at the corner. Normally, he’d have already felt tiredness go away but tonight, he couldn’t… he felt confused… He saw the back door open and Satoshi coming out, his stare locked on him. Nino felt the air he had in his lungs leave him. He died to go to him, to touch him, to feel him close to his body but in the same time, the image of him along with that man came to Nino’s mind and felt a sting piercing his heart. That made him not wanting to see him… because for everything he was the first to blame.

 

Ohno Satoshi had made him feel jealous for the first time… This was something new for him. Till then, he had never considered himself possessive; probably because he had never cared enough for someone to feel that way. Now, though, he did… and it hurt.

 

Unable, to face him at the moment, Nino turned the other way around, walking away in a fast pace, hoping that he could escape without being noticed, as the rain grew heavier. It was when he felt a tight grip on his arm that he realized that this wasn’t an option. He didn’t need to know who this was; he could tell only from his touch. He expected the CEO to say something; _anything_ … but no word reached his ears. Confused, he turned around to look at him and their stares remained locked in one another. Satoshi’s gaze was intense… making him feel naked in his eyes while an annoying silence kept dominating them. _Why do you look at me like this? Why don’t you speak?_

 

It had been four days ago that Satoshi didn’t let Nino get out of the bed… that Nino denied taking a single picture. No matter how much he was at stake, that time was too precious for him… _them_ … He wanted to be able to treasure it without feeling dirty… but then… it was Satoshi’s turn to remain away. Nino gulped. Was it indeed like this or he was just exaggerating?

 

Nino bit his lower lip, as a tear threatened to fall. Perhaps, it was because they weren’t meant to be together… From his side, it had started as a scheme… he was still lying to the other… at least, a part of his was…  and he hated it… he hated that Satoshi would come to hate him… He tried to escape from the CEO’s grip but the latter was proved to be strong.

Abruptly, Nino was pulled close to Satoshi; their mouths only a few centimeters apart. Nino gasped, turning his eyes up to the other’s. They were looking back at him… with an unreadable stare. He could see that the other wasn’t like usual… _“You’re not careful, Nino. The last time I called, it wasn’t you the one who picked it up.”_ Suddenly, Ohno Hideshi’s words came to his mind. _He’s been avoiding me because of this…Perhaps, he wants to stop._ he felt his eyes watering up. Yes… Satoshi might have started questioning him, doubting… _them_ … Only at the thought, his heart clenched painfully. He didn’t want that…. No… he couldn’t stand it… the same way he couldn’t stand this awkward silence that turned more and more intense between them. Satoshi’s grip tightened on both his arms, as Nino could feel his hot breath on his lips. His chest was moving up and down… Nino needed him… Unconsciously, his hands gripped Ohno’s back, holding him tightly, as if his life was depending on it. They were getting soaked under the rain but no one made a move to leave.

 

Satoshi didn’t say a single word but Nino saw the surprise in his eyes the moment he held him.

 

He gulped. He needed to find the power to speak. “Sato-” he tried, but didn’t have the chance to finish as two hot lips claimed his in a passionate, almost desperate way.

 

The moment he felt them on his, he couldn’t hold back anymore. It was as if they were the magnet and he wasn’t more than a mere metal, completely lost at their mercy. He tilted his head and allowed the other to deepen the kiss opening his mouth invitingly. The older man didn’t lose another minute and let himself explore the other who moaned at the first touch. Their tongues kept moving together, powerfully, sensually. Nino had surrendered himself, his hands lost in Satoshi’s wet hair as he pushed him even closer if that was possible. He had forgotten how to breathe, caring only to feel more. He was panting heavily when the CEO broke the kiss.

 

“Come to my apartment, tonight…” Satoshi’s voice was low, raw, imposing. Nino couldn’t get tricked… behind all this, there was something more; there was need, plead.

 

Nino knew that he had no option… because he could never deny this man his wish. No matter how much his logic was telling him the opposite, as much as he had tried to escape, he realized he could do nothing against the other… this man had undoubtedly a power over him…

 

“Yes…” he muttered breathlessly on his lips. “I’ll come…”

 

***

Hands were already roaming on his naked body before Nino even had the chance to reach Satoshi’s bed. Clothes were thrown unceremoniously on the floor as they made their way to the bedroom. Nino was thrown on the bed, face on the pillow, moaning loudly when he felt his lover’s weight on his back, covering his body with his. His hands found the headboard, holding it till his knuckled turned white. Their lovemaking was needy; hungry; passionate; As if they were trying to express all their desperations, doubts, fears through it.

 

Nino didn’t hold back… he didn’t want to… he let out loud screams, as he abandoned himself completely to his lover. He was turned on his back, as they came closer and closer to their climaxes. Nino felt at one moment Satoshi freeze his hip thrusts and was about to whine when he felt the latter’s thumbs brushing feather-like his cheeks. It was then that he realized he was crying. He looked up to Satoshi’s eyes whose gaze was as warm as he remembered… accepting…

 

Nino pulled him down by his nape, joining their lips together into a wet, sloppy kiss as he rolled his hips in an attempt to make his lover start moving again. Satoshi quickly found his fast rhythm and in less than a couple of minutes they were both coming hard, their bodies trembling from the intensity of their orgasms.

 

“I’ll bring a cloth to clean us up…” Satoshi whispered and Nino all that could do was to nod.

 

He was still panting, his eyes locked on his lover’s figure. No matter how many times he had seen him, he would never be able to get enough of Ohno Satoshi’s naked glory. This man was the most beautiful man he had ever met… the most passionate… the most caring… the one that he wanted to give his everything… the one that would never get tired of… the one he loved more than anything…

 

He managed to sit up despite the soreness he felt at his lower back. He looked around the room… It barely had the necessary furniture… Nino narrowed his eyes. _Is this…?_ He caught with the corner of his eye a frame on the bedside table at the side of which Satoshi always slept when he passed the night there. He moved closer just to gasp. It was them… It was the photo Satoshi had taken when they had visited the beach… Nino took it with trembling hands, his fingers tracing the glass feather-like, as if he was afraid to break it. It was their first date… It had been so peaceful… if it wasn’t for the man sent by Ohno Hideshi, of course. Nino’s lips curved into a bitter smile. It wasn’t a date… it was a trap created by Satoshi’s older brother and him as the latter’s accomplice.

 

His free hand clenched into a fist, landing with force on the mattress. He was angry… with himself… with Satoshi’s brother… with his past… everything. He was still holding the photo frame, when he felt a hot breath on his nape.

 

“What’s wrong, Kazunari?”

 

Nino gasped. Satoshi had called him by his first name. He turned his head on his right where he met the older man’s worried gaze.

 

“I’m afraid…” Nino whispered, unable to hold back.

 

“Afraid…? Of what? Does that have to do with those who-”

 

Nino shook his head fast, causing Satoshi to hush. “No… It’s just that… You have come to mean too much to me… and just the idea of losing you… of us not being together…” his free hand clang onto his chest as he tried to continue speaking without breaking completely. “It hurts…”

 

“Why are you saying all of that?” Satoshi asked in the same calm tone.

 

Nino looked back at him and he was sure that the other was trying to read him… to understand… and that made his stomach clench painfully; because he shouldn’t understand. If he did, it would be dangerous.

 

Nino had tasted it before… it was way too bitter to let Satoshi get even the tiniest sip.

 

“We didn’t see each other for a couple of days, now and-”

 

Satoshi sighed. “You forgot that you were also away?”

 

“No… I don’t… but that’s… that’s why I’m more afraid… I opened up to you… a little… I… thought that it was a start… and then, you disappeared… and-” he bit his lower lip. “I thought you changed your mind over us… and-”

 

“You’d hate that…”

 

“YES!”  Nino said louder than he’d ever believe he would. He could sense the doubt in his lover’s voice. “I’d hate it… I’d hate myself because I know it would be me, the one who-”

 

“Who’d be at fault?” Satoshi cut him off.

 

Nino let out a shaky breath. “I…” the tears were once again up in his eyes.

 

Satoshi let out a long sigh. He placed the photo back on the bedside table and pulled Nino in a tight hug, not caring if they became a worse mess than they already were. “Why don’t you tell me what’s wrong, Kazu? I may hate my family but thanks to it, I have power… I could do something for you-”

 

Nino locked his arms around his lover’s neck, holding him close. “I… I couldn’t possibly let you do that… It’s too danger-… I can’t… Please, don’t ask me this again…” Nino moved a bit so that their stares met. “I just want you to know one thing. No matter what you may hear… what happens…” his voice was trembling, as he spoke but he was determined to finish his line. “Know that I never ever lied to you when I say that I loved you… because I do love you, Satoshi. I do!” his fingers traced the CEO’s cheek slowly. “I love you more than I could possibly believe I would!”

 

Satoshi was about to speak when the most unwanted sound was heard in the room. Nino saw the other freezing. “You should pick it up and then clean yourself.” His voice turned distant in a blink of the eye. “I’ll be in the kitchen… I need a glass of water.” and with that walked out of the room, leaving Nino alone.

 

Nino cleaned himself hurriedly and put his briefs on before he reached for the phone.

 

“What?”

 

“ _I know you’re with him. Not even think not to ask him tonight. The first thing I want him to announce me tomorrow morning is that you’re going to be among the special guests of the gala, understood? Don’t disappoint me again. You know well, you don’t have the option to but thought to be gentle and remind you once again, Ma-tsu-mo-to-san!_ ” Nino heard a mocking chuckle at the other end of the line and with that the call ended.

 

Nino looked at its screen before he threw it in his bag, wishing he could crush it. After having taken several deep breaths to ease his raised heartbeat, he walked slowly towards the kitchen. From the corner, he could see Satoshi pensive, sagging against the wall, while he held an empty glass in his right hand. The CEO let out a deep breath before he placed the glass in the sink.

 

Nino made a couple of steps forward till he was standing behind the older man who clearly hadn’t heard him. He placed his arms around the other’s waist and held him close to his body.

 

“I’m truly sorry for that…”

 

“It was them.” This was not a question. It was a statement.

 

“Yes. I hate it, you know…? From the bottom of my heart, I do. I wish I could send them to hell…”

 

Satoshi turned around abruptly. His hands holding both Nino’s wrists. “Send them. Let me help you to send them!”

 

“You don’t understand… I don’t want you to… I’m dirty…”

 

“Do you love me?”

 

“I do!” Nino replied with no hesitation. “I love you, Satoshi.”

 

“Then…” Satoshi closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Come to the company gala.”

 

Nino thought his ears were making fun of him. Had just Satoshi asked him to go to the gala his brother insisted to come?

 

“What? Why?” He wished Satoshi could tell him the opposite; ask him not to come even if he was himself the one who said it… he didn’t want to give that scumbag the satisfaction he craved for. It would be unbearable for him but it was his fault. It wasn’t Satoshi’s.

 

“Will you come or not?”

 

Nino gulped, his mind still running through thousands of thoughts. “Do you… want me to?”

 

“Yes. But it’s up to you…”

 

Nino closed his eyes. He wanted to cry but couldn’t; not at that moment; not in front of him. “If you want me to, then… I guess I… could come.”

 

Satoshi immediately let his hands free. “I’m… happy. Let’s go to bed.”

 

Nino noticed how his lover’s face twitched when he uttered the word happy. Once again, the atmosphere grew heavy between them. Nino smiled bitterly as his eyes followed Satoshi who walked back to the bedroom. Perhaps, it was a test… for him and his feelings.

 

_I’ll find a way not to make your brother’s wish come true… I’d better die than see you becoming the center of jeers and disrespect._ Nino thought as he lied next to Satoshi, curling up closer to the older man who didn’t pull him closer like usually but didn’t push him away either. Nino tried to send away any disturbing thoughts, enjoying the warmth of his lover’s body. _I won’t let you get hurt, my love..._

 

***

 

Nino looked at himself in the mirror. It had been years since he had dressed in such an expensive suit. It was tailored on his measurements, making him be closer to what a Matsumoto was supposed to look like. Tonight, it was show time; the moment Ohno Hideshi was anticipating of and Nino was hoping to avoid as much as possible. The deal with Ohno Hideshi was to help him till he destroyed his older brother’s image completely among those of higher position in Ohno Corporation. The thing wouldn’t go public because that would raise unnecessary question that wasn’t of anyone’s interest. Everything had to happen as noiselessly as possible. Nino would be the ultimate proof of how easily tricked and influenced the current CEO could be and in what ways he was spending the money of which he was in charge. The need of change would be enough to convince the grandfather to allow Hideshi take the lead.

 

During the past few days, he had met with Satoshi twice for lunch and once, Satoshi had invited Nino to spend the night with him. Every time, though, Nino felt different… the other would be unfocused. He wouldn’t seek for his hand the way he always did from the first time he visited him in the club. Nino couldn’t stand it… neither to lose him, nor to be with him while he was miserable… He knew well how much of a hell was his life with his brother. The same way he knew that he had no other choice. He had to try to save both the persons he loved the most; his brother and his lover. The two that made him feel human again, giving his life a reason.

 

He had spent hours and hours to think of a way out… He couldn’t back off but he could destroy the younger brother’s plans. The last money would already be in his account by the time the video would take place. He wouldn’t lose anything; his part of the deal would be fulfilled, so Ohno Hideshi couldn’t touch Jun. His life wouldn’t be in danger anymore and he would be in position to pay the last part of the debt while working as a host the most for a year longer. He could do that… he had passed through way harsher hardships than this. He only needed to be careful but he was determined to succeed and not to be a coward.

 

He looked at the evidence he was asked to gather. It was a small usb key that had all the photos and videos that had recorded in Satoshi’s apartment. He couldn’t destroy it because the other had detailed knowledge of the times he spent with his lover; even the small dates for lunch. There would always be someone sitting three tables away with perfect view to theirs.

 

He quickly took it in his hands and threw it in the inner pocket of his jacket. He wouldn’t let Hideshi hurt Satoshi like this… He was risking to lose him by being exposed as his younger brother’s accomplice -not that the other wouldn’t do anything to make him pay or at least, not get satisfaction when he wouldn’t- but Satoshi’s public image would remain clear. It was his way to ask for forgiveness… even if he knew he didn’t deserve it. He put the jacket on and made sure his hair was fixed. He was ready.

 

_For you… my love…_

***

 

Nino got out of the taxi and looked up at the large building, feeling his nerves turning a mess with every step closer. He had arrived two hours before the appointed time for the gala, as instructed. He didn’t need to say anything to the guard at the entrance who immediately told him to go by the side entrance. Nino nodded with a smirk. _Every asshole must have underlings who have enough physical power and not enough mind…_ he thought as the said guard pushed the large black door, that was obviously held for cases of emergency, opened.

 

“8th floor. First door at your right next to the elevator.”

 

Nino raised his eyebrow. It seemed that Satoshi’s brother had already informed everyone he needed that he was about to take things into his hands. A small smirk appeared on Nino’s face as he pushed number 8 once he was inside the luxurious elevator. The moment Nino made the first step to his right, once he stepped out of the elevator, he heard loud laughs.

 

Nino’s eyes narrowed. _He’s already partying…_ “We’ll see at the end who laughs better!” the words came out behind closed teeth. He wanted to open the door and tell him to go to hell but he couldn’t… not yet…

 

He was standing in front of the door of Ohno Hideshi’s office for several seconds before he found the power to knock.

 

“Enter!”

 

He opened slowly, surprised to find out that the other was not alone. There was another man, older… whose smirk immediately told him of his quality.

 

“This is my hidden ace I had told you about, Arimura-san. Isn’t he good?”

 

Arimura, who was already staring at Nino, moved his eyes from head to toe. Nino felt his stomach clenching with disgust. He knew this look… he could feel the older man undressing him with his gaze.

 

_If we were at the club right, I’d make sure you paid thousands on drinks and then, you’d be sent back home the exact same way you came… asshole…_

 

“Pretty cute, I’d say! No wonder this stupid brother of yours fell for him… I can only imagine how it is to have him on fours squirming and jolting…”

 

Ohno Hideshi was looking straight into Nino when he burst into loud laughs. “That… you can arrange it with him another time but I should warn you; he’s quite expensive!”

 

“There’s no whore that I can’t afford!” the other said immediately, still amused.

 

“He’s a luxury whore with the label of a host… And since he managed to make my brother, who I was sure he didn’t have a cock between his legs, fall head over heels for him then I can imagine that he’s talented in many more ways than you imagine…”

 

Nino had lowered his head but dared to say nothing. He couldn’t… he wouldn’t make Ohno Hideshi’s favor not to get paid.

 

“I may visit his host club then… for a sample…” Arimura laughed before he finished the scotch he had in front of him and turned his attention back to Ohno Hideshi. “Tomorrow morning, as we said.”

 

The other smiled. “Of course, I’m not only a man of _vision_ , Arimura-san. I’m also a man of my _word_. Tomorrow.”

 

Arimura stood up and walked towards the exit, taking another, thorough look at Nino, who remained at the same spot, looking expressionless at the wall across the room.

 

“Bye, cutie… Can’t wait to drink from your little hands!” Arimura whispered in Nino’s ear, followed by a small chuckle. He wanted to send him to hell but said nothing, waiting patiently the door behind him to close.

 

Once the wanted sound was heard, Ohno Hideshi stood up from his office and came to stand in front of him, staring with narrowed eyes. “Give it to me.”

 

Nino did as he was asked, feeling the nervousness coming back to him. Now, his mind wasn’t at the disgusting Arimura but to the man he loved… _his_ man… Satoshi. He heard voices, as Ohno Hideshi opened the files one after the other. It was his and Satoshi’s.

 

“This is exactly what I expected!”

 

Nino could hear Satoshi telling him how much he loved him in the same time with the mocking laugh of his younger brother. He felt like throwing up. It was times like this that he felt a complete zero…

 

Luckily, Satoshi’s brother stopped before Nino ran away. “Do they disturb you?”

 

“What?”

 

“You had asked me to stop… Was my dearest brother’s words and actions so convincing? Because there’s no way that idiot can be a passionate lover!” Satoshi’s younger brother said with a combination of disgust and mockery. “You fell in love with him…”

 

“No.” Nino replied, trying to sound as cold as possible. He wished he could shout at that jerk how much in love he was with his older brother but that wasn’t the time. The other had suspected enough. Nino couldn’t allow more. “The reason why I wanted to stop lies elsewhere. I admit that with the time I didn’t feel extremely happy with tricking your brother like this but it was more because I felt sorry for him, rather than having any deeper feelings. I had and _have_ a purpose… That was the reason why I agreed to this in the first place. It’s just… quite disturbing having to listen to it myself…”

 

Ohno Hideshi was staring at Nino with a raised eyebrow but didn’t continue the conversation. He made a call, his eyes never leaving the host. “Ohno here. 500 thousand yen, like I told you.”

 

Nino felt his heart thumbing against his ribs. The money was dealt.

 

“As you can tell, I already gave order to my personal bank accountant. Tomorrow morning, you’ll have the money.”

 

Nino gulped. “So, our deal is off as of now, correctly?”

 

The older man smirked. “I don’t like you either. I won’t keep you any longer… You have a last _show_ to give, though, remember?”

 

Nino took a deep breath to normalize his heavy breathing. “Of… course…” he muttered with trembling voice.

 

Ohno Hideshi smiled. “It was pleasure to do business with you, Matsumoto Kazunari-san.”

 

“Me, too.” Nino replied with difficulty. The other shouldn’t realize anything. “With your permission, Ohno-san.” He had to leave from there... quickly. He needed fresh air before the gala took place.

 

He turned around but his body froze at his spot. His eyes must play with his senses and mind. There’s no way _he_ was there… _him_ of all people… not when he was with Ohno Hideshi… not now…

 

“Aren’t you happy to see me, Kazu? Or… should I call you Matsumoto Kazunari- _san_?!”

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

 

“What… what the hell are you doing, here?!” Hideshi jumped up from his seat, shock written all over his face.

 

Τhe man at the door, though, didn’t even turn his gaze towards him. His eyes were locked on Nino. He could see how the latter had frozen at his spot… lost… as if words couldn’t get formed into his mouth. It wasn’t only that he had lost his composure… He had seen that in the past… the vulnerability… the loss of the smile that could make anyone’s heart melt. This time there was one difference… the masks had fallen… His, as well.

 

He sighed, closing his eyes to not let the other see the tears that were threatening fall on his face. He wouldn’t do him this favor… moreover when Hideshi was also present. A sad smirk appeared on his face. For once in his life, he had managed to show to him that he could also play and win but he couldn’t even take this satisfaction completely… Hideshi could wait. What mattered at the moment was _him_.

 

“Won’t you say anything?” he asked trying to sound as cold as possible. “I think I made a question…”

 

“Don’t ignore me!” Hideshi hissed back. He had already made a few steps forward till he was standing right in front of the other.

 

“I’d suggest you, _dear brother_ , to shut the fuck up and listen to what I have to say to you carefully since you’re this impatient!” Satoshi replied angrily.

 

It was more than obvious that Hideshi was fuming but in the end, he chose to remain silent. He could tell that things weren’t by his side this time.

 

Satoshi smirked. “I’m happy that for once, we can understand each other. So… I have a small announcement to make to you, _brother_. Unfortunately for you, I’m displeased to announce that your big plans for this evening are all canceled. All the photos, videos, all the evidence so expertly, this…” he took a breath before continuing not wanting his voice to sound trembling “…host… you hired for me, gathered are confiscated. Oh! I’d almost forget about it. And the deals you have been running up with all these underground organizations and friends of yours will be send for research to the police…” Satoshi could see Hideshi’s face turning white at the hearing of his last words. “…unless, you’re a good boy and accept my terms of working in the company.”

 

“What the-?”

 

Satoshi raised his eyebrow. “If you did this a few months ago, I might have said a big thank you… you know for letting me free. But I’ve come to realize something. No matter how much I may dislike you, the family and everything that represents the power that comes along with the name ‘Ohno’, there are also families depending on us. I owe it to them to make the difference and change. Much to your disappointment, brother, I’m here to announce you that all these years you spent pampering mummy will go in vain. I made her realize which side she should take.”

 

“What?!” Hideshi asked not wanting to believe in his ears. “She would never-”

 

“Of course, she would… She might be despicable but that doesn’t mean she’s stupid too… She wouldn’t like grandpa to find out how protective her bodyguard is over her… I would never misjudge the whole thing but grandpa? He’s nothing but an old geezer, don’t you agree?”

 

“You… Who the hell are you?!”

 

Satoshi smirked. “It seems you thought I was an idiot myself… Dear brother… haven’t they told you? Silence means observance and observance means decoding secrets… secrets that in the end name you winner of the game others think wrongfully as theirs.” He came closer to his brother and looked at him with narrowed eyes. “You deserve my thankfulness because a part of the reason I decided to speak up is you… It’s because you decided to take me into the host club. Was it the fact that I had the chance to fuck someone in years? Maybe… maybe not… What’s sure is that it helped me discovering sides of me I never believed I had… strength that remained hidden in me. In the past, I would just shut up but I can’t anymore… and I won’t.”

 

“You, son of a-” Hideshi was about to punch Satoshi but the latter managed to grab his hand before it landed on his face.

 

“I _am_ a son of a bitch…” Satoshi cut his younger brother off. “As a matter of fact, I was born in a shitty family, full of assholes, like you, or bitches like the woman who gave birth to me” his voice was cold “but I’m not in the mood for small talk. I will repeat it once again. If you don’t want to end up in jail, be a good boy and do as I say. Am. I. Understood?”

 

Instead of replying, Hideshi stormed out of the office, slamming the door behind him. Satoshi muffled a laugh. “Of course, you’d run away… You always do that when the situation isn’t advantageous to you…”

 

A long sigh escaped from the back of his throat. He closed his eyes trying to put his thoughts in order. No matter how confident he may have sounded, deep inside he knew he wasn’t. Even if he meant everything he had told the other, these weren’t words familiar to him. He never was a friend of fights, yelling, insults. This type of language was foreign to him… but he couldn’t control himself. Anger was more than he could possibly handle because this time, he felt betrayed… deeply hurt. He couldn’t simply stand at the corner and see it coming… He had to react. He had to show them that they wouldn’t win this time… that he was stronger than they thought. 

 

Several minutes had passed by and the room was still covered by an intense silence. Satoshi lowered his head and bit his lower lip with force. It hurt but not more than the sting in his heart did. He had to keep his composure. Dealing with Hideshi was probably the easy part. Now, it was _him_. The true reason behind this strong version of him… the man that had given a reason in his life… the man who had taken his heart and cut it into pieces… _Kazu…_

 

“You won’t say anything?” he asked in a surprisingly tiny voice.

 

A gasp was heard but nothing else. _Of course…_ Satoshi thought and sighed.  He slowly turned around till his eyes fell on the host who was paler than ever. He was awkwardly standing at the same spot, as if he was frozen. Seeing him like this, all Satoshi wanted to do is run to him, take him into his arms, ask him if everything was alright, whisper comforting words into his ear, hold him tightly close to him… but he couldn’t; not when he knew the real reason behind all this. He realized that even if he did ask what was wrong, it would offer no comfort to the younger man. Most probably, he was feeling like this because his scheme was discovered. He may be afraid he’d lose the money his brother had just given to him for his… services.

 

He was left staring at the younger man in front of him. He looked so fragile, yet so beautiful… again. Satoshi had to try… he had to stay strong and not declare his defeat this openly. Hideshi may have not won but Nino certainly had. He had from the very beginning… There was no point in lying to himself. The fact that his heart was insisting on beating crazily in his chest while his mind was desperately trying to think logically and coldly was the unshakeable proof.

 

He could see the man he loved being there in front of him, almost trembling. He could see the way his eyes were afraid to look straight into his… throwing only fast glances. _You can’t even look me in the eye… you’re afraid…_ His hands clenched into fists. He was angry… mostly with himself because a part of him still wanted to take the other into his arms and whisper to his ear that everything was alright… hold him close to him, till he was sure that the other was alright. It was hurting him seeing Nino like this… it did more than he could ever imagine it would.

 

When he had asked Nino to come to the gala it was to test him. He wished the other turned his offer down and prove to him that everything he had find out was fake… but he hadn’t. He had told him yes. The last time, Nino had spent the night in his apartment he couldn’t sleep. He had left staring at the host who was sleeping by his side. Perhaps, Nino couldn’t do otherwise… Perhaps, he had something else on his mind… something that would give Satoshi hope… He needed to believe that all of this hadn’t been a well-instrumented performance, executed perfectly to the tiniest detail. He needed to believe that all these past months of happiness were real or at least, meant… something.

 

When he heard his moments with him recorded, accompanied with his brother’s ironic laugh, though, he realized it wasn’t but a lie. Then, he heard Kazu… _No. Not Kazu. Matsumoto Kazunari_ his lips curving into a bitter smile, as he thought of it again. He was talking about… business. Everything was nothing more than business to him… He had repeated the things he had found out in that cursed envelope. He had felt as if he was covered by slimy mud.

 

He looked at the host again. There was nothing that reminded him of the man he knew… _Probably because I never had the chance to actually know him… since… he never existed…_

 

“You insist on remaining silent…” Satoshi whispered more to himself than the other. Somehow, this made him more vulnerable. He wished the other would say something; admit; tell him the truth in his face, like he had heard him saying moments ago to his brother.

 

He looked closer at the younger man who stayed at the very same position with his head lowered. “I admit that’s something new to me. I mean… you always knew what to say… Even when you didn’t actually open your mouth… you could still speak… Now, you even avoid my gaze. Is it your way to play the card of the victim? Because I guess shame doesn’t exist in your vocabulary.”

 

The host let out something that sounded like something between a muffled sob and whine.

 

Satoshi closed his eyes. He had to remain strong and not fall… _again_. He had the records… he had heard him live… He knew… He walked with slow, yet steady pace till he was standing right in front of the other and grabbed his chin, making their gazes meet. “What? You only work with scenario? Improvisation isn’t among your skills? You’re disappointing me, Matsumoto-san.”

 

He saw the younger man gasp, both surprised and hurt. Satoshi hated himself for saying such words. A part of him was doing it because he had to try… one last time… to provoke. Perhaps, if he pushed him like this, he might say something… anything… Several seconds passed by. Satoshi kept staring at him before he finally sighed. No sound reached his ears. There was only Nino’s hot breath falling on his lips.   _So, you still have nothing to say… I guess you wouldn’t…_

 

“I guess it’s not…” he whispered before biting his lower lip. He took his hand away and turned around so that Nino could only see his back. “Somehow, I’m sorry to have messed up with your performance right before your grand finale…” he let out a small laugh. “But you don’t have to worry about the money my brother gave to you. I promise you won’t lose a penny. You spent all that time with me, gave me your body, pretended to be in love with someone as boring as me… I must admit you did a splendid job, regardless of the result. You should really think to pursue an acting career… you’re a natural, Matsumoto-san. Good bye.”

 

He couldn’t stand another minute in the same room with him. He hurriedly left Hideshi’s office walking fast towards his. He needed to think; cry; yell… he needed time alone. He was about to close the door behind him when he felt resistance. He turned around and found Nino blocking the door with his foot.  

 

“I don’t want to see you anymore, in case you haven’t realized it, Matsumoto-san.”

 

“I need to talk to you.” Nino said rather breathless.

 

Satoshi closed his eyes. What had he done to deserve this torture? It was enough the hurt he felt inside. He didn’t need to make it worse by having the very person that caused all this pain right in front of him. “I thought I was clear, Matsumoto-san. You have nothing to worry about. You’ll keep your money. You may go.” He said as coldly as possible. He just needed the other to understand him and leave… leave before he broke down.

 

“Satoshi… please…” Satoshi looked at the young host. There was a tremor in his voice.

 

_Satoshi…_ How much had he loved hearing his name coming out from these lips… unlike, now, that it only caused pain. There were tears running down Nino’s cheeks, his eyes red.

 

Satoshi had it enough. He grabbed Nino by his nape and pushed him backwards on the door, till his back hit the metal. “You have your money. Your deal is over. Why the hell do you follow me? Why the hell do you call me by my name? What do you want from me?”

 

Nino had winced when his back landed with force on the door but said nothing about it. His hands immediately found Satoshi’s arms, holding them tightly. “We need to talk… please…I really need to talk to you!” he pleaded again, his voice sounding more desperate this time.

 

Satoshi felt all the frustration that had kept building up inside him “Do you find it so amusing seeing me like this? Do you want to hear it from my lips that you’ve won? That no matter how much you’ve hurt me, I still love you? That I still wish this is just a nightmare? That I wished I had heard from your lips something that would make me believe that there’s hope for my feelings? That it wasn’t a bad joke? A lie? Is that it? Do you want to throw it on my face? Does that make you feel satisfied? Knowing you’ve won?!”

 

Nino’s right hand came to touch feather-like Satoshi’s cheek.

 

Satoshi gasped at the touch. It made him tremble. Why should he be this weak when it came to this man? His eyes were locked on Nino’s that were looking straight back at his. Unconsciously, he leaned closer till their lips were almost touching… He could feel the younger one opening his mouth invitingly to him. He wanted to resist, he tried to but it was too much. Without warning, he crushed their lips together. He was engulfed by warmth… by the familiar warmth that made him feel so alive. His whole body was reacting, pressing it more firmly against the other. He could feel Nino’s fingers being lost in his hair but it was when a muffled, due to the kiss, moan escaped from the back of his throat that brought him back to reality. What was he doing?

 

With one abrupt move, he pulled himself away. “I can’t…”

 

“Why?” the host asked, desperation being reflected in his voice, while his hands were clutching on Satoshi’s jacket. “You had-”

 

“You also had, Matsumoto-san.” Satoshi cut him off.

 

“But… Satoshi, you don’t understand…” Nino whispered.

 

“I don’t understand what? That it was nothing but business to you?”

 

“Please, I-”

 

“Please, what? This was your last chance, Nino. A small test, if you want, and you failed. I won’t lie… A small part of me was hoping till the very end, till the moment I stood behind the door of Hideshi’s office, to be proved wrong, but you were pretty clear. I meant it when I said that you should have been an actor. You managed to make me believe that you actually liked listening to me speaking… that you felt complete when he made love” a chuckle left Satoshi’s mouth. “No. Here, I guess the right word for it is ‘fuck’… In general that you cared for me…”

 

“I never li-”

 

“Lied?” Satoshi said, chuckling.

 

“No, I didn’t. When I said I love you, I meant it.”

 

 “So, you insist…” Satoshi cut him off. He stared at him without saying anything for a few seconds before turning around and heading towards his desk.

 

“Aren’t I too predictable for you?” Satoshi saw the way Nino’s eyes bulged at this. “Why do I think that you’ve lied to me and you keep lying, right now?”

 

“What… are you talking about, Satoshi?” Nino’s voice cracked unlike before.

 

Satoshi was positive the other knew what he was talking about.

 

“You want to tell me you haven’t understood… Very well!” He opened the first drawer at his right and threw the envelope, he was given weeks ago, to Nino who in the meantime was standing in front of his desk. It fell on the floor. Nino kept staring at it and at the CEO.

 

“Open it.”

 

Satoshi saw him kneeling down and opening it with trembling hands. There was a gasp of surprise that left his lips as he quickly scanned the papers he was holding. A tiny part of Satoshi was hoping the other would say something… anything… but no word came out of the younger man’s mouth for several minutes.

 

It was when he saw the photos that he turned his still surprised gaze to Satoshi. “How… how did you find these…? Why?”

 

Satoshi smiled bitterly at Nino’s question. There was no attempt of explanation… How could there be? The photos and the mails left no margin for misconceptions.

 

“This isn’t something that should be of your concern. I just did. I promise you, though, that everything will stay safe with me.”

 

“Of… course…” the word was barely heard but even like this, showed clearly how things were.

 

“So, is there something that I may have misunderstood?”

 

Nino only lowered his head. His whole body was trembling but remained silent.

 

“I’m happy that we finally understand each other, Matsumoto-san.” Satoshi managed to say in a cold and steady tone. He stood up from his chair and stood in front of the other who, for the first time, looked completely defeated. Satoshi wanted to grab him by his shoulders and demand an explanation that would make him forgive him; he wanted the other to tell him that everything was just a bad joke… a nightmare from which he’d wake up… In the same time, he wanted to slap him with all his might… but he couldn’t… _He_ was the fool one… _He_ was the one to blame for the blindness; not the other. Nino was only doing his… job. He cleared his throat as he took a hold of the doorknob to open the door. There was nothing left to say.

 

“I think it’s time for you to leave. I’m sure he will be waiting for you.”

 

There was a muffled sob that reached his ears but didn’t let upset him more.

 

“It was nice meeting you, Matsumoto-san.” Nino had to leave immediately.

 

After a few seconds, he saw the host placing the papers and photos on the desk before turning around and leaving the room with heavy steps without throwing him a single glance. Satoshi was feeling his heart ready to stop. The sound of Nino’s steps was fading away. It was only when he could hear nothing that he closed the door. He could finally give in to the sorrow, the defeat. He had no reason to pretend. His knees couldn’t hold him anymore. He fell on the floor, letting his tears flood freely on his face.

 

“Good bye…, Kazu…”

 

***

 

Satoshi didn’t know how he managed to remain the whole night calm in front of the guests. There were investors and important clients discussing with him future projects but his mind couldn’t grasp anything. Luckily, he had his advisors that were able to cover for him. All he could think about was the way Nino had left the evidence back on his desk and left without a single word.

 

Hideshi was nowhere to be seen. Satoshi was sure the other had received the message, metaphorically and literally. It was 11 o’clock when Sho’s friend informed him that everything was done the way he had asked for.

 

He looked at his glass of champagne before scanning the crowd. So many were around him but he felt lonely… as if they were part of a scenery of which he was nothing more than a simple observant.

 

He could close his eyes and see himself, smiling… holding carefully by the waist the man he loved the most… introducing him to his family… enjoying the shock in their eyes… Whispering reassuring things into his ear, how lovely he looked, how much he loved him and how important it was for him that he was there… All that of course, if the man he loved, loved him back and if he wasn’t playing a role under Hideshi’s wishes. Under these circumstances, he wished nothing more than knowing that his Kazu was waiting for him in his apartment… with that warm smile on his face the moment he’d open the door… telling him how much he loved him and how much he wished he was at the gala with him, if it wasn’t for his brother… That also hadn’t happened…

 

Tonight, though, there was no one waiting for him back at his apartment and there was no one to be proud of there with him. Once again, he was lonely. Satoshi took another sip of his champagne. His lips curved into a sad smile. Loneliness… It was weird to feel it again, after all these months. It had always been the one emotion that had been part of his everyday life since forever, yet now, it felt strange… he had forgotten how it is to feel lonely… and that made it only worse…

 

Using his headache as a pretext, he slipped out of the crowd, heading out of the building. The night breeze hit his face but he didn’t feel any better. Without giving it more thought, he took his phone and after having informed the managers, he headed to the garage where he found his driver waiting for him by the limo.

 

The latter rushed to open the door for the CEO who entered without saying anything. He also entered but even then, Satoshi said nothing.

 

“Sir, are you visiting the usual club tonight or you’re preferring to go back to your apartment?”

 

Satoshi looked blankly at the driver who was staring back at him through the rearview mirror.

 

“Sir, where would you like to go? The club or-”

 

“The apartment. Back to the apartment. And fast.” Satoshi cut his driver off.

 

His heart raised dangerously in his heart. Most probably, the host was picking up the next victim in the line. He had nothing to do with him. He just needed to go back to his apartment. This night should come to its end.

 

Once he unlocked the door, he opened the lights and threw his jacket on the floor, without caring where it would land. The corner of his eye fell on the small note next to the small table close to the entrance.

**_Remember that I love you,_ **

**_my Satoshi_ **

“Remember that I love you…” Satoshi mumbled under his breath. “Rest assured… my Kazu…” a muffled sob escaped from his throat as he crumpled up the paper and threw it on the floor.

 

He went to the kitchen and took a beer can from the fridge. He didn’t care to take a bath or change his clothes, going straight to the living room. He wasn’t feeling hungry either… he just needed to do it. He took everything out of the envelope, he had brought with him, with trembling hands. It reminded him of the younger host. _He was also trembling… but for so different reasons…_ he thought sadly. His eyesight turned a bit blurry as the first couple of papers were placed on the sofa next to him. He had never dared to see them again after that night… still wanting to believe that it wouldn’t be like this… but now, he needed to; he had to be reminded, so that he could lessen the pain… and finally, forget.

 

He looked at the one on top.

 

 

Vacation

From: hina.matsuhita@ssmail.com

To: ninokazu@gmail.com

(Sent: 2017 March 23. 00:34)

 

My naughty puppy

When will you come and visit me? I’ll start getting jealous of that client of yours. You know I don’t care when you sleep with those old rich bastards but with him it’s different. I may start thinking that you may truly like him. Please, find a way to leave him for a couple of days… Say that you want to think things over or use your brother as an excuse – his exams – isn’t now the period for them? I don’t know. Just say something and come to me. Come and I promise to make you scream louder than you did during our last time!

 

\---------------------------------------------------

 

Re: Vacation

From: ninokazu@gmail.com

To: hina.matsuhita@ssmail.com

(Sent: 2017 March 23. 03:44)

 

Babe

I don’t know, if I can. You know how persistent he is. What do you want me to do? He will understand… and we don’t want that, do we? That’s how I get the money. I know what I’m doing. I promise you, we’ll see each other very soon!

 

Your (always ready to please you) puppy

 

 

Satoshi tore the paper into tens of tiny pieces. The next one wasn’t any better… Satoshi was reading, more tears in his eyes.

 

 

Last Night

From: ninokazu@gmail.com

To: hina.matsuhita@ssmail.com

(Sent: 2017 May 15. 23:58)

 

Attached item(s): (x) 267.png (x) 268.png (x) 269.png

 

Like I promised.

Your marks are still so hot on me.

 

\---------------------------------------------------

 

Re: Last Night

From: hina.matsuhita@ssmail.com

To: ninokazu@gmail.com

(Sent: 2017 May 16. 00:03)

 

Puppy

I want them to be like that. I want you to remember who you belong to when the stupid clients of yours touch you.

 

*p.s. Your photos, like always, are a piece of art.

 

 

_Did you have his marks covered when you were with me? It was him the one you kept thinking of while sleeping with me? It was him you were picturing behind your closed eyes, Nino?_

It hurt so much realizing that all this time, Nino wasn’t only working at the club... he was also someone’s… puppy… He read more e-mails… more texts… It was obvious that this Hina was a part of his life a lot before he ever appeared. Nino was thinking of him as nothing more than a mere client… a fuck that gave him money.

 

It was the next paper, though, that broke the CEO’s heart completely into thousands of small pieces.

 

 

#17

From: hina.matsuhita@ssmail.com

To: ninokazu@gmail.com

(Sent: 2017 May 30. 22:46)

 

You’ve been a very bad puppy, Nino, and I’m sure you know yourself -very well- what this means. Once you’re done with that loser CEO of yours, I’ll be expecting you at our place.

Don’t be late.

 

\----------------------------------------------------

 

Re: #17

From: ninokazu@gmail.com

To: hina.matsuhita@ssmail.com

(Sent: 2017 May 30. 22:47)

 

It never takes much time to exhaust him. I’ll do it fast and then, escape finding an excuse.

Your puppy knows how to make it up to you.

 

\-----------------------------------------------------

 

Re: Re: #17

From: hina.matsuhita@ssmail.com

To: ninokazu@gmail.com

(Sent: 2017 May 30. 22:49)

 

Oh puppy… I know you do… You’re well-trained but sometimes, a bit independent. I have to remind you some things. We have all night for that. I promise you once the sun is up, your memory will be fully recovered.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------

 

Re: Re: Re: #17

From: ninokazu@gmail.com

To: hina.matsuhita@ssmail.com

(Sent: 2017 May 30. 22:50)

 

Can’t wait, babe!

He’s too boring and… predictable… No one can match you.

You make my body craving for more… hungry…

Just thinking of it makes me feel hot…

 

\---------------------------------------------------

 

Re: Re: Re: Re: #17

From: hina.matsuhita@ssmail.com

To: ninokazu@gmail.com

(Sent: 2017 May 30. 22: 51)

 

I know what you’re doing puppy…

 

 

\----------------------------------------------------

 

 

Re: Re: Re: Re: #17

From: hina.matsuhita@ssmail.com

To: ninokazu@gmail.com

(Sent: 2017 May 30. 22: 54)

 

Why should I be so weak when it comes to you and your little games?

This round is yours but do not even let it cross your mind that this night will be easy for you.

Be prepared to beg… a lot…

 

Now, open LINE and get ready. Video call in exactly 5 minutes.

 

 

Satoshi couldn’t read anymore. It was obvious what and whom the other desired… “I guess I was too predictable for your taste…” he mumbled under his breath.

 

Despite knowing that it would break him, he took some of the photos into his hands. There were photos of Nino sitting on the lap of a man in some underground bar. _It’s him? The one who calls you puppy?_ That man was around his age and tall. Satoshi could tell that. He could also see the muscles of the arms that were wrapped around Nino’s waist, even if the photo was taken from afar. The second one was portraying the couple kissing almost too provocatively in public. Nino had thrown himself all over the other. It gave the impression of going at it over their clothes. The third one was showing Nino between two men; the one from the previous ones and someone Satoshi was seeing for the first time. Nino had a smirk on his face, not having a problem about the two pairs of hands touching him intimately.

 

Satoshi couldn’t stand it anymore. He grabbed everything and threw it in his dustbin. This man on the photos was nothing like the man he had got to know and fall for; probably, because he had never existed in the first place. The man in the photos was someone else… someone who was matching perfectly with the descriptions of the Matsumoto Kazunari who loved spending the money of his family without giving a shit… the Matsumoto Kazunari who liked to have fun without commitments.

 

He finished the beer and headed to the shower. He needed to calm down. He let the hot water fall on his naked body, closing his eyes. _“I know you’re a good person because I love you… I wouldn’t have loved you if you weren’t…”_ His words came to his mind.

 

“Naïve… Stupid and naïve… that’s what you are, Ohno Satoshi…”

 

Mechanically, he finished his shower and without eating anything, he climbed on his bed. His eyes fell on the photo of him and Nino on his bedside table. He remembered the way Nino was looking at it, his heart clenching. It felt so empty without him… _He_ felt so empty… He held it, his fingers moving on Nino’s face.

 

Despite the shock, when he was first shown the emails and photos, Satoshi had decided after hours and hours of thinking and debating with himself to give Nino one last chance… He had been watching his sleeping figure… Someone that looked so innocent couldn’t play with him like this, could he? He had to believe… he had to try and chase down his happiness. He had almost believed him… once again, one leg of his had fallen in the host’s trap. Only that now, everything was clear. Nino had never loved him… For the host, all this time they had passed together was nothing more than business… everything was just a pretense.

 

The investigator had told him he had to be careful to proceed but now, Satoshi realized that there was no reason for him to search deeper for information. It was obvious that there was already someone important in Nino’s life.

 

He hadn’t denied it… He had accepted everything by keeping his head lowered and by remaining silent as he left from his office, a few hours earlier. With a heavy shy, he put the photo turned upside down back on the small table and lied down closing his eyes tightly. This time he had no one to hug and keep close… He was alone… again…

 

***

 

“Stop it! You’ve already drunk enough!”

 

Satoshi looked frowned at his friend who was holding his wrist forbidding that way the glass to reach his lips.

 

“I haven’t! I still ache… here…” he pointed at his heart. “It aches… too much…”

 

“Getting drunk doesn’t solve anything, Satoshi!”

 

“It makes me forget…” the CEO mumbled and tried once again to finish his sixth drink.

 

“You should stop… It’s been two weeks now and you continue on drinking every single night. It doesn’t lead anywhere…”

 

“Why sh- should… I… have met him?” Satoshi asked between sobs and hiccups. “Tell me, Sho? Why should… I have… fallen in love with him? Why?”

 

The other man looked at his friend sighing. It was painful to see him being like this. He wished he could do something to help him but at his state, he accepted nothing. He didn’t listen to anyone. He was lost in his thoughts when he saw Satoshi jumping up from his seat after hitting the table with both his fists.

 

“Satoshi?” Sho asked with a frown but the CEO was already heading towards the exit. Sho paid hurriedly for the drinks and ran after his drunk friend just to see him enter a taxi. “I think I should have a serious talk with this host of yours…”

 

~.~.~

 

“Ohno-san! What a surprise!” Satoshi made his way into the club without tripping on his feet. “I’ll call him immediate-”

 

“NO!” Satoshi yelled at the top of his lungs attracting everyone’s attention. It was then that their eyes met. “I want the number one, tonight. I’m willing to pay… a lot…”

 

The manager looked at Nino surprised but quickly found his professional smile back. “Of course.”

 

Satoshi let the other lead him to the table, his eyes locked on Nino’s. They looked at him with both surprise and hurt. _How does it feel to be rejected, Mr. Nino?_

 

An hour had passed by and the CEO had already ordered two bottles of champagne. He didn’t push the host away; not even when his lips found the crook of his neck. The touch was feather-like and in his drunkenness, not unwelcomed. He found himself relaxing as his mind stopped working. Finally, the alcohol was doing its magic.

 

“I never thought I’d get to have your company, Ohno-sama…” the host whispered close to his ear as his hand was dangerously close to Satoshi’s crotch.

 

“Ohno-sama?! That’s a first… You’re full of surprises, Hiro!” Satoshi replied between his giggles and hiccups.

 

“And you still haven’t discovered anything, Ohno-sama…!” the host said seductively, letting then tip of his tongue tease the CEO’s earlobe.

 

Satoshi leaned to grab his glass when he realized that Nino was staring at him from the opposite table. His mouth got dry, suddenly feeling ashamed. There was something unreadable behind that intense gaze of the younger host; something that made his heart clench painfully.

 

“Ohno-sama?” Hiro’s voice made him turn on his right.

 

“Can you come with me?”

 

“What?”

 

“Right now… I’ll pay well!”

 

The host’s face immediately lit up. “It’s my honor, Ohno-sama…” he leaned closer to Satoshi’s ear “…and I’m pretty sure, it will be my _pleasure_ , as well…”

 

Satoshi said nothing in reply. His eyes were still fixed on Nino’s ones. He couldn’t be there any longer. He stood up only to fall back on the sofa.

 

“Let me help you, Ohno-sama!” the host held him by the armpits, securing him close to his body. He was much taller, making it easy for him to move around.

 

In less than twenty minutes, Satoshi was opening the door of his apartment. Without losing a minute, he took the host’s hand and let him to his bedroom. His eyes fell on the still turned upside-down photo. He needed to forget.

 

He turned around, surprised to find the host already half-naked.

 

“Could you take a shower?” he asked without thinking.

 

The host looked at him confused at first but quickly smirked. “As you wish, Ohno-sama…”

 

Satoshi’s heart was clenching and unclenching. The cold breeze had somehow sobered him up a bit. What was he doing? He could hear the water falling when his phone vibrated.

 

 

From: **unknown number**

I know that you hate me and want me

to pay and I accept that but don’t

do this to yourself.

This is not you...

 

 

His hands were trembling as he read the text again and again. He threw his phone on the floor with force, not caring if he had broken it or not.

 

Why should the other know him this well? Why should he be right? Why should he keep playing with his mind?

 

“Ohno-sama?”

 

Satoshi turned towards the door where he saw a complete naked host, smirking suggestively. No… he couldn’t do it.

 

He cleared his throat as he took his jacket in hand, searching for his wallet. He took 200 thousand yen and gave them to the host who was looking at him perplexed. “I believe this should be enough.”

 

“I’m afraid, I don’t… understand…?!”

 

“Please, take this and get dressed. Sorry for having brought you here.”

 

The host looked at him with raised eyebrow. “You truly love him…”

 

“I… I really don’t want to talk about it.”

 

The host ticked his tongue against his teeth as he took the money offered to him. In a couple of minutes, he was already dressed.

 

“Look… I don’t know what has happened between you two and I don’t care to find out either but I have to say something.” Satoshi looked at the other rather confused. “The only time Nino looked… happy… was when he was with you… Good night, Ohno-san.”

 

Satoshi heard the door closing but couldn’t move from his spot. He buried his face in his palms, feeling frustration filling him up once again. He needed air. He opened his window and got out on the balcony. The night was surprisingly calm, unlike his heartbeat. He could feel his pulse going crazy. Why would the other tell him something like that? Nino had this Hina… his babe… right?

 

“DAMN IT!” he cursed out loud, kicking the balusters.

 

Once again, he was confused. He didn’t count for how much time he stayed there. He entered back in his bedroom and picked up his phone. Surprisingly, it was alright. There were a few missed calls from Sho and another text.

 

Biting his lower lip, he opened it.

 

From: **unknown number**

You were never predictable.

It was you the one I thought of when

he touched me.

It was you that made me feel alive…

It was your touch that I craved for…

It was you… always…

 

“Why…? Why…?”

 

Satoshi started pressing buttons without thinking clearly. The number was still in his phone memory. He couldn’t delete it, no matter how many times he had tried to.

 

To: **Kazu**

Why?

 

The reply came immediately.

 

From: **Kazu**

Because I love you… even if you

don’t believe me…

 

He could hear his heart thumbing against his ribs.

 

To: **Kazu**

I’m sorry but

I can’t. I really can’t.

 

Satoshi turned his phone off, not wanting to receive another text. He had sworn not to meet him ever again but that night, he had gone to his club… Perhaps, Sho was right. He shouldn’t drink again. It was enough that he had to deal with Hideshi at the company and his deals that could blow everything up in the air, if he wasn’t careful enough.

 

He lied back on his bed, turning his gaze up to the white ceiling. It really hurt but he couldn’t do it… not again… It was time for him to learn how to move on. He had to… He owed it to himself, even if he still loved the other more than his own life.

 

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

 

 

_“Why are you here?” the voice cold and hostile._

_“To tell you how I feel about you…”_

_“There’s no need for further explanations… I’ve already had enough…”_

_Nino could see how the other’s eyes had narrowed but wasn’t willing to surrender. This was a battle he was determined to win._

_“You know nothing about me and that man… You have to listen to me, Satoshi! You have to!”_

_The other raised an eyebrow. “What I know is more than enough already. I’m not interested for more… details… The mails were descriptive enough. Besides… if you do tell me, shouldn’t your master punish you for being a naughty puppy?!”_

_Nino bit his lower lip, after taking a sharp breath. Why were these words piercing his heart like this?! He should have known… expected it… Deep inside, he knew he deserved listening to such words but it still hurt… a lot…_

_“Or is it that you like it that way?! Is that it?” a bitter laugh escaped from the other man’s lips. “I guess that’s why I was too… predictable and boring, wasn’t I? I was too sweet for Kazu the puppy when all he wanted was to be put in place for his bad behavior…”_

_“Please! Stop!” Nino replied in a higher tone than he wanted but he couldn’t hear such words any longer. “It’s not like that! You should know that it’s not like that!”_

_“How should I know?! I only got to know Nino as… host and whore… not Nino the puppy!”_

_“Shut up!” Nino felt hot tears building up in his eyes. Why was the man he loved so much saying such things to him?_

_“You may leave. The door is right behind you.” the tone of the other’s voice was clearly showing an indifference, making it surprisingly more painful for Nino._

_“I know you can’t stand me anymore but I really need to talk to you…”_

_“And I need to go back to work. Have a nice day, Matsumoto-san. My greetings to your beloved babe.” The latter had already turned his back on Nino giving him the clear message that his time in his office was already over._

_Nino lowered his head but didn’t move from his spot._

_“I’m not going anywhere…”_

_“I thought I was clear, Matsumoto-san.”_

_“Then why is your voice trembling? Why did you never look up at my face? Why do you say the most hurtful words with such a strained voice?”_

_Nino hoped for a reaction… something… yet no answer reached his ears but he was determined to win. He had to try even if his heart was thumping painfully against his ribs. Perhaps the other wouldn’t listen to him but he could find a different way to convey his feelings… to make the other see beyond the information he had in his hands… In the past he had told him that he knew Nino loved him. He had told him that he just knew… that he could see it in his eyes… He had to try and make him see this love… He needed to make sure the other see that he was indeed right… that Nino did love him._

_Without saying another word, he walked towards the door, locked it and moved closer to the other man despite the fact that he still had his back turned on him. He could see that he was nervous… as nervous as he was. His hands were both clenching in fists… his shoulders were stiff… his head was lowered, as if defeated… he wasn’t indifferent no matter how much he tried to pretend he was with his attitude previously and that gave Nino courage. He still had an impact on the older man. He had to try… he had to pursuit his happiness._

_Once he was standing right behind him, he placed his hands around the slim waist. He felt the other tensing at his touch, making his heartbeat raising dangerously. He could feel the hotness the body in front of him was emitting… making his feel hotter, as well. Such a simple touch and made him feel like home… This man gave off a sense of familiarity and safety that was enough for Nino to never want to let go._

_He leaned closer, his lips ghosting against the so beautiful nape of the other. He pressed them slowly on the hot skin. A soft gasp reached his ears, making him want to try harder._

_‘I will show you how much I love you, Satoshi… Everything I am and I have is yours, my love…’_

_His hands were now wrapped tightly around the other man’s waist, Nino’s whole body firmly pressing against him while his lips were now devouring the soft skin offered to him. He could feel the other trying to escape from his grip but he wouldn’t give him this satisfaction. He knew the other was lying… because he still wanted him… the same way Nino did._

_Without uttering a single word, his hands reached lower, finding the belt. In two fast moves, it was open, Nino’s hands finding immediately the older man’s trousers. The more he was kissing him, moving his hips in slow, round moves, so that his hardness was pressing against the other’s lower back, the less the other was resisting his ministrations._

_Nino shoved his right hand into the other’s trousers feeling the already erecting cock heavy and hot. His fingers moved on the length gaining a muffled moan from the other. He leaned closer to the older man’s ear._

_“You don’t want me to speak… let me show you…” every word was spoken slowly, in a whisper, making the other shiver._

_Nino could feel the other’s arousal making him insatiable. He wanted to show how much he loved him, how much he desired him, everything._

_He gave a couple more strokes before turning the man around so that their eyes could meet. He saw them dark, lustful yet questioning. He leaned closer giving a quick peck. “Trust me…” he whispered on the full, half-opened lips in front of him while his hands found the hem of the other’s trousers, lowering it. He slowly kneeled on the floor. In front of his eyes, the other’s erection twitched. He looked upwards, his eyes meeting with the other’s ones. He had no intention to tear them apart._

_This time he had to show him… Without breaking the intense eye contact he smiled before moving closer and taking the whole length into his mouth. This time there was no time for teasing… this time he was offering everything he had. At the first trace of his tongue, the other’s hands found the top of his hair, holding it firmly but not in a way to cause him pain. Even at this state, even after everything that had taken place between them, he still cared. His eyes got teary… Satoshi still cared… he was still making sure he was alright… like always… After one deep suck, a muffled groan escaped from the other’s throat. Those eyes were locked on him, staring at him with lust and passion… because of him. Nino couldn’t help but moan. It was him that had this impact on the other…_

_He started working on the other with even more eagerness. He was feeling himself more and more aroused. He wanted to hear the other moan again… call out his name… scream… groan…. He focused on his task while his eyes never left the older man’s face. At the first attempt of him thrusting, Satoshi awkwardly wanted to move away but Nino’s hands forbid him to move away. Moaning, he encouraged him… He wanted him to lose control._

_“Give me everything you have…” he whispered and immediately opened his mouth again, wider._

_The other let out a strained moan before thrusting deeper into the sweet hotness of Nino’s mouth. Nino loosened his jaw and accepted everything the other had to give. He wanted everything. He stayed still letting the other find the rhythm and the way he needed to reach his bliss. Nino could see how his body started trembling he was close. His grip on the other’s hips tightened. He wanted to taste him._

_After a few uncoordinated thrusts, he felt hot cum filling up his mouth. He didn’t move away until he had swallowed it until the last drop. Abruptly he was brought up, pulled into a wet, hungry kiss. He couldn’t help but moan. His hands immediately found the other’s hair, ruffling it, gripping it, while he tilted his head to give more access. Their tongues were moving feverishly against each other, teeth were nibbling and biting lips, moans were echoing in the room, as it got deeper and deeper… there was a desperation from both sides… as if none of them could be satisfied._

_“I want you…” the older man whispered on Nino’s lips as he broke the kiss breathless. “And I can feel you want me too…” he continued in a lower, huskier voice, his mouth attaching to Nino’s neck that was so willingly offered to him._

_“Please…” Nino’s cock was already licking inside his pair of jeans, suffering from the tightness around it. “I need you…”_

_“Take off your clothes for me…”_

_Nino’s trembling hands found his jeans’ button, trying to open it without much success. He was still trying when two hands came to assist him. Their eyes never left each other’s face. Nino could see how Satoshi’s hair was covered by sweat around his temples. He could see how his so kissable cheeks had gotten a deep shade of red, looking flushed and hot. He could see how his mouth was resting agape, his tongue brushing his lower lip as his hands were getting rid of Nino’s pair of jeans._

_Nino had to bite his lips hard when a hand wrapped around his hardness as soon as it was left free. His fingers clawed on the other’s dress shirt, not feeling strong enough to keep his standing posture. Soon, the same hand got away from his licking cock and took a hold of his hand, guiding him to the leather armchair behind the big, oval desk._

_He saw the man sitting down, his arousal already back, and immediately understood what he was asked for. Without losing another minute, he put each leg of his on the sides of the other’s hips and guided his fingers into his mouth. He had to prepare himself as fast as possible. He couldn’t handle it anymore and he was sure, by the way the older man was staring intensely at his mouth while he covered his fingers with saliva, he couldn’t handle it either._

_After a couple of minutes, he was already lowering onto the other’s cock. He could feel it filling him up the way he had missed so much. His hands found the other’s nape and without waiting for the other to tell him anything he started moving while he sucked the lower lip of the mouth he so loved. His moves were fast, making them both groan every time their hips were meeting up in the air._

_From the way the other’s arms were holding him close against him, Nino knew that no matter how someone could call their actions at the moment, it would never be simply a fuck. No matter how roughly the cock inside him was thrusted, it wasn’t a fuck. It could never be a fuck… not with Satoshi. These dark eyes were screaming how much they loved him… he only wished his were reflecting everything he kept inside him, as well._

_They moved faster and faster, their breaths getting puffy. Satoshi’s nails were clawed on Nino’s hips. The latter knew that they would leave marks on him. Only at the thought of it, he could come undone without even being touched. He was his… only his… no matter what other hands were touching him. He would always be Satoshi’s. At one move, he was forced to move in a different angle, making Nino arch his back. He threw his head back into the air when the tip of the erection inside him brushed against his prostate._

_“SATOSHIIIIIIIII” he screamed at the top of his lungs not being able to hold it back anymore. His body was as if set in fire. He felt his insides exploding from pleasure, every cell of his body being turned on. He felt complete… he felt loved…_

_“I… uh… love you…. God, I love you so much… nghhh…. Ah…!”_

_It was only when he felt the nails pressing against his skin with more force than before, painfully that he opened his eyes causing him to freeze. The other was crying… heavy tears were running down his flushed cheeks and Nino hated it. He felt the urge to kiss him all over his face… reassure him that he meant every word… show him that he was really there… only for him…_

_He could feel the cock inside him still being hard but there was no move. It was as if time had frozen. “I love you, Satoshi… I love you from the bottom of my heart… You and only you…” he whispered once again while cupping with both hands the tainted-from-tears cheeks and started moving up and down… slowly at first. He could see all the doubts and all the questions that were ghosting in those eyes… staring at him intensely, wanting to know the truth. He curved his lips into a smile… He dared to say nothing more… he didn’t need to. Their eyes were speaking on their own… He whimpered when he felt a powerful thrust against his own move, making him stretch to his limit. The urge to throw his head back was enormous, especially when the rhythm between them starting building up fast again, but he refused to tear his gaze apart. Strangely, his eyesight got blurrier the closer he got to his orgasm. Was he… crying?_

_“I love you… I love you…” he kept whispering not caring anymore, if he cried… The other had always been able to see through him. There was no point in hiding._

_A loud scream escaped from his throat when he felt the man underneath him tremble and sending right up into him his hot cum. ‘I’m his…’ Nino thought blissfully, letting his body experience his own powerful orgasm that made every single inch of his body be electrified. He came between them, dirtying both his T-shirt and the older man’s dress shirt but at that moment, he didn’t care… He was in the arms of the man he loved… they were still connected._

_The other tried to push him away but he snuggled closer to him like a little bird who’s denying to leave his nest. It was inside of these arms that he felt safe… He didn’t want to let go…_

_He buried his head in the crook of the other’s neck, taking a deep breath. He loved this cologne… mixed up with sweat… It felt like home…_

_“I love you, Satoshi…”_

_“No. You hate to lose.” The answer came and despite how breathless it had sounded, Nino could still trace the same hostility he had felt before._

_“No!”_

_“So, you want to tell me that you came today into my office because you wanted to tell me this?”_

_“Yes…” Nino whispered, still unwilling to leave the other’s lap._

_“And you had no plan to make this happen?”_

_“No… I swear I didn’t come here to-”_

_“You seemed really focused on your task, though… doing exactly what it would take for me to be unable to say no to you.”_

_“I swear I just wanted-”_

_“… to prove your point to me clearly.”_

_“Satoshi…”_

_“And you were right… It only took us fifteen minutes.”_

_Nino moved so that he could see the other’s eyes. “What are you saying…? Satoshi, I love you!”_

_“You love me?”_

_“Yes!”_

_A bitter smirk formed on Satoshi’s lips. “Then, why do you have love bites on your neck? You forgot to cover them like before or you wanted to show me who does you better?”_

_Nino’s hand immediately traced the marks. ‘Was that the reason why you were crying?’_

_“No! It’s not like this! Believe me! I’m yours… I want to only be yours! I love you!”_

_“Do me a favor and leave! Now!”_

_“No! No, I won’t!” Nino shook his head negatively fast but before he could do anything he was thrown on the floor with a harsh move._

_“I think I was clear!” Nino kneeled on the floor trying to reach for Satoshi’s legs but the latter moved away before he had the chance to reach for them._

_“Please, no…” he whispered in a weak, trembling voice. ‘Why are you not listening to me even now?!’_

_Nino felt a hand under his chin pulling it up so that he could look at the other man. His eyesight was blurry but didn’t dare to look away._

_“I don’t deny it…” Satoshi whispered close to his face, his hot breath landing on Nino’s lips. “You’re a good fuck but I can live without it. Now, leave and never come back!”_

_“No! No! Satoshi… Satoshi… Please…” he blinked wiping his tears away just to find out that he was left alone in the office._

_He felt all power leaving him. “Satoshi…”_

“SATOSHIIIII”

 

Nino winced from pain as he opened his eyes and tried to move. He was half-lying on the floor and half-leaning against his bed. He frowned as he tried to take notice of his surroundings. He was in his room. _A dream?! It was only a dream…_ Nino didn’t know what to feel? Disappointed because Satoshi hadn’t made him his or relieved that he hadn’t truly said all those hurtful things to him? All these past days, he kept replaying the last time they were in Satoshi’s office. Nino shivered as he recalled the disappointment he had seen in the other’s eyes… disappointment and indifference towards him.

 

_Dreams are reflecting our deepest wishes and fears…_ Nino thought with a bitter smile. He closed his eyes with both his hands and took a couple of deep breaths. He could feel his heart beating fast. It had felt so heartbreakingly real… He sighed and tried to move, cursing under his breath. He was feeling cold… Lowering his eyes to his crotch he could see it having gotten wet. The dream was so intense that he had come… Everything had felt so real…  His fingers came to trace his neck, freezing when they reached the basis close to his collarbones. In a fast move, he stood up, stumbling in the process, but managed to go to the small bathroom that was inside his bedroom.

 

He looked at himself in the mirror. His eyes were swollen and red… he had dark cycles underneath them… his skin was paler than usually… He was a mess… His eyes fell on the dark marks on his neck. With a trembling hand, Nino reached to trace them.

 

“I guess this part of the dream was real…”

 

He threw unceremoniously his clothes on the floor and headed to get a quick shower. He had to try… for Jun.

 

Fifteen minutes later, he was sitting on his bed wearing only his bathrobe looking at his cellphone screen.

 

 

Re: Meet-up

From: hina.matsuhita@ssmail.com

To: ninokazu@gmail.com

(Sent: 2017 September 23. 11:34)

 

Come to our usual meeting point at 12:30. Don’t be late or you’ll be punished.

Prove to me that you are a good puppy.

 

*p.s. I promise you we’ll have lots of fun like good old times! ;)

 

 

Nino replied to the mail and went to his wardrobe to get ready. He chose a pair of skinny, gray jeans and a black V-shirt neck. _His_ favorite style. He looked at his idol in the mirror smiling bitterly. _How ironic…!_ he thought, his heart clenching in his chest. The one thing that had once made him feel free and alive, now made him suffocate…

 

He looked at his watch and hurriedly left his room, not daring to search for his younger brother. He couldn’t when he was about to meet with this particular man. He was too dirty to look at him like this. He only hoped that after today’s meet-up the other would give him a small break… _I guess I have to look up to grandpas again… At least, there I get paid…_

 

The moment he climbed down the stairs, he came across the butler who was throwing him a disapproving look. Nino was tempted to send him to hell but had to remain calm… Jun could be listening. “Please, inform Jun that I won’t be back for lunch. I have an important appointment.”

 

“As you wish, Kazunari-sama.” The reply came fast, in the usual cold tone.

 

Nino limited himself to a cold stare and left the house. Once he had closed the large door, he let out a long sigh. He looked at the garden with a bitter smile. None of this property was his. He had dealt to be the guardian of Jun till he became an adult but everything that had remained to the Matsumotos was controlled by the group of lawyers his father had left as responsible. He couldn’t care less but he wished he didn’t have to come across those who knew… For the new household staff he was the older brother who took care of Jun… for those who had been a part of it before  his departure in Singapore, he was nothing more than the useless bastard who took advantage of the family money, caused debt and now, he’s helping his younger brother because of guilt. They weren’t much wrong… the only detail was that he didn’t do it out of guilt for his father’s suicide but for the brother he so loved.

 

Trying to push all the negative thoughts away, he climbed into the first taxi he saw not wanting to be late. He had no right to be late… That was clear since the very beginning… Jun was the reason for still being there but he was the only one to blame to be stuck like this. He had made the wrong decisions and now, he was paying.

 

~.~.~

 

**_Six years ago…_ **

 

 

_“Kazunari!”_

_Nino raised his head staring at his father looking at him furious from the door of his bedroom. “What the hell do you want?”_

_“What is she doing here?” his father asked angrily pointing at the woman who was sleeping naked on the bed._

_Nino looked at the sleeping man but shrug his shoulders. “Sleeping?! I fucked her so many times last night… so… I guess it’s logical? I had told her that if she let Yukio participate too it’d be better for her… but she was selfish to want me all for herself!”_

_His father paced into the room ready to slap him when Nino looked at him smirking. “She’s a maid!”_

_“Thanks for the information but I guess I already know…”_

_“Your mother’s personal maid!”_

_Nino’s smirk got bigger. “I know that, too! It was a plus!”_

_“She’s not an adult yet! She’s eighteen!”_

_“And so what?! I didn’t force her. She opened her legs willingly begging me to fuck her! I couldn’t let her down!”_

_“KAZUNARI!”_

_Nino let out a sigh and got out of the bed not caring to cover himself up. “Honestly, dad… Doesn’t that make you happy? You know what they say… Like father like son… I only made sure to look like you!”_

_“What the hell-?”_

_“But tell me… is it because of her age? How old was Kazuko when you fucked her?” He saw his father turning pale. “Speechless huh?! I told you I’d make you proud and now, excuse me I have to get ready to go the ceremony! You paid so much money to get me my university diploma… you know I hate to disappoint you!” he walked towards the bathroom with slow, confident steps. ‘Asshole…!’_

_\---_

_“You’re leaving for Singapore.” Nino’s father announced after having been served dinner._

_“That close?!” Nino asked mockingly. “I always thought it would be another continent!”_

_“Tomorrow morning.” His father continued in the same tone._

_“Oh… I guess I have to get ready then.”_

_“Your things are already packed.” His ‘mother’ hurried to say with a triumphant smile on her face._

_“I had already guessed it. What I meant is to say my ‘goodbyes’ properly… And I have many… Yukio, Hiroki, Sakurako, Ryo…” he made sure to say the last name the moment the so-called servant was filling his father’s glass up making him ruin the tablecloth. “Excuse me, now.”_

_He ran up the stairs ready to turn to his room when he noticed with the corner of his eye, someone looking at him. He didn’t turn around to look. He didn’t want to. He felt exposed… these eyes shouldn’t be looking at someone like him… At least, now, that they were still innocent._

_“Jun love!”_

_He closed the door and leaned against it. “I love you, too… Jun…” He felt tears building up in his eyes._

_He was being thrown away. He desperately wiped his tears away. Why they were there in the first place? He already knew it… He knew that this day would eventually come. He knew he was never welcomed… never a part of this family or, more correctly, shitty family… but it still hurt… a lot…_

_\---_

_He had just finished his fourth drink when he felt a small tap on his left shoulder. He smirked. Finally, a man who was brave enough to come to him. It wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy a woman’s company but he preferred men… and to his surprise, in Singapore, the times he had slept with men weren’t many. He turned around with his best seductive smile. If the other was handsome enough, he had to be in his bed for the night._

_In front of him, a man in his late thirties was standing and Nino would swear he looked Japanese._

_“Dance?” the stranger asked in English._

_Nino smirked. He was a Japanese; he could tell by his accent. “With pleasure!” he answered in their mother language gaining a wide smirk from the other._

_“I had my suspicions but wanted to be sure…”_

_“And now that you are…?” Nino asked whispering on the stranger’s lips._

_“What do you say we skip the dancing part and move straight to the point?”_

_“Where?”_

_“My hotel room. Luxury Resort. Suite no 785. Does it sound alluring enough to you?”_

_Nino licked his lips. “You have no idea how much…”_

_“Your name?”_

_“You can call me Nino.” Nino replied throwing his hands around the stranger’s neck._

_“You’ve got a nice name but that won’t be how I’ll call you.”_

_“Eh?” Nino frowned confused._

_“You’re too cute for that… puppy…”_

_Nino giggled but said nothing more. As long as the other fucked him hard, he didn’t care how he would call him. He allowed to be dragged out of the club. To his surprise, he was led to a luxurious black limousine. He noticed two men dressed in black with sunglasses standing next to it. The stranger whose bed would share that night didn’t need to open his mouth._

_Nino smirked in his drunkenness. It felt strangely good to be with a man with such power._

_He was thrown at the back seat, enjoying the way the leather felt under his skin. The man sat beside him looking at him with a wide smirk. Once the door was closed, the man took a hold Nino’s nape and lowered him to his crotch._

_“Because I’m good I’ll let you have a first taste but better be fast… We’ve only got ten minutes.”_

_Nino winked at the other and quickly unzipped the trousers. That night was turning out better than he had thought at first._

_\---_

_When Nino opened his eyes, he found himself lying on a king size bed in an unfamiliar hotel – from what it seemed – suite. He sat up and gasped when he saw the marks that were covering his whole torso and his wrists. He felt sore but strangely satisfied. ‘It must have been one intense night!’ he thought amused and was about to get out of the bed when he heard footsteps._

_“My puppy is awake…”_

_Nino looked up and saw the man, whose image was becoming clearer minute after minute, coming and sitting by his side. He was only wearing his black briefs._

_“Nice tattoo!” Nino said, his eyes scanning the covered in ink arm of the stranger._

_The other muffled a laugh. “You approve?”_

_“It’s sexy… You’re quite the rebel for being a Japanese!”_

_The other was smiling rather strangely before he leaned close to Nino’s ear to whisper “In my family it’s a tradition…”_

_Nino wanted to make his mind work but due to the alcohol he had consumed and the sleepless night, it was impossible. ‘Weird tradition but whatever…’_

_“I want to see you again, puppy!” the man said while his hand was slipping on Nino’s back, going lower._

_“I would like that, too!” Nino whispered back. “It’s been so boring since I moved here in Singapore!”_

_“I can guess… and when you have all those stupid consultants all day long it only makes it more boring…”_

_“Consult-?! Do you know who I am?”_

_“I found your ID on the floor this morning… You did throw your trousers up in the air, wanting to get rid of it as soon as possible!” the other said with the same weird smile as before._

_Nino frowned at that but brushed it off. ‘That happens…’ “And who are you, Mister?”_

_“Matsuhita Hina. Let’s say… businessman…” Matsuhita went to the other room and came back with a card._

_Nino took it without looking at it. He knew it had the other’s number and mail._

_“I’ll contact you when I feel like playing again, puppy. Now, take a shower and then leave. I’m sure your… consultants must not be happy waiting for you to show up!” and with that he left, leaving Nino alone._

_A few minutes later, Nino heard a door closing. He threw his hands up in the air._

_“Finally! I’ll get to have some fun!”_

_\---_

_“Boss, it’s me, Hina. I found him.” the man smirked widely. “You were right. He’s a bored, rich, little whore. I guess in a couple of weeks it will be the best to put the plan into action. The investments will come into our hands and we will destroy his papa from the inside…”_

_He closed his phone and took a long puff before throwing the cigarette down on the street, not caring about the way he was being pointed out and the comments he was receiving. ‘And once it’s done, I’ll make sure that ‘Nino’ never leaves me… he’s way too cute… innocent-looking and whore-like-demanding… like the puppy I always dreamed to have…’_

_~.~.~_

“Puppy!”

 

Nino felt a cold shiver running down his spine but forced himself to smile. “Babe… I was-” before he could finish his words, he was pulled into a painful kiss.

 

It was always like that. The other would never care whether they were in public or not. He wanted to send his message clearly and remind Nino who, according to him, belonged to. Nino usually opened his mouth immediately knowing exactly what the other wanted him to do but this time, he had frozen. The moment he closed his eyes he remembered his dream… _him…_ how _his_ lips were feeling against his… how tenderly _he_ was kissing him, treasuring him into his arms. _Satoshi…_

 

“Puppy…” Hina growled, making Nino gasp. What was he doing?! In an instant, he opened his mouth kissing him back the way he wanted. It would soon be over… he would be free…

 

“Good boy…” Hina praised him once he decided to break the kiss after several long minutes.

 

Nino could feel his lips bruised by the hard bites but said nothing. He would make the other angrier and that was the last thing he wanted.

 

“Boss is happy with the money!” the other said with a raised eyebrow. “I keep reminding him that it was the best deal.”

 

“I don’t know what I’d do, if didn’t have you, babe!” Nino found it so sad because in a way these words did hide a piece of truth in them.

 

“You know I would do anything to protect you my puppy! Because I want you to be happy! If it wasn’t for me and boss went by his initial plan, there’s no way I could guarantee for your little brother and you’d hate that…!”

 

Nino closed his eyes tightly. “I know that, babe… and you know how much I do appreciate it!”

 

The other smirked. “Do you want us to grasp a lunch before you show me a part of your appreciation?” Hina leaned closer to Nino while his hand were massaging the latter’s wrists. “I want us to have fun today… My handcuffs are on my bed, waiting for your little wrists…!”

 

“Babe…” Nino whispered, taking a sharp breath.

 

“I want to see you sprawled on my bed… being on my mercy… begging me like a good puppy…”

 

Nino gulped. He was about to tell the other to immediately go – the faster he went there, the sooner he’d be let go – when his eyes met the one he wished the least to. _Why, now?_ Nino’s eyes bulged. He wasn’t alone… he was with the same handsome man he had seen him in the past. _And why with him?_ His hands clenched into fists. Probably, it was God punishing him.

“Puppy?”

 

“I… I’m… not hungry… Let’s go!” Nino managed to say, tearing his gaze apart from the two men a few meters away. “I can’t wait much longer!”

 

The other gave him a playful smack on his butt, luckily, not noticing who was standing a few meters behind him. “Always impatient, puppy! Let’s go!”

 

Nino was dragged away hoping that _he_ hadn’t seen him.

 

***

 

Nino had passed all his afternoon staring at his phone. There was a hint of smile on his face as his fingers came to touch the screen. It was one of those photos of Satoshi he had saved just for himself. The sleeping image of the man he loved gave him peace in his soul. He somehow felt stronger. It had been a week since he met Satoshi with that man in the streets. Luckily, the next day, Hina was sent to Korea to take care of someone and he was allowed to relax a bit.

 

He had thought over and over again and realized that he was being selfish. At least, he had come to know how it is to be loved… before he would either be approached for his name and would be left alone the moment they found out he had no real power or be approached because simply he was an easy fuck. Either way gave him no importance as a person. He chuckled. Before Satoshi, he would never consider himself a person… a thing… maybe; a toy that simply liked to let others play with it.

 

_He_ was the one who made him feel human, for the first time in his life. Nino felt that there was someone who was seeing him as someone who was worth their attention; someone who was worth their feelings, their love. Satoshi had made him experience so many wonderful sensations… not only sexual… emotional, as well. He taught him how complete someone can feel only by being held hugged or by having the fingers intertwined with those of the one they love… He was able to feel… to smile and laugh wholeheartedly. He was able to see Jun in the eyes… It hadn’t lasted much. How could it? But at least, it had. Now, that he had the time to put his thoughts down in order he realized that perhaps he was asking too much.

 

Life was kind enough to have given him the chance to love and be loved even if it lasted for a few months. He should be grateful because he knew he didn’t deserve it. Perhaps, the man that he had seen with Satoshi was better for him. Satoshi deserved to find happiness… he didn’t. The only thing he could do is to treasure those moments deep into his heart and move on.

 

He sighed as tears blurred his eyesight… _again_ … “Stubborn tears…” he mumbled annoyed with himself as he wiped them away with the back of his hands.

 

He almost jumped up when he heard his phone ringing. It was time to get ready for work. He quickly got dressed and got out of his room. He needed to escape from the house before he bumped onto Jun.

 

He was about to open the door of the mansion when he heard his younger brother’s voice.

 

“I’ve made you a sandwich. I’m sure you won’t be late wherever it is that you have to go.”

 

Nino turned around and saw Jun looking at him with narrowed eyes and his hands folded in front of his chest. “Jun…”

 

“I’m not listening. It’s a sandwich. Come!”

 

Nino sighed but followed the other. There was no way out. They sat on the sofa side by side.

 

“You made sure to put everything I love in it…!” Nino murmured as he took the first bite.

 

“Of course! I had to make sure you’ll eat it! You don’t eat much lately, brother…”

 

“Sorry, mum!” Nino tried to joke but his voice betrayed his emotions. Jun, like always, looked close at him.

 

“You should take better care of yourself! You always yell at me, yet you do the same thing!”

 

“I know… I’m sorry…” Nino whispered, his lips having curved into a hint of smile. “I promise I’ll try my best from now on!”

 

“Eat up!” Jun said as he took a large bite himself, moaning. “It’s delicious!”

 

“It is!” Nino agreed and continued eating. He looked around but saw no one.

 

“I’ve asked everyone to leave us alone!” Jun said, as if he was able to read his mind.

 

“Oh… ok…” Nino threw a quick glance at his younger brother. “Is there something in particular that you perhaps would like to discuss with me?” Jun cleared his throat, his cheeks flushing, making Nino muffle a chuckle. “What is it?”

 

“I… Do you… hmm… remember when I had told you about…”

 

“This friend of yours, the basketball player, that you like and likes you back?!”

 

Jun blushed lowering his head. “You remember everything…” he mumbled under his breath.

 

“Of course, I’d remember! So…? What is it?”

 

“Well… He… has this party…”

 

“Of course, you can go! You already knew my answer on that, Jun!”

 

“The thing is that it’s his uncle that organizes it… Masaki lives with him and… well… he told me that I could go…”

 

“Ok… Where’s the problem?” Nino asked with a frown.

 

“His uncle… asked you to come, as well… I guess as a chance to see-”

 

“What kind of people we are… or more precisely, I _am_. I don’t judge him. I would probably do the same, if I were in his position. Don’t worry Jun. I’ll come and we’re going to show to this uncle of your _friend_ that his nephew has done the best choice!”

 

Jun hugged Nino tightly. “Thank you! I love you so much!”

 

Nino hugged his younger brother back. “I love you, too, Jun! I’d do anything for you and you know it!”

 

“But I thought that…”

 

“I’ve faced worse than this… And believe me, I’m also curious to see what kind of person this Masaki, who managed to win my little brother’s heart, is! When is it?”

 

“In a week. Next Friday. At 9 pm.”

 

Nino made a mental note to take that night free. “Got it!” he looked at his watch, tickling his tongue at the back of his teeth. “But I really need to go, now…”

 

“Can’t you avoid it?”

 

“Unfortunately not… but I hope very soon, I will!” Nino smiled at the way Jun’s face lit up.

 

“You… you mean it?”

 

“Yes…! Now, make sure not to stay up till very late and tomorrow morning, I promise we’ll go down town to have breakfast. We could also go for some shopping… We have a party and we need to look flawless! What do you say?”

 

“That you’re the best brother in the world!” Jun exclaimed in an exciting way that reminded Nino how it is to be a teenager and be able to live every moment of it… unlike him…

 

He winked at him and stood up. “It’s a deal, then. Bye, Jun!”

 

He closed the door behind him, determined to get as many guests as possible. It was exactly this picture of happy, carefree Jun that he was trying his best to save and he would succeed in it, no matter how many assholes were trying for the opposite.

 

***

 

“Nino! New customer!”

 

Nino turned towards the direction his boss was pointing at just to freeze. _WHAT THE…? What is he doing here?!_ His heartbeat rose dangerously.

 

“Are you sure, he asked for me?”

 

“Yes. He asked for Nino.”

 

Nino narrowed his eyes. He knew his name but from what it seemed didn’t know who he was. _He came to check who I am…_ “I’m going.”

 

“Do your best, if you want me to forget your performance in this club these past few weeks. Go!”

 

Nino’s eyes crossed with the number one host’s for a minute but quickly averted them. From that time that he had seen him leaving with the CEO, he couldn’t but think only that… but now, it wasn’t the time. _I have to focus…_ he shook his head fast, trying to get rid of any negative thoughts. He had to stay professional, even if the other had come here to belittle or mock him. It wouldn’t be the first time anyway…

 

He walked confidently towards the table that the man was waiting for him.

 

“Good evening, Sir. I was told you asked for me…” he said with his best seductive voice and the brightest smile he could make at the moment.

 

“So, _you_ are Nino…!” the man said while his eyes scanned him from head to toe.

 

Nino tried to keep his smile as he sat by his side. “You have heard about me?”

 

The other was staring at him with a raised eyebrow. “You can say so… I’ve been told you’re really good at your job and decided to give it a try myself.”

 

“Really?!” Nino asked, pretending to sound indifferent. “I’ll try my best to live up to these expectations, then…”

 

“You’re cute…” the other said as he lit up a cigarette. “There you go! Just got yourself my first compliment!”

 

Nino smiled placing his hand on the man’s knee. Somehow, it felt like burning. He wanted to take it away the moment it touched the fabric of the man’s trousers but had to play along. He had to be the perfect host.

 

“I hope I win more as the night passes by…” he said in a lower tone, as he leaned closer to the other.

 

“I’m sure you will… You’re already on the right track…”

 

“May I know your name? I’m pretty sure I’ll want to compliment you myself…”

 

The other smirked. “You can call me Sho.” He leaned into Nino’s ear, whispering it.

 

_Sho…_ Nino bit his lower lip. Now, he had a name to put next to Satoshi’s. “Sho… Nice name… Sexy, if I may say…” he hoped the other hadn’t realized how much his voice had cracked.

 

“I’d like a drink.”

 

Nino closed his eyes thanking his luck. He immediately prepared two drinks. He felt Sho’s hand wrapping around his shoulders, making their bodies get closer. Before he could realize what he was doing, he pushed the other away.

 

“Is there a problem?”

 

“I’m… sorry…” Nino mumbled panicked. What the hell was he doing?! He was at work… and what he had just done was unacceptable.

 

“It was too fast, wasn’t it? My mistake…”

 

Nino looked at the other perplexed. He seemed to be ok when he should have felt offended, if not mad… proving that the reason for his presence in the host club wasn’t its services but something else. _What do you want from me?_ The questions kept coming into his mind, no matter how much he tried to push them away.

 

“Do you believe in love?”

 

Sho’s question took him by surprise. “Lo…ve…?”

 

“Yes… Do you believe that it exists or it’s just a childish wish with no possible application in real life? A dream, if you want…”

 

“I believe…” Nino replied looking straight into Sho’s eyes. “It may be quite difficult to find but there is out there… People who are willing to love aren’t many… That’s for sure… but those, who do exist, make all these childish wishes, as you called them, worth.”

 

“That’s not the answer I was expecting from a host to be honest!” Sho said in a rather mocking way.

 

“But here you don’t find love… I don’t offer you love… I offer you moments of attention… interest if you want but definitely not love… Love isn’t something to be ordered, neither to be found. It’s love the one that finds you.”

 

“You sound as if you have experienced it…”

 

“Maybe I have…” Nino said in a trembling voice. He quickly cleared his throat and filled Sho’s glass with scotch. “But enough with philosophies…” This time, it was him the one who placed his arm around Sho, making sure to be pressing on the latter’s side. “… There are other, more… interesting…. discussion topics, don’t you agree?”

 

Sho smirked again but didn’t say anything in reply. Nino chose to let his client decide when they dived into a discussion topic. Usually it would be him initiating the whole thing but that included flirtation which in _Sho’s_ case was not an option. They continued drinking in silence for more than twenty minutes. The more time passed by, the more Nino was starting feeling uneasy. The other had yet to mention of Satoshi… he hadn’t he hinted anything either.

 

“There’s something I want to ask you…”

 

Nino gulped. _I guess it was about time…_ “Of course…, Sho. What… is it?”

 

“Would you pass the night with me, if I asked you?” Nino gasped. This was the last thing he was expecting to hear. I see… _You like playing dirty…_ he thought bitterly. He took a deep breath and looked at the other who was mirroring him. “No, Sho. I wouldn’t, so I’m happy that you don’t _actually_ ask me such a thing.” He hoped he had answered in a way that wouldn’t sound too rude for his boss to get mad but in the same time, too clear for this man. Deep inside, he wanted to yell at him that the only man he wanted to pass his nights with was Ohno Satoshi. He also felt a sudden urge to punch him; not only because he was doing that behind Satoshi but also because he was throwing his true identity right onto his face.

 

“Why not?! I do have the money, just like the others that you allow to take you to hotel rooms...!”

 

Nino closed his eyes tightly. He had to control himself. “I don’t know what you’ve heard exactly and from whom, but I can assure you I’m not-”

 

“I know very well that you say no to a check with a six-digit amount of money written on it. The same way I know that I’m not ugly... which could only be a bonus to you!”

 

Nino sighed before he looked straight into Sho’s eyes. “You’re definitely not ugly Sho. You’re handsome and you know it; very well. But I’m afraid that even if this check of yours has nine or even ten digits, I won’t accept it. Please, don’t bring me in a difficult position.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because no matter how much you want me to fall into your trap, I won’t. You may have come here to make fun of me, to make me realize what a scum I am, to throw me to my face that I had no right to seek happiness with someone like _him_ … In a way, I understand… It hurts… but I understand but I won’t allow you to win this game because even if you can’t believe me, a host, a whore, I do have experienced love. I have loved him and I continue to love him. I have seen you two together a couple of times. I’m sure you’re a better choice than me… everyone would actually be better than me… So, please, just make sure that he’s happy and leave me alone… I know very well that I’ve lost. Ok?”

 

Sho seemed speechless. He cleared his throat and placed the half-smoked cigarette he was holding till that moment in the ashtray.

 

“Well… It was… interesting meeting you, Nino. Have a nice evening.”

 

No trace of anger; no trace of mocking; nothing. Nino followed with his eyes Sho’s figure walking out of the club. _Was he just curious?_ A part of him wanted to run away and cry… cry till he had no more tears to shed but he wasn’t alone. He had Jun… he had a debt… he had to face the cruel reality and move on.

 

His eyes were left staring blankly at the main door of the club. _Just make him happy… Sho…_

***

 

“Don’t be nervous! You look great!” Nino whispered as they rang the bell. There was soft music and voices coming from the other side of the wall.

 

He could already guess what type of party that would be. The luxury of the block of flats they had entered betrayed it and Nino couldn’t lie… he was hating it. Posh parties with people that want desperately look flawless and arrogant were among his worst nightmares but he was here for Jun and he was determined to try his best.

 

After a few seconds the door opened, revealing a teenager, a bit taller and slimmer than Jun, whose face lit up when he saw who was standing in front of him.

 

“J!”

 

Nino raised an eyebrow, turning his gaze to Jun who was blinking awkwardly. “You must be Masaki.”

 

The taller teenager flushed Nino a smile as he gave him his hand. “Yes! That’s me! You must be J’s… Ah… I mean _Jun’s_ older brother. He has spoken of you with the best words! I… but… please, enter… How stupid…”

 

Nino chuckled. “It’s alright! Thank you, Masaki.” He found it cute how awkward and excited in the same time both Jun and Masaki were. He put on the slippers offered to them and stepped into the entrance hall.

 

“He’s handsome and cute. You’ve got nice taste, _J_!” he whispered in Jun’s ear the moment the other was far enough not to hear them.

 

“Brother! Don’t mock me…!” Jun whined making Nino smile widely.

 

“Can’t help it… You’re too cute not to!”

 

“Masaki, is this your friend Jun with his brother?” Suddenly another, more mature voice was heard, making Nino’s smile freeze. Soon, his whole body was frozen. Were his ears making fun of him? Most probably. He must have heard wrong…, _right_?

 

“Yes!”

 

“Nice to meet you! I’m Sakurai Sho. Masaki’s uncle.”

 

Jun mumbled his name shyly but Nino couldn’t. He still hadn’t dared to turn around. The other was way too young to be an uncle. He couldn’t be the one. The name could only be a coincidence… just like the voice…

 

“And this is…?”

 

“My older brother. Matsumoto Kazunari. He’s my guardian.”

 

“Nice to meet you, Matsumoto-san. I’ve been looking forward to meeting you.”

 

Nino turned around slowly, his heart beating in a fast, painful rhythm. “I’m happy to meet you, too, Sakurai-san. Thank you for your invitation.”

 

“You’re welcome but please, don’t stay here. The guests are in the living room. Follow me.”

 

Masaki didn’t wait to hear another word. He had already taken Jun by his arm to show him around. Nino couldn’t help but look at them. They looked so cute together… innocent and happy…

 

“Who would have guessed?!”

 

Nino gasped at the sudden closeness of Masaki’s uncle who was no one else but the very same Sho who had asked for him at the host club. He was left staring at the two teenagers forgetting about the other’s presence.

 

“I would appreciate it if-”

 

“I won’t say anything…” Nino was about to speak but Sho raised his hand. “And I have no problem with Masaki dating Jun. He seems a good kid…”

 

“Sho? Are you here? Where did you go? Something happe-”

 

The last question was never finished. It felt as if time around Nino had frozen; as if inside the room there was no one else but them. Nino felt oxygen leaving his lungs… fate couldn’t play him such cruel games… or was it… He looked around to find Sho but he was nowhere to be seen. It was just the two of them.

 

“What are you doing here?”

 

Nino gulped. There wasn’t only shock reflected on the other’s tone. There was also the same coldness he remembered from their last encounter at his office. “Sa… kurai-san… he invited me because of my… brother… Jun. He’s with his nephew.”

 

“Ah! The boy I saw with Masaki is your brother?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“I didn’t know you’d be here, Matsumoto-san.”

 

He had said it again. _Matsumoto-san_. Nino had always hated this name and now, more than ever. There were already tears building up in his eyes but he tried his best to blink them away.

 

“I came for Jun. I also didn’t know that I’d find you here. Somehow… I’m… sorry… I know that you have told me that you do not want to see me again.”

 

“It’s… ok…” the older man whispered with difficulty.

 

The tension between them was unbearable. Nino could see that he wasn’t the only one affected. He saw the other ready to turn around to go back to the living room and before his logic registered his moves, ran up to grip his arm. It didn’t last for more than a few seconds, though. The older man, as a reflex, pushed his hand away.

 

“I… I didn’t mean to touch you… I… just wanted to tell you… to eat more… you should take care of yourself.” Nino knew his voice was cracking up betraying him. He wished he was able to tame the storm of emotions fighting inside him but couldn’t. The first tears made their appearance breaking him completely.

 

“Kazu, are you al-”

 

Nino tried to suppress the sob that threated to come to the surface when he heard the other calling him like that. “I’m sorry… I…” he took a deep breath before continuing. “I will get used to it. I’m really trying. You know… I thought things over and realized that I should only be grateful to you. Thanks to you, I learnt how it is to love and be loved. I knew from the start that we couldn’t have survived… because it was _me_ … I… want you to know that I… love you…” the last words were spoken almost in a whisper. “…and because I love you, I want you to be happy, even if this happiness isn’t with me… I promise I won’t come close to you as long as I stay here. I won’t ruin your life… Not anymore. I hope he can make you happy, Ohno-san.”

 

And with that Nino tried to smile. He doubted he had done it in a successful way but he had tried and that was enough for him at the moment. He wiped the tears away and took a few more breaths. He had to be strong… he was there for Jun.

 

Before the CEO had the chance to say anything else to him, he entered the living room. He immediately looked for the most comfortable corner at the room. He didn’t want to speak to anyone that night. He needed to stay in the shadows where he belonged. He took a glass of wine and leaned against the wall. He was left staring at the few guests talking, smiling, laughing... How strange was it? To be in a room full of people yet feel alone… completely alone… Nino bit his lower lip forcefully. He should remain calm. He finished the wine in one go and got himself a second. The voices around him were loud but it was almost funny. It felt, as if they were part of a different universe than him.

 

It was almost ten minutes later than he saw Satoshi entering the living room accompanied with Sho. _Of course it would be him…_ His heart clenched painfully. No matter how much he hated, he had to admit that they actually looked good together; probably, because they belonged to a world while he didn’t and never could.

 

He could see that the CEO was also very nervous, avoiding to turn his eyes to his direction even for one second. Nino’s eyes lowered on the floor, his free hand clenching into a fist. As time passed by, things were becoming clearer in his mind. This Sakurai Sho hadn’t come to talk to him about Jun, even after two hours that had passed by since he had come to this party. Was it really his brother the reason he was there or that was only a trick to make him watch how he was such a better choice for Satoshi than him?

 

Nino sighed. He didn’t know what to think… he only knew that he was feeling suffocated in this room. He finished the second glass he was holding in one go and went to the bathroom, after asking Masaki who was sitting with Jun in a smaller room next to the living room.

 

He tried to look ok to his brother and hurried to throw some water on his face. The door was open but he wasn’t prepared for the image he saw.

 

_Why are you crying?_

He couldn’t stand still while seeing the man, he loved more than himself, suffer like this. He thought to turn around and leave him, knowing deep inside that this was what he had to do, if he wanted to respect Satoshi’s wish but it was above his powers. He was only human… with many weaknesses… and a crying Satoshi was one of them.

 

He quickly wrapped his arms around the older man’s waist from behind, pressing their bodies together. He gasped surprised when Satoshi’s hands found his, holding them tightly. Nino rested his head on the other’s nape and started crying himself. He couldn’t count how many minutes they had stayed like this; neither when Satoshi had turned around, crushing their lips together; nor when he was tilting his head to the side, opening his mouth wider. He just knew that his heart was beating crazily in his chest and he could feel Satoshi’s following the same rhythm, too.

 

It was so familiar… Just like that dream… only that this time it wasn’t a dream but reality. It was crazy… but also wonderful… Nino felt more alive than he had ever did in the last few weeks.

 

“Stop…” Satoshi whispered, still panting breathless from the intense kiss, once he broke it. “I can’t… not anymore…” his eyes locked on the floor. “I’m sorry, Kazu…” and with that left.

 

Nino was trying to catch his breath ready to run behind the CEO when he was blocked by Sho. The latter was staring at him with narrowed eyes, making Nino gulp, taking a couple of steps backwards.

 

“I think it’s time for us to talk, Matsumoto-san.”

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

 

Satoshi was sitting on the floor with his back on the wall staring blankly at some point in the dark room. He didn’t know what time it was… neither did he care to find out. He still didn’t know how he had managed to leave Sho’s house after having tasted _his_ lips again. Once he was inside his apartment, he didn’t care to take his clothes off; neither to take a bath. He was replaying the kiss again and again, not being able to believe that it had actually taken place in Sho’s house. He had sworn that such thing would never happen again but then, how could it not?

 

Deep inside, he knew that this fight was in vain. He knew he wasn’t as strong as he tried to look and the events from earlier before proved it. But that wasn’t the only case. The words of the number one host were still lingering in his mind… He had told him that the only moments Nino seemed happy was with him. Could it be true? Perhaps, it was just a trick but then again, what would the host achieve? There wasn’t something for him to achieve. Satoshi had already after his first visits at the club realized how much rivalry existed between the hosts… This Hiro wouldn’t have anything to win.

                                                                                        

His words were though enough to make Satoshi feel the need to see it with his very own eyes… Or that was what he was saying to himself to justify his decision to go at Nino’s work. He would stay outside the host club in the dark, always driving alone, using one of the company cars, in order not to be found. He would do it every single night. Several times, the thought of entering inside and asking for another host’s company had crossed his mind but that would be completely useless.

 

He couldn’t manage anything but hurt himself more than he already felt. The moment his eyes would meet with his would crush his heart into million pieces… from hurt, because he was this close and yet this far from him, from jealousy, because those hands would touch someone else and that voice would be destined to someone else but him but more than everything it would break from disappointment. The other’s presence in the club would only remind him that he had failed and he was once again alone… there would be nobody to say a sweet word close to his ear, he would feel no warmth from a body pressed close to him. He would end up feeling empty and that would bring him even more fear… emptiness… like it had several years ago… the only time had let his heart beat a bit faster over everyone. This time, his father wasn’t alive but there was the rest of the family. He remained an Ohno... which only meant nightmares… _again_ …

 

He couldn’t get to break down like that once again. He couldn’t handle it. That’s why he had chosen to always wait outside the club, behind the steering wheel until he saw his former lover leaving. He still wanted to see how the other was. Was he ok? Was he feeling bad? Would he leave with company?

 

Most of the times, Satoshi would witness Nino leave alone, with his hands in his pockets and his head lowered. His steps would be heavy, making him seem as if his mind was elsewhere… There was nowhere around him that _glamor_ of a host. There were other times, though, that clients, middle-aged men in most cases, would pull him into a kiss. It was also a couple of times that Satoshi had seen Nino enter into the expensive cars along with their owners. Satoshi’s heart was clenching every single time painfully but still… These men weren’t the ones who called him their _puppy_. These men wouldn’t kiss him in the forceful and possessive way he had witnessed a week ago, without caring about who may be watching, right in the middle of the road. It was that very moment that he questioned himself why he was still going to the club? Was there any reason to? He knew that the host hadn’t realized neither that he had taken notice of him nor that he was watching them closely. A part of him had felt the need to walk towards them and punch this Hina with all his might right onto his face. It was only when he had seen how Nino reacted that made him realize he had absolutely no right to go anywhere near them.

 

How could he, when he had seen the way Nino kissed this man back; it was in a way he had never done with him. Satoshi had seen clearly how the younger man had opened his mouth, how he was moving his head, tilting it to give the other full access… how he had moaned, not even caring about the disapproving looks they were receiving by the people around them. The kiss was as if it was taken out from a low budget AV video, messy and provocative. To Satoshi’s eyes it could only be called disgusting. His hands had clenched into fists when he saw how the hands, he wanted to feel only on him, were wrapped around the other man’s nape, massaging the hair while Hina’s ones were groping his lower back possessively. He couldn’t see clearly Nino’s face from his spot but there wasn’t much left for imagination. There was a rawness in the scene that was being played in front of his eyes that made him feel sick. Sho had tried to pull him away but he couldn’t move. His head once again was a mess.

 

Was truly Nino liking this? Was he really finding him boring? Had he really never enjoyed his kisses? His touches? The man in front of him was a shameless young man who only craved for carnal contact… And if the CEO judged from the passers-by’s comments, he wasn’t the only one who thought so. It still made him angry, though. He didn’t want to hear others calling the one he loved a slut or a whore. Because yes… he still loved him.

 

He was more confused than ever. He could still remember how his former lover would nestle in his arms after they had sex…It hadn’t happened only once or twice… It was every single time and it would always be Nino the one who was seeking for his hand in order to intertwine their fingers together. It would always be Nino the one who would take deep breaths in the crook of his neck, in order to capture his _beautiful relaxing scent_ , like he used to tell him. Were all these moments nothing more than pure lies? If he judged from the way, he was letting the other manhandle him at that very moment, Satoshi thought they were…, right? He still remembered how he gasped in surprise when he saw Nino grabbing the other man’s arm while staring at him with a rather playful, inviting look. Satoshi lowered his head at the sight. No… This man in front of him was a total stranger… his eyes were reflecting no love… no warmth unlike the Kazu he had gotten to know.

 

It had been painful when he had seen all those mails… let alone seeing it live before his eyes, especially when he saw the way Nino was pulled by his arm and thrown into the luxurious black car that was waiting for them a few meters away. He hadn’t been able to see his former lover’s face but he knew that it must have been painful. His remained locked on the small man’s figure, trying desperately to find any trace of discomfort, resistance but he saw nothing. It was as if he was accepting everything… perhaps because it was exactly that what he liked.

 

All this time, Nino was lying to him, meeting with this man while being with him, covering any marks that he might have on his body, refusing any type of help. He wished the host had opened up to him the way he had… even a bit. He wished he would have given him a trace of hope to find the light at the end of the dark tunnel but nothing. So, he decided to stop visiting the club. Nino had made his decision. A part of him, a tiny part of him, had been secretly wishing that the other would show up to him, telling him that everything with that man was over… that he was choosing him… but that never happened.

 

Satoshi had, finally, decided to let go. He soon realized, though, that it wouldn’t be that easy to do so. The image of Nino meeting with that man was still strong in his mind, accompanying him every single night in his dreams… other times he would see Nino sitting on that man’s lap with his hand wrapped around his neck, looking at him provocatively; other times, he would see him sitting curled up in the corner of his bedroom asking him for help before this man came and take him away from him. Nino had told him that he loved him. He still had that text. Was that another game of his? And if yes, what would he gain? Was it a matter of pride or just fun?

 

Satoshi knew it well that if it wasn’t for his friend, he would have turned crazy. It was the reason why he had accepted to go to that party, even if he despised such events more than anything. He had to try to stop thinking about him… or more correctly, to make his mind stop thinking in general. The last he was expecting to find at Sho’s house, though, was _him_ … the very same _him_ he was so desperately trying to let go. Was it pure coincidence or another cruel game of fate? He couldn’t know for sure…

 

What had happened between them in Sho’s bathroom had made Satoshi, once again, not knowing what to believe. His fingers came to trace his lips unconsciously. They were feeling hot under his touch. He could still feel the other’s soft ones on his… he could still feel the way, those hands he adored, were holding him tightly by the waist, pulling their bodies together, as he tilted his head to deepen it even more. The way he clang onto him wasn’t like he had seen with that man… it was different… if he didn’t know better, he would believe that the host was craving for him… wanted him in the same desperate way he did himself.

 

He still didn’t know what had triggered him to turn around and crush their lips together. Was it because the younger man looked more fragile and paler than he ever remembered seeing him before? Was it because of the tears he had seen Nino blinking away while telling him that he was trying to forget him? Satoshi sighed. Nino still had this impact on him… No matter what he did, no matter how much he tried, the other was still under his skin, deeply. His words… Could it mean that the other was feeling the way he did? Did he suffer? Did he miss him? But then again, hadn’t he seen him with that Hina? Was he missing something in the whole story? Had he acted irresponsibly? Satoshi was feeling his heart racing dangerously… He had seen the way the younger man would lean against the wall with the glass of wine in his hand. He seemed lonely… lost… suffocated…

 

Perhaps, it was exactly that what made Satoshi feel suffocated himself. The more he stayed at Sho’s party, the more he felt like that. Inside, he was crying, every inch of his body and soul experiencing the worst pain, and he knew he couldn’t fight it longer. He needed to calm down. He rushed to the bathroom to throw some cold water on his face. He thought he had managed to actually succeed in making himself stronger but the fragile image of the man he loved popped into his mind. The only thing he wanted to do was to run into the room and take him into his arms, like he used to, but he couldn’t. The other had chosen not to trust him and let him help which meant that he didn’t need his help in the first place. Yet… he seemed sad… Before he was realizing what was happening heavy, hot tears were running down his cheeks, staining them… making him give into his emotions that he was trying to suppress all this time.

 

It was then that he had felt two arms wrapping around his waist and a body pressing against his back. He didn’t need to turn around to know who it was. Instinctively, his hands came to find the others, seeking for their warmth. He had missed this touch so much. He could feel the rushed heartrate on his back. It was similar to his. Was there hope? Had he been blind all this time? Had he falsely chosen to stay away? Without realizing what he was doing, he turned around… he needed to see him… and he did… the other’s red, teary eyes, his half-agape mouth…Satoshi’s right hand came, trembling, to touch those thin lips he had missed so much. They felt dry yet still soft against his skin… still warm… still attracting him madly. Before he knew it, he was crushing their lips together. His mind turned blank the moment the other hugged him tightly, immediately tilting his head to the side to give him more space.

 

Satoshi moaned when he felt the mouth against his, open up, letting him explore it… and he did. He did like never before… It felt as if he had found an oasis after wandering around in desert for days. It felt perfect… He heard the other moan, the small hands lost in his hair, as he tried to deepen even more. It was that that made his brain break the spell he was under. What was he doing?  He had to leave… escape… The other was still with another man…

 

When he left, as if someone was chasing him down, he could feel his heart pounding crazily into his heart. It would accelerate at the sound of steps behind him… Though, every time he’d turn around there would be someone random… anyone but _him._ His lips curved into a bitter smile. Even after so many hours, he was still dressed… still waiting… he had to accept it. There was no knocking sound on his door, no bell ringing, no voice calling him. _I was still hoping that he would come…! I was still praying he’d follow me back to my apartment…! How pathetic are you, Ohno Satoshi?!_ He closed his eyes tightly letting out a long sigh. He had to take a bath and try to sleep. He had to try… even if sometimes, it felt unbearable.

 

***

 

Satoshi frowned when he heard his bell ringing. He had only fallen asleep around 5 am and his head was a mess. He looked at his watch on his bedside table. It was only 9 am. He sighed, shaking his head. “Sho… you and your need to check out on me as if I’m some kind of stupid kid…” he mumbled angrily under his breath as he put on his slippers, not caring to change his night clothes. It was only his friend anyway.

 

He walked with heavy feet towards the door when he heard the bell ringing twice. He ticked his tongue against his teeth as he placed his keys in the lock.

 

“You know, Sho, sometimes it’s too annoying having you show up this early in front of my do-”

 

He couldn’t finish his sentence. His eyes had bulged. In front of him, it wasn’t Sho the one who was standing; neither was the one he secretly had kept hoping all these past few hours.

 

“I’m… really sorry to come to your apartment this early but I really need to talk to you, Ohno-san.”

 

Satoshi was left staring at the other, blinking his eyes fast, his mouth agape. How did he know his name? And how did he know where he lived?

 

“Please… It really is important.” The other insisted, seeing no reaction from the CEO.

 

After a couple of seconds, Satoshi cleared his throat and made way for the other to enter. “Please…” he whispered with difficulty. What could this visit possibly mean?

 

He saw his uninvited guest slightly bow to him before he entered inside the apartment, taking his shoes off at the entrance. The CEO was looking at the slim figure of the young boy, still finding hard to believe it. What was Nino’s brother doing there?

It was only a couple of moments later that he realized the other was standing awkwardly, waiting for him to tell him where to go.

 

“The living room is from here…” Satoshi said as he showed with his hand to his right.

 

The other bowed with a hint of smile once again and walked towards that direction.

 

“You may sit on the sofa. I’ll go and change my clothes. I’m sorry for appearing like this, I thought it was Sho.”

 

“Don’t worry, Ohno-san. It’s me who appeared in front of your door this early in the morning.”

 

Satoshi said nothing in reply and headed to his bedroom to change. He didn’t know what to expect from this visit. It was the last thing he had imagined to happen. He put on the first trousers he found and a shirt. As he walked back into his living room, he saw the other looking around rather nervously. Now, that he was looking at him closely, Nino’s younger brother looked nothing like him. _Nino…_

 

Satoshi took a deep breath before he walked closer. “Would you like a tea?” he asked trying to sound not too nervous himself.

 

“It… it would be great. Thank you, Ohno-san.”

 

Five minutes later, Satoshi was sitting on his armchair so that he could look at the other well. The young boy was blankly looking at his cup without showing any willingness to speak. Satoshi, also, didn’t make any effort to start a conversation, making the atmosphere around them thick.

 

“My brother doesn’t know that I’m here…” Jun muttered after what it seemed like an eternity. His eyes were still fixed on his cup of tea. “He thinks I’m with Masaki.” Satoshi didn’t know what to say or ask, so he remained silenced. The teenager continued, causing the CEO to gasp. “You know… he blames himself… for me… for everything… He believes he has no right to love… no right to be happy… when he’s nothing but a victim himself.”

 

Satoshi turned his gaze slowly to the younger one. “What do you want from me, Matsumoto-kun?”

 

“I want you to listen to me.”

 

“There are things you don’t know… I appreciate your-”

 

“I know more than you think, Ohno-san. I know that he works as a host. I know that he occasionally sleeps with some of his clients at the club. I also know that there is this… weird man in his life.” Satoshi’s eyes bulged. Jun looked straight into the CEO’s eyes. “The same way I know that he loves you.” Satoshi gasped. “I wouldn’t be here, if he didn’t. Of course, he has no idea that I’m aware of all this…” Jun said with a sad smile. “I think it would kill him, if he did… From the very first minute he took my custody, he’s been hiding from me, as if that part of his life would make me change my mind over him. I pretend that I know nothing because that’s what he wants. I had sworn, I’d stay away but I can’t… not when I see him suffer more and more as the days go by. I want to help him every way that I can. He’s been there for me, even if he never showed it openly, till very recently. And that happened because someone had managed to make my brother see himself as a person, probably for the first time in his life.” Satoshi lowered his gaze to his lap. All kinds of emotions were in turmoil inside him.

 

“I decided to do something in return… The smile my brother had these past few months, Ohno-san, is irreplaceable. My brother deserves happiness. He deserves to be loved… because he’s an angel… an angel with broken wings.” Jun’s voice cracked up. “If there’s someone who doesn’t know things about Kazunari, this is you, Ohno-san; not me.”

 

“But…” Satoshi didn’t know what to say…

 

“In the beginning, I just knew that something was wrong. He would never eat dinner with me. He would always leave around 8 in the evening. If he saw me, he’d say that he’d meet with friends but the shadow that was ghosting over his eyes was telling me that he was lying. The times he’d come back completely drunk, cursing out loud how dirty he was, how much he hated himself weren’t few. Two years ago, I decided to find out what was going on. I sneaked into his room and checked his things. It was there that I found his card from the host club.” Jun tried to remain calm. “I had no idea why he had to work in such a place. I mean… We are rich… We have lost a significant amount of money but we’re still rich. I was confused. But that…” Jun’s voice cracked. “That wasn’t what made me worried. I was about to leave when I heard him cry. For a moment, I thought that he had woken up and caught me but when I turned around I realized that he was still asleep. He started rolling around, as if he was trying to escape from someone. It was then that I realized his torso was covered in small cuts. I was shocked. But then… he said something that made my heart break into pieces. He was begging someone to stop.” Satoshi felt his heart clenching painfully. _Was that this… Hina?!_

 

“I didn’t know what to do” Jun continued “…so, I sat at the edge of the bed and took him in my arms till I felt his muscles relaxing. I remained in the room until I was sure he was calm. I couldn’t sleep that night. Who could have done this to him? Why? I had to find out. I was watching him closely and quickly figured out that there were times that he’d leave as soon as he received a mail. Those times, he’d look the worst. I knew that it had something to do with what I had heard. So, I tried to search things up. Internet didn’t offer much information except for a piece that made me realize why my brother was this unwelcomed. There were articles that were presenting him as the total bastard who took advantage of his family’s wealth and power to live a sinful life that in the end, had as a result a huge debt and then, the loss of everything in Singapore that led our father to commit suicide. One page, though, mentioned the name of the person who took our subsidiary company in his hands; Yamaguchi Kentarou.”

 

Satoshi frowned once he heard it. _This name… why does it sound familiar? And why do I have this bad feeling…?!_    

 

“Maybe I’m wrong but I have this feeling that this man has something to do with the state my brother is in. I tried to find out more but there was nothing. Unfortunately, I couldn’t do anything… I wished I could but I’m too young and no one was willing to tell me anything about my brother and the events that took place at Singapore. I would always check on Kazunari, though. The times he’d mutter ‘Satoshi, I love you’ or ‘I’m sorry’ weren’t few. I came to realize that he hates everything that he is… even when happiness was in front of him.”

 

 _Kazu…?!_ Satoshi was biting his lower lip, his hands both clenching into fists on his lap.

 

“My brother, Ohno-san, has made mistakes… undoubtedly… but he shouldn’t have paid for them like this because he was nothing more than a victim himself. It was others who caused them; not him. I’ve been raised by a pair of people who shouldn’t have been parents in the first place… They treated me like a trophy, a good investment for their image… and think that I was the ‘good’ son… not a filthy bastard, to use my mother’s exact words, like my older brother. She would make sure to remind me how rotten he was, how evil… yet, I never remembered him being like that. He would provoke my parents, yes… But all I could see was pain. I still remember how he looked when he entered the car that would drive him to the airport. He was a trashy good and therefore thrown away. I wasn’t allowed to run to him and hug him; neither was I allowed to tell him that I loved him and that I would miss him. He was at the verge of crying… I could see it. He was trying to keep a smirk on his face but I knew he did it because he didn’t want to break down.”

 

Satoshi felt as if his heart was pierced with a knife. They had more things in common than he thought. They were both considered as mere nuisances… stupid zeros that if they had power, they would make sure to make them disappear for good. His hand came to find his temples. He was feeling hot… from anger and desperation. Not only because of the bastards named Matsumoto but also because of himself. He had also thrown him away, hadn’t he?!

 

“When he came back after the events, he avoided staying at home. At first, I thought that it was because he hated this place… even our butler would look down on him. Those, who knew, would make everything they could to show him how unwelcomed he was… they’re similar to our parents… disgusting. Like I told you, it was only later that I found out why he was staying away so frequently. He looked even worse… empty… but then… a few months ago, for the first time that I caught him smiling… there would be times that he looked sad, guilty but there were also times that I could tell he was genuinely happy. I tried to come closer to him… and subconsciously, he let me… He wouldn’t ask me to leave immediately because he was tired or had things to do. I decided to open up a bit… Perhaps, if I did, he would do it back to me. And in a way he did. He told me you know… that he had found someone important to him; someone whom he truly loved…”

 

Satoshi was staring blankly at the mug on the table in front of him. He hadn’t touched his tea that for sure, had turned cold by that moment. The other host’s words came to his mind once again. _“The only time Nino looked… happy… was when he was with you…”_ Only that now, these words were seen under a different perspective…

 

“I thought that now, that he had found someone, he would stop working in that club and stop seeing this… man that caused him nightmares and made him scream at nights.”

 

“Scream?” Satoshi asked before he could hold back. It was more like a question to himself rather than the young boy.

 

“Yes, Ohno-san. I could tell that it was something different from his work… That happened only when he was missing from the house for longer than ten or twelve hours… It was those times, that he’d scream in his sleep, crying… begging, obviously the man he’d been with, to stop… not to touch him anymore… and when I ran into his room, I would see them; they would always be there… marks…”

 

Satoshi’s ears were buzzing. In his mind, he kept replaying the scene he had witness a week before. The way that he was thrown to that black car. Nino didn’t like it… he was _pretending_ to like it… he was _forced_ to like it. He was… _Raped…_

“Unfortunately, I was proved wrong. Nothing had changed, he’d still meet with them. I thought that this man, whoever he was, had something that held my brother. I felt angry because I was useless. I had thought to go to the police but it would be in vain. I’m a minor… I was hoping for the person, my brother loved… but nothing. The happy Kazunari, I had seen during these past months, had once again disappeared. Last night, when I heard Sakurai-san calling you Satoshi, when I saw the way he was looking at you, I realized that the one my brother loves is _you_. I know that he does, Ohno-san… with all his heart. These past few weeks, he kept mumbling your name in his sleep, asking you to listen to him… crying in a way that makes my heart clench.”

Satoshi jumped up from his armchair. His heart was beating fast. _“I need to talk to you, Satoshi… Please…” He_ had asked him to listen to him. He had sent him that text. _‘I love you, even if you don’t believe me…’_ And yesterday, he had repeated the very same words… only that he had tears in his eyes, trying to cover them up with a smile. He had told him that he was grateful to him because he thought he wasn’t worth love. Satoshi grabbed his hair in despair. He was such an idiot… no… a true bastard… he had left his hurt feelings and his fears take over when the other needed him the most. It was him that had been an egoist… a fucking egoist, let to be led to conclusions just because it hurt too much and he was afraid to face the truth. 

 

“Ohno-san…” Still breathing heavily, Satoshi turned to his right to find the teenager standing a few centimeters away from him with tears in his eyes. “Please, help my brother.” He said with a trembling voice. “He loves you… and I believe… you… you love him, too. Please…”

 

\---

 

Satoshi was left staring at the closed door. It had been thirty minutes since Nino’s younger brother had left his apartment. He had accused the other when he wasn’t honest himself. He shamelessly had decided to push the host away when in the past, he had told him numerous times that _he knew_ the other loved him. He was nothing but a coward. He had chosen to run away… like he always did. He hadn’t let himself truly listen to the person he loved. Like yesterday… like all those times, Nino had tried to come closer…

 

He closed his eyes, a whimper escaping from his half-agape mouth. Nino’s pale image was now replaced by the image of him crying into his sleep. _Was it that the reason why you’d always cling to me this much? To feel safe?_ He buried his face to his palms He was feeling like a complete loser. Selfishly, he had focused on him, without taking real notice of the other. He had followed him to the club but had remained a coward to actually go and talk to other… And he thought that he had changed… He hadn’t… he was a coward…

 

His hand came to trace his lips, once again. He had always known he still loved him… That’s why he was so desperately trying to stay away… because he couldn’t handle it being close to the other… because he knew he was weak… because he feared there was nothing left to him…. nothing but pain… “Idiot! Idiot! Idiot!” he kept yelling angrily to himself. The detective Sho had given him had told him to look further into the case but he had so immaturely decided that what he had already found out was more than enough, especially when Nino had confirmed everything. He laughed bitterly. _Confirmed?!_ Now, he realized that he hadn’t confirmed anything… anything at all.

 

He had abandoned the other, the time he needed the most. It was obvious that the host wasn’t willing to reveal much all this time they had been together… only now, Satoshi realized that it wasn’t because he didn’t trust him but because he was afraid of causing him trouble… like most probably he did with his brother. He kept everyone away so that he could take everything… because he thought he deserved it.

 

The mug, still full of tea, was thrown with force against the wall across the room, breaking down into several pieces and staining the floor and a part of the sofa.

 

“IDIOT!” Satoshi screamed before he felt his knees weaken. He fell on the floor as sobs took him over. “He trusted you and you let him down like this… just because you were afraid of your past demons…”

 

Still having tears in his eyes, he stood up and went to have a quick shower. _I have to do something_ … He needed to calm down and think logically. The hot water that landed on his head made his muscles relieve some of the tension. His chest was still moving up and down but his heart was beating in a much calmer rhythm than before.  In only one hour everything had turned upside down; all his doubts and fears were replaced by anger and desperation. He needed to think… and he had to do it fast. Any minute that passed by may be crucial.

 

The teenager had mention a name. That must be a key.

 

“Yamaguchi Kentarou… Why do I think I’ve come across you?!” he mumbled to himself as he tried to relate the name to something or someone… but in vain. _I’m pretty sure we’ve never dealt with someone like this… Not even father would do business with someone who’d seek the worst opportunity like this out of fear for himself…_ he frowned more. _It would only be Hide-_ Suddenly, a specific paper flashed into Satoshi’s mind, making him close his eyes tightly. _Of course, it would be there_ …

 

Without thinking about it twice, he got out of the bathroom, got dressed hurriedly, grabbed his jacket and left the apartment. He had to visit his office and search through the papers he had confiscated from his brother concerning the latter’s underground business and future plans.

 

“If it is what I think it is, you’re dead, Hideshi…” he mumbled angrily under his breath, his hands both clenched into fists, as the limousine was taking him to the company. “You’ll see how I am when I don’t joke around…”

 

***

 

“It must be somewhere here…” Satoshi mumbled to himself as he searched through the papers he had taken from his brother. They were in his hands from the previous day of the gala. He had been determined to fight him and destroy everything his brother so desperately was trying to build behind his back. He had entrusted them to the lawyers, Sho had given him, so that all the necessary evidence was in the right hands.

 

It was the reason why his brother had accepted his new position in the company – that of a much lower rank without being able to utter a single word. Hideshi had come to realize that if he wouldn’t agree with Satoshi’s decision, he would end up in jail. Once his underground business would be revealed to the police, there was no way out and the chances to be supported by his beloved _mama_ were close to zero. Hideshi knew better than anyone that what the members of the Ohno family cared about the most was their image and the CEO had made sure to take advantage of it fully.

 

Satoshi, though, would have never guessed that these files could actually prove to be helpful in any other way. He sighed, his head resting on both his hands. It had been 3 hours since he had come to his office and started reading the copies, he had kept, but still no trace of that name.

 

_Damn it! I will find you!_

He filled the second cup of coffee for the day as his eyes kept scanning the data as fast as possible. He was at the verge of quitting when he saw a familiar name appearing at the end of the 78th page. There was no doubt; it was the name Nino’s younger brother had mentioned.

 

He took all the papers related and started reading them carefully. His heart had started beating faster and faster. Like in most cases, of this type of ‘businessmen’ there was only general information; only the name of the supposed company with some extremely generalized description of its purpose. There was no page on the internet, no address; nothing. There was no doubt that this was an off-shore company but Satoshi knew that it could be the very same one that had taken over the Matsumotos’ subsidiary company from Singapore.

 

Satoshi could also find a small resume, obviously fake, concerning this Yamaguchi Kentarou, but nothing more. The CEO tried to search on the archives of the company using but it seemed that there was nothing. He searched on the internet typing both the company name and that man’s name but the results were a complete zero. Satoshi knew that there was a big chance that Yamaguchi Kentarou may not exist at all. It could be a fake name… anything…

 

He was getting more and more frustrated until an idea popped into his head. From the time Hideshi was placed in his new position, Satoshi’s brother was obliged to stop using the archive data that was accessible only from those of a higher rank in the company. It had taken him a while to accept but after a small reminder of his other possible choice for his future, he was convinced to give his password to Satoshi.

 

Satoshi reloaded the system using Hideshi’s code and password this time. Everything seemed normal until the CEO’s eyes fell onto a small file at the end of the list characterized as ‘varia’. _This must be it…_

He opened it, causing his eyes to bulge. Here were all the contact information and details concerning his possible future coworkers. It was obvious that Hideshi had good sources and had categorized everyone. _I think it’s the first time in my life, my dear brother, that I feel the need to thank you!_ Satoshi could feel his heart beating crazily in his chest as he looked closer at the new information. There were from frauds to men whose specialty were embezzlements and from drug dealers to yakuza members. Satoshi felt his throat getting dry as he started reading the latter group.

 

“This one is located in Singapore… the contact number is the same as that of the other list so…”

 

He couldn’t understand. Perhaps, he was too stressful to be able to think clearly at the moment. There was no doubt that he was missing something. Everything pointed that this had to do something with his former lover’s case but in the same time, nothing was similar. There were only three names written underneath, though, none of them was Yamaguchi Kentarou.

 

“Yamatsu Genji… Hinata Jin… Hitaguchi Tarou…” Satoshi kept repeating the names again and again but he could think of nothing.

 

He was hoping he could find somewhere the name of Matsuhita Hina but had no luck. Till then, he was convinced that the other was somehow related to the yakuza. After everything Nino’s brother had revealed to him, he was someone Nino couldn’t escape from easily. His eyes had never left the three names when after almost half an hour, he gasped. _These names aren’t supposed to be real people… It could easily mean that they may refer to only one person… right?_

He quickly wrote them down. Some of them did share the same kanji but otherwise they would be different. “The sound though…” he mumbled to himself feeling his pulse getting faster in his veins. That was it… the sound… He quickly wrote down the names, this time, using the Latin alphabet. It was there. Yama existed in both Yamaguchi and Yamatsu. Matsu existed in both Matsuhita and Yamatsu. Hita existed in both Hitaguchi and Matsuhita. Hina was both the supposed name of that man Nino was meeting and part of Hinata. The same was with Tarou and with Ken or Gen.

 

 _He’s the very same person?! That’s why there’s no real data. Everything’s fake._ Satoshi felt his head like exploding. He had to think carefully… “I need to do something… I need Sho’s help… I have to find him…” he kept murmuring to himself, angry for losing precious time when he needed to have acted a lot sooner.

 

“Nino must know that the other is Yakuza… that’s why he never talked to me… that’s why he was still meeting with him… because he was trapped and he didn’t want to put anyone else in danger and me… what a stupid egoist… what a fucking stupid egoist!”

 

With trembling hands, he managed to save everything in a USB stick and closed the system down. His eyes remained staring at the now black screen of his computer. _It seems that my shitty family has infected me more than I had thought at first… I remained blind… an idiot… a fucking idiot who’s ruled by his fears and insecurities… who gets into conclusions because he thinks he has enough proof without letting the other explain… just because he’s afraid of getting more hurt than he already is…_

Tears full of frustration and anger filled his eyes blurring his eyesight. His heart was still beating crazily in his chest. He was sweating and his hands were almost trembling. He knew that he was at the verge of collapsing. In the past, he had suffered from panic attacks… It was those demons that he was chasing away with his behavior towards the host… because he felt that the chance was already lost yet there he was having caused it to himself.

 

“The one at fault is no one but me… But I must do something… I have to. There’s always time to collapse later… Now, the most important is Nino.”

 

He took a few deep breaths, got his things along with the USB stick and ran out of his office. As he got out of the building he quickly dialed the number he needed at the time. “It’s me. Can I come over? There’s something important I need to discuss with you… Fine… Thanks.”

 

He entered his limousine and gave his driver the instructions. He had to move and he had to do it fast.

 

_My love, please be patient… just a little… I won’t leave you alone… Not anymore…_

A tear ran down his cheek, his red eyes following the images that kept changing as the car moved around the busy roads of Tokyo. _Kazu… I am sorry…_

***

 

Satoshi hurried inside his friend’s apartment, finding the door open for him. He immediately headed to the living room where he saw Sho working behind his pc screen like usually. “I know you didn’t expect me but-”

 

“Actually, I did expect you, here, Satoshi.” The answer came unexpected. “I bet Jun-kun has already found you, hasn’t he?”

 

Satoshi sat down sighing. “ _You_ gave him my address…”

 

“I couldn’t do differently. I didn’t know that he was planning something like this but the determination I saw in his eyes made me realize that he was perhaps a better choice than me to wake you up.”

 

“But…”

 

“This… host… Matsumoto Kazunari… is someone you must not lose, Satoshi…”

 

“How can you be so certain?”

 

“I tested him; thrice.”

 

Satoshi frowned. _Tested?!_

 

Sho smirked as he rose from his chair and came to sit by his friend. “The first time it was when we accidentally saw him with that man down the street… I caught how he was looking at us… probably thinking that we look good together.”

 

Satoshi gasped at the realization of Sho’s words. “Wait a minute! Do you imply that…?” It was then that Nino’s words from yesterday reappeared in his mind, finally understanding what he meant when he had told him that he wanted him to be happy even if his happiness wouldn’t be with _him_. “Kazu… but why?”

 

Sho placed his hand on top of Satoshi’s shoulder. “You don’t understand? When you’re madly in love with someone, you can’t help but feel jealous when you see this very someone with another guy… Isn’t your case similar? Didn’t you get overly jealous when you found out about those mails?”

 

Satoshi lowered his head. He wanted to say that it was different but he couldn’t.

 

Sho sighed. “I can guarantee to you, Satoshi, that he truly _loves_ you.” Satoshi turned his gaze to his friend just to find him smiling fondly at him. “I’m sure because he told me so…”

 

 _When did Sho and Nino speak together?_ The CEO looked at his friend with a gaze that betrayed his confusion. “Told you?! When?”

 

“Last week… When I went to find him in his club…”

 

Satoshi couldn’t believe his ears. “Why would you go to his club?! You’re not even-”

 

“Gay?! I didn’t go there to have fun or to see how good he is at his services, Satoshi. I went there because I needed to have a clear image. Till then, I only knew things from your point of view. I needed to be sure he was truly worth my help. I had to test him.”

 

“Test… him… as?” Satoshi asked frowning.

 

“As pretending the client...” Sho said calmly. “… And require from him to spend the night with me.”

 

Satoshi’s eyes bulged. “Why did you do that?!” he was angry…angry and sad. It was this specific part of Nino that he wished to keep it as secret as possible. Of course, Sho knew everything… but from knowing it to actually provoking it in reality was different. He, now, knew exactly how Nino felt about it… His intuition had been right before but after this morning, he realized he never allowed himself to truly see how much pain those beautiful hazel eyes of his lover were hiding. _Why would Sho cause him more pain?!_

“Satoshi, I didn’t _want_ to bring him in a difficult situation but I _needed_ to. He had seen us together and I could tell from his gaze that he didn’t like it. I had to see if and on what degree, despite his problems, valued his feelings for you.” Sho sighed when he saw that Satoshi wouldn’t meet his gaze but instead, kept it locked on his lap. “He would freeze at any attempt of me, trying to touch him and every time, he tried to put on his host mask and made an effort to be closer to me he’d get stiffened.” Satoshi’s hands clenched into fists. He wasn’t sure, if he truly wanted to listen to this.

 

“Sho… please…” he whispered with a trembling voice.

 

“Satoshi, listen to me!”

 

The CEO closed his eyes firmly and sighed. “Sho, you could have found a different way, if you needed to!”

 

“You know very well that in any other circumstances, he would avoid me… There he couldn’t escape… and there was always the chance of the temptation of money. Yes. I asked him to pass the night with me…” Satoshi looked at his friend sadly. “He denied, Satoshi. He told me that no matter how much money I was willing to offer to him, he would still say no. It was that very moment that I realized he was the right man for you. He cared for you and that made me happy. I could see it in his eyes that he would never betray you like this. Because in this case, he had the chance while with that asshole, he didn’t. Do you understand why I did this, now, Satoshi?”

 

Satoshi sighed. He did… deep inside, he did but it was still difficult for him to picture the whole thing. On one side, there was Nino. If he had seen them together and believed that there was something going on between him and Sho, then it must have been very difficult. On the other hand, there was Sho. For some reason, he felt sad. His friend had met the man he loved in his most vulnerable position.

 

“Do you want to know what else he told me, Satoshi?” Sho said, smiling when he saw Satoshi’s teary eyes looking back at him, reflecting both curiosity and fear. “He told me that love is something that finds you and that he feels lucky he was chosen to experience it…”

 

 

“My Kazu…” Satoshi whispered, feeling the first hot tears staining his cheeks. “Why did I have to make you suffer so much?!”

 

Sho sighed as he hugged his friend. “You have both made each other and yourselves in the same time, suffer. I don’t blame you… The way that we’re acting and the reasons behind it isn’t one-dimensional, neither simplified…”

 

“But…”

 

“He asked me to make you happy, Satoshi.”

 

At this, the CEO gasped. He had said it to him, last night, hadn’t he? _“Be happy…”_ Little by little all pieces were getting into their right place. He was finally getting the bigger picture, making his heart sink deeper and deeper into pain and millions of unanswered whys…

 

“He proved to me that he was deeply in love with you… that he cared for you from the bottom of his heart… that he loved you unconditionally.” Sho continued, now, holding Satoshi from both his shoulders. “He’s willing to let go so that you can be happy… because for him you _deserve_ it… That is something only someone who loves… who _truly_ loves someone else would do.”

 

“Sho… I…” Satoshi whispered with a cracking voice. His heart was pounding crazily into his chest.

 

“Yesterday, when I saw Jun with Masaki I could tell that he was a good young man. When he came to find me in order to ask for your address, I was once again proven right that Nino is the one for you; the one that deserves happiness by your side. If his brother was so good and cared for his brother this much that could only mean that his brother was worth it. Love is something you earn and Nino has earned it.”

 

“But I… I betrayed him, Sho… I-” Satoshi mumbled before giving up and let himself dive into all those feelings of guilt that were suffocating him.

 

Sho sighed as he hugged his friend tighter, rubbing his back softly. “You didn’t betray him, Satoshi… You just couldn’t handle it… I know you were suffering… I know that you wouldn’t sleep at nights, no matter how much you constantly tried to brush it off as overworking stress. I know you, too well, my friend, not to be able to read between the lines. I know that you were afraid… and _why_ you were afraid…”

 

“But he doesn’t, Sho…”

 

“You’ve both made mistakes… He gave up and you escaped… both from your fears…”

 

“He told me that he loved me… He asked me to listen to him… It was me that sent him away and made him give up!”

 

“You know that it’s not the truth. Satoshi, it’s only human to prefer to stay away than collapsing again…”

 

“But…”

 

“He had kept everything a secret because he wanted to protect you…”

 

“While the stupid me acted stubbornly!”

 

Sho sighed. “Stop saying stupid things, Satoshi. You’re only human. You’ve felt betrayed in the past… You had to deal with your father… You were suffering from those terrible panic attacks… You didn’t act stubbornly. You both should have been completely honest with each other but you were afraid to… and in a way I understand why… I really do.”

 

“Sho…” Satoshi was still crying heavily when he was made to look at his friend.

 

“Listen to me. What happened, happened. It cannot be undone, now. What’s important is how things will be from now on. Isn’t this the reason why you’re here?”

 

Satoshi only nodded. Sho always understood him better than anyone. He didn’t even needed to utter a single word.

 

“Calm down… and then, we’ll talk… I have some interesting things to tell you…”

 

Satoshi nodded softly again and accepted the hot tea offered to him. He sipped it slowly, his gaze following the slow movement of the leaves of the tree that visible from Sho’s window in the living room. Slowly, his heartrate came back to normal. He could breathe easily once again. Sho was right. He had to make sure to act the way he should from now on. He had to stay focused and not lose another minute.

 

Twenty minutes later Sho spoke again.

 

“Are you ok, now? Do you want to tell me what you came here for?”

 

Satoshi closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I found something in Hideshi’s account… This… Hina… must be a yakuza member. I believe that he uses several names and-”

 

“I’d have never guessed you could find so much!”

 

“You mean… you know?”

 

“I do. I’ve had two of my men look into him. Indeed, he’s yakuza. When Nino met him in Singapore, he was the number two.”

 

“Now?”

 

“He’s the boss. Only that Nino has no idea.”

 

“What?!”

 

“Matsuhita Hina or Matsuda Kenta, as his true name is, took over a little after he did the job with Matsumoto Corporation in Singapore.”

 

“So, Kazu…”

 

“He has no idea. As a matter of fact, the former boss only cared to bring Nino’s father down, for personal reasons. It seems that Nino’s father was someone who liked to earn as much as possible without taking into consideration the nature of this wealth. It was a year before Nino was sent to Singapore that Matsumoto managed a deal that was interfering with the yakuza interests. One year later, they took advantage of Nino and used him in order to succeed into destroy the man that had dared to intervene into their business and they did it. Matsumoto committed suicide. The boss was satisfied.

 

“Wait a minute… you mean… that there is… no debt?”

 

“There is but to the banks; not to the yakuza. Matsumoto Corporation lost a great number of investors causing to lose its power in the business market. It’s the reason why the Matsumoto family has disinherited Nino. Matsuhita lies.”

 

“Why…?”

 

“I guess that he became obsessed with Nino and created the story of the debt that Nino has to pay off in order to keep him with him.”

 

“And force him…”

 

“Yes…” Sho said in a low voice. He knew that this was difficult for his friend to grasp.

 

“My love is being used… suffers this much… just because that bastard feels like it?” Satoshi jumped up from the sofa. “I WILL KILL HIM!”

 

Sho stood up and tried to calm his friend down. “Even if you did succeed to kill him, you’d be dead the next second…”

 

“But I can’t just-”

 

“Give me all the information you’ve gathered. My men are already in the right track. I promise you, he’ll pay! We have to be clever, though. Please, Satoshi, promise me you won’t act without thinking twice.”

 

“Sho…!”

 

“I know but please, follow me.”

 

Without waiting for the CEO, Sho walked towards his office. He opened the first drawer and gave Satoshi a black dossier. _Another one?!_

“It’s not like that, trust me!” he heard his friend telling him, as if he could read his mind.

 

He opened it and realized it was the transfers most probably Nino made to that bastard.

 

“Are these…?”

 

“Yes.” Sho replied with a triumphant smirk. “You understand what this means, right?”

 

“But… how…?”

 

“Let’s say I had a conversation with someone last night.”

 

“Sho…?”

 

“Hand me the information and leave! It’s already getting late!”

 

Satoshi looked at his friend with teary eyes. Without saying another word he searched for the USB and gave it to the other.

 

“Sho…, do you promise me Nino will be ok?”

 

“I do. Now, you better hurry up and go to find him!”

 

Satoshi hugged his friend. “You’re the best friend I could ever wish for, Sho!”

 

“Stop being emotional, now. Someone’s waiting!” Sho said as he pushed the CEO out of his apartment.

 

“You’ll call me once you have news?”

 

“Of course, I will!”

 

“Thank you.” Satoshi said with a hint of smile.

 

He looked at his watch. It was already 6 o’clock. He needed to eat something, get a quick shower and then go to see him.

 

_Wait for me, Kazu…_

***

 

Satoshi felt his heart pounding into his chest as his eyes remained locked on the door of the club he had opened so many months ago without knowing how much his life would change. He could still remember how out of place he had felt when he had entered for the first time and how strangely calm and warm he did when he left the place. He could still remember how nervous he was when he had decided to come back alone… how happy when the other had kissed him or how lustful when he had taken Nino back to his apartment for the first time.

 

A bitter smile appeared on his face. There were many times, after he found out about that bastard, that he had cursed but deep inside, he also was grateful. Despite, the sorrow, there were those precious moments he still treasured… those moments he wanted to save and keep them forever in his life.

 

He looked at his watch. It was about time the other would come out. He waited in the dark, wanting to be able to find the courage and go and talk to him. When he had left Sho’s apartment and after everything he had found out that day, he was able to think… a lot… and he was determined… But now that he was standing there, knowing that from minute to minute he would see _him_ , he suddenly felt afraid. What if the other didn’t want to talk to him? What if the other rejected him?

 

He was still lost in his thoughts when the door opened. This time it _was_ him. It was _Nino_. Satoshi felt his ears buzzing, his heart beating crazier than ever, his hands sweating. He took a deep breath and was about to walk towards the host when he saw the latter freeze.

 

“Ba… baby? What are you doing here? I thought that-” Nino’s voice was trembling.

 

“I came to see my puppy… Aren’t you happy to see me?”

 

Satoshi knew that voice. It was the exact same disgusting voice, he had heard the previous week… the same voice that had caused him to feel sick.

 

“I…”

 

He could see the state Nino was in and couldn’t accept it. Without consciously recognizing what he was doing he found himself standing right behind the younger host. His eyes were locked on the older man’s ones. He could see the madness inside… and he couldn’t believe that Nino was obliged to obey to this jerk’s sick desires.

 

“You… What?” This time the question was addressed to him.

 

He smirked. “I want you to leave.” Strangely, his voice sounded calm and firm, his eyes never leaving the disgusting one of Matsuhita Hina.

 

He could feel that Nino had frozen in front of him but now, his attention was only on the other one; the one he wanted to punch till he wasn’t breathing.

 

The yakuza leader burst into loud laughs. “Shorty, please, do me a favor and get lost.”

 

“I thought I was clear. I. Want. You. To. Leave. Do you want me to spell it for you?”

 

Matsuhita pushed Nino aside and walked towards Satoshi who didn’t move an inch from his spot.

 

“And who are you to tell me what to do?! Huh?!” Matsuhita’s voice had turned lower, sounding… threating.

 

“Ohno Satoshi.” the CEO replied in the same calm tone. “I’m sure you’ve heard of me…”

 

The yakuza leader burst into mocking laughs as soon as he realized who this small- figured man in front of him was. “Ohhh! You’re the famous CEO that kept my puppy away! He has told me that you were boring but I would have never guessed that you’d come in the miniature size!” Satoshi found his face being only a few centimeters away from Matsuhita’s face, since the latter had just taken a hold of his dress shirt collar, his eyes turning cold. “I get that he’s addictive but your time with him is done. Got it? Now, better be a good boy and leave before you make me angry. Am I understood, dwarf?” the yakuza leader hissed before he turned to Nino who muttered an almost inaudible ‘please’. No one could tell if it was meant for Matsuhita or Satoshi. “Puppy… I believe there’s no need for instructions…”

 

Nino, though, was left staring at Satoshi who, in the meantime, was pushed on the pavement. Matsuhita lost his patience. He grabbed Nino by his arm with such force that made the host leave a small hiss from the pain.

 

It was what triggered Satoshi to stop thinking clearly. _That’s it!_ The CEO quickly stood up from the ground and grabbed Nino’s free hand, freeing him from the older man. The moment the other turned around, Satoshi’s fist landed straight on his face, making him gasp in surprise.

 

“I don’t know who you are and I don’t _care_ who you are. I may be a dwarf as you say but I do not allow _MY MAN_ be called _PUPPY_ and be pulled like this! UNDERSTOOD?”

 

Without waiting for an answer, he turned to still-under-shock Nino and grabbed his hand, leading him to his limousine that was waiting for them a few meters away. He threw the younger host inside and entered behind him.

 

“To Tokyo Luxury Estate Hotel. Fast!”

 

During the twenty-five minute drive, there were no words exchanged between the two men. Satoshi didn’t try to make the other speak, neither did he speak, as well. With the corner of his eye, he could see how the other was staring at his lap, his whole body in a state between shock and tremble. He needed to put his mind into an order first. He hadn’t planned to do anything like that… he didn’t mean to put the one he loved and cared for in trouble… yet he had… but he couldn’t control it; not now, after knowing everything.

 

The car left them in the main entrance of the luxurious hotel in the heart of Ginza. Satoshi took Nino’s hand into his and got out of the car, once he was sure there was no one around. He asked for a private suite and five minutes later they found themselves on the top floor of the hotel, from where they could see the whole Tokyo. Satoshi saw the younger man walking with heavy steps further into the suite, keeping his back to him. The room had a dim light coming from the two small lamps located in the small entrance hall and the one in the corner of the main room.

 

“Why did you do this?” the question was asked in a whisper. “Why were you at the club? Why-”

 

The host didn’t have the chance to finish his words, as two arms wrapped around his waist causing him to turn around.

 

“Because I wanted to ask for your forgiveness… to tell you that there’s only one that can make me happy… to tell you that I love you!”

 

Satoshi saw the other gulping, making gulp, as well. He wanted to talk… but they were close… too close… he could feel Nino’s hot breath landing in short puffs right onto his face. He couldn’t handle it anymore… he had missed him… a lot and he could see into the younger man’s eyes that he had missed him, too.

 

Before anyone had the chance to utter a single thing, two lips were met into a feverish, wet, demanding kiss. It was the most intense Satoshi had ever experienced, probably because now he knew… everything… His hands were keeping Nino’s head as he explored the warm and so willing mouth. Their tongues were sensually moving against one another, hungrily. Their moans were echoing in Satoshi’s ears making him even more insatiable if that was possible. He could feel the other copying his moves in the same eagerness… as if he couldn’t have enough… those small hands keeping him close.

 

It was only when both felt out of breath that the kiss was broken… but then there were Nino’s eyes… dark and lustful.

 

“Please…, please, make love to me…” the words were spoken in between the host’s heavy pants.

 

Satoshi smiled, his fingers tracing a small path from the corner of Nino’s lips to the base of his neck. He took a hold of the other’s jacket and let it slip down his shoulders till it was thrown on the floor. Their eyes never left each other’s face. It was when Nino closed his eyes, throwing his head back with his mouth agape that made Satoshi lose it completely. In one fast move he grabbed the younger man by his hips and pinned him on the window that was right behind them, his body pressing firmly on Nino’s one.  

 

“Let me…”

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

 

Nino threw his head backwards, his eyes having rolled back as the CEO’s mouth attacked his neck hungrily. His mind had turned completely blank, as pleasure kept invading and building up in his body. He had missed all the different sensations that only this man was able to pull out from him. It was hot… hotter than he remembered. He could only moan, abandoning himself to the older one’s caresses. He was kept with an unimaginable power against the glass, his body flushed between the cold surface on his back and the hotness that was emitting from the half-naked body in front of him.

 

His hands were lost in Satoshi’s hair, gripping it tighter every time the sinful mouth was attacking him in all the right places. It may be all this time that they were apart or perhaps the words the CEO had spoken a few moments ago but everything felt more intense to Nino, leaving him a breathless mess. He arched his back, letting out a small growl when Satoshi’s mouth kept nibbling his most sensitive spot right underneath his right ear. Instinctively, he tilted his head to the left to give the other more space.

 

“I want to taste you… all of you…” he heard Satoshi whispering with a deep, breathy voice into his ear.

 

His heart pounded faster and let out a long muffled moan, his hands that were resting around the other’s nape fisting the hair. He could feel the first traces of sweat running down his temples. He was feeling hot… needy… he wanted to feel the other everywhere… His semi-hard member twitched as he pressed with the rest of the power in him closer against the older lover.

 

Despite the layers of clothes, the moment their sensible cocks touched against each other made both men shiver.

 

“Shit… Kazu…” the CEO said in a lower voice than before.

 

Nino managed to open his eyes, his eyesight being a bit blurry but nevertheless, he could see the darkness and lust in Satoshi’s half-closed ones while they were looking straight back at his. Two hands had found his pair of trousers unbuttoning it in a fast, smooth move. His head fell against the window behind him, his eyes rolling back to his head as a shiver passed through his body. There had been a feather-like touch on his painfully hard member, still covered with the thin fiber. The fingers teased him more, brushing the tip of his erection, causing more precum to wet his boxers. His knees were turning weaker and weaker when the light touches were replaced by a firm touch… making his whole body tremble. The hotness around his member was wonderful… making him feel needier than ever.

 

“Please…” he managed to whisper in a broken, weak voice, trembling from the intensity of the moment.

 

He opened his eyes with difficulty, meeting Ohno’s darkened ones staring back at him with an intensity that could send him over the edge just like that. He had to take a couple of deep breaths when he saw the other, without breaking their eye-contact, lowering himself slowly on his knees, his hands gripping the boxers and sliding them down Nino’s knees. The erection sprang free, hard and reddish, its almost purple tip glistering from arousal. Nino leaned more against the window knowing that if he didn’t, he would fall. Sensing his difficulty, Satoshi’s hands came immediately to rest on his hips, so that he could keep him in place.

 

Nino couldn’t miss the way Satoshi’s tongue brushed those full lips of his, he loved so much, wetting them. The move was slow, sensual, erotic… He was about to plead once again, not caring if he sounded too begging; there was no reason to hide his weakness and need with this man… everything he was and had, was his… _because_ of him… there was no reason to feel shy or ashamed…

 

“Pl-” the word was never uttered completely as a too sweet hotness covered his cock. His hands found Satoshi’s hair, fisting them. He was sure he was causing the other pain but it was above his powers… It felt too good… The way that tongue was moving from the base to the tip, sliding against the most sensitive nerves, sending thousands of shuddering waves of pleasure down his spine was more than Nino could handle. He found himself thrusting forwards, sending his erection deeper into the willing mouth. When his tip crushed against the back of the other’s throat he could only moan out loud. The other was giving him everything… was allowing him to take everything… and that made Nino lose it completely. His hips started backing with more force, faster but not once was there a protest. On the contrary, the head seemed to follow his lead, moving to his rhythm, bobbing faster while the cheeks were hollowing wickedly.

 

“Ahhh… Sato-…” Nino could only utter gibberish at his state.

 

Slurping and sucking noises were reaching his ears, making the air around him be warmer… he could feel his lower belly contradict. He was about to come…  

 

“I’m…” he tried to warn the other, opening his eyes and trying to see his lover despite his blurry and slightly unfocused gaze.

 

He could only gasp when he read the answer in Satoshi’s eyes, that showed only determination hidden behind the dilated-from-lust cores, and heard the low groan and muffled moan the other let out from the back of his throat, never leaving the erection out of his mouth. It was then that he felt, along with the earnest sucks, the tongue teasing in a torturing way the slit as well as Satoshi’s left hand that had come to brush the perineum, cupping his balls one by one… His mouth let out a soundless gasp. His whole body started trembling… he couldn’t hold back any longer… His hips moved on their own faster and after a couple of powerful, uncoordinated thrusts, he sent his hot seed deep down Satoshi’s throat, with a low groan.

 

The other didn’t move from his spot sucking on the now-softening cock in his mouth till he milked Nino’s orgasm to the last drop. Nino let a whimper escape from the back of his throat when he felt the hotness from around his member disappearing. He was about to fall but Satoshi was faster and held him by his waist up to his body.

 

“Delicious…” Satoshi whispered huskily on Nino’s half-parted lips.

 

Nino let out a small whine in between his heavy panting. His heart was pounding so fast that he felt it would jump out of his chest. It wasn’t only the intensity of the orgasm he had just experienced… it was the fact that he was held in the arms of the man he loved and had believed he would never feel around him again.

 

“Satoshi…” his name was spoken shakily, as his hand came to trace the sweaty face of the older one. It felt so hot under his touch. He traced hesitatingly a path from his jaw line to the lips, glistering under the soft light with the evidence of the pleasure he had experienced so powerfully seconds ago. Satoshi’s breathing turned heavier the moment Nino brushed his fingers over his lips, taking the remaining cum away. Their eyes remained locked all this time… never leaving one another. They were speaking no words, yet it felt as if they were saying everything they needed at that very moment.

 

He let the same hand move lower, on top of Satoshi’s shirt… he wanted to open its buttons one by one but the hardness that was poking high, up on his thigh, reminded him that he owed Satoshi something first. His hand found the belt. Once opened, he moved to the trousers. The sound of the zipper sounded louder in his sensitive ears. The tension around them was also turning heavier. Satoshi wasn’t moving an inch all this time Nino was trying to free his erection. He was about to lower to his knees when the hand that remained behind his back forbid him from doing so.

 

“Your hand… just your hand…” Satoshi mumbled in the raw voice, Nino had first listened to that first night the CEO had brought him to his apartment.

 

Nino didn’t ask why… He just did what the other had asked him. His hand immediately wrapped around the heavy cock that twitched at the touch. He could feel it pulsating as he moved his hand from the base to the tip and back again in a torturously slow rhythm. He didn’t wish to tease the other. He only wanted to give him as much pleasure as possible… for as long as possible… His thumb pressed softly against the tip, causing more precum leak against his fingers and palm. His eyes were looking closely at Satoshi who denied to let him out of his sight. He tightened his grip gaining a muffled groan. He could feel the man in front of him tremble, as he gasped for air. He did it again… this time Satoshi became louder. He moved faster on the shaft, adding small round moves, swirling his wrist every time his hand reached the tip. Satoshi’s hand, that all this time had remained around his waist, tightened around him, gripping his shirt in a fist while his forehead was resting against Nino’s in a need to find balance.

 

“Nggg… Kaz-”

 

Nino knew that the other was biting his lower lip to force himself not to sound too loud and he didn’t want that… he wanted Satoshi to give him everything he had… everything he had been craving for all this time they were apart… he wanted to see him getting everything he had to give him. He moved his head a bit backwards so that he could look the other in the eye. His face was flushed, sweat had covered his temples and his eyes almost shut. There was an expression of wanting to give in and let go but still being afraid.

 

“Don’t hold back… give me everything…, Satoshi…, please…” he whispered on Satoshi’s lips before he claimed them passionately, shoving his tongue into the hot mouth that was agape in search of air. He could, now, feel Satoshi’s muffled moans, making him wanting work faster on him and he did… he started pumping him in a steady rhythm, making sure his thumb brushed the sensitive slit every single time it moved upwards. Satoshi moved his hips upwards in the air, his groans getting lower and needier. Nino was sure his lover was getting closer to his release, so tightened more. Satoshi pulled back from the kiss, needing to grasp some air. He was panting heavier with every second passing by.

 

Seeing the man he was in love with lose his control and abandon himself into the sweet fog of pleasure he was giving to him was enough to make Nino get aroused once again. The atmosphere was getting hotter… his body needier… it felt as if all his senses had become doubly sensitive. Feeling Satoshi’s cock twitch under his touch was sending thousands of shivers down his spine; feeling Satoshi’s hot breath so close to his face made him feel electrified, as if every single cell of his body was on alert.

 

“Kazuuuu…”

 

The breathy way the CEO muttered his name made him jerk his lover, now with a feverish haste, giving him more friction, bringing him to the edge. He knew Satoshi was about to come when the nails were buried onto his skin on his back, over his shirt, and when teeth got attached on his shoulder in a desperate move to stay quiet and not scream.

 

Moments later, his hand was covered with hot semen, making him groan back at the feeling. “So hot…” he whispered breathless. Yes… he had turned breathless just by seeing the other coming almost violently, spurting his hot semen with shuddering spasms, his whole body trembling from the intensity. It was obvious that the other hadn’t come for a long time, the realization of which made Nino’s heart skip a beat. They remained like this for several seconds in an attempt to calm down.

 

Satoshi let out another groan before he moved back to look at him. Without hesitation or shyness, Nino brought his covered-in-semen hand to his mouth, his eyes staring back at Satoshi’s that looked completely besotted. He let his tongue dart and move around them, licking the thick liquid off, slowly, sensually. The other always had this effect on him. He wanted to show him how much he craved for him… how he made him feel… The bitterness that invaded his mouth was to him the sweetest candy he had tasted the last couple of weeks. It made him feel alive… it was the proof of his lover’s bliss over him… _from_ him… _with_ him… _for_ him…

 

He saw how Satoshi gasped, his eyes following every single move of his tongue, darkening more at every trace of cum that disappeared from the hand. Nino let out a breathy moan when Satoshi’s index came to the corner of his mouth to get a drop that Nino had missed. Without losing any more time, Nino took a hold of it with both his hands and brought it to his mouth. His eyes closed at the contact. It was Satoshi’s… It felt surreal. He tried with difficulty to keep his eyes open… just to be sure that this wasn’t a dream but reality… he was indeed there with the one he loved… 

 

Nino couldn’t count how much time had passed by like this. He only gave a surprised gasp when he was brought up in the air, Satoshi’s arms locking under his thighs. He had thought the other’s gaze was still unfocused but apparently he was wrong. The strength and manliness the CEO possessed was something that still surprised him and excited him in the same time. His trousers were thrown on the floor without realizing when or how but little did he care, at the moment. He quickly locked his legs around Satoshi’s slim waist while his arms came to wrap around his older lover’s nape, bringing their mouths together once more.

 

This time, they kissed hungrily and wetly. Teeth were crushing as they tried to find a balance in vain. Their longing was too much to be able to work on it slowly. Nino could taste himself in Satoshi’s mouth; something that, unlike with any other man he had spent the night together, he found arousing. His body was completely awake, now, already trembling, heated and needy as it was for Satoshi’s touch. He moaned out loud not caring if he was heard, when his lover took his lower lip between his teeth, nibbling it, sucking it greedily.

 

He was carried to the king-size bed and thrown unceremoniously on it. Before he could say a single word, he felt the two hands that were holding his waist, moving up to the front, grabbing the collar of his shirt before tearing it up in one fast move. Buttons flew up in the air in every possible direction but little did it matter at the time… because the moment Nino’s torso got uncovered, two hot lips attached to it, spreading soft kisses, nibbling the soft skin. Nino trembled at the sensation of the tip of Satoshi’s slick tongue moving on different patterns, tracing paths that sent millions of shivers down his spine. He felt hot…

 

When this sensation reached his dark, erected nipples, it was more than Nino could handle. His back arched into a bow letting his head fall back onto the white pillow, his hands lost in Satoshi’s sweaty hair.

 

“Sato…. Ahhhh…” he could only moan.

 

His toes curled as more intense sensations invaded his body. He could feel the hardness poking the inner part of his left thigh.

 

“Please…” he pleaded, not caring if he sounded desperate. He just needed to feel the other. He opened his legs more, bringing his hips up in the air, to make Satoshi hurry up. He had been waiting for too long to be able to wait any longer.

 

Satoshi stopped his ministrations and looked straight into Nino’s eyes that were looking back at him, slightly unfocused. He took off the rest of his clothes and came back lying on top of his lover. “I told you, Kazu.” Satoshi spoke in a serious tone that made Nino open his eyes better. “I…” Satoshi spread a feather-like kiss.  “want…” he whispered, repeating the motion once more “to…” another kiss “taste” another one… “you…” a small lick landed just underneath his right nipple “everywhere…” Satoshi whispered with a husky voice, before placing a soft kiss on the very same spot his tongue had traced seconds ago. All this time, his lips were almost touching his over-sensitive skin, making Nino not only listen to these words but also feel them.

 

Nino could only moan when he felt the hot tongue move lower till it reached his navel, circling around it slowly, moving around, before it went lower… It felt a bit ticklish but Nino was too aroused to think about it twice. In one powerful move he was turned around, letting his back free in the air. He closed his eyes, his mouth agape letting out breathy gasps as Satoshi’s fingers traced down his spine slowly, moving from the crook of his small waist upwards till it reached his nape.

 

He let out a loud whimper when he felt the slick, hot tip of Satoshi’s tongue tracing the very same path.

 

“You have no idea how beautiful you are…” Satoshi whispered into Nino’s ear.

 

Nino had to bite his lower lip with force in order to hold back the sob that threatened to escape from the back of his throat. The other always managed to make his heartbeat go crazy in his chest. His brain had given up on working properly. How could it when he was under Satoshi’s ministrations for this long? He had abandoned himself to the older man… he could do whatever he wanted with him.

 

Satoshi had brought his hips up in the air, opening his legs. Nino tried his best to relax. His lower back wasn’t at the best state but he wanted to feel the other inside him. He wanted to feel human again… He took a couple of deep breaths and closed his eyes while his hands gripped the sheets underneath him tightly to keep his balance at the intrusion of the heavy erection. He had expected to hear the usual ‘click’ sound of the lube lotion being opened but nothing like this reached his ears. For several seconds, there was pure silence.

 

With a light frown, he opened his eyes and turned his head to the side, back from his shoulder in an attempt to get a glimpse of Satoshi. Their eyes met for only a second. There was a seriousness in them… and lots of love… Before Nino could say or even think something, he felt like screaming. He might have expected many things but certainly not this. Nothing could have prepared him for what followed. The almost inexistent power he had used to rest on his elbows in order to look at Satoshi disappeared, making him fall like a lifeless doll back on the mattress. There was no way this was happening… there was no way he was feeling his lover’s hot tongue teasing his entrance. But then… Satoshi had told him twice; “I want to taste you everywhere…”

 

Nino was almost trembling when he felt his buttocks getting more open and the same tongue that he had felt in his mouth, around his member, all over his torso and back, being shoved inside of him. It was different from everything he had experienced before. He had always been the one who was forced to do it to his ‘master’. He had never dared to imagine that he would ever be at the receiving end and what is more that it would be Satoshi the one offering it to him. He threw his head backwards, letting out a strained sound between a scream and a moan the moment his spot was brushed. His back arched, his body moving backwards, wanting to feel more, if that was possible. His cock was already licking. The sensations were numerous and intense. It was too much…

 

“I…” he said with difficulty without knowing what it was that he had wanted to say in the first place. Did he want the other to continue? To stop?

 

Seconds later, he felt the hot tongue getting out, his inner muscles clenching at the loss before his body was pressed down by Satoshi’s weight on him. “Are you hurt?”

 

Nino, who was heavily panting, gasped at the question. His left arm was caressed feather-like before Satoshi’s hand came to his chin, holding it so that Nino could meet his eyes. “Tell me the truth…”

 

Nino felt tears filling up his eyes. The concern… the love… it was reflected in Satoshi’s eyes like always. “I… am…” he whispered back knowing that there was no reason for him to lie… not tonight… “But I want you… and I want to be able to look at you…”

 

“As you wish, my love!” Satoshi whispered as he took a tuft from Nino’s hair and placed it behind his ears. It was such small things that made Nino feel overwhelmed. Satoshi attached his lips on Nino’s eyelids, kissing them softly before he moved on the side in order to be able to bring Nino back on his back. “There’s nothing I want more than looking at your beautiful face while I make you mine…”

 

Nino’s lower lip trembled. He locked his hands around Satoshi’s nape bringing their faces so close that their lips were almost a few centimeters apart. “I want you…”

 

Satoshi pecked Nino’s lips before he grabbed the small bottle of lotion getting a generous amount of it on its hand. Nino let out a shaky breath the moment the first finger entered him. It was slow and despite his fears, he wasn’t hurt… probably because this was Satoshi. Soon, another one was added before followed by a third one. Soon, he found himself pushing back on them, moaning out loud. He was hot… he was ready.

 

“Please…” he whispered shakily.

 

He didn’t need to wait any longer. He saw Satoshi positioning himself in between his thighs, holding the base of his erection, pointing it at his entrance. The moment the head of the cock came in touch with the small ring of muscles, Nino felt hundreds of waves of pleasure running down his body. Satoshi wasn’t exactly small but he felt no discomfort… no pain. The other pushed slowly in one fluid move until his balls were resting against Nino’s buttocks, making them both groan at the sensation. Satoshi fell completely on top of Nino. They were both panting, Nino trembling at the contact of Satoshi’s lower belly with his licking erection that was between them.

 

Satoshi leaned on his right elbow so that he could look at Nino’s eyes. “I love you…” he whispered huskily and thrusted his hips for the first time.

 

Nino could only moan. He brought his legs higher, locking them around Satoshi’s waist to make the cock inside him go even deeper. At first, Satoshi moved slowly. His thrusts were powerful but it somehow felt as if he was trying to make them both feel it to the fullest. Without breaking the eye-contact, his right hand searched blindly for Satoshi’s left one. The older one intertwined their fingers together as he thrusted again; this time, more powerfully.

 

“Sat… oshi… I… AH!” Nino screamed at the top of his lungs the moment the tip of the hard member inside for the first time came into contact with his spot. Nino wanted to push back but had no power to move against him. So, he let the other create the rhythm for both of them. The bed underneath them creaked from the intensity of their lovemaking…

 

“You… ah… feel so good… so… hot…” Satoshi whispered and moaned Nino’s name as he continued to move inside of him harder, sending his cock deeper into the so blissful hotness.

 

“Nnnn…” Nino couldn’t say anything in response. Only moans and whimpers were escaping from his gaping mouth. It felt way too good to be able to articulate anything.

 

Satoshi sat back, placing his strength on his knees, as he brought one of Nino’s legs up to his shoulder, changing the angle. Satoshi’s hips were now moving in a frantic rhythm. Nino whimpered trying to place his lover’s free hand on his abandoned erection. Satoshi seemed to take notice and immediately started working on him matching his thrusts.

 

“Together…” he groaned.

 

They moved a few seconds more, before Satoshi’s body stiffened, ejaculating hard into Nino while the latter came, his body trembling violently, as he sent his load of semen on Satoshi’s between his torsos.

 

Satoshi let Nino’s leg free and collapsed on top of his lover panting heavily. Nino immediately wrapped his arms around the hot body, wanting to feel it as close as possible. They remained like this for quite a long time, feeling their bodies, as if they were made out of jelly. Nino was keeping his eyes closed but could feel the CEO’s gaze constantly on him. At some point, he dared to stare back at the older man. He looked younger with his face flushed, covered-in-sweat, as it was at that very moment. He moved his hand towards it, letting it trace the cheek, caressing it softly. His lips curved into a smile. “You’re beautiful…” he whispered in a trembling, weak voice. His eyes were getting teary. It wasn’t only how intense their lovemaking was… It was also how treasured he felt being held like this, having these beautiful eyes staring at him the way they did right at that moment. They hadn’t actually spoken but Nino felt as if he could already tell what Satoshi wanted to tell him… He hadn’t used only words… he had shown it to him… with every touch… every move while they were connected as one.

 

“Are you hurt?” he heard him asking with concern.

 

Nino shook his head negatively, not being able to fight the tears back any longer. He let them run down his face freely, staining it.

 

“Kazu…”

 

“I thought I had lost you forever… I thought I would never get to feel you again… touch you… feel you close to me… hear your voice…” He couldn’t pretend the strong anymore. His body gave in to the sobs that had been threatening to come to the surface from the moment Satoshi had brought him to the bed.

 

He had tried so hard to convince himself that he was alright with letting the other go but he knew he did it in vain. He had been missing him badly… his body had been craving for a single touch of his… especially after the kiss they had exchanged the last time. And now, Satoshi had come for him to the host club… he had made love to him… he had told him that he loved him… Nino didn’t need anything else. He let himself being held by the other, in the meantime, had sat properly on the bed, with his back leaning against the head, bringing Nino onto him.

 

Nino could only clutch his arms, as if he was afraid that if he didn’t hold him tightly, he’d vanish… He felt Satoshi’s lips ghosting on top of his head.

 

“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry, my love…”

 

Nino gasped. He could sense the regret… but also the sadness, the fear in Satoshi’s voice that trembled equally.

 

“I was afraid… of collapsing once again… I had been mocked this way in the past… and then, I was humiliated from my very own father… I had felt as if everyone was pointing at me… I felt an idiot… incapable to read between the lines… I suffered from panic attacks… If it wasn’t for my best friend, I wouldn’t have managed to get a grasp of myself and reevaluate some things in my life. But then I met you and felt all the boundaries I had built falling down, one by one… and then, I found out about…” Satoshi took a deep breath, his body stiffening for a moment. “… _him_ … and I felt being sucked back to those dark times that were filled with nightmares… I couldn’t stand it so I kept you away… I was once again an idiot… I made myself suffer but I was the one who had caused it, so in a way, I deserved it. But you…? I made the person I love the most on this Earth suffer… because of my fears and insecurities… because I was afraid of letting down my alarms and give me the chance to listen to what you had to tell me…”   

 

“Satoshi…” Nino whispered, turning his gaze to the CEO who had lowered his.

 

“I’m sorry…” a muffled sob escaped from the back of Satoshi’s throat. “I’m sorry, Kazu…”

 

Nino buried himself in the crook of his lover’s neck, tightening his grip around him. “You know everything, don’t you?”

 

He could feel the way Satoshi’s heart accelerated at his words.

 

“I do…”

 

Nino closed his eyes. If he knew, then… He had to ask him… had to find out. “Why…? I mean… you already ha-”

 

“Sakurai Sho is my best friend; nothing more, nothing less.” The answer came without any trace of hesitation. “As for why… It’s easy…” Nino leaned closer to the caress on top of his head. “Because I love you… I never stopped loving you, Kazu… Never…!”  

  

“Satoshi…” Nino didn’t know what else to say. “I’m afraid… afraid of waking up and realizing that this is a dream…”

 

“This isn’t a dream, my love…”

 

“…Afraid of knowing that this happiness may easily be taken away from me… I’ve tried to keep you out of his radar but… you punched him… and-”

 

“Shhh… Everything will be alright.” Satoshi cut Nino off. “I will protect you. I won’t let anyone hurt you… ever again.”

 

All Nino could whisper was ‘I love you’, as he snuggled closer to the older man, feeling his eyelids heavier… The energy he had spent the previous hour combined with all the tens of sleepless nights he had had the previous weeks made him feel sleepy.

 

“Don’t sleep on me, Kazu… Let’s get a quick shower first…”

 

Nino whined moaning but nevertheless let himself be picked up and carried in princess-style to the bathroom. Twenty minutes later, he was back into the bed, lying on the side of the man he loved, hearing to words of love and affection. He could only nest closer, curving his body into a small ball, like a small puppy seeking for warmth. He closed his eyes and let himself be taken into the dreamland. For the first time, in weeks, he would be able to sleep peacefully.

 

***

 

Nino woke up to find no one next to him. He frowned, still in a state between being asleep and awake, when he realized that outside it was still dark. It was then that he realized, Satoshi was staring sadly outside the window. He could tell that the other was confused… troubled. As soundlessly as possible, he got out of the bed and tiptoed to him. Nino was sure his lover hadn’t heard him, so he hugged him from behind.

 

The other gasped, his body jerking at surprise. “Shhh…” Nino whispered straight into Satoshi’s ear. “Stop thinking…” Nino continued whispering before he took the tip of his earlobe between his teeth nibbling it playfully. He turned the other around and without uttering another word, pressed his back against the wall next to the large window of the bedroom and made him slide slowly down to the floor, until he was properly sitting.

 

Without breaking the eye-contact, he covered his index and middle finger with saliva before bringing it to his lower back. It was still loosened from earlier, making it easier for him to prepare himself. He hadn’t considered of having another round so fast but seeing Satoshi lost in his thoughts..., he could tell, from the way his body was stiff, that it was mostly guilt what Satoshi was feeling and wanted to make him stop thinking nonsense. He wanted to show him that there was no need for him to worry and torture himself like this.   

 

He placed Satoshi’s hands on his hips as he lowered himself slowly, letting himself feel his lover inside him once again. Still no word was spoken. He started moving slowly, up and down, after a couple of round moves to make both of them accustomed to the feeling. This time it was not as intense as previously. It was slower but in the same time, way more sensual. This time, it was Nino the one who had the control, moving his hips on his lover as if he was dancing, moaning loud every time the powerful hips were thrusting up in the air, meeting his. His hands were resting on the tanned, slim torso, for balance.

 

There were only heavy breaths and low groans that were echoing in the room. Nino took a hold of his erection, stroking himself in a matching rhythm with his pelvis. They were both getting closer. Nino felt Satoshi’s nails being buried deep into the soft skin of the sides of his hips. Satoshi was about to come. He clenched his inner muscles to bring him over the edge. The CEO came with a soundless gasp for the third time that night, followed by Nino who came, with this lover’s name on his lips, in his fist.  

 

They stayed joined together like this, as Nino denied to let Satoshi’s softening member slip out of him. Once they found their breaths back, Nino looked at Satoshi and kissed him on his forehead.

 

“Do you feel better?”

 

Satoshi managed to only nod.

 

“We have all the time tomor- no… today, to speak about everything… but please, don’t burden yourself more… It hurts me…” Nino said in all honesty. He may feel a mess inside, as well. Confused… but it still hurt him seeing the man he loved being like this.

 

“I’m sorry for worrying you…” Satoshi whispered, his arms, now, around Nino’s waist, hugging him tightly.

 

“The sun hasn’t risen yet. Sleep?” Nino proposed, tilting his head to the side.

 

“But, we have to take another shower…” the CEO whispered, sounding exhausted.

 

“Later…” Nino insisted, getting slowly up.

 

He was followed by Satoshi who took his hand into his and led him to the bed. He went to the bathroom before Nino saw him coming back with a wet tower in his right hand. Satoshi cleaned them fast before he slipped under the covers next to Nino, spooning him with his body.  

 

The sunrays were filling the bedroom, the next time Nino opened his eyes. To his relief, this time, he found Satoshi on his side, already half-dressed but still on his side, resting on his one elbow with his beautiful eyes on him. He gasped. _Were you looking at me when I was sleeping?!_ He suddenly felt shy… and blushed.

 

Satoshi smiled in return, pressing his lips feather-like on the tip of Nino’s nose. “Good morning, my love!” his voice was soft, melodic.

 

Nino couldn’t help blushing harder. “Good… good morning…” he whispered, before he was brought on top of Satoshi’s naked torso.

 

“You have no idea how beautiful you are, looking at me so innocently…”

 

“Me? Innocent…?” Nino couldn’t hide the bitterness when he spoke of the last phrase.

 

“Yes. If you weren’t, your cheeks wouldn’t be covered by this amazingly beautiful shade of red, as they are at the moment…”

 

“You…” Nino didn’t know how he was supposed to answer to this.

 

There were always so many levels between them. There was that of pure passion; that of the older man in control; that of Nino making the first approach; and that of only love and adoration… of purity that made it even more precious for Nino.

 

“I have ordered a full English breakfast. They’ll bring it up to us. Have a shower and put on these clothes… I had them bought earlier.”

 

Nino looked at the clothes, placed on the armchair across the bedroom. “Satoshi…! You didn’t need to-”

 

“Get ready and then, we’ll talk. Alright?”

 

Nino only nodded. Satoshi pecked his lips before he got off the bed. Nino followed with his gaze the other who was wearing a pair of jeans along with a white T-shirt on top. Many could say he looked plain but to him, the CEO looked beautiful; simple yet sexy. Different kind of sexy from his usual look with his suits but still breathtaking. With a sigh, he stood up from the bed. He winced a bit as a sharp pain hit him at his lower back but he didn’t regret it. It would have gone in a couple of hours anyway. What mattered is that he was his… again…

 

He looked at himself in the mirror. There were a few faint marks left on his collarbones and torso by that monster but there were also some new… His lips curved into a smile as he traced them with his fingers, feeling his heart beating faster. These looked good on him… and he only wished he had more of them… only of them…

 

He let out a shaky sigh. He needed to take the bath and then go to find Satoshi. The other was right. They had indeed many things to discuss about.

 

\---

 

Nino walked out of the bedroom to find Satoshi standing by the window while talking on the phone.

 

“I told you, Sho…”

 

Nino gasped. It was _that_ Sho again. Involuntarily, his lips turned into a thin line as he pressed them together. Satoshi had told him Sakurai Sho was his friend… But what Satoshi didn’t know was that this friend of his had come to the club to ask him to pass the night together… when he knew about them. “I…” suddenly the CEO stopped talking, causing Nino to look up. The other had seen him. “I don’t think he followed us… I have already asked my driver to leave with the limo from the back door and send one from the company. Look, I’ll call you later, ok?” and with that the call was ended.

 

Nino saw his lover placing the phone into his pocket and coming closer to him, until he was standing right in front of him, his hands both wrapping around his waist.

 

“What is it?”

 

Nino bit his lower lip. Of course, the other could read him. “This… Sakurai Sho…”

 

“Yes…?” Satoshi asked, tilting his head to the side.

 

“He isn’t a good man, Satoshi.”

 

“I know that he came to the club as well as I know that he asked you to spend the night together…”

 

“You… know about this?”

 

“He told me… I admit I got angry with him… very angry because this is a part of your life, I know you despise… and yet…” Nino’s heart clenched painfully, hearing the other sighing deeply, obviously sad. “But he did it because he wanted to be sure you were worth it… that you truly loved me. I don’t justify his decision but in a way I can understand him. Believe me… he’s not bad… He’s the one who’s helping me getting at that bastard.”

 

“Hina…?!” Nino mumbled most probably to himself. “It’s dangerous… and what you did yesterday… His boss will-”

 

“He’s the big fish, Kazunari. There’s no boss.”

 

Nino looked up into Satoshi’s eyes not wanting to believe what the other was saying. “He’s the number two in-”

 

“He _used_ to be the number two until a little after he took your father’s company at Singapore down. He managed to kill the boss and take his place.”

 

Nino thought his mind would explode. Hina had shown him papers… the debt wasn’t on him but his boss… “The debt is-”

 

“There’s no debt, Kazunari. This asshole has been lying to you. His boss had personal issues with your father. The moment he got the company in his hands and found out that your father had committed suicide was more than satisfied but there was someone else who wasn’t. It’s the bastard who thought and constructed all this plan to entrap you. He couldn’t force you differently because you remained a member of a powerful family. At least, officially, you were recognized as Matsumoto. So, he created this whole myth with the debt to be able to make you satisfy his sick-”

 

“In the beginning I had liked it…” Nino cut the CEO off. He let out a shaky laugh, blurred with a sob. “Isn’t it funny? I was happy when he approached me in the club… I was smiling like an idiot in the morning when I saw my body covered with marks and bruises… I was too wasted to remember what had happened. We met frequently until… the events. Even then, he appeared to me like a savior. At the moment, into the whole madness, I think I saw him as such but the more I was with him, the more I started hating myself. Eventually, he became violent… I guess he had always been… He had called me a puppy from the very first night… but I came to realize that I didn’t want to continue… not anymore. I was gaining no pleasure… I left for Japan without telling him anything. I was so naïve that I thought I would be able to escape…” Nino chuckled bitterly.

 

“How stupid…” A long sigh made him stop for a couple of seconds, closing his eyes tightly. “Of course, he wouldn’t let me go. I didn’t care less if he killed me but he had threatened that his boss would get Jun.” Nino’s eyes felt with tears. “I couldn’t allow them touch my little brother. He had done nothing wrong so I decided to play the role of the good puppy he wanted… With the time, I learnt to lock my mind away… That way every time he touched me; it felt as if I was elsewhere, out of my body… as if it was someone else who experienced all those tortures. Not that it was any easier that way… Nightmares would always be there but it helped me not to lose my mind completely. I had to protect Jun. I started working as a host to pay off the debt… I had always used sex as a way to escape from reality… as a way to let go and become good at the only things, my family thought I was capable of succeeding in. My mother’s genes, you see…” Nino added, trying to sound… somewhat funny, even though he was sure he wasn’t convincing enough.

 

He took a deep breath. “And then, I continued living having as my only goal to protect Jun. I was in that state when I was approached by your brother… and then… I got…” Nino’s lower lip trembled as shyly he turned his gaze to Satoshi who had never stopped staring at him. “…to know you…” his hand came hesitantly to touch his lover’s cheek, to feel it… to be sure that the other was indeed there. “…You made me feel alive for the first time in my life…” Nino blinked the tears that threatened to fall on his face away. “You made me feel human… loved… and-”

 

“And instead of protecting you, I hurt you… I left you at that scum’s trap…”

 

Nino placed his palm softly over Satoshi’s lips to hush him. “You had all the right to believe differently… I hadn’t told you the truth… I didn’t want you to know because I was afraid of getting you into trouble. I couldn’t bare the idea of having you becoming that… man’s target. The same way I never wanted Jun to know anyth-”

 

Satoshi took Nino’s palm away, holding it securely into his. “He knows more than you think, Kazunari. He may not know in detail but Jun knows that you work in a host club the same way he knows there’s someone who makes you really sad. He’s the one who opened my eyes and threw right onto my face how wrong and how unfair I had been to you!”

 

Nino felt all the power he had leaving his body, his knees turning weak. He grasped Satoshi not to fall on the ground. _Jun knows?! My Jun knows?!_ He couldn’t speak… His eyesight turned blurry. The one, he wanted to keep as far away as possible from all that dark part of his life the most, already knew… he shook his head negatively, as desperation filled his soul. He could hear Satoshi saying his name to get his attention but his mind was stuck on that small piece of information. Jun knew. _No… not Jun…_

 

“Kazunari…” Satoshi tried again before he shook Nino quite forcefully, finally, gaining his attention back. “He loves you. Do you know how he called you? An angel… an angel with broken wings, Kazunari.” Nino gasped. “He wants you to be happy because you deserve it… He’s far more intelligent and mature than you may have thought. I told you… he managed to put me in my place. He truly loves you.”

 

“But-”

 

“He’ll be safe. And I promise you’ll be safe, too. I’ll make sure that asshole gets what he deserves!” Satoshi sounded angrier than ever.

 

“It’s not easy… He’ll-”

 

“Sho knows many people… And he’s been working on it for a while, now.” Satoshi tightened his grip around Nino.

 

Nino’s head was still a mess from everything he had just found out but leaned to the warm touch. “Do you really think that I’ll ever be free?”

 

A soft peck was landed on top of his head. “You will… I’ll make sure you will, my love.”

 

“I still feel the need to tell you that I’m sorry…” Nino mumbled, lowering his head. He didn’t know the exact reasons… maybe was for everything. For having brought him into his mess for life, for not having told him the whole truth from the very beginning…

 

“If it’s someone who must apologize, that’s me, Kazunari. Not you.”

 

Nino knew from the CEO’s tone that he meant every single word. He pressed his body more against the other, smiling when he felt the grip around his waist tightening, as well. “Just hold me like this…”

 

They remained like this for several minutes. “The food must have turned cold…”

 

“Ah… I…”

 

“I’ll order another one.”

 

Nino was about to protest but Satoshi had already taken the suite phone into his hand, dialing the reception number. “We’re having two of your most expensive lunch menus. Thank you.”

 

“Why?” Nino asked.

 

“Because I love you.” was the answer that reached his ears, making his heart jump funnily into his chest.

 

There were still many things he needed to apprehend and get used to but he somehow felt lighter… as if a burden had been lifted away from him. He was, now, able to stare the other in the eye without fearing his deepest, darkest secrets would be revealed. The other knew… and accepted him the way he was. That was all that mattered to Nino. He was accepted… not judged and above all, loved.

 

“What are you thinking about?” Satoshi asked close to his ear with the sweetest voice, Nino had ever heard him before.

 

“You…” he answered earnestly.

 

Nino could tell that Satoshi felt rather embarrassed as he chose not to comment anything and simply take his hand to lead him to the sofa a few meters away. “Let’s sit here…”

 

Nino happily followed him, letting his fingers intertwine with Satoshi’s, but let out a small hiss.

 

Satoshi turned around, worried. “Are you in pain? Shit… of course, you’d be…!”

 

“You didn’t force me, Satoshi. I wanted it… Despite the slight pain I’m feeling right now, I feel happier than I have been these past weeks that we’re apart. I was with him two nights ago…” Nino’s voice traced down. “You have already figured it out though, haven’t you? I know you have because you’d been kissing all the marks he has left on my body… every single one… I could tell that they were not simple touches, Satoshi. So, don’t say that you caused me pain. My screams from yesterday weren’t caused from pain but from pleasure… complete happiness…” 

 

“Kazunari…”

 

Nino took Satoshi’s hand and led them to the sofa. He made them sit side by side, leaning his back against the CEO’s torso.

 

“The view is beautiful…” he whispered as he let himself be hugged by the older man.

 

“You’re more…” the reply came immediately causing Nino’s cheeks turn red.

 

They ate and then spent the next hours talking about many things… books, movies, everything any normal couple would talk about. They were enjoying a glass of wine when Nino moved a bit so that he could look at Satoshi clearly.

 

“Can you call your friend to come?”

 

Satoshi frowned. “You mean Sho?”

 

“Yes.” Nino replied seriously. “I want to tell you everything that has happened in detail. It… it may help.”

 

“Of course, baby… Whatever you want.”

 

“I want us to be free… I want to be free, Satoshi.”

 

“You are. You don’t have to work at the host club anymore. There’s no debt.”

 

“But…” Nino hesitated. There wasn’t anything else he wanted more but what if that put Jun or Satoshi in danger? “What if…?”

 

“We’re close.” Satoshi told him reassuringly.

 

Nino threw his arms around the CEO’s nape, needing to feel his warmth. _I hope so…_

 

***

 

Nino looked at himself in the mirror of his bedroom. It had been an hour since Sakurai Sho had brought him back to his house secretly. Now, that he had the chance to meet the real him, Nino discovered a man that he could easily talk to. He seemed strict but genuine and that was something that he appreciated.

 

It was about time to go to the club only that this time he didn’t wear his usual clothes. This time, he went there to quit. From this night, he’d be a bit less dirty… 

 

He was climbing down the stairs when he saw Jun entering the manor.

 

“Kazunari…!”

 

Nino felt tears in his eyes… tears of happiness. Without saying anything, he ran to his younger brother and took him in his arms, holding him tightly. Jun mirrored him, hugging him back.

 

“Thank you. And remember… if there’s one angel in this house, then, he’s you…!”

 

“I have the right not to agree, onii-chan!” Jun spoke in a trembling voice. “Are you… leaving…?”

 

Nino sighed when he sensed the disappointment in the other. “Yes. But this time to quit. I’ll be back immediately and we’ll be able to talk about everything.”

 

Jun’s face lit up. “You… you mean it?! You’re quitting?”

 

“Yes!”

 

Nino let out a surprised gasp when Jun hugged him again. “You can’t imagine how happy this makes me, brother!”

 

“You can’t imagine how happy that makes me, too, Jun…” Nino whispered. “But it’s time for me to go. You may eat and-”

 

“I’ll be waiting for you. We can cook together! Pasta!”

 

Nino could only smile widely at the teenager’s enthusiasm. “Whatever my Jun wants!”

 

He felt lighter as he approached the door, not caring less about the cold stare he received from the butler. Tonight, it was the night he took the first real step away from the hell he’s been living in, for the last seven years. That was all that mattered… 

 

***

 

Nino could sense his former colleagues’ gazes following him as he walked towards the door. He had just stepped out of the club, when he saw one of his gross middle-aged clients approaching.

 

“Nino-chan! Where are you going this early? I came for you…!”

 

Nino pushed the hand that had come to circle around his waist with force. “You have no right to touch me with your disgusting fat hands. Understood?”

 

“What the-?!” the other hissed obviously annoyed.

 

“I quit.” Nino snapped at him. “You’re not my client anymore. So back off. I’m sure you’ll find one of your taste in the club. Bye.” And with that left, cursing under his breath. He took his phone into his hand and dialed Jun’s cell phone to tell him that in fifteen minutes he’d be there. Satoshi and Sho had insisted on getting someone to take him back home, if he didn’t wish for them, but he had insisted it’d be more dangerous. Besides, Hina couldn’t know that he’d leave the club this early.

 

“Yes…? Jun? I just-” he was about to walk across the street when he felt a grip around his wrist pulling him to the side. His phone, still open, fell on the ground.

 

Nino felt his heart thumping dangerously fast against his ribs. That pain… was familiar. It… it couldn’t be happening… _right_? Tears blocked his eyesight as the strong grip pulled him towards the darkest part of the street where there was the usual luxurious black car waiting.

 

_No… It can’t be happening… not now…_

Before he could do anything, he was thrown violently into the back of the car. He kept his head lowered… being a mess from the sudden, unbearable headache. He heard the door closing and then the engine starting. They were leaving.

 

He was held painfully by his chin and forced to sit up and meet the other’s wicked, mad-from-anger gaze.

 

“Don’t ever dare to think that you will escape from me…, _my little puppy_ …!”

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter there's a scene with some violence - we have Nino x Hina. I wouldn't say anything too bad takes place (I mean taking into consideration Hina's character) but still I feel I should mention it!  
> But this the last "angsty" chapter! Promise!! ^_^

 

 

 

Satoshi kept running despite the hot tears that were running down his cheeks, blurring his eyesight. Why had he parked so far from the club’s entrance? Why hadn’t he taken notice of the black limousine around the dark corner? Why wasn’t he fast enough? Nino had asked him not to come… He knew that the younger one was convinced it was safer that way… he knew that he did it because he was afraid for him. So, he had decided to be close without his lover knowing it… but now, he realized it was in vain… because he was close but not close enough.

 

“Kazunari…” his voice was trembling.

 

His knees got weak when he saw his lover’s phone on the ground, still opened. The screen was black. It had broken from the fall. His hand trembled, holding it tightly. He couldn’t forget the way Nino’s voice echoed when he was forcefully pushed into the car. _I promised to protect you and I did nothing… Again, I let you down…_ Soon, his whole body started trembling, not being able to move from the pavement. He could feel passers-by’s strange looks on him but didn’t care… All he cared about was _him_ …

 

He curved into a ball as the sobs turned stronger, causing spasms to run through his body. He wanted to think clearly… he knew time was passing by and the more he let without doing anything, the more dangerous the situation was for Nino but he couldn’t… he felt like paralyzed… His heart was beating faster, in an almost uncoordinated way, he felt cold sweat covering him… he felt like drowning… his mouth opening and closing in an attempt to feel air inside him. He was feeling dizzy… lost… He knew this feeling well… Fear had conquered his willpower once again… like back then… and he hated it…

 

He didn’t know how long he had spent at the very same spot, when he felt a pair of hands pulling him up from the ground.

 

“Stupid!”

 

He frowned. He knew this voice. _Sho…_ He clung onto his friend who held him tightly into a hug without asking him anything… because he knew… He had always been there when Satoshi suffered from panic attacks. It felt strange… Satoshi knew it was himself who was creating these unbearable feelings of fear; he could recognize the symptoms, knowing that it was his body overreacting to the bunch of emotions built up inside him yet he couldn’t win it… not when he had seen the man he loved the most being taken the way he had. He probably would have been able to fight it if it wasn’t for that sick, dangerous glow in that bastard’s eyes. He had never seen it before… They were always dark… possessive… but never like this…

 

This time, Satoshi knew everything… They had spent all evening after Sho was gone to speak… Nino had opened up, cried, spoken out his fears, insecurities, revealed all those things he was ashamed of… He had done the same. He’d opened his heart completely to the man he loved… because he had been right from the very beginning. He was right when he believed he was seeing the love in Nino’s eyes… it had really been there. They had cuddled… keeping one another close… finding all the comfort they had been missing mainly from his stupidity… and now… they were once again apart… Nino was in danger… Satoshi wouldn’t care, if it was him. He could bear anything, if it was for Nino to be safe but that wasn’t the case… and that was something that Satoshi couldn’t come to accept, causing him to break down.

 

Once he was able to breathe somewhat normally, he was made to walk towards his friend’s car, Sho holding him with both hands.  

 

“This wasn’t your fault.” Sho told him looking into his eyes seriously, once inside.

 

Satoshi sighed. The other knew him too well to be able to hide. “I wasn’t able to protect him, Sho! I let him-” his voice weak.

 

“This might actually be for the best…”

 

Satoshi’s eyes bulged at his friend’s last words. Had Sho really just said that Nino being caught by Hina could be… for the _best_?! He wished he could punch him but his body wasn’t powerful enough due to the earlier shock so he let his palm land with as much force as he could find on Sho’s cheek. Tears were threatening to run down his cheeks once more.

 

Sho, though, didn’t grimace. “It was expected to happen…” he said calmly.

 

Satoshi frowned. _What?!_ “Sho, what the-”

“When I came to the hotel earlier I noticed three guys at the reception area…” Sho cut him off. “They were holding a foreign book each, I guess as a security measure… so that others wouldn’t come and talk to them. They couldn’t expose themselves. Yet, three things caught my attention. They were supposedly reading English books yet they were reading them the Japanese way, they obviously were together but didn’t exchange a single word all the time I spent there, pretending to check the promotion leaflets close to the reception table, and lastly, they were both sitting in a way that they had perfect view of the two elevators leading to the luxury suites. I could see from the corner of my eye that every time the elevator sound was signaling an arrival, they’d immediately look up. In other words, they were Hina’s men.”

 

“And you… said nothing!” Satoshi couldn’t believe his ears. “I saw no one following us but you… you COULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING!” the CEO exploded, suddenly filling up with anger. Minutes ago, he had been feeling desperate, frustrated. “SHO, YOU-”

 

“It would be more dangerous, if I told you something.” Sho replied in the same calm way. “You wouldn’t be able to control yourself. You’ve already punched the guy. A part of me admires you for that but acting with not much thinking can lead to something you’d regret; not only you but the one you care about the most. We’re talking of yakuza, Satoshi! Someone who doesn’t give a shit about anyone and anything. He took down his boss, not fearing if that could cost his head in case of a misjudged move. He’s fearless and ruthless.”

 

“You should have told Kazu not to go the club-”

 

“I made a call. Once I received the one thing I had ordered, I came to your suite without having them notice me. They didn’t need to be alarmed…”

 

“But-”

 

“If you knew and Nino didn’t go the club then, we’d put not only you but also his younger brother in danger. You know well that that bastard has it for nothing to hurt anyone. He had to believe, his moves had remained unnoticed.”

 

“By putting Kazu in danger…” Satoshi mumbled devastated. His heart was still beating crazily in his chest. He couldn’t believe this was actually happening. He was breathing heavily with his eyes closed. “No… It was _me_ the one who put him in danger… it’s my fault…” the words came out weakly.

 

“If someone touched the person I loved, I’d probably react the same. But I don’t think that your action added much to that asshole’s decision. He’s obsessed with him. The moment he’d feel that the power over him is fading away, he’d make sure to do everything possible to keep it. To keep _him_.”

 

“Maybe… but he wouldn’t make his move this early. I-”

 

“You couldn’t let Nino be touched by him again. Satoshi, I would have acted the same… I told you that-”

 

“And what’s the point?! Nino is with him now…. If he was tortured before, now, he’ll…” a sob made the last word disappear. The CEO couldn’t continue.

 

“Before I left the suite, I placed a bug on Nino’s clothes with voice recording.” Sho spoke as he turned his gaze to his friend. “Whatever might be said it will be recorded. I haven’t left him alone.”

 

“And how much can you trust the power of the men you know?” Satoshi asked, feeling more and more frustrated. “Kazu is…”

 

 

Sho sighed. “It’s not them. From the evening, I first spoke with Nino, after the party, I realized I had to contact the police.”

 

\---

 

_“I think it’s about time we speak, Matsumoto-san.”_

_Sho could see how the host’s eyes bulged at the sound of his real surname._

_“You know…?”_

_“Not everything and that’s why I think it’s about time you tell me what exactly is going on between you and this… man… or am I supposed to call him your master?”_

_Nino clenched his hands into fists, his eyes closed tightly. It was obvious to Sho that he didn’t like what he was hearing… and that added to the way he had rejected him at the club before._

_“Follow me…”_

_He walked to his office and let the other enter. He kept his head lowered. ‘Defensive…’ Sho thought, his eyes looking at the other, narrowed. ‘I hope you speak openly…’_

_“I think here, we’ll talk without being interrupted.” He walked around his desk and sat down on his leather chair. “I’m listening.”_

_Nino, though, remained silent._

_“At first, you’re telling me to make sure that Satoshi is happy and then, I find you kissing him in my bathroom.”_

_Sho saw Nino closing his eyes tightly, his hands clenching into fists at each side of his legs. It was obvious that the younger man wanted to talk back but tried to control himself. Sho had heard them in the bathroom when he had gone to see if his friend was ok. He could easily reveal everything to Nino but this wasn’t the time. He needed to keep his distance, at least, until Satoshi decided himself to let the other back in his life. What he had to do, was to be done secretly._

_“Don’t you think that you give me lectures when in my own house, you try to play your game?” Sho said firmly._

_Nino flinched. “Game?! YOU speak of games?! You are the one who came at the club!”_

_Sho rested with his elbows on the table, his eyebrow raised, as his eyes narrowed, looking at the smaller man intensely. “I came to your work…”_

_“And yet, you… you asked me to-”_

_Sho smirked. “Do what you do with others.” He cut the host off._

_Nino didn’t say anything in reply. What could he say? He was the one who did that job; he was the one who slept with his richest clients…_

_“I came because I knew you had seen us with Satoshi and wanted to see you in person. Because I have seen you, too… with that man… You seemed quite into him, the last time I remember…” Sho tried to use an ironic tone. He had to provoke the other to speak up._

_“I don’t have a choice…” Nino mumbled under his breath without realizing what he was actually saying._

_Sho frowned. “What do you mean?”_

_Nino bit his lower lip guiltily. He wasn’t supposed to say anything; not to Satoshi and certainly not to this man who he still didn’t know who he was. “Nothing…”_

_Sho stood up and came to stand by Nino’s side. He grabbed his chin and made the host look up and meet his eyes._

_“I repeat… what do you mean by saying ‘I don’t have a choice’? Is that man forcing you to be with him?” Sho could see the tears that kept building up in the other’s eyes. “Tell me!”_

_“I have nothing to say!” Nino yelled louder and turned around to leave._

_Sho had his suspicions but needed the other’s admission to have the police investigate on a different basis. He hurried to catch the other by his arm, not letting go unnoticed the way the other moaned. Without saying another word, he rolled the other’s shirt up to his elbow. He was right. There was a bruise… a fresh bruise._

_Nino tried to pull his arm in vain. “Let me go.”_

_“Why do you allow people to use you?” Sho knew he was harsh but somehow, he wanted to wake the other up… to realize his mistake._

_“You’re one to talk…” Nino replied with a bitter smirk._

_“I had the right to do it” Sho replied in a cynical way. “…since you allow it… My question is why?”_

_Nino looked up at the other. “Because I may like it!”_

_“No, you don’t.”_

_“I-”_

_“If you liked it, you wouldn’t try desperately to hide it. You have stiffened, your voice sounds strained. You’re ashamed of it.”_

_“You know nothing.”_

_“I may know more than you think. I am the one who helped Satoshi discover this… relationship of yours with that… Hina… if I’m not mistaken…”_

_“You…”_

_“He asked me and of course, I couldn’t let him down. I care for him.”_

_“And yet you came to me…” Nino said sadly. His voice had turned weaker and weaker._

_“I wanted to see with my own eyes the one that caused Satoshi all this sadness. You’re cute… I have to give you that… but apart from that you’re nothing but a coward.”_

_Nino gasped. “Let me go…”_

_“You let everyone use you…” Sho continued, not giving the host the chance to go._

_“I didn’t let you use me…”_

_“Because you know about me and my relationship with Satoshi… or… at least, that’s what you think!”_

_“Let me go, Sakurai-san…” Nino had given up. He just wanted to go._

_“I can’t unless you answer me why you do that.”_

_“You wouldn’t understand.”_

_“Explain then.”_

_Nino sighed deeply. “Why do you insist so much?”_

_“Because you told me to make sure Satoshi is happy.”_

_“Then, do what you-”_

_“That’s what I’m doing. Answer me!”_

_“Because I deserve it! Ok?!” Nino yelled right on Sho’s face, feeling the anger conquer him, filling his eyes up with tears of desperation. “I deserve being used this way. What goes around, comes around. I let Hina into my life, out of free choice, so, now, I face the consequences but that has to do with me! Got it? Me!” the host managed to push the other away. He was about to open the door when he heard Sho’s voice._

_“We always have the right to choose. We are our choices, Matsumoto-san. Don’t forget that.”_

_Nino said nothing more. He left the office, leaving a frustrated Sho behind._

_The latter sighed. He had tried to push the other but nothing seemed to be strong enough to make him speak. That bruise was alarming. He picked up his phone. “It’s me… Things are worse than I expected. I’ll be expecting you here, in an hour.” Sho ended the call and looked at the now closed door of his office. ‘Even if you don’t believe me, I do make sure that Satoshi is happy… because his happiness is depending on no one else but you.’_

\---

 

“The police is already tracking them down. Hina won’t have the chance to touch him, Satoshi.”

 

Satoshi’s lower lip started trembling before a painful moan escaped from his half-parted lips.

 

Sho hugged his friend tightly. “Along with everything they have in their hands, they’ll be able to catch him in the act. He’ll spend the rest of his life in jail, Satoshi. He’ll pay for everything.”

 

“I… I just want Nino not to be hurt… He can’t be hurt anymore, Sho! He has suffered enough… and that bastard… he has raped him so many times and-” the CEO felt his heart beating too fast. He needed air. He closed his eyes, his hand on his chest. His lungs were screaming for air.

 

“Satoshi! Satoshi! Breathe!” Sho shook his friend’s shoulder. “Look at me and breathe in the rhythm I count. One… Two… One… Two…” Sho kept repeating.

 

Satoshi focused on Sho’s calm voice. After a couple of minutes, he was able to calm down again.

 

“I promise you nothing will happen to him.” Sho reassured his friend once again. “Trust me!”

 

They remained in Sho’s car in complete silence.

 

Satoshi’s gaze was glued up in the dark sky. “Why hadn’t you explained to him the reason for visiting his club?” he asked Sho out of the blue. “Before you came, he still thought of you…”

 

“Not in the best way.” Sho resumed Satoshi’s sentence. “I tried to provoke him, to frustrate him. He wouldn’t open up to you, so I was sure that he wouldn’t open up to me either. I hoped that way, he’d feel frustrated enough to tell me something but that wouldn’t be the case. I happened to see one of the bruises that monster had left on his lower arm. It was then that I realized how complicated the things were and got a clearer image. I had thought to talk to you but judging from the way you had left my house, I knew it would be difficult. It was when, Jun-kun came and asked me your address because he wanted to talk to you, that I realized this would be the best choice. If there was someone, you’d listen to, that would be him and then…, you’d give the other the chance you both wanted and needed so much. And you did. You gave me the information that along with mine were able to complete the file needed for the police to take action. You went to him.”

 

“We were just starting over, you know…” the CEO whispered without looking at his friend. “…with no more secrets, misunderstandings… but with trust, devotion… love… and now, I-” a small sob escaped from the back of his throat. “I fear that-”

 

“He will be safe.” Sho repeated once again, in a reassuring tone.

 

“Sho…, take me to the police.” Satoshi turned his gaze to his friend. “I want to be there.”

 

“Satoshi, I don’t think this is the best idea.” Sho said earnestly. “You’d only feel-”

 

“I’ll go crazy, if I don’t. Please!” Satoshi cut Sho off, sounding desperate. “I just want to be there for him, as soon as possible.”

 

Sho kept staring at his friend for several seconds when his phone rang.

 

“Yes? Ah! Masaki… you arrived at Jun-kun’s house? Alright. Stay there… We’ll come all together later. Make sure he stays calm and doesn’t leave the house.”

 

Satoshi looked at Sho bewildered. “His brother… knows?”

 

“Nino apparently was talking to him when Hina got him. Jun-kun immediately gave me a call. This kid is way too smart for his own good. I managed to reassure him that his brother wasn’t in danger.”

 

“But he-”

 

“Hina won’t kill him. Unlike you or Jun-kun. He is obsessed with him… He wants him alive.” Sho took Satoshi’s hand into his, giving it a small squeeze. “Trust me, Satoshi.”

 

“Then, take me to the police.” Satoshi insisted.

 

Sho let out a long sigh, knowing that there was nothing he could do to change his friend’s opinion. “Fine.” Satoshi saw him scrolling down his phone screen before making another call. “I’ll be coming along with Ohno Satoshi… Have they-?” Sho looked at Satoshi before he mumbled an ok and ended the call.

 

“They have stopped moving, a little outside from Tokyo.”

 

_Kazu…_

Satoshi heard the engine of the car starting.

 

“We’ll get them, Satoshi. The police is already on Hina’s way.”

 

The CEO didn’t reply anything to his friend. His eyes were locked outside the window. He could feel his heart rate getting faster but tried to calm it down. He had to stay strong. He had to be strong for the man he loved.

_Wait, Kazu… just a little bit…_

 

***

 

Nino frowned as he opened his eyes with difficulty. His head was spinning around and his eyesight was blurry. He couldn’t remember when or how he had fainted… From the way his head was aching, he could tell that he had been drugged. He was lying in the middle of a king-size bed, thankfully, still clothed. He tried with difficulty to sit up a bit and looked around blinking a couple of times, trying to recognize his surroundings. The room had a dim light coming from the lamp on one of the bedside tables. He couldn’t recognize anything familiar. It wasn’t the usual room that Hina would take him. _It must be in his house… with the rest of the yakuza…_

He tried to take a deep breath to ease his nervousness down and stand up but everything span around causing him to fall back on the bed. He closed his eyes, concentrating on a possible noise, something but he could hear nothing. Was he in Hina’s bedroom, and if so, where had the other gone? It was weird to have left him alone. Even if it was dangerous, perhaps too dangerous, he needed to escape away from there… He knew what would follow, especially if he took the number of Hina’s men around the house into consideration but he had to try. He didn’t want to experience it… Not now, that the other was more pissed off than ever.

 

He took a deep breath and tried to stand up one more time. This time, he didn’t fall. With small, not very steady steps he walked towards the door. He grabbed the doorknob but it didn’t move. It was locked. A bitter smirk appeared on his lips. What had he expected?! He tried once more when suddenly, the lights turned on, causing him to freeze at his spot. He heard steps coming from the side until they stopped right behind him. A hand came to hold his and take it away from the door, squeezing it with force that made him moan.

 

“Where do you think you’re going, _puppy_?”

 

Nino felt all his hairs standing up, as a cold shudder passed through his body. The words were whispered so close to his ear that he could feel the other’s hot breath landing on his skin. He was pressed against the other’s body gasping when he felt a hardness poking his lower back.

 

“Answer me, _puppy_!” this time Hina spoke in a more threatening way.

 

“I… I wanted to find you…” Nino whispered in a trembling voice that could barely be heard.

 

“No lies, puppy.”

 

“I-”

 

Nino was turned around with such force that made him lose his balance and fall onto the taller yakuza. “You wanted to escape. Last night, you followed him. You chose to pass the night together with that sleepy CEO when you could escape and come to find me.”

 

“I-”

 

“I’m not stupid, puppy.” Hina said as he let his right hand come to trace Nino’s jaw, moving up to his lips. “I know you despise me but I also know that you…” he leaned closer so that their lips were almost touching one another “are _mine_.” He bit Nino’s lower lip painfully, making the younger one shriek. “You will _always_ be mine… or is it that you have forgotten it?”

 

Nino closed his eyes. He hadn’t forgotten. He _couldn’t_ …

 

\---

 

_Nino fell breathless on the bed. It had already been more than an hour since Hina had started toying with him. It had always been intense but lately, he couldn’t take it anymore. He didn’t want to meet with him any longer. He didn’t feel any pleasure… his body was only reacting physically._

_“You were great as always, puppy!”_

_He turned his head in his side and saw the older next to him, completely naked, with his back on the head of the bed, smoking. He took a deep breath and tried to sit up himself. He flinched when pain hit him harshly. This time it was all his body that ached, covered as it was with bruises. He liked rough games since they reminded him of his worth as a person but even that had its limit._

_“Hina, I-”_

_He didn’t have the chance to finish his words. His hair was grabbed painfully, pulling his head backwards. “How have I told you to call me?!”_

_Nino frowned but kept his eyes open. “But now, we’re not-”_

_“I think you’ve misunderstood something, puppy. I’m not your master for as long as I shove my dick into your warm hole and fuck you.”_

_“But-”_

_“You have objections?! Do you really think you’re in position to utter objections?!” the other said in a warning tone that sent thousands of cold shivers down Nino’s spine. It was the first time the other spoke like this. “Do you know that you owe to the big boss? Do you know, puppy, that if it wasn’t for me, your whole family would be, now, dead?!”_

_Nino’s eyes bulged._

_“You really thought that escaping from Singapore would make us lose your traces?! Let me tell you. Neither yours; nor your family’s… and that, as you probably have realized by now, applies to your little brother, as well!”_

_Nino gasped._

_Hina, on the other hand, smirked, bringing his hand from the other’s hair to his face, cupping his cheeks by the jaw forcefully. “If it wasn’t for me, puppy, none of the famous Matsumoto family would have escaped. I did it because I care for you… Don’t you think that I deserve something back?!”_

_Nino felt hot tears in the back of his eyes but desperately blinked them away. He needed to remain strong despite the feeling that the world around him was falling apart._

_“I didn’t know…, m… master…” he whispered with difficulty._

_The moment he whispered the last word was pulled into a wet, demanding kiss. He didn’t resist; he opened his mouth and let the other use it however he wished. After what it seemed an eternity, the kiss was broken. Nino let his eyes meet the other’s dangerously darkened ones._

_“You are so perfect, puppy…” there was a wide smirk on Hina’s face; a smirk that made Nino feel as if he was punched on his stomach. “And you will always be mine…”_

_Nino could only gulp._

_“Aren’t you happy, puppy?”_

_Nino closed his eyes. “Of course, I am, master. I’m happy I’ll always be yours…”_

_He heard the other growling. Obviously, Nino’s words had a string effect on him, arousing him once again. In one fast move, Nino felt Hina pushing him on his stomach, taking his hips up into the air before pushing back inside him. It was that very moment that Nino felt as if his life was taken away from him. He was trapped… or more correctly it was him that had trapped himself… but had to accept it… for Jun…_

\---

 

“I haven’t forgotten it… but… you lied to me…”

 

An evil laugh echoed in the room, making Nino’s heart clench painfully. He knew the other was dangerous. He had always known but now, even more.

 

“You know everything, don’t you, puppy?!” There was a sarcastic tone in the other. “But that means that you also know that I’m the big boss. The very one who no one dares to defy. Yet _you_ did! I think you know what is that supposed to mean, don’t you?!”

 

“Why would you do that?” Nino asked without looking at the other. He didn’t want to meet those hateful eyes.

 

“It’s simple, puppy… because I wanted to see you coming to me… every single time… You can’t imagine how satisfying that was for me…” Hina tilted his head to the side, the dark smirk never leaving his face. “From the moment, you decided not to, I couldn’t help it but take you myself.” His hands grabbed Nino’s buttocks pressing him against him. “No matter what that asshole has told you that gave you the illusion of being able to be free from me, you’ll never be able to escape from me, puppy! Never…! Because you’re _mine_!”

 

“I’m not.” Nino whispered with his head lowered. “I’ll never be.” A harsh slap landed on his cheek but Nino felt no pain. He couldn’t… “You may think that you have my body by violating it again and again… I may have been coming back to you but I did only because I was obliged… I paid for my mistakes… so, in a way I had accepted it but my soul wasn’t and won’t be yours… Never!”

 

Before he could grasp what was happening, he was thrown on the floor with force. His hands were held on his back by the wrists, forbidding him any possible move. “Don’t tell me…” Hina hissed angrily in his left ear. “Your soul belongs to _him_?! To that sleepy, short one who wants to call himself a CEO?!” a strained loud laugh came out from the back of the yakuza’s throat. “I would have never guessed that someone like him fucks that good… he certainly doesn’t look like it! Or is that he lose it in the bedroom…? Is that it? Does he toys with you until you’re on your limits? Does he talk to you the way you deserve it? Is it that he’s still new and you haven’t gotten bored? Or is it that he has it big? Is his cock satisfying your requirements like the little whore you are?!”

 

Nino could feel more and more the restrictive pressure on his back but had decided not to let the other speak of Satoshi the way he did. He could feel all the hatred and the jealousy in every word spoken and Nino couldn’t allow it. He had never spoken against Hina… he had never even considered it in the past, but at this point, after having known everything, he felt he didn’t have to fear about consequences. The other would do to him all that he wanted and had planned whether he tried to be the obedient puppy the yakuza wanted or not. He was trapped but at least, now, he knew that there wouldn’t be a consequence to the ones he loved. There was no debt, so, automatically there wasn’t an immediate threat towards Jun and he knew that his little brother wasn’t alone… even if he wasn’t there, Jun would be protected by many people.

 

He took a deep breath before speaking. This time, he was determined to show Hina how much he despised him; he hated him… that he wasn’t afraid of him. He could kill him but he could never have him. Now, that he knew that there were people who cared for him without judging him, he felt more powerful… for once in his life, he’d stand up. “He hasn’t fucked me…” he said in a firm tone. “He never did! He couldn’t…. because he’s not a monster! Unlike you!” Nino yelped when Hina grabbed his hair with force backwards. 

 

Nino was forced to meet the latter’s full-of-anger eyes but continued, feeling his heart pounding faster in his chest. “He has made love to me… again and again… And yes! He’s good… the best I’ve ever been with and like the whore I am, as you said, I have slept with many. I have fucked with many. But none of these fucks could ever surpass all that he gives me. He makes me insatiable… he makes me scream out loud, he makes my body writhe in pleasure and that can go on for hours and hours… always leaving me craving for more. He knows me like an open book… I let him discover me… and he let me discover him. I’d do anything he’d ask me to because I want it… because he’s the only one that I allow to take everything I have to give… and I give it freely.”

 

Nino smirked, his eyes locked on the yakuza’s face. “As for his cock… you’re nothing compared to him. He stretches me in a way that you could never do… I guess Mother Nature decided to give him there the centimeters that according to you miss from his height… He’s ten times the man you’ll ever be able to be!”

 

“Quite presumptuous, aren’t we?! I think we should work on your manners…”

 

“Presumptuous because you can’t accept the fact that he’s better in bed than you?!”

 

A harsh slap landed on Nino’s face. There were angry tears on the other’s face. “Shut the fuck up, bitch!

 

“Why are you surprised?! If you were smart enough, you’d have known that with you, I always pretended...”

 

“Whore!” The yakuza yelled and grabbed Nino up from the ground. He threw him on the bed. “We’ll see who’s better.” He climbed on the bed, securing Nino in between his legs. “I’ll make sure you scream the loudest you’ve ever have in your entire life! I’ll fuck you until you won’t be able to walk for months! I swear I’ll break you… break you until you admit that you’re mine! Because no matter what your little useless mind believes, you are _mine_ , puppy… from that moment you followed me out of that bar in Singapore!”

 

Nino didn’t try to push the other away. He knew there was no point in doing so. He closed his eyes as he felt one by one his clothes leaving his body. It was done in a hurried way. He had provoked the other and now, he’d face the consequences but somehow, wasn’t afraid… probably because he felt complete inside, with no more questions and doubts. Hina couldn’t break him no matter how much he tried. He had the ones he loved and loved him back. He didn’t have the insecurities he faced in the past… not anymore. When he felt the other turning him the other way, pressing his nape against the pillow and spreading his legs wide open, he could only think of Satoshi… _My love… once again, I’m sorry…_

 

For a moment, he thought he was hearing voices and sounds from outside the room but couldn’t think clearly at the moment. He tried to empty his mind and lock it away. He took a deep breath, preparing himself for what would follow. It wouldn’t be the first time his body would be violated by the older man. His hands instinctively grabbed the sheets underneath him as he waited for the pain to strike his body from the unwanted brutal intrusion but it never came.

 

He frowned. _What’s happening?_ It was then that he realized the voices he had been hearing were now closer. He wasn’t alone with Hina in the room anymore. He could hear him curse in a way he had never heard him before. So, whoever these people were, weren’t wanted there. He tried to move but couldn’t. He had frozen… He suddenly felt exposed in the worst possible way. His body started trembling when he felt a cloth being thrown on his back, covering his nakedness and then… he felt someone wrapping his arms around his waist pulling him up in a sitting position. His eyes filled with tears. He didn’t need to see whom those arms belonged to. He knew their touch well. A sob left his throat. _He_ was there… _Satoshi_ was there.

 

“Everything’s over, Kazu… You’re safe… and free…” This voice… this whisper that reached his ear… it felt so melodic… so soothing… like a balsam

 

Nino clutched on the other, gripping his hands, as if his life was depending on it. He let himself being hugged from behind for several seconds but that wasn’t enough. He wanted to see him; he wanted to be sure that this wasn’t a dream… that he was really there for him, with him, holding him protectively. He slowly moved and with some help from the other, he managed to turn around just to meet the most beautiful eyes, staring at him, covered in tears. A feeling of relief filled his soul. With the corner of his eye, he could see more than twenty men, others dressed in black and others in dark blue, checking everything in the room while others taking Hina away. _Policemen?!_  

 

He wanted to speak… to ask… he had so many questions but no matter how much he tried, his body wouldn’t cooperate with him. He couldn’t. Suddenly, he felt everything spinning around once again… His eyesight turned darker. He could hear Satoshi’s voice repeating his name but couldn’t answer back. All the power he had gathered to face Hina was now leaving him. Everything was too much. He let his eyes close. He had no more powers left in him… but at least, now, he knew he was safe.

 

***

Satoshi opened the door trying not to make much noise. He walked towards the bed where his lover was lying. His left hand was being held by Jun who was sitting on the chair next to the bed, asleep.

 

“Jun-kun?” The teenager frowned as he opened his eyes. “You can go. There’s Sho and Masaki-kun waiting for you outside.”

 

“But…”

 

“You should take some rest. The doctors said that it’s only due to the stress. He’ll be waking up from minute to minute and I’m sure he wouldn’t like it, if he knew that you pushed yourself too much. I’ll be here with him and if something new takes place, I’ll immediately tell you. Ok?”

 

Jun looked at his brother once more before he hesitantly stood up. “Alright, Ohno-san.”

 

Satoshi smiled reassuringly at Nino’s younger brother before he sat on the same chair once the door was closed. He looked at his lover who was sleeping peacefully. Last night, he had felt his heart breaking into thousands of pieces. He had heard what that monster was telling to his lover… and when he followed the policemen into the room and found Nino naked, in that position in bed, all he wanted to do was to take him into his arms and never leave him. The way the fragile body of his lover had trembled, weak in his arms was enough to make him consider how stupid he was to let all this time pass… how stupid he was for having let Nino experience such pain without giving him the chance to explain. Of course, now, everything was in the past, but the images were too vivid every time he closed his eyes.

 

Seeing him losing his senses, had given him a fright. Had the other hit him this badly? Was something wrong? He couldn’t stand the idea of something being wrong with the one he loved. When the doctors checked Nino, after they rushed him to the hospital, they told him that it was due to the drugs the other had given him combined with the amount of stress he had been under. They had reassured him that he was fine and that he needed to rest so that his body could find its balances once again.

 

He took his lover’s hand into his, holding it gently. “I’m sorry for not being there to protect you, my love… I’m so sorry… I promise I won’t let you down ever again…” He had his eyes closed tightly in an attempt not to let himself break and start crying silently.

 

“You… really are… stupid… you kn… know… tha…t?”

 

The words were spoken in a whisper… with difficulty but they were spoken. Satoshi had heard them. He snapped his eyes open and turned his head to the side, not being able to believe that Nino was there smiling at him… looking back at him with his beautiful eyes. He frowned… _Are these tears?_

“Kazu…? Are you ok? Why are you crying?”

 

“I’m happy…”

 

The answer came to make Satoshi’s heart skip a beat. “I’m sorry, my love... I-”

 

“I didn’t let you come. It was me… but… even in that… room… with…” Nino closed his eyes and took a breath before continuing “…him, I felt stronger than ever… because I knew… you loved me… truly loved… me… I wasn’t afraid… He wouldn’t break me, Sa… toshi…”

 

Satoshi wiped Nino’s tears away and pressed his lips softly on his lover’s forehead. “Shh… It’s over. The asshole is where he belongs. You’re safe, my love… No one will ever touch you again! No one!”

 

“I know…”

 

The CEO brushed his fingers through the soft hair. “I’ll go to call for the doctors, alright? And if they judge you can leave, I’m taking you home.”

 

Nino limited himself to a simple nod. He was still weak. Satoshi was about to turn and walk away from the bed when he heard his lover speaking again.

 

“Satoshi…?”

 

Satoshi looked into his lover’s eyes, a smile making his lips curve. He leaned closer to him. “Yes?” He could feel Nino’s short fingers touching his cheek. He tilted his head to the side, pressing against them, needing to feel them more before he placed his hand on top of them, cupping them.

 

“I love you…”

 

“I love you, too, Kazu… more than my own life!” He pressed their lips together. It hadn’t been too long ago since he had last tasted them but he had never felt missing them more. 

 

He got out of the room in the search of the doctors. For the first time since the previous day, he could feel his heart beating in a normal rhythm once again. Finally, Nino would be happy… _they_ would be happy… without anything in their way… not anymore.

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

 

 

 

“Be careful, brother!”

 

Nino sighed as he let Jun help him walk into the garden of their mansion. He was still a bit weak but was feeling better. “I am, Jun. Don’t worry!”

 

“You still walk not very steadily…” Jun whispered in a worried tone.

 

“You’re holding me. I trust you to hold me, if I stumble.” Nino said with a smile on his face.

 

Jun was cute… mostly because of his beautiful soul. It was still hard to believe that his brother, even being this young, was there for him without judging him, accepting him and loving him unconditionally. The thought of having his feelings returned was the most precious thing… because Satoshi was the one he loved but Jun was a part of himself… of his routes…Nino let out a small sigh as his mind went to his lover.

 

Satoshi was walking close, following them from behind. It was the first time he was there and Nino didn’t know how he was supposed to feel. He was sure that the other wouldn’t be surprised, he was an Ohno after all, but Nino feared he may feel angry… or even worse, sad… because all this wealth represented the source of the bad decisions that had led his life to all these nightmares… On the other hand, it may remind Satoshi of his case, as well… They were both in a way rejected by their very own families. Nino hadn’t admitted it to him when Satoshi had asked him in the hospital, as he helped him to get ready, but he felt nervous. Yes… he had spoken to him about everything… but from having a conversation to actually having him be there, there was a huge difference.

 

They reached the main entrance of the mansion. It was this time that Satoshi found the chance to slip his arm around Nino’s waist and whisper in his ear. “Don’t feel nervous, Kazu…”

 

Nino gasped, turning his gaze to his lover. How could this man know him this well? He met Satoshi’s eyes looking right into his with adoration being reflected on them. He felt warmth covering his whole body, his heartbeat relaxing a bit.

 

The door opened revealing the butler. Nino didn’t even look towards his direction. What for?! He knew that there would only be his usual disapproving stare.

 

“Welcome back.” Tanaka said in his usual cold way before he bowed to Jun. “Jun-sama! Welcome home!” this time the tone was different. 

 

Nino smirked. He was used to it and he literally didn’t care but he could feel Satoshi stiffening at his side, making his nervousness come to the surface once more. It was such things he wanted to avoid.

 

“Come, brother.”

 

Nino squeezed Satoshi’s hand before entering the house behind Jun. The two brothers were about to climb up the stairs when they heard Satoshi speaking.

 

“Are you new?”

 

Nino turned around, frowning when he realized that Satoshi was talking to no one else but Tanaka. His tone was cold, almost hostile. _He’s not worth it, Satoshi…_ He was about to tell Satoshi to follow them but was stopped by Jun.

 

“Let him… Please…”

 

“But…” Nino couldn’t finish his phrase as Tanaka replied.

 

“In what sense, Sir?”

 

“Both in being a butler and in working in the Matsumoto household.” Satoshi continued in the same tone.

 

The butler straightened up his back. “I have the honor to be in charge in the Matsumoto family for more than 30 years…”

 

Satoshi let his eyes scan the butler from head to toe with a raised eyebrow. “Your name?”

 

“Tanaka, Sir.”

 

“Well… Tanaka-san…” Satoshi made a small noise as if he was hesitating to continue. “I don’t know what words to use so that I don’t sound rude but aren’t you ashamed of admitting you have such a long experience yet you lack of the most basic characteristics a good butler should have?”

 

Tanaka was taken aback. “Excuse me?”

 

“I’m Ohno Satoshi…” Satoshi said, his smirk getting bigger. “… of the well-known family... Yes! So, I happen to have experience with butlers… Well, I must admit that in my thirty-two years of life, I have never met such a case before.”

 

Nino could tell that the butler was about to explode and made an effort not to talk back.

 

“I should remind you the basic rules because from what it seems you have forgotten everything. A butler’s duty is to show respect to all the members of the family in which he works because he _works_ for them. In this case, we have two brothers; Matsumoto Kazunari who is the oldest brother and Matsumoto Jun who is the youngest. So, – I hope you’re able to follow me so far – you were supposed to bow when Matsumoto Kazunari entered the house and welcome him back home by calling him _Kazunari-sama_ , exactly like you did with Jun?! Perhaps, you suffer from selective memory… but I suggest you find a way to overcome it. Also, another small reminder. You are in _no position_ to make your own judgements on the members of the family. Your job is to follow _their_ instructions. You may know many things… secrets… the family’s balances BUT you have no right to act differently with someone just because some of your bosses have done so in the past. You never question… you never gossip. You see but act as if you haven’t, because at the end of the day, you’re getting paid to stay in the house you live. You’re not part of the family. You may be responsible for many things… you may order the rest of the service staff in many occasions but at the end of the day, you’re simply one of them. I can guess that you may feel superior but it’s only a matter of hierarchy between the service staff; something completely irrelevant to the family. Am I understood?”

 

Tanaka’s face had turned red. “Absolutely, Sir.” He replied with difficulty. It was obvious that he was sharing the same rottenness, as Nino’s parents… probably, the reason why he stayed for so many years in the same post.

 

Satoshi knew how such people worked… the only problem is that, now, there were no longer there and that meant that he didn’t have their approval of such discrimination between the two brothers. He wouldn’t allow to this butler treat his lover like this. He remained in the same position, as if he was expecting something, with his arms locked in front of his chest and his eyes narrowed.

 

Nino sighed, looking at this sight. He knew that Satoshi did it because he cared for him and it probably was disturbing in his eyes to see the butler treat him as not a true member of the Matsumoto family but there was no reason to get upset for someone of the level of Tanaka. He didn’t care because it wasn’t worth it. He walked slowly to his lover and got a hold of his elbow to get his attention. “Let’s go, Satoshi.”

 

The CEO, though, kept staring at the butler who finally seemed to get the message. Nino saw him taking a deep breath, obviously annoyed, before he turned to him bowing. “Welcome back, Kazunari-sama.”

 

“One last tip. Butlers have to show _no_ emotion; especially, if it’s of disapproving nature.” With that Satoshi hugged Nino and let him to the stairs where Jun was waiting for them. “I could have never guessed that Matsumoto family would keep such a disrespectful amateur. If he were in ours, he would have been sent away immediately!”

 

“But he will!” Jun announced with a wide smile. “Along with other members of the service staff who, let’s say, seem to have a similar point of view in many things. I’ve always wanted to discuss these matters with my brother but till now, we had more important issues than… this… Now, that everything else has been taken care of, we’ll make sure to make the necessary changes, aren’t we brother?”

 

Nino looked at Jun with tears in his eyes. _Of course, you’d know…_ He couldn’t speak, so limited himself to a small nod. Without any more words, he was led to his room.

 

“I’ll let you get some rest, brother! I’ll go to check what we have for dinner. You’re staying, right, Ohno-san?”

 

Satoshi smiled at Jun. “I’d be more than happy to stay and you can call me Ohno-kun or even Satoshi-kun, if you feel ok with it. Ok?”

 

The teenager nodded smiling and got out of the room leaving Nino alone with Satoshi.

 

“Do you want to lie down?”

 

Nino shook his head negatively. His hands resting on Satoshi’s shoulders. “You shouldn’t have spoken to Tanaka like this… He’s not… worth it…”

 

“I couldn’t stay silent, Kazu…” Satoshi replied in a serious tone. “His hatred was obvious from kilometers away. I wanted to call him names and punch him but that would only make things easier for him and I wouldn’t give him such pleasure for anything in the world!”

 

“He was Jun’s mother’s favorite…”

 

“I could tell. The rotten will go with the rotten. But she’s not here; she’s locked at the clinic… and he has no right to behave like this. He’s a fucking butler!”

 

Nino couldn’t help laughing at the last remark. It was the first time that he had heard his lover using such language and in a way, he found it rather cute. “I’d say he’s more like a fucking _asshole_ but…” his voice turned weaker again. “…he’s really not worth it, Satoshi.”

 

Satoshi brushed his hand through Nino’s hair. “I won’t let anyone disrespect you, Kazu. Anyone; be it a butler; be it God himself!”

 

Nino’s lower lip trembled at the other’s words. He knew Satoshi meant it. “I love you… I love you so much!”

 

Satoshi hugged him, keeping him close to his body. He, then, took Nino’s hand in his and placed it on his chest. “Can you feel the way my heart beats? It’s for you… only you, Kazu…”

 

Nino instinctively tightened his grip on Satoshi, wanting to feel the other’s warmth more. “I don’t know what I’d do, if I hadn’t met you in my life…” the words slipped from his mouth in a whisper. He didn’t wish to turn the situation heavy but couldn’t help it. It was the truth. He was now where he was because of the man who kept him in his arms right at that moment.

 

“The important thing is that you met me and _I_ met _you_.” Satoshi moved back a bit so that he could look at his lover’s face. “So, please, let us not use _if_ again… What matters is _now_ … the present… and the future from now on!”

 

The CEO led Nino to his bed and helped him sit. He, then, looked around the room. It was the first time he was in Nino’s private space but moving his eyes around, only made his heart clench painfully. It reminded him so much of _his_ room back when he lived in the mansion. It was more like a hotel room rather than a bedroom; not that his bedroom in his apartment was any better but this was so clearly cold. He could imagine teenager Nino running into this room after having been ignored, after having found out the truth… he could imagine adult Nino getting ready for his work at the host club… he turned his gaze at the bed. Jun’s words came to his mind. He could imagine Nino crying in his sleep, lost in his nightmares. Without realizing, his hands around his lover became tighter.

 

“I’m… kind of… happy that you’re here, Satoshi…”

 

Nino’s shy words brought Satoshi back to reality, awakening him from his thoughts. He pressed his mouth feather-like on the other’s forehead.

 

“You’re the first person besides Jun that is here… and that makes me happy… I never felt it really mine but having you here, just-”

 

“I think I understand what you want to say…”

 

“Satoshi… about yesterd-”

 

“No! Stop thinking about-”

 

Nino placed his hand on top of Satoshi’s mouth. “I want to say that and then, I promise I won’t talk about it or… _him_ … ever again.”

 

Satoshi sighed, still not convinced.

 

Nino cupped Satoshi’s right cheek with his hand as he turned a bit so that he could have a better sight of his lover. “I know you heard everything… the police told me so, when I gave my testimony to the two policemen that visited me in the hospital. But there are also things you didn’t hear… It was the first time that I felt strong. In the past, I was locking my mind away… yes… but I felt ashamed… for having betrayed you… I was still afraid that you’d reject me, if you found out… But yesterday, I felt sad only because I knew I had made you sad but for me… Deep inside, and for the first time in my life, Satoshi, I felt strong. He couldn’t really touch me… Because I knew that I had you!” his lips curved into a small smile while he blinked his eyes to not let the tears, that were threatening to fill up his eyes, fall on his cheeks. “You were always with me… maybe not physically but in my heart…? You were there…”

 

“But when I found you like-” Satoshi’s voice trembled.

 

“What matters is that you found me… but I wanted to tell you that I was strong because I had you with me, Satoshi. I had you and your love!”

 

Satoshi only hugged him tightly. “What matters is that now, we have each other… forever… and no one will ever cause us pain…”

 

“Yes…” Nino whispered and snuggled closer to the CEO. “It’s just you and me…!”

 

They remained like this, in a comforting silence, for a long time, no one being willing to let go. It was only when they heard a soft knock on the door that they broke the hug.

 

“Yes!” Nino said.

 

The door opened, revealing Jun. “The dinner is served. Do you want to come to the dining room or perhaps, you prefer to stay here?”

 

“I hope he won’t be present…” It was Satoshi the one to speak.

 

“Of course not!” Jun replied with a smile. “He’s ordered to remain in the kitchen with the others. One of the maids will only serve us and then, she’ll leave us to enjoy our dinner alone.”

 

“What do you prefer, Kazu?”

 

Nino stood up slowly. “Let’s go downstairs, but honestly! I feel like you two are pampering me!”

 

“And what if we are?” Satoshi asked in a rather playful tone.

 

“I’d tell you that I’m a big boy who doesn’t need it.”

 

“But it’s from our free will!” Jun jumped in the conversation.

 

Nino shook his head but couldn’t stop himself from smiling. Having both the most important people in his life care so much for him was something that made his heart burst from happiness. He let Satoshi take his hand into his and intertwine their fingers together, as the older man led him out of his room.

 

“I personally took care of the menu, tonight! Your favorite! Hamburger!” Jun exclaimed enthusiastically as they climbed down the stairs.

 

Nino could only smile wider. “If that’s the case, can’t wait!”

 

For the first time in his life, he felt so happy.

 

***

 

“You could have gone with Ohno-kun…”

 

Nino heard his brother’s shy voice from behind as he closed the door after having said goodbye to his lover. A smile appeared on his face. He turned around and met Jun’s gaze. “I could but I wouldn’t… This night is ours!”

 

“But-”

 

“You and Satoshi have a very important place in my heart, Jun; a different one but of the same importance.” Nino could see how happy his younger brother was and that only made him happier. “Come! I’ll make us some hot chocolate! What do you think?”

 

Jun smiled widely. “I think it’s a perfect idea!”

 

Fifteen minutes later, they were sitting in the living room on the small sofa by the window that had a clear view at the back side of the garden.

 

“It’s surprisingly calm…” Nino remarked as he brought his cup to his mouth.

 

“That’s because Tanaka is away.  His aura is enough… but don’t worry! Very soon, he’ll be away for good!” Jun said in a decisive tone causing Nino a small chuckle.

 

“That’s some determination you have there!”

 

“I’ve always detested him.” Jun mumbled, his gaze focused on his lap. “He always disrespected you!”

 

“You know that I really don’t care, though, do you?” Nino placed a hand on his brother’s knee to emphasize it. He was telling the truth; he couldn’t care less for scumbags like Tanaka. “I only did care for those who mattered; you… Satoshi…” his voice turned weaker as he mumbled the last words. He still found it hard to believe that even with all his secrets known – at least, to some extent – his brother was accepting him.

 

“Brother?” Jun asked with a small frown, as he left his cup of chocolate on the small table in front of him and turned to look at Nino closer.

 

Nino shook his head negatively, trying to show that he was ok, but the tears that had just started running down his cheeks couldn’t justify that to the other… it was obvious by the way he was stared at. “It’s just that I can’t believe you knew… and yet… you accepted me… all this time… I mean… I could tell you were trying to come closer to me but I was trying hard to keep my distance. The truth is that I was always feeling… dirty…” the word came out as a whisper. Jun was about to speak but Nino didn’t allow him.

 

“Allowing all these men to touch me… getting money for it… I knew that I was paying for my mistakes but whatever the reason behind all these secrets was, at the end of the story, I was just too rotten to be able to be close to you. But you insisted… and then, I met Satoshi. I admit, at first, I approached him because I was paid for doing so…” a painful chuckle escaped from his throat but continued, closing his eyes tightly. “Very soon, though, I found myself falling in love. You know… it was the first time I felt human… someone who had the chance to feel what love is; how love is supposed to be…”

 

“You were someone who _deserved_ love, brother. You’ve come back here when you hated this place, so that you could take care of me. I was awake all those times you secretly entered in my room to check on me when you thought I had fallen asleep. Since I was a little kid, I could see the pain in your eyes… I was always with you… I always loved you… because I could see different emotions; something I could never detect in any of my parents.”

 

“But, Jun, I-”

 

“These mistakes, you’re talking about, weren’t they a consequence of _their_ choices and _their_ behavior? You weren’t an adult when everything started… You were on my age… I can’t imagine how I’d behave in return, if I was treated that way, right now.”

 

Nino lowered his head. “Jun…, I’ve done many things I’m not proud of…”

 

“But you said it, brother! You’re not proud of… if you were really…” Jun closed his eyes and took a deep breath before continuing. “…dirty… as you said, you wouldn’t feel like that; on the contrary. You’d feel proud… at the very least, happy. You wouldn’t have any problems… you wouldn’t feel guilty… you wouldn’t be miserable like you’ve always been when you left for that club…”

 

“How… how did you know that I worked in a host club?”

 

Jun looked away. “I had followed you once…”

 

“WHAT?!” Nino couldn’t hold himself back. “You know it’s dangerous… what if someone approached you? What if something happened?!”

 

“I’m sorry…” the teenager lowered his head.

 

Nino sighed. “I’m just… such places are dangerous, Jun. I can’t imagine something bad happening to you…”

 

“I know… I know it, brother, but I just wanted to know where you were going… I could tell something was off and I was worried…”

 

The last phrase made Nino stop from speaking in the loud tone he was about to use once again. “You worried when normally it should be _me_ the one to worry about you…”

 

“That would require to be a part of a normal family in the first place!” Jun said in an ironic way making Nino muffle a laugh. He had to agree on that.

 

“I think… you have a point there…!” Nino mumbled but slowly, his smile faded away. “But still…”

 

“What caused to me the most pain was the fact that you were suffering so much… Those nights that you kept crying in your sleep begging, whoever that bastard was, to stop… I always stayed by your side until you calmed down… but… I wished I could do more than that… It made my heart bleed seeing you being in so much pain.”

 

Nino left his cup of chocolate on the table and with trembling hands hugged Jun. “Satoshi told me…” he mumbled with an uncertain voice. “I was having nightmares but didn’t know I was loud…… I just know that it felt, as if a hand was given to me, allowing me to move away… I guess I could feel you in my dreams… Your presence made me feel safe, even if I didn’t really realize it was you…”

 

“I was just feeling sad because I couldn’t do anything more to help you… to get you away.”

 

“Yet, you did the most important. You brought back the one I fell in love with.”

 

“I wanted you to be happy because you deserved it!”

 

“You sound like an older brother…”

 

“I don’t… I sound like any brother who loves and cares about one of the most important people in his life.” Jun whispered back tightening the hug.

 

“I really love you, Jun. From the very moment, your small innocent eyes met mine for the first time… I always cared…”

 

“I knew you cared… What matters, now, brother is that we can start over… as a family!”

 

Nino broke the hug and looked Jun into his eyes. They were glossy but Nino knew they were like this from happiness… they were reflecting hope. He couldn’t but smile widely. “Yes!”

 

“Ok… Now, let’s drink this chocolate before it gets too cold!”

 

Jun smiled nodding his head. He still had some tears in his eyes but soon, they got dry. Nino decided it was about time they spent time together as brothers should. They talked a lot; they laughed. The atmosphere in that cold house felt for the first time in their lives warm. Nino asked him about many things… school… friends… as if he was really getting to know him... because in a way, he was. At least, it was the first time he _openly_ allowed that to himself.

 

“And how are things with your beloved senpai, J?” he asked Jun teasingly, at some point, muffling a laugh when he caught, from the corner of his eye, the way his brother’s cheeks reddened.

 

“Good…”

 

Nino frowned. He could detect the trace of hesitance in that ‘good’ that Jun had just uttered. _Could it be that they had problems?_ He placed his hand on top of his brother’s one squeezing it reassuringly. “What’s going on?! Did something happen?”

 

Jun lowered his head and cleared his throat awkwardly. “Nothing happened… It’s just that-” he was hesitating and Nino could guess what it was about. The awkwardness was betraying it.

 

“Does he by any chance press you to do anything you don’t want to or don’t feel comfortable with?” Nino’s tone suddenly got higher. He wouldn’t allow his brother to feel at the slightest the way he had in the past.

 

“No! No!” Jun hurried to deny it. “Masaki would never do that! We… we have… well… kissed and stuff… but every time things go further than that… I freeze and push him away quite… abruptly.”

 

Nino took Jun’s hand into his, holding it softly. “And you worry about this? It’s normal to feel this way. It’s something new and you shouldn’t push yourself in doing something you do not want to in the first place.”

 

“It’s not that I don’t want to… but-”

 

“You’re afraid?”

 

Jun nodded. “I’m afraid it hurts too much… I’ve… seen you-” he didn’t have the chance to finish his sentence, biting his lower lip, as if he had just realized what he had just said.

 

Nino felt a sting in his heart. He had managed to traumatize his brother. _I’m sorry, Jun… Once again, I’m sorry…_ He took a deep breath. He should speak openly… He had to be honest so that Jun wouldn’t have any misconceptions. “I was around your age when I first did it. I had just found out that I was the _bastard_ son of Matsumoto Shinichi… I was shocked but in the same time, I could finally understand so many things… It was as if all those unanswered questions had finally found their answers. Till that day, I was trying to be the perfect son in vain. So, I decided to be that bastard son, they always thought I was. I remember going to a club… getting drunk… there was this couple… I think they weren’t even Japanese… probably Americans, little did I care… I just wanted to forget… It all happened while I was in a daze. I hadn’t felt anything, though; neither pleasure, nor pain… I started sleeping around… I was giving my body to anyone seemed interested in me for a night…”

 

Nino took a deep breath. “What I did, though, wasn’t having sex… I was just fucking with people or more correctly… I let others fuck me and use me the way they liked.” It was embarrassing to speak to his brother this clearly but he had to be honest. His hands’ grip on his knees turned stronger, causing his knuckles to turn white. “The others also didn’t care but for themselves… That’s what causes pain… it’d that that causes you limping the way you’ve seen me…”

 

“I have to admit that until some months ago, I thought that was how sex was supposed to be but I came to realize how wrong I was because I had never actually had the chance to know how sex was _really_ meant to be… That until I met Satoshi… I’m not going to lie to you. In the beginning, you experience some small amount of pain… more like a pressure but nothing like you may have been imagining, Jun. If your partner loves you and cares about you, he’ll be attentive with you… he’ll prepare to you gently until he can tell you’re ready. He’ll wait for you to give him the green light… That little pain will very soon disappear and will give its place to something… magical… that’s the only word I can use to describe it.” He was happy to have gained his brother’s attention. “Because you’re going to be one with the one you love… and that makes it even more precious…”

 

Nino could tell that Jun was lost in his thoughts. “Just promise me one thing…”

 

“Wh… what?” Jun asked with a tiny voice, his face covered in blush as he awkwardly sipped more of his chocolate.

 

“Don’t overthink things, Jun. You’re still young… you have many things to discover… go with your pace… enjoy everything you do and share. Let your body tell you when it’s ready… because it will… When the time comes, you won’t think, nor analyze… it will just happen… and when it does, you’ll know that it was meant to be this way… and you will have the biggest and stupidest smile on your face! I speak from experience here!” he added to lighten the atmosphere up as he winked at him. Jun only nodded making Nino muffle a laugh. “I should be the one blushing, not you!”

 

“No… It’s just that…”

 

“Sex is a part of our nature, Jun… I’d find it weird if you didn’t have such concerns… but whatever it is your little mind has imagined, just know that it’s not the case in reality! Ok?”

 

Jun nodded. “Ok!”

 

“Good! Now, enough with sexual education! Go to my bedroom and pick up any movie! I’ll prepare some popcorn!”

 

“Eh?!” Jun asked surprised.

 

“I kind of always wanted to experience a movie night with my brother, popcorn and a fluffy blanket.”

 

“You mean it?!” Jun’s excitement couldn’t be hidden.

 

“I said this was a brothers’ night, didn’t I. Now, up!” Nino clapped his hands.

 

“I think I know the perfect one!” the teenager said excitedly, as he jumped up from his seat.

 

“I’ll be there in ten!” Nino winked at him, smiling fondly as he saw him climbing up the stairs hurriedly.

 

They had talked about many things… about his past, his mistakes, their family, Jun’s concerns… he even had made this whole speech about sex… he chuckled as he brought the two almost empty cups to the kitchen. His little brother was growing up… He had to make sure to let him live with all the doubts and questions he should… It’s been enough all these years that he had been worrying about him… It was about time, Jun really lived his age.

 

He met no one as he climbed up the stairs with a large bowl of freshly made popcorn. Now, he knew that Jun used to come to his bedroom to make sure he was ok… He wanted to replace those memories… with new ones… happy and carefree… the way it was supposed to be.

 

\---

 

The sight of his brother sleeping by his side, around one hour after the movie had started, only made him smile. It was obvious that Jun hadn’t slept much the previous night, probably because he was too worried for him. Sighing, he made sure his brother was covered well and lied down, as well. He kept looking at his brother’s face that looked so innocent like this. He was his family… his _real_ family. A wide smile appeared on his face as his hand caressed feather-like Jun’s hair. Without realizing it, his eyelids turned heavy and soon, he was drifted to dreamland.

 

***

 

Nino couldn’t hide his surprise when he saw Sakurai Sho standing behind the door of the mansion this early in the morning without previous notification.

 

“Sakurai-san! You came!”

 

Jun’s voice only made him more surprised. His brother had told him that he wanted them to go somewhere, earlier this morning. He thought it would be something simple, like a walk, but with Sakurai Sho there, he realized it was something else.

 

“Are you ready to go?” Sho asked looking at the two brothers.

 

“Kazunari?” Jun asked and Nino nodded, still frowning.

 

“Where are we going?” he asked once he had entered in Sho’s car right behind his brother.

 

“You’ll see!” his brother told him in an excited tone.

 

Nino soon realized they were in Minato, the scenery becoming more and more familiar. When the car stopped, he sighed realizing his suspicions were right. He had been there before; a few years ago, as a matter of fact.

 

“Why are we here?”

 

“Because I have taken some decisions that include you as my older brother and guardian.”

 

“You will understand everything very soon.” Sho added from the driver’s seat.

 

Nino sighed, as he got out of the car. His heart was thumping fast as he stepped into the tall building. They arrived at the eighth floor where the secretary welcomed them.

 

“Gentlemen, this way, please.”

 

They were led to an office. Nino was sitting nervously on his chair. What was that supposed to mean?! Why were they here? Why hadn’t Jun told him anything?

 

“Matsumoto-san… And Sakurai-san, I suppose?”

 

Nino turned his gaze to the source of the voice. The old lawyer was exactly as he remembered him; Tall, hulking… and repulsive.

 

“Exactly. Thank you for accepting to see us, Kitagawa-san.”

 

“Since it was Matsumoto-san the one who demanded this meeting I couldn’t possibly deny. I’m listening…”

 

“I have come to know the terms of agreement between you and my brother.”

 

Kitagawa looked at Jun with a raised eyebrow.

 

Jun took a deep breath and continued. “I also know that I am the one who will inherit everything that Matsumoto family has... I have some announcements to make. I agree to follow the business orientation for my studies and become the CEO of Matsumoto corporation under two conditions. One. My brother has temporarily this position and after I take his place he remains by my side as the Co-CEO and two. He inherits half of the money as well as the estate that remains under the name of Matsumoto.”

 

Kitagawa cleared his throat, staring at Nino with a disapproving gaze. “I’m afraid I cannot come to agree with anything you have just spoken of, Matsumoto-san. The terms are clear… your mother-”

 

“…is incapable of deciding upon her son’s decisions.” Sho cut the other off. “I’m sorry to interrupt you, Kitagawa-san, but if she were, Nino wouldn’t be the guardian of his younger brother.”

 

“But that’s only because she’s-”

 

“Jun came and consulted me, so, I made a small research. I’m afraid you’ve been misled, Kitagawa-san.” Sho replied in a clearly sarcastic tone. “Matsumoto Aiko isn’t away for maintaining a low profile… She’s away because after her husband’s suicide she experienced a mental collapse. She doesn’t stay at a luxury resort somewhere in Okinawa but in a clinic for mental issues a few kilometers away from here. It was the reason why Matsumoto Kazunari took her place, since he was the closest adult to Matsumoto Jun left in the family. As you may realize, your probable argument that she doesn’t want Jun’s older brother to inherit anything cannot be justified. Firstly, because her judgement over him cannot be objective, since he’s not her son and secondly, because she’s not in a position to have her opinion taken into consideration for health issues. I’m sure you’re well aware that if this matter goes to the court, the decision would be the obvious one. I can guess that you wouldn’t like your office, with such great history and so many important clients, get a negative advertising, if I may use such a term… Also, Jun is old enough to let him decide. He may not be able to sign but he can always have a no blood-related representative as a second consultant and I happen to be this very person, in this case.”

 

Kitagawa was clenching his fists. It was obvious that he was brought to the difficult position to accept everything that Sho had just said. Nino couldn’t believe in his ears.

 

“I will be honest with you Kitagawa-san.” Sho spoke once again in the same firm tone. “Jun, asked me if he could actually change your company from being the consultants and the responsible ones for the Matsumoto fortune. I advised him that this wouldn’t be the best choice, since you have experience and you happen to know the Matsumoto case very well.”

 

Kitagawa cleared his throat. It was obvious that he was brought in a very difficult position. “I thank you, Sakurai-san for pointing it out but I have to insist on the sensitivity of the matter. Matsumoto Kazunari-san has provoked many important problems in the past.”

 

“It was our father that caused them!” Jun said angrily, jumping up from his seat, his hands clenching into fists at each side of his legs.

 

Nino hurried to stand up and make him sit. “Jun…” he whispered in an attempt to calm Jun down.

 

“It’s the truth, brother! Everyone keeps accusing you of something our father caused in the first place. If he killed himself, he did it because he was in deep shit. I can guarantee you, Kitagawa-san, the only one who truly mattered to him wasn’t Kazunari; not even me… It was only himself! And if my brother has made any mistakes these are also-”

 

“Jun-kun, please… let me handle it.” Sho intervened with a reassuring smile.

 

“The company at Singapore was lost to the yakuza. We’re not talking of a simple miscalculated loss… And it’s already been years. I had my legal advisers and my counsels look into the matter. I think, and you can correct me, if I’m wrong, that Matsumoto Kazunari can get involved in the family’s fortune since Matsumoto Jun, who happens to be the main inheritor, desires it, as long as he proves for a period of six months his capability to bring profit.”

 

“And where can he prove that?” Kitagawa asked with a raised eyebrow as he locked his fingers together. “I think it would be difficult to be hired with his past…”

 

“That’s not going to be a problem. I’m willing to hire him in my corporation. One representative of your company will be free to follow his work. I won’t interfere… I’m sure though that if he decides to accept, he’ll do great things. Allow me to tell you that I have a good intuition with people… I’m sure Matsumoto Kazunari will surprise you! All of us!”

 

“If you don’t agree, I won’t accept anything.” Jun said with narrowed eyes. He was sounding determined. Nino couldn’t believe it. Jun wanted him by his side… Sakurai Sho was giving him a chance to start over… “Kazunari is the only one that makes me happy to be a Matsumoto… because he’s my family. If he’s not a part, then, I don’t want to have anything to do with all, as well!”

 

Several seconds passed by in an awkward silence before the lawyer turned to Nino who was sitting on his chair silent. “You, Matsumoto-san, do you agree?”

 

Nino looked at Jun who was staring back at him with pleading eyes. He had always hated everything that had to do with their fortune but now, it would be Jun’s… and if Jun wanted him by his side he had no reason to turn his brother down; he’d never do that.

 

“Since this is what my brother wants, I have no reason to decline it, Kitagawa-san.”

 

“Fine, then. I will have the papers prepared and once they’re ready, you’ll be informed by my secretary to come and sign them.”

 

“Thank you, Kitagawa-san.” Sho said with a modest but clearly of a triumphant aura smile as he shook the lawyer’s hand.

 

Nino and Jun bowed and soon, they were leaving the building.

 

“How many surprises have you there hidden for me, Jun?”

 

Jun looked at his brother slightly worried. “You… you didn’t want to-?”

 

Nino didn’t say a single word. He just pulled his brother in a tight hug. There was no need for any exchange of words.

 

“Would you like to go for lunch?”  Sho asked once the brothers had sat back into the car. “Masaki will be there, too.”

 

Jun’s eyes glowed from happiness as soon as he heard his boyfriend’s name.

 

“I like the idea.” Nino said, seeing his brother this happy.

 

“And you Matsumoto-kun-”

 

“You can call me Kazunari-kun.” Nino cut Sho off. “You’ve helped me too much to still call me by my surname… besides I’m not exactly fond of it…” he mumbled under his breath.

 

“Ok, then, Kazunari-kun. You should call Satoshi, as well. He may be free to come and join us.”

 

“Yes! You should, brother!”

 

Nino smiled as he took out his phone and started typing a quick message. He also wanted to see the other... he was already missing him.

 

\---

 

“J!” Masaki was waving his hand the moment they entered the family restaurant.

 

“Someone’s excited to see his boyfriend!” Nino whispered to Jun as they headed to the table the other teenager was sitting at, wanting to tease him a bit. The teenager said nothing in return, making Nino muffle a small laugh. _You’re so cute…_

 

“It’s nice to see you again, Matsumoto-san!” Masaki told Nino after they all sat on the table.

 

Nino smiled. “How are you, Masaki-kun?”

 

“I’m doing well!”

 

“I heard from Jun that you’re the star of the basketball team…” Masaki and Jun immediately blushed, lowering his head. “No need to get shy… I know my brother and I’m well aware that he means everything he says. Would you like perhaps to continue with it professionally?”

 

“Well… The truth is that I would love to but Sho-kun insists I enroll university.”

 

“I’m afraid I have to agree with your uncle. You can always find a good university that’s known for its basketball team. I think, then, you’ll be in position to see things clearer. Perhaps, a great opportunity comes… but if not, you’ll still have the chance to create the life you want.”

 

“I wouldn’t have placed it better, Kazunari-kun. See, young man? It’s not me the oldie one who says so! Kazunari-kun is five years younger than me! Still in his twenties and yet he shares the same opinion!”

 

Masaki pouted. “Fine…”

 

“I also agree, Ma-kun! You’re too smart not to go to university!” Jun jumped in the conversation, making his boyfriend blush. “I’ll have the pork ramen, if the waiter comes.” Jun said and stood up. “I need to go to the toilet.”

 

Nino didn’t say anything but he was sure Jun’s sudden need to go to the toilet was more relevant to the fact that he had called the other ‘Ma-kun’ in front of him and the latter’s uncle.

 

A few seconds later, Sho’s phone rang. He ticked his tongue annoyed. “Sorry, I need to take this. I’ll be right back.” and with that headed out of the restaurant leaving Nino and Masaki alone.

 

Nino could tell that the other was rather nervous with him. He could tell that Masaki was in love with Jun… but he had to say it… because he cared for his brother too much. “Masaki-kun?”

 

“Yes…?”

 

Nino cleared his throat as he leaned a bit closer, resting his elbows on the table. “Jun… he spoke to me about something… He is… how am I supposed to say it? Hmm… a bit… confused…” he didn’t miss the way the teenager’s eyes bulged at his words.

 

“I… I didn’t-”

 

“I didn’t accuse you of anything, Masaki-kun.” Nino said reassuringly. “I find it natural to want to experience everything that love has to offer to you… I just don’t wish to see my brother getting hurt. I don’t imply that you’d do anything on purpose to hurt him or make him feel uncomfortable but things may happen that could make him feel confused. As the older one, please, let him know clearly that it’s ok to take his time…”

 

“I swear we have only-”

 

“It’s none of my business to now, Masaki-kun. It’s something personal between you two. I mentioned it only because I think you should speak clearly with him. I’m sure you’ll take care of my little brother. If you don’t…” Nino tilted his head “then, that’s another story!”

 

“Can you, please, stop threatening my best friend’s nephew?!” a familiar voice whispered into Nino’s ear, as two hands came to rest on his shoulders from behind.

 

“Satoshi!”

 

Satoshi smiled at him and winked at Masaki. “Don’t get him, wrong, Masaki. He’s just an overprotective brother.”

 

Masaki nodded, still, a bit shaken.

 

Soon, everyone was back and made their orders. The topics of conversation, while enjoying ramen, varied. For the first time, Nino found himself making small remarks that could be described as sarcastic. He was participating actively… he was laughing… without thinking of anything else.   

 

“How did you two meet?” Nino asked Sho, looking at him and Satoshi. “You seem really close.”

 

“We met in the first year at university. The professor had put us in groups and I was appointed with him…” Satoshi said pointing at Sho. “Since then, I don’t know… we just stuck!”

 

Nino couldn’t help smiling as he heard some embarrassing stories of Satoshi back in his university years. He hadn’t any… he had only shameless ones… He had the reputation of the easiest fuck back at the university. He sighed trying to remain focused on Sho’s words. To his surprise, Satoshi’s hand came to find him under the table, intertwining their fingers together… He turned his gaze to him finding the eyes, he loved the most in the world, looking back at him reassuringly, as if the other knew what was going on his mind right at that moment. Once again, it was proved what a wonderful person Satoshi was and how lucky he had got to have met him.

 

Half an hour later, Sho had excused himself since he had a serious meeting.

 

Nino looked at his brother and his boyfriend with a small smirk. “You can go and enjoy a date just the two of you!”

 

“Brother, thank you!” Jun replied with a wide smile while Masaki still seemed to hesitate.

 

“And you… Masaki-kun, as we said!”  Nino told his brother’s boyfriend, amused at the way, the latter hurried to nod fast.

 

“What did you two say? Tell me” Jun kept asking his boyfriend as they headed out of the restaurant, not getting any answer from Masaki.

 

“You managed to scare him!” Satoshi told him once they were alone.

 

Nino smiled. “He may have been a bit panicked but I’m sure he’ll get to speak with Jun. Then, he’ll understand better what and why I told him.” he turned to look at Satoshi. “I just don’t want Jun to feel confused or pressured…”

 

“Masaki may be a bit clumsy but he’s a very considerate person.”

 

“It’s just that he already had the wrong impression and was too afraid to take the next step… and all that because of me.” Nino said sighing deeply. I don’t want him to be even more confused. They should talk openly.”

 

“You love your brother so much! I’m proud and slightly jealous of you for that!”

 

“Jealous?”

 

“Yes… because in my case my brother is a bastard…”

 

“But you have a brother, Satoshi. Perhaps not by blood but I’m sure you love him, as if he truly were.”

 

Satoshi smiled, knowing that Nino was talking of Sho. “You’re always right…” and with that finished his beer, before checking his watch. “I have to go back to the company. Would you like to come along? I have to check two projects that we have started running.”

 

“But wouldn’t I intervene with-” Nino started asking in a serious tone.

 

“No.” Satoshi replied in a similar serious tone. “It would only make me want to work harder so that I can finish earlier. We can also discuss about Sho’s offer to hire you in his company.”

 

Nino smiled widely at him. “Alright, then! I’ll come!”

 

“Let’s go!”

 

\---

 

Nino let out a hiss of surprise when he saw no one else but Satoshi’s very younger brother, Hideshi, working at the reception area. He had heard what Satoshi had told the latter but he didn’t expect to have him placed at this post… he was certain that for the other this was _at least_ humiliating. Satoshi was surprising him more and more but he couldn’t lie; he enjoyed the idea.

 

“I need a pass for Matsumoto-san.” Satoshi said in a cold, almost hostile tone. Hideshi, on the other hand, muttered something under his breath, as he starred at Nino for several seconds, his hands not moving at all. “I’m still waiting!” The CEO said louder than before, attracting the attention of the other two employees working next to Hideshi.

 

“Of… course, Ohno-san.”

 

“You surely know how to talk…” Satoshi said in a clearly sarcastic tone, Nino had never heard of before. “Hurry up”

 

Once they had got the pass, Satoshi led him to the elevators. Once the doors were closed, the CEO leaned against the glass behind him and let out a long sigh. “You understand now why I told you I kind of feel jealous of the relationship you and Jun-kun have?! Because I see that bastard every day who never misses to bring me to my limits but I have sworn to make him learn his place… At least, lately, he hasn’t dared to openly use his usual characterizations… I dare to say it’s an advance!” Satoshi let out a small chuckle before he caressed his frowned forehead with his fingers.

 

“What I witnessed a couple of minutes ago, is a CEO that has never been sexier in my eyes!” Nino whispered in his lover’s ear, wanting him to relax.

 

Satoshi smiled but said nothing on the younger one’s comment. “I’ll ignore that because there’s work waiting for me.”

  
“I promise I’ll behave!” Nino replied, happy to hear Satoshi having found his usual tone back.

 

Satoshi chuckled. He loved this playful version of his boyfriend. He may have done it to take his attention away from Hideshi but it still was as if the person, Nino hided inside out of fear and insecurity, was finally finding little by little his way out.

 

“You better will!” he whispered back in Nino’s ear. “Because I have organized a special night for us in my apartment!” he let his index trace a small path from Nino’s cheek to his jaw line, moving lower to his neck. “But that’s for later!”

 

Nino smiled as he threw his arms around his lover’s shoulders and leaving a small peck on his lips. “Can’t wait!”

 

***

 

_Three weeks later…_

 

“You’re ready to go, my love?”

 

Nino was still lost behind papers. Sho had been telling the truth at Kitagawa’s office when he was insisting he wouldn’t go easy on him, since, from the very first moment Nino set his foot in the company, he had been bombarded with what could be described as _too much_ work. It had been years since he had last used his skills in statistics and business administration and at the moment, he doubted he even had any.

 

The voice that reached his ears, though, made him smile. It was a small reminder of the reason why he had to try his best, even if it was difficult.

 

“Satoshi!” he exclaimed happily to the other was had walked until his desk. He turned to look at the clock across his office and sighed. “I know we had said we’d leave at seven but I still have to organize these files…” he said pointing at the relatively small pile of documents on his right. “Sho-kun wants them, today!”

 

Satoshi shook his head. “Classic Sho! He’s been a torturer since we were at university! But I guess it’s because of his strict program and orderliness that he managed to create his company from scratch. It’s a reason why I’ve always admired him, to be honest...”

 

“You know, as much as you try to flatter your precious boyfriend’s boss, the latter won’t let him leave before he’s done with the day’s tasks!”

 

Satoshi muffled a laugh as he turned on his side, seeing his friend looking at them with his hands crossed in front of his chest while leaning against the wall by the door.

 

“Believe me, I know! Do you mind, if I help him? I’m pretty sure he’s tired and it’s already passed the previewed working hours!”

 

“No!” This time it was Nino the one who talked, surprising both Satoshi and Sho. “I’ll do it by myself. You may go and have a coffee. I’ll be there in a while! I’m pretty sure, it won’t take me too much time!”

 

“And that’s why I’m one proud boss!” Sho commented. “We’ll leave you to finish your work, Matsumoto-san” he said in his professional tone before he made a small nod to Satoshi to follow him to his office. “You see how dedicated he is?” he asked his friend once he closed the door behind him.

 

“I’d never expect to see him this motivated. I mean… it’s Matsumoto corporation… and yet-”

 

“No. It’s Jun’s will. I think, very soon, Matsumoto corporation itself will have lost any negative association and transform into something personal… his family business. I must admit that, at first, I had my doubts… He hasn’t graduated from one of the top-three universities in his domain and his grade wasn’t the best but he’s trying hard and he’s willing to learn. Yesterday, I got a glimpse of a book of statistic methods. He’s been studying. He’s smart and I dare to say ambitious and competitive, in the good sense.”

 

Satoshi couldn’t feel prouder of his lover. “I told you Kazu is a brilliant man! He was just afraid to let himself shine!”

 

Sho smiled as he sat on his leather chair. “You did and I couldn’t be happier for you, Satoshi! You found a man you deserve and who deserves to be with you! It’s as if you’re made for each other! I could even dare to use the term ‘soulmates’!”

 

Satoshi was taken aback. The other wasn’t someone to be romantic… or maybe he was also hiding it. “How about you? Will you decide to finally get serious? Get married perhaps?” Satoshi asked with a raised eyebrow. His friend always avoided this topic of conversation.

 

Sho laughed. “I still haven’t found the one who will make me devote myself to them. When I do, you’ll be the first to know. Rest assured!”

 

Satoshi shook his head, chuckling. “That’s what all womanizers say!”

 

“Womanizer… no. I’m just an admirer of the beauty!”

 

Satoshi was about to answer when they heard a knock on the door.

 

“Enter.”

 

The door opened revealing his lover in his dark blue suit. It was an image that made him even more attractive in Satoshi’s eyes. Nino was definitely tired but there was an excitement, an eagerness the CEO hadn’t seen before.

 

“Sakurai-san, the papers, you asked for, have been taken care of.”

 

“Thank you, Matsumoto-san. You’re free to go. I wish you a pleasant evening.”

 

Nino walked to Satoshi, throwing his left arm around the latter’s shoulders. “Thank you, _Sho-kun_!” he replied, leaving behind his professional tone. “Can I have Satoshi for myself, now?”

 

“Please!” Sho said between his muffled laughs. “I wouldn’t want to engage any more of your time. See you tomorrow!”

 

Satoshi and Nino said their goodbyes and quickly left the building.

 

\---

 

Once they were in the limousine, Nino snuggled to the older one, seeking for his warmth. It had been like this every single day since he started working and Satoshi had no reason to deny him.

 

It was ten minutes later that Nino realized they were heading neither to Satoshi’s apartment, nor to his and Jun’s house.

 

“Satoshi?” he turned to look at the CEO who pecked softly his forehead.

 

“You’ll see!”

 

Nino could only gasp when he realized that they had arrived at the beach, Satoshi had taken him for their first date.

 

Getting out of the car, Nino had the chance to see around. It seemed so different, now… It felt as if he was seeing the scenery for the first time in his life. The previous time, he was nervous because he knew they weren’t alone as well as that he was lying to the one he had fallen in love with.

 

“Stop thinking…” Satoshi whispered in his ear as he hugged him from behind, resting his chin on his left shoulder. “All that belongs to the past…”

 

“I didn’t want us to go on a date back then… Your brother had asked me to bring you out of the apartment in order to get the photos he wanted and-”

 

“You attacked me to keep me inside…”

 

Nino turned around meeting his lover’s eyes. “We were followed, Satoshi...”

 

“I had seen the car, Kazu.”

 

“Eh?”

 

“But I wanted to go on a date with you. I didn’t know that my brother had you involved in all this but I knew he was up to something. He wanted me dead from the first time he realized he was stronger than me as a kid.”

 

“But still-”

 

Satoshi placed his index on top of Nino’s lips. “Shhh… Don’t think anymore. Now, we’re just you and me…”

 

“And the driver.” Nino added slightly pouting.

 

“No. I asked him to leave and come back two hours later. I wanted us to be on our own… to have a real date…”

 

Nino looked towards the direction of the limousine and was surprised to find it gone. He frowned for not having heard the engine but then again, he was too lost in his thoughts…

 

Satoshi said nothing more. He intertwined their fingers together and pulled Nino closer to the sea. The weather was quite warm allowing them to take their shoes off and wet their feet.

 

Just walking like this side by side, it felt so relaxing… “I think, I’ve changed my mind. I like the sea… I still get seasick but I love its calmness and its sounds…” Nino whispered, his eyes staring at his feet as they were covered by the water.

 

“Should we sit and watch it, then?” Satoshi proposed, smiling when his lover nodded. “Here…” he took off his suit jacket and helped Nino sit down before he did so, too, by his side.

 

Nino let his head tilt on the side and rest on Satoshi’s shoulder. He enjoyed the warmth the other’s body was emitting, as he let his eyes see the deep purple and orange shades of the sunset far in the horizon.

 

“Satoshi…?” he asked almost hesitantly. “There’s something I want you to ask…”

 

“What is it, my love?” Satoshi whispered, his lips ghosting on top of Nino’s head.

 

“Do you remember when we were here the first time…? You had told me that you wanted to…” Nino bit his lower lips not knowing if he could bring it up or not.

 

“To…?” the CEO asked in a slightly playful tone, realizing what his lover was talking about. “To make your portrait?”

 

“Yes…” Nino whispered in a tiny, weak voice.

 

“I have already started it… I dropped it for a while but since two days ago, I started working on it again… But why do you ask me?”

 

“It’s just that I saw the painting in Sho-kun’s office. I found it rather mesmerizing… its colors were so beautiful… so expressive. So, I asked him who the painter was and he revealed to me that it was you. I was blown away… Since then, I kept thinking about it and…” Nino lowered his head shyly.

 

“And…?”

 

“I realized that I want to see you working on it… to help you…”

 

“Help me?! Do you mean you want to be my model?” Satoshi took Nino chin between his index and thumb and made him meet his eyes. “And if I asked you to pose for me nude?”

 

“I’d pose for you however you wanted me to…” Nino replied with flushed cheeks and glowing eyes. It was getting darker but Satoshi could see it… the flame in them… the love.

 

He let his thumb come and brush Nino’s lips. “You’re so beautiful…” he muttered in a huskier voice, letting his eyes follow his hands move. “And now, the more you let yourself free, the more, if that’s even possible, I fall for you… deeper. For me, you are neither the Matsumoto, nor the Ninomiya the others always put on you as labels, rather than names. You are Kazunari… the one who was always hiding because he was afraid and because he was never allowed to express himself, the real you… You’re gradually exploring him and along with you, I discover him, as well. I get to see the different expressions in his beautiful eyes, the snarky yet never disrespectful comments that are always at the tip of his tongue, his devotion to work… so many different aspects I had never had the chance to know till now… and I’m loving this procedure, Kazu, I really do!”

 

“You always have to say such things, don’t you?” Nino asked in a trembling voice, his eyes locked on Satoshi’s half-opened, alluring lips.

 

“I can’t help it…” Satoshi whispered back on Nino’s mouth, leaning closer.

 

Before they could both register what was happening, Satoshi was pushing Nino on his back, their mouths exploring one another in an insatiable way. Soon, the kiss was turning more and more heated, causing the CEO to break it with a groan.

 

“We… can’t here…” he managed to say while panting heavily.

 

“We can…” Nino whispered taking Satoshi’s hand and guiding it in his trousers to his half-awakened member. “…like this…”

 

They didn’t need to say anything more… They let their bodies find bliss the way they knew so perfectly together… It felt deliberating as they kept moving under the now-darkened sky. There was only the sound of the waves as they crushed against the rocks on their sides that could be heard apart from their gasps and moans.

 

“I can’t believe it I got to have public sex with you… You’re saying you’re discovering the real Kazunari but I also need to know who this new fearless and bold Satoshi is!” Nino said once they had found their breaths back.

 

“This is the Satoshi who is madly in love with you!” Satoshi replied seriously and gained a loud laugh from Nino.

 

Satoshi smiled, turning his gaze up to the sky as he tightened his grip around his lover’s slim waist. He loved it when the younger one laughed like this… It sounded so melodic to his ears. And he was happy because lately, it happened more and more frequently. His lover indeed was allowing his real self to get out of his shell.

 

They stayed like this, Nino secured in Satoshi’s arms, talking about the future… making dreams.

 

“Can I confess something to you?” Satoshi’s voice sounded almost like a whisper.

 

“What is it?” Nino asked with a smile as his fingers kept drawing invisible patterns on his lover’s palm.

 

“I wished we could live together.” the CEO said before he hurried to continue. “I know it’s impossible, right now, because of Jun and I would never ask you anything like this but… I don’t know… maybe in two years, when Jun will start his studies, we could find a new apartment together… you know… I’ve been wanting to create that place that would be our nest, away from all the anxiety and the routine of everyday life… our very own hom-”

 

Nino turned around and kissed his lover abruptly, not giving the CEO the chance to finish his line. “When the time comes, I’ll be waiting…”

 

Satoshi smiled fondly, staring deeply into Nino’s eyes. “When the time comes, I’ll make sure, I won’t disappoint you!”

 

They stayed in a comfortable silence without counting how much time had passed by. Neither of them cared to find out anyway…

 

“I’m happy, Satoshi. I really am.” Nino whispered out of the blue.

 

“I am, too, my love.” Satoshi whispered securing him tighter in his arms. “I guess it was our destiny to be together… Our paths, till now, may haven’t been the easiest ones but I wouldn’t change mine for anything in the world because it meant I’d meet you… I love you, Kazu!”

 

The reply came firm. “I love you, too, Satoshi!”

 

Satoshi knew the other meant these three words… He knew the other loved him. He may have questioned him in the past but, now, the more time they passed together, the more it made him realize what a fool he had been. He let out a long sigh. Yes; they had experienced hardships… yes; they both had troubled pasts… but, now, they were free.

 

He smiled and looked up in the sky at the stars that they were shining, as if they were celebrating their happiness and love along with them.

 

At first, it may have been pretense from Nino’s side. But even if it was, it had, now, turned into the strongest, the purest love and from the way the younger one was clinging on him, right at that moment, Satoshi knew positively that it would last forever.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo minna this is the last chapter BUT a small epilogue will follow very soon!!! ;)


	13. Epilogue

 

_6 months later…_

 

Satoshi couldn’t hide his amusement when he caught the way Nino was staring at Masaki giving the second button of his uniform jacket to Jun.

 

“It’s going to be ok!”

 

“Tonight, will be the night, Satoshi! I knew it was coming but, now, that he even gave him his button, there’s no question anymore…” Nino whispered the last words while his eyes were locked on the blushing face of his younger brother. There was more than blush… there was the way he was looking at his boyfriend… and the way the latter couldn’t hide his excitement in spite of the silence.

 

Satoshi chuckled and passed his right hand around his lover’s waist. “Jun is seventeen, Masaki eighteen and they’re together for so long…!”

 

“I know… I know and I’m happy…” Nino said sighing, as he allowed his lover to hug him. “I just hope, he’ll be ok…”

 

“He will. Masaki will be there with him.”

 

“You’ve got a point there. Not some strangers in the toilets of some bar…” Nino mumbled sadly just to be shaken by the other.

 

“Kazu” Satoshi turned Nino so that he could look him in the eye. “Never repeat that again! Please!”

 

Nino sighed as he looked the worry in Satoshi’s eyes. He closed his and nodded with a small smile. “I know… I’m sorry…”

 

“Wait here!” Satoshi whispered in his ear and walked towards Sho who was standing with Masaki’s parents and Jun a few meters away.

 

Nino didn’t hear what the other told his friend but couldn’t be less surprised when Satoshi came and announced him that they would leave first.

 

“But the dinner…?”

 

“I’ll take you out on a dinner, just the two of us. I’m sure that if we spend a few more minutes with Jun and Masaki, you’ll start overanalyzing each one of their moves! Come!”

 

Nino let himself be guided out of the school yard with a shy smile. He knew that it wasn’t because of Jun and Masaki… he knew it was because of the words he had just said… This person constantly surprised him… _or maybe not…_ Nino thought smiling even wider. It was just one more proof of how lucky he was.

 

***

 

Jun was sure his older brother had realized about his planning for the night. When the latter had told him to have fun with like always, the smile he had this time was strangely wider and his voice sounded a little bit more strained. He knew Nino cared for him and was worried but he also knew he was ready. Nino had been right; The time had come and there were no more questions or worries in him. Of course, he was nervous but he was also excited… he wanted it to happen… and was there a more perfect than the day of Masaki’s graduation?

 

Sho had announced them after the dinner that he’d drive his sister and her husband to Chiba, and that that he would spend one night there as he had missed his hometown. The wink Masaki’s uncle threw to their direction before they entered the car had left no question. It was obvious that all the adults were aware of their big plans for the night and secretly had been assisting them by not saying anything. The two teenagers were grateful for that because in any other case, it would be to awkward and embarrassing; not that it wasn’t like this….

 

When Jun entered in the apartment, Sho and Masaki lived, could feel his heart racing up in a funny rhythm. It wasn’t the first time he had been there… but somehow it felt like it. He didn’t dare to see his boyfriend in the eye as he took off his shoes.

 

“Would… uhm… would you like some juice?”

 

Jun only nodded with his head lowered. He had sat at the corner of the sofa. He dared to turn his gaze to Masaki who was pouring juice in two glasses in the open kitchen. Why was he this nervous? He knew it was Masaki… He knew he wanted it… but… he sighed, fixing his gaze on his lap, playing with his fingers awkwardly.

 

“He… re…” Masaki mumbled as he let the glass in front of Jun before sitting next to him.

 

It was the first time they were sitting in the living room by themselves. They always headed immediately to Masaki’s bedroom but now, it was different.

 

“Thank you…” Jun mumbled as he brought the glass to his lips, to sip some of the cold juice. “It’s… it’s nice…”

 

“Thank you…” This time it was time for Masaki to answer.

 

An awkward silence covered the room.

 

“J?”

 

“Hm?” Jun mumbled without looking at the other.

 

“We… don’t have to… you know…”

 

Jun felt his heart thumping in his chest at the sound of these words. It wasn’t the words… it was the sadness he could trace in his boyfriend’s voice… and he knew it wasn’t so much because Masaki thought once again, they wouldn’t move to the next step but because he felt he pushed Jun into doing something he wasn’t ready or didn’t want.

 

“Ma-kun…, I know… I know we don’t have to… but…” he looked shyly to Masaki before he continued. “but… I want us to. I… I mean… I’m so nervous that I feel my heart will stop in any minute but I want to… do it with you… tonight…” his voice was almost inexistent as he mumbled the last words.

 

Masaki was biting his inner cheek nervously. “I… I want us to… as well… but only if you’re really ok with it… I’d never-”

 

Jun placed his glass on the table before he turned a bit so that he could look at Masaki better. “I know! I…” he brought his hand to Masaki’s cheek cupping it softly. “I don’t know if we’ll stay together forever… but what I know for sure is that I want you to be my first…” this time his voice didn’t tremble as much as before. Strangely, seeing Masaki’s eyes from this close, made him feel surer about this. Without even noticing it, he was already leaning closer, until their lips were only a few centimeters away. “I want to have sex with you, Masaki.” He had said it firmly; there was no tremble. He smiled… yes… he wanted it…

 

“Jun…” Masaki’s face was burning up in fire from shyness but his voice had turned slightly huskier as he voiced his boyfriend’s name. He ran his left hand from Jun’s neck to his shoulder and then to his arm until he let it slide down to his hips bringing him closer.

 

“Kiss me…” Jun whispered on Masaki’s lips and the latter had no reason to deny him. 

 

It was hesitating at first… as if they both tried to find a way to cooperate… this time this wouldn’t be the end… but only the beginning.

 

The moment their lips met made Jun’s mind turn blind. He liked the way Masaki’s lips fitted against his… He tilted his head and let the tip of his tongue tease the other… demanding to taste him to the fullest. He could feel his boyfriend’s surprise, as it was always the other way around to initiate things but this night, he had decided to let himself express freely… to be bolder… to feel everything to the fullest.

 

Only a few seconds later, the two teenagers were savoring each other’s mouths, their kiss turning, with every passing minute, more and more heated. Soon, Jun was pushed on his back, his hands roaming on Masaki’s arms, in an attempt to bring the other even closer. He could feel his body turning hotter, his lower part getting aroused and his head spinning around from the wave of emotions he was experiencing.

 

“Mm… wai…. J…” Masaki said with difficulty while trying to break the kiss only to receive a whining moan from Jun.

 

He was panting and seeing his younger boyfriend underneath him looking at him with his beautiful eyes, darker than ever, and his black hair messy, only made him to want to kiss him and even more but they couldn’t continue in the living room.

 

“Bedroom…” he whispered between his heavy pants.

 

Jun bit his lower lip but nodded, sighing. Later, it would be more difficult to stop. He didn’t move watching how his boyfriend stood up. His eyes fell on the bulge that had formed in his lower front and could strangely feel waves of anticipation running through his body. Masaki hadn’t noticed his boyfriend’s intense stare as he awkwardly stretched his hand to him. Jun smiled seeing the blush that covered those cute cheeks he so loved. It was obvious that the other was as shy as he was, or maybe even more, at the thought of which he only smiled wider. It was him that grabbed Masaki’s hands and led them to the other’s bedroom, almost running.

 

Masaki let out a surprised little squeak but seeing Jun being that decisive made him relax a bit and gain most of his self-assurance back. Once in the bedroom, he pushed the door close with his foot, before he took Jun into his arms, pressing him against his body while walking towards the bed. His hands didn’t lose any more minute. The little groans that were reaching his ears was making him feel as if his body was set in fire. They both fell on the mattress while trying to get rid of each other’s clothes in a hurried, almost desperate way.

 

Soon, they were both stark naked on the bed, their bodies pressed closely against one another and their legs tangled. Surprisingly, neither had felt too embarrassed, probably because they were already too far lost in the sweet fog of pleasure. They didn’t need to think as their bodies were moving on their own, with a familiarity that was natural.

 

Jun laying on his back with his hands lost in Masaki’s hair as the latter was spreading light kisses on the hook of his neck, slowly getting lower. The latter’s right hand was already travelling lower, making the younger teenager let out the longest moan till then. They had experienced things but there were always clothes on and usually with no lights on as they were both shy. This time it was different. This time they were completely exposed to each other… this time Jun could see everything because Masaki had turned on the lights.

 

Masaki’s mouth was getting needier, as the light kisses gave way to hungrier, bolder ones, sending down Jun’s spine thousands of chills. Jun couldn’t register what the other was exactly doing to him but what he knew is that his body was only seeking for more. He arched his back, the grip on Masaki’s hair becoming stronger, as the need in him was turning more and more desperate.

 

“Ma-kun…” he moaned the moment he felt Masaki’s hand around his aching erection. The hotness made his body tremble.

 

“Touch me, too, J…” Masaki said half-moaning, his mouth ghosting over the over-sensitive and covered-in-sweat skin.

 

Jun gasped. His boyfriend’s voice was huskier than ever… betraying his need.

 

“Please…” the plead made Jun let out a shaky moan.

 

“Ma-kun…” he whispered but nevertheless tried to reach for his boyfriend between their bodies.

 

They had done this before but never had it been so intense… never had they felt so desperate to lock their mouths together as they came closer to their climax.

 

It didn’t take much for both of them to get over the top, as the whole experience was a bit overwhelming. They were lying next to each other, their chests moving up and down as they tried to find their normal breathing back.

 

Masaki let out a little laugh. “Thank you… Otherwise I guess we wouldn’t be able to… go… further…”

 

Jun let out a shaky, small laugh, too. “I wouldn’t like that… So… Shall we…?”

 

Masaki turned to his right and met Jun’s eyes. The passion from before was still there but there was also the insecurity, and something that made Jun’s heart skip a beat… there was love… affection… He smiled seeing his boyfriend kneeling on the mattress, nervously clearing his throat in an attempt to reach the first drawer of his bedside table. Masaki took out a small bottle that Jun immediately recognized as lube and quite a large number of condoms.

 

Jun could tell how nervous Masaki was as he took everything out and moved a bit so that he could whisper in Masaki’s ear. “I didn’t know my boyfriend was that insatiable… How many rounds have you planned for tonight?”

 

Masaki froze for a second. “No! No! I just… ahm… I didn’t know… there were so many different types and sizes that I well… couldn’t decide which ones would be the best so…”

 

“So, you brought them to have them pass the test?” Jun continued teasing his boyfriend in the same tone. He did it not only to calm Masaki down but also himself. Seeing them right in front of him, made him realize that it was actually going to happen… and he was nervous.

 

“J!”

 

“I’m kidding…!” Jun replied fast, noticing how red Masaki’s face had turned from embarrassment.

 

Masaki hadn’t moved an inch from his spot. “J… How... do you…” Masaki gulped, keeping. “want to…?”

 

Jun couldn’t believe in his ears. He had always thought that it was somehow clear… Masaki was older and every time they had been messing around it would always be him the one who more or less was in control. But now… Was Masaki really considering to go the other way around? “You… mean you wouldn’t mind if it was me that…? Even if I’m the younger one?”

 

Masaki lowered his head. “I just want you to…”

 

“Masaki…” Jun whispered, sounding more serious, as he hugged the other who was still there with his head lowered. “Answer me honestly… can you?” The other nodded. “You want to take me, don’t you?”

 

Masaki gasped at the sound of the exact words and looked at his boyfriend before nodding hesitantly.

 

Jun smiled and kissed him softly on his cheek. “Good… because I want you to…” the words were spoken in a whisper, gaining another gasp.

 

Masaki turned, so that he could see his boyfriend and soon-to-be lover better. “I have read… books… I’ve… made my research and I’ll try to be as gentle as possible… I’ll try my best to take care of you…!”

 

Jun smiled widely. “I know…!”

 

Ten minutes later, Jun was on his back with two pillows underneath him, after Masaki’s constant insists, getting prepared. He could tell how slowly his boyfriend was advancing, asking him every five seconds if he was ok… If it wasn’t for the weird new senses that he had been exploring, he knew he would already be crying… he knew the other would take care of him but being this attentive was definitely something Jun could have never dreamt of.

 

There wasn’t as much of a pain as he had been expecting but admittedly, it felt weird. He was keeping his eyes closed, trying to focus and relax as much as possible, but even like this, he could feel Masaki’s gaze locked on his face.

 

“Are you alright?” he heard his boyfriend’s full-of-agony voice once again. “Maybe it’s too much?”

 

Jun frowned at that which made him realize that he was actually already frowning.

 

“Yes… I mean… you can… add one more…” Jun mumbled between his panting.

 

“Are you sure?”

 

Jun opened his eyes and met Masaki’s concerned gaze. “Yes…”

 

“Ok…”

 

Jun felt a third finger entering him, stretching his inner muscles even more. He took a couple of deep breaths in an attempt to get used to it before his whole body trembled. He let out a loud moan, his head being thrown back. He couldn’t describe what it was but it was amazing… making him forget about the small amounts of pain he had been experiencing till then.

 

“So, it’s here…” he heard Masaki’s voice, causing him to open his eyes. “Your prostate…” Masaki explained to him when their gazes met. “It’s said to be the one that brings most of the pleasure when-”

 

“Hurry up, Masaki!” Jun cut his boyfriend up. He wasn’t there for a biology lecture.

 

He saw the other biting his lip before nodding fast. He took his fingers out and took one of the condom packages in his hands. He teared it up and started rolling the condom on his member just to groan frustrated when he realized it was a bit small.

 

Jun let out a small chuckle. “If I were you, I’d go for that one…” he said pointing at the one closer to him.

 

Masaki cleared his throat as he went for the one Jun had told him. This time, it fit perfectly. Once he was ready, he took a hold of his boyfriend’s thighs opening them wider. He looked at Jun who looked so beautiful in his eyes… more beautiful than ever. He positioned himself, guiding his member inside the other. The hotness and the tightness he felt made him groan. It felt better than he was imagining… and all he wanted to do was to bury himself inside this perfect heat but he knew the other would experience pain. He was watching Jun’s face closely as he pushed slowly, inch by inch, until he was all in.

 

They both let out a shaky moan. Masaki tried to think of anything possible that would reduce his eagerness to start moving. He could see how Jun was frowning, his hands holding his arms almost painfully. His mouth was half-agape. He leaned closer, pecking the corner of Jun’s mouth.

 

“Does… it hurt?”

 

“A bit…” Jun whispered shakily. “Just… don’t move…”

 

“I won’t… until you tell me…”

 

It hurt… undoubtedly… quite a lot… Jun could feel tears threatening to fall from his eyes.

 

“Jun… look… at me…”

 

Jun did and met Masaki’s worried eyes, staring right into his. It was then that he realized that despite the pain, they had finally become one. He looked down were their bodies were connected and smiled.

 

“You… can move…”

 

“Are you-”

 

Jun didn’t say anything in return. He just kissed Masaki. After a while, they had found a slow but steady rhythm. Never letting their gaze leave their faces. Once, Masaki hit his spot after changing his angle, Jun’s body writhed in pleasure. They started moving faster and faster, their breaths turning heavier, their moans louder. It was becoming too much. They clang on each other as their bodies trembled with an intensity neither had ever experienced.

 

Half an hour later and they were cuddling in Masaki’s bed, their hair still wet from the quick shower they had had.

 

“Are you ok?”

 

Jun chuckled. “I’m fine!”

 

“But… you’re slightly limping…”

 

“Masaki…” Jun cupped his boyfriend’s face with both hands. “I’m happy!”

 

He couldn’t deny that there was a slight burning feeling but that couldn’t be compared to the happiness he was feeling inside. His brother had been right… there was only one word that could describe that night… and that was magical.

 

***

 

“Good luck, brother!”

 

Nino smiled at Jun before he got out of the mansion. He was wearing the dark gray suit his brother had chosen for him for his first day as the CEO in Matsumoto corporation. He hadn’t been there since he was sixteen years old… and he couldn’t deny that he was nervous.

 

He was sitting at the back of the car when he felt his phone buzzing.

 

From: **Satoshi**

 

Don’t be nervous, my love.

you’ll go and make everyone

wonder why they had made such

mistake in the past.

Don’t hesitate to call me,

if you feel so!

Remember that I love you!

 

Your Satoshi! <3

 

 

Nino couldn’t help but smile. Satoshi would always send him a small heart at the end of his texts. _This man…_ he thought amused as he quickly typed a text back to him. His heart was thumping against his ribs but he knew he had to do it. Everyone was having their faith in him… he had to prove them right.

 

“Matsumoto-san, we have arrived.” The driver informed him and Nino took a deep breath before he got out.

 

The building was as intimidating as he remembered it to be. He had to be strong. He walked with slow but determined steps. Once inside he could feel everybody waiting for him, with the manager director making a few steps forward.

 

“Matsumoto-san, welcome.”

 

“Thank you.” Nino replied and examined everyone that was there. “My intention is to work and try my best to make Matsumoto corporation find the place it deserves in the business world. I believe mistakes are only making us improve. I want us all to cooperate towards the same goal.”

 

He bowed to them before he headed to the elevator. The monitor next to the door showed the number twenty just before the doors opened. Nino felt weird as he slowly walked towards the office that once belonged to his father. His gaze fell on the door to its right, indicating that of the P.A.’s one, making him remember those times he had seen the women heading to it in a quite not presentable way.

 

He entered the CEO’s office sighing. He had to lock all those memories away. His father was no longer here. There was Jun… and this company would belong to him officially in a few years. He had to do his best to reform it and make it one that it’s worth of Jun. A small smile appeared on his lips, as he imagined his younger brother sitting behind the big wooden desk.

 

All the furniture was new. Jun was the one who had chosen it; after all, in reality, it was his office. Nino was about to sit when he realized the painting that was on the wall right behind him. There was no signature but he would recognize those brushes everywhere. _Satoshi…_ He couldn’t believe that his lover had secretly painted this for his office.

 

He came closer, admiring the vivid colors. He stayed there for a few minutes before sat. The jacket of his suit was hanging on the back of his leather chair. He called for the general manager to hand him the dossiers of all the projects in progress. Undoubtedly, there were many. He sipped a bit of his coffee before he rolled his sleeves up, ready to dip into work.

 

Perhaps he could do it…

 

***

 

_2 years later…_

 

“This is the last box. Where should we place it?”

 

Satoshi turned and looked at the man from the transport company they had hired carrying a relatively big box. “You can leave it there by the entrance.”

 

Ten minutes later, everyone had left, leaving Nino and Satoshi alone. Nino hesitantly went closer to the large window of the living room. The view was beautiful… and calming.

 

“I can’t believe it, Satoshi…” he muttered, his eyes locked outside. “This is our home… our very own home…” he could feel his voice trembling.

 

It had been a couple of months ago, when Jun asked him if it was ok for him to move with Masaki into his apartment close to their university. It wasn’t a big surprise, as most of the times, Jun was passing his nights there. It had been only two days later that Satoshi kept his promise, asking him to find a place and live together.

 

They had decided that they wanted to live in a house in the suburbs of Tokyo; somewhere calm. This house was in one of the most expensive neighborhoods but had an amazing view to green and in the back, to the sea, as it was located up in a hill. From the moment, they went to see it they both knew this was the one for them. Nino could picture them sitting by the fireplace… he could picture Satoshi painting… He could feel it as his home…

 

“Yes… our small sanctuary…” Satoshi whispered in Nino’s ear as he hugged him from behind.

 

Nino turned around, his eyes locking on Satoshi’s. There would always be an adoration reflected in them… and no matter how many years would pass by, he was sure that they would always make his heart skip a beat, right at that moment. “Yes…” he whispered on his lover’s lips before leaning closer, claiming them passionately.

 

Their tongues were dancing in a sensual rhythm, slow but intense… always trying to explore, despite the familiarity… His hands came to the hem of Satoshi’s shirt, his fingers touching feather-like the hot skin that tensed under his touch.

 

“Ka… Kazu…” Satoshi whispered breaking the kiss.

 

“What?” Nino whined. “I want you…” he leaned to catch the other’s lips once again just to meet Satoshi’s index, blocking him.

 

“There’s nothing I want more, too, but we have to wait a bit… There’s something I’m expecting…”

 

Nino frowned. All things had arrived. What could it be? “What is it?”

 

Satoshi smiled before he pecked Nino’s lips lightly. “A surprise!”

 

Nino couldn’t believe his ears. “Will you ever stop?”

 

Satoshi pecked the tip of his lover’s nose. “No! C’mon! Let’s start unwrapping some of the boxes. Don’t forget that tomorrow you have promised everyone dinner here!”

 

“Fine… but later… tonight…” Nino mumbled pouting as his fingers played with the collar of Satoshi’s shirt.

 

“I promise to make you scream like never before…” Satoshi whispered straight into Nino’s ear, sending shivers down the latter’s spine.

 

Satoshi chuckled seeing his lover being this affected before dragging him to the entrance. “Let’s start with these…”

 

Almost two hours later, most of the boxes had been emptied, allowing the house to find its final image. There was a large wall that was kept completely empty.

 

Nino frowned. “What about this one? It’s completely empty… Maybe we should take one of those bookcases there along with-” Nino was cut off by the sound of their bell ringing.

 

“No need for that.” Satoshi said smiling widely. “Wait here!”

 

Nino saw Satoshi heading to the door.

 

“From here…”

 

There were step sounds. _What’s going on?!_ Curiously, he came closer to the entrance of their living room just to be left with his mouth open. He couldn’t believe it… There were two men bringing inside nothing else but a piano.

_A piano…_ His eyes moved to Satoshi staring at him questioningly. He could feel tears building up in his eyes seeing the adoring smile as the other’s silent answer.

 

_Satoshi…_

 

The piano fitted perfectly against the wall. Nino was left at the same spot, not being able to move. His lover would never stop surprising him… would never fail making him feel lucky… luckier than he could have ever believed he was worth of being.

 

“Do you like my small surprise?” He heard Satoshi’s voice close to his ear, once they were once again alone.

 

“How? Why?” Nino was still shocked to find the necessary words to form full sentences.

 

“Jun told me that in the past you enjoyed playing it… and I thought that I would like seeing you sitting on the piano, bringing beautiful melodies in the room with these cute hands of yours…!”

 

“Satoshi…, I-”

 

“Come!” Satoshi said, not leaving him the chance to finish his words. “I have one last surprise for you!”

 

The older man led Nino to their bedroom. Nino could only gasp. In front of him there was the painting he was dying to see more than anything in the world… His portrait… the one that so far, Satoshi had been keeping a secret.

 

“I wanted you to see it in the place that it deserved…”

 

“I’m… not like this… I can’t be so beautiful… I-”

 

Nino was span around, pressed against Satoshi’s body, as the latter’s arms were wrapped tightly around his waist. “I’ll agree that you are not like this… because no matter how much I worked on it, there’s no way that a brush and some paint can show your beauty… because you’re way more beautiful than this portrait, Kazunari… so much more beautiful…” Satoshi whispered straight onto Nino’s lips.

 

“I…”

 

“I wish you could see yourself through my eyes… then, perhaps, you’d believe me…”

 

“Satoshi…” Nino could feel his heart thumping dangerously fast in his chest. The tears that had been threatening to fall on his cheeks were now, running down on them freely. He couldn’t control them anymore… How could he when the other was saying such things?! “It’s you who are beautiful… the most beautiful… outside and inside… It’s you who-” Nino squealed as his mouth was claimed in an eager way.

 

Immediately, his hands got lost in Satoshi’s hair, returning the kiss with the same, not more intensity. In a blink of the eye, clothes were being thrown unceremoniously on the floor before they found their way to the king-size bed.

 

Their moves were sure, determined… each one adding more to their passion, their naked bodies moving in perfect unison. The room had turned hotter, only sounds of heavy breaths, moans, groans and skin slapping against skin, filling up the air. Their fingers were intertwined, gripping one another tightly as the pleasure built up inside them. They let go and left their bodies find the way to the ultimate bliss that hit them strongly, both at the same time.

 

The intensity was as powerful and breathtaking as always but there was also something that had made it different… perhaps because this was the first time they were becoming one in their new home… in their nest…

 

The older man made a move to slip out of his lover but Nino kept him in place, locking him with both his arms around his back and his legs around his hips.

 

“Let’s stay… like this…”

 

Satoshi brought his right hand and secured a tuft of Nino’s sweaty hair. “Ok…”

 

“I… love you… so much…” Nino whispered on Satoshi’s lips, still apart in an attempt to find his normal breathing back.

 

Satoshi smiled before he pecked Nino’s lips. “I love you, too!”

 

***

_11 years later…_

 

 

“Good morning!”

 

Nino moaned as he opened his eyes with difficulty. “Morning…”

 

“It’s already 11 o’clock. In two hours we have to get ready and go to the ceremony…”

 

Satoshi whispered softly in Nino’s ear.

 

“Ok…” the latter mumbled on his pillow.

 

It was only when he heard Satoshi’s steps fading away when he decided it was time to get out of the bed. A shy smile appeared on his lips as he saw from the corner, Satoshi in the kitchen pouring coffee in their mugs.

 

These mugs were brought from London six years ago when they had gone together with Sho to meet Jun and Masaki who were finishing their masters. They had a special importance to them, though, because they were made only for them… to remind them that very special day…

 

\---

 

_“This is the City hall… What are we doing here? I thought we’d visit the Archeological Museum…” Nino asked with a frown. He didn’t like the smirk on his brother’s face. “Jun…?”_

_“Come!” This time it was Masaki the one who had spoken._

_Before Nino and Satoshi could say anything, they found themselves entering the City Hall, led to their right until they reached a door that led to a long corridor. Nino’s eyes bulged. Had he read right?_

_“Jun? Masaki? Why are we here?”_

_“It was Jun’s idea.” Masaki said, smiling proudly for his boyfriend._

_Nino and Satoshi looked at each other not believing what the others were trying to tell them._

_“But…”_

_“I know that your marriage won’t be recognized back at home but here, it will be.”_

_Nino was left out of words. He could feel that Satoshi was in a similar state by his side._

_“It’s about time!” Sho said just to gain a narrowed gaze from Nino._

_“You knew!”_

_“Of course, I did! But we can always talk later! We have a wedding to have! They won’t be waiting for us!”_

\---

 

_3 November…_ Nino thought smiling, his eyes having fallen on the golden ring that shone around his forth finger. This would always be their special day…

 

He walked to Satoshi and left a small kiss in the crook of his neck. “It smells delicious!”

 

Satoshi chuckled. “It’s coffee…”

 

“…made from you…” Nino whispered before he took the mug into his hand. “Let’s go and sit on the sofa.”

 

***

 

“And now, we would like to invite Matsumoto Jun-san, the receiver of the award for best new innovating businessman, come and share with us his view.”

 

Nino clapped his hands enthusiastically. He didn’t really enjoy being in such posh events, having to follow the dress code of wearing a tuxedo but this time was special. This time it was Jun being rewarded, stealing in a way the prize from Sho who was used to get it year after year. He was so proud… so proud that his brother had managed to make a name for himself, getting rid of all the mud their father had brought to the name of Matsumoto.

 

He knew that the company in Jun’s hands would do wonders. His brother was born to lead in the fairest way. He had resigned two years ago… He wasn’t needed in the corporation anymore. He also knew that his brother agreed with this decision of his because he had found the one that was making him feel complete. The ‘Matsumoto-Ohno Institution for children facing any kind of problems. The mansions of Matsumoto and Ohno families had been turned to guest houses for all those children in need. Satoshi had been more than supportive to this small idea of his and in two years, it had become bigger than he had ever dreamt of. Now, Nino felt that he had a reason to work where he did, as the institution’s president. He knew first hand what it meant for a child to live in an unhealthy environment and he wanted to do his best so that as less children as possible had to ever experience something similar.

 

Hearing Jun’s speech, only brought tears in his eyes. Somehow, he felt that they had done it…

 

***

 

“My little crybaby…” Satoshi whispered as he climbed on the bed.

 

Nino pouted folding his hands in front of his chest. “Stop teasing me… It’s not like every day that your little brother gets such an award…”

 

“It’s not…” Satoshi whispered before he brought Nino into his arms.

 

“I just thought that you were cute, you and Masaki competing against each other on who would shed the most tears!”

 

Nino was about to protest when Satoshi’s lips locked against his.

 

“You know that I love you, right, Kazu?”

 

Nino sighed, burying himself in the other’s hug, wanting to feel him closer, if possible. “I know, Satoshi… and I also know that you know well how much I love you, too!”

 

“I do, Kazu!” the older man whispered on top of his lover’s head, as he brushed his hand through the soft hair. “Believe me! I do…!”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the epilogue I had promised you!!   
> This fic turned out to be the longest I've ever written! I hope you enjoyed till the last word!! <3


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